I am the worst mother ever

[MeganS]

Okay, I hope no one gets mad at me for this post.

FIRSTLY, I agree with you about making them help around the house, etc. and I absolutly think you are being a good Mom - NOT a bad one.

But. Now I'm going to speak from a 14-year-old's point of view. IMO, there is NOTHING worse than when a parent (including mine!) wakes up one day and just decides that things need to change. Going from having to do nothing to having a list of chores is quite a big change, especially for kids who aren't used to it. Honestly, just deciding suddenly like that WILL cause a lot of fighting and all that will result is a lot of angry parents and kids. I think that something like this is best if it's worked on over time. I don't think it's fair to anyone to just spring a list of chores on the kids all of the sudden. and by anyone I include parents. What I mean by that is that yes, while stuff is getting done, are your kids not complaining the whole time? Is it REALLY that less stressful for you than it was before, having to listen to them scream and stop? If they had more time to get adjusted to the new things you want them to do, and if they started off with only 1 or 2 chores and then you added some on, I think things would go a lot smoother. Read the posts in this thread. A lot of people are saying "from the time my kids could reach the buttons" "That's the way it's always been" etc. That's not the situation with your kids. You kids aren't used to it, and it'll take them some time to get used to having that kind of responsibility.

PLEASE, I'm asking everyone, don't not pay attention this opinion of mine because I'm a teenager. This is how I feel when my parents put me in that kind of situation, so I'm guessing your kids may feel something like that. If my parents just kind of eased it onto us, I know I'd be a lot more willing to help out.

I support your decision to include them.

[For My Coby]

Megan, that is an excellent point!! Going on "strike" or eliciting a sudden change will add more stress to the household. I agree with Megan!!

Perhaps a family meeting to place the ground rules.

[Graleyne]

Megan, I think you brought up a good point too. I'm glad you are around to help us see it from a teens point of view!

[MeganS]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Megan, I think you brought up a good point too. I'm glad you are around to help us see it from a teens point of view!

I'm SO glad that I didn't offend you or anything. Because I do agree with what you're trying to do. I just figured I'd chime in haha. Good luck!

[Graleyne]

Of course you didn't offend me. You brought up a very good point and you did so very politely and articulately (sp?).

[Buddy-licious]

OMG!!!!!!! Right at this moment, my head is about to explode because my son (age 11) who will NOT do his chores without whining & complaining!!!! Or when he does do them he just half a$$ does them. I just sent him outside to play so I could cool off. I decided to come on here to relax and I found this thread!!!! lol So glad to know that others are going through the same thing!!!

I wished he would just do his chores each day without me having to threaten and yell at him. He does better for a couple of days then is right back to his old ways. I have tried removing, video games, tv, friends, his favorite toys, etc....the one thing that seems to get his attention the most is when I make him PAY me CASH when I find things that he has not done. Everytime I find a wet towel on the floor....he has to give me $1. Dirty clothes on the floor ....he has to give me a $1. Not taking out the trash....he has to give me $1. Not feeding our dog.....he has to give me $1. etc..... HE HATES this but it seems to be the only thing that works!!! Hey, its what ever works!!!!!! But I get sooooo tired of arguing with him ......I wished he would just do his chores without a fight and having to take his $$.
The $$ thing may sound harsh but all my money is spent on him anyway!!! lol Plus its the one thing that gets his attention!! BUT I want him to just do this chores!!!!!!!!!!

[Graleyne]

Know what my gma did to me to get my attention once? She grounded me FROM my room.

I could only go in my room for 10 minutes in the mornings to get my clothes for school. The rest of the time I could NOT go in there.

I had to sleep on the couch and everything.

She only did that ONCE and it worked like a charm.

[MIZBROWN]

Well, I dont know why your a horrible mother for trying to teach your kids responsibility?!? Isnt that what we're suppose to do as mothers?!? Nothing in this world is free and the earlier they learn that - the better...

[MIZBROWN]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Know what my gma did to me to get my attention once? She grounded me FROM my room.

I could only go in my room for 10 minutes in the mornings to get my clothes for school. The rest of the time I could NOT go in there.

I had to sleep on the couch and everything.

She only did that ONCE and it worked like a charm.

I absolutely love that idea and will make a note of it in my "mommy handbook" - gotta try that one day! Go grandma

[rrosenberry]

Well when you guys get this figured out, could you call my bf so you can tell him how to get his kids to do this. He is the worst ..on following through with what he says.. I know and so do his kids..it is beyond ridiculous.

[MIZBROWN]

Originally Posted by MeganS

Okay, I hope no one gets mad at me for this post.

