I'm not sure what to do - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Graleyne · 08-29-2007, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stedmansmommy

Awwwwww! Just by reading all of your posts, I can tell what a GREAT mom you are

Even though your daughter threw a little tantrum (what child doesn't at one time or another, right?) she sounds absolutely precious and I am so glad that you got everything worked out and that she has calmed down.

Just be glad that she is only FOUR and is throwing TOYS (not that-that's good, but you know what I mean) - I have a 14 year old cousin (boy) who is, well....I can't even put into words how bad this child is to his mother, and he is STRONG...which is a very bad thing in her situation. BUT - it is his mothers fault. I won't get into details because I'm sure everyones jaws would just drop, he is BAD. I'll just say this - when he was 12 I had to personally call the cops on him.

Just be sure that you make them mind and correct them when they are YOUNG - so that they know you mean business....you certainly don't want things to get more and more out of control as time passes like my cousin.

It sounds like you are doing a WONDERFUL job though so I'm sure you have absolutely nothing to worry about

Thank you. It is HARD to know what to do when you're a parent. I've definitely made my share of mistakes. We just live and learn and move forward.

I hear what you are saying about your cousin. I have a 20 yr old sister who always got babied and petted and could do no wrong. My parents are paying for that now. Everyone tried telling them, but they wouldn't listen. Sweet little innocent Raven. Riiiiiggghhhtt.

LouisLove · 08-29-2007, 02:02 PM

LOL! I'm only laughing because I was a pre-school teacher about two years ago.... Yeah, about the tantrums, we were always told to let the child throw the fit if you cannot talk them out of it. I had this one 4 year old in particular that was obvious her parents heeded to her every cry. She tried to pull one of those on me but I was prepared for her.

I tried to let her understand the reason she couldnt hold the book was because it wasn't her turn and she just about flipped out. I had basically introduced her to one of her first "no's". Once that didn't work I tried the serene approach were I spoke quietly to her and asked her to please go to the screaming corner because no one wanted to see her scream and cry. She was sooooo confused, all the other kids and myself turned our backs and completely ignored her and she was trying to cry but she was more interested in the story we were trying to read.

3 months of fighting this and we let her parents know and asked them to please work with us. Well, 6 months later she broke and was able to interact positively with other children.

Sadly there are other more serious reasons to these tantrums, but this one was just lack of discipline, and believe it or not her parent's attention. Either way she was a dream once she got over this. :-) Im happy you stayed strong!!!!

Yorkie3 · 08-29-2007, 02:18 PM

The action that helped me with my son (when he was younger) was if I told him to pick up his toys and he didn't do it or threw a fit...I set a timer for 15 minutes. Told him what ever I had to pick up was going in the trash. I actually did throw them in the trash, but when he didn't see I took them back out and hid them. But anyway....it worked.

labrown · 08-29-2007, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BamaFan121s

My daughter who is now 6 had a brief period like this about a year ago where she mistakenly thought it was a good idea to scream and pitch fits. Nuh-uh, ain't happening. I would grab her gameboy, go into the bathroom with her, tell her that she could pitch her fit all she wanted and I would talk to her when she calmed down. Then I'd sit against the door so she couldn't get out, put the earphones in and played her game until she was done. The first few times, she pitched a fit for about an hour, after a few times though, she eventually gave it up. After a few 5 minute rounds, she eventually got the picture that she wasn't going to win--I could just head in the direction of the bathroom and she'd stop.
Once she was calm, we discuss what she'd done and I'd tell her that as a result, she had to have a punishment. (no tv, loss of a toy, etc)
It completely changed her behavior altogether.

Just a suggestion. What works will differ from child to child, I'm sure. Just find something that works and be consistant. Hang in there!

Dang, really good advice. Graleyne, you did the right thing! It is tough, but it is obvious these days when parents give in to their children, the end result is WORSE than the tantrum. My college roommate threw a tantrum once, and I looked at her like she was crazy because NOT ONE of us kids got away with that in our house. Goes to show that the habit can continue even into someone's twenties! I also had an aunt who took in foster children, and had a particularly nasty one. She just pinned her down and held her there until she quit, which wasn't much fun, but the little girl got the hint that if she wanted to throw a fit, she wasn't going ANYWHERE til she stopped. BE PERSISTENT! You are obviously a great mom if she still loves you after all this!

LunasMomma · 08-29-2007, 02:22 PM

The best thing I ever did with my kids, when they were little, was this. I walked into their rooms (this happened with more than one kid

!) with a huge black garbage bag, This was after several times of being told to clean up their toys. They were told this was their final chance, and after 15 minutes, *I* was going to clean up their room and donate the toys I picked up to children in need.

Worked like a charm

My daughter was easy, she picked up the toys. My son, on the other hand, didn't believe I was serious and said "SO! Go ahead and get rid of my toys, I'll just get new ones from Santa and grandma" So I put them all in a garbage bag, put him and the bag into the car, and dropped the stuff off at Goodwill. It wasn't all his toys, dont' worry

He screamed and cried for a while, but you bet your sweet booty that next time I asked him to pick up the toys, he DID

Nip those tantrums in the bud right now. If you don't you'll be dealing with it forever and ever

Graleyne · 08-29-2007, 02:24 PM

Yep, the trash approach worked with my son up until he got wise to us a couple years ago. Now computer time works with him. You don't listen, you don't go on line. Every time I have to tell him to do something, that's 10 minutes computer time lost. That's quite a chunk of time when he only gets an hour. He pushed and lost ALL of his computer time about 3 times before he finally realized we weren't playing around.

We tried to play the trash card with Olivia but she just said, "That's a lot of money to just throw away like that, Mommy."

Usually time out works the best with her. She has her days though, like today, where nothing seems to work and everything just seems to make it worse.

stedmansmommy · 08-29-2007, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Thank you. It is HARD to know what to do when you're a parent. I've definitely made my share of mistakes. We just live and learn and move forward.

I hear what you are saying about your cousin. I have a 20 yr old sister who always got babied and petted and could do no wrong. My parents are paying for that now. Everyone tried telling them, but they wouldn't listen. Sweet little innocent Raven. Riiiiiggghhhtt.

Oh I know - live and learn, that is EXACTLY right

It is so funny, because as I just read the way you described your sister, it reminded me sooo much of my cousin. We all tried telling my aunt about what to do with her son - EVERYONE in my family did, and she too didn't listen and just like you said, and NOW she is paying for it

It was just SUPER ANNOYING because she would ask us all for advice - and when we gave it, she never took it. Whatever....she just made life harder for HERSELF!

chachi · 08-29-2007, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yorkie3

The action that helped me with my son (when he was younger) was if I told him to pick up his toys and he didn't do it or threw a fit...I set a timer for 15 minutes. Told him what ever I had to pick up was going in the trash. I actually did throw them in the trash, but when he didn't see I took them back out and hid them. But anyway....it worked.

Thats what I do with My Daughter too and it always works. When she has one of her tantrums she is not allowed to play with friends. That is how we got her to quit throwing the tantrums. She is a joy now

yougetthesmiles · 08-29-