FIRSTLY, I agree with you about making them help around the house, etc. and I absolutly think you are being a good Mom - NOT a bad one.

But. Now I'm going to speak from a 14-year-old's point of view. IMO, there is NOTHING worse than when a parent (including mine!) wakes up one day and just decides that things need to change. Going from having to do nothing to having a list of chores is quite a big change, especially for kids who aren't used to it. Honestly, just deciding suddenly like that WILL cause a lot of fighting and all that will result is a lot of angry parents and kids. I think that something like this is best if it's worked on over time. I don't think it's fair to anyone to just spring a list of chores on the kids all of the sudden. and by anyone I include parents. What I mean by that is that yes, while stuff is getting done, are your kids not complaining the whole time? Is it REALLY that less stressful for you than it was before, having to listen to them scream and stop? If they had more time to get adjusted to the new things you want them to do, and if they started off with only 1 or 2 chores and then you added some on, I think things would go a lot smoother. Read the posts in this thread. A lot of people are saying "from the time my kids could reach the buttons" "That's the way it's always been" etc. That's not the situation with your kids. You kids aren't used to it, and it'll take them some time to get used to having that kind of responsibility.

PLEASE, I'm asking everyone, don't not pay attention this opinion of mine because I'm a teenager. This is how I feel when my parents put me in that kind of situation, so I'm guessing your kids may feel something like that. If my parents just kind of eased it onto us, I know I'd be a lot more willing to help out.

I support your decision to include them.

You have somewhat of a point my dear... and I appreciate hearing your opinion... However, their kids! They dont have a job! There shouldnt be any problems once so ever for a parent to give their kid more chores/tasks to do... Especially when all they're doing is playing games, talking in the phone or using the computer. Its like, let me add on chores "slowly" so they can adjust to not being on the computer and doing their thing so often?

As parents, we dont get the pleasure of having extra tasks at work given to us slowly (so we can adjust)... If your boss gives you more work to do, you cant cry about it - you have to just do it! If we come home and our kids want something or to go somewhere - we just do it!

My point is that there are things in life that you will just have to suck up and do! Period... Its the real world!!! And unfortunately it doesnt slow down, just so we can adjust...

[MeganS]

^I'm going to have to (with all due respect!) disagree with you. All kids may not have a paying job (I'm 14 and I'm starting to look for some) however we DO have school, which IS a job. It's a lot of stress and work (Especially now that we don't have as much time to learn things because the teachers have to cram it ALL in before state testing so we can do well on the testing, so the schools can keep getting money, so we can get a good education, so we can get into good colleges, so we can get jobs, so we can AFFORD to have a family where we have to deal with these kinds of problems! - and yes, that is on a lot of teenager's minds). and believe me, when I come home from school, I want a little "me" time just as much as any adult does.

And you're right, we don't have time to adjust to things all the time. But eventually, they'll figure it out. Take a job for example! Around 15-16, kids start working maybe 15-20 hrs. a week. Then slowly, as we grow up, we add on more and more hours.

Adults, IMO, don't NEED as much time to adjust because you guys have had expierances in the world. When someone is just getting started, they need time.

[shuber]

I have 4 kids - 20,18,17,13 (the oldest three are boys, youngest is a girl) They have all been doing their own laundry since they were tall enough to reach the top of the washing machine! I had people tell me that I was mean to do that, but I had (have) a full time job and when they were all little, I was also taking care of my ailing parents who lived in separate houses. I didn't have the energy to do everyones laundry! They also were responsible for cleaning up after themselves, including their own rooms, as soon as they were old enough to comprehend what "pick up your toys" meant. THey all had daily chores after school & homework -not alot, each one had one chore each day - and still had time for playing with friends. Don't get me wrong - they were far from perfect and we had our battles, but they didn't get an allowance because I didnt get an allowance for cleaning up MY stuff !

They are mostly grown now and have become responsible people who don't expect something for nothing. We were never wealthy, or even close to wealthy, so they understand that unfortunately most people have to work for everything they get in life.

I think its great that you are instilling that value in your kids.

Go MOM!!!!

[For My Coby]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Know what my gma did to me to get my attention once? She grounded me FROM my room.

I could only go in my room for 10 minutes in the mornings to get my clothes for school. The rest of the time I could NOT go in there.

I had to sleep on the couch and everything.

She only did that ONCE and it worked like a charm.

I LOVE that idea. I'm just mad that I didn't know you're grandma before my kids were grown!! But look out grandkids.........

[Graleyne]

I HATED not being able to go in my room. It drove me crazy.

I didn't mind be grounded TO my room. I would have rather been in there reading or writing anyway lol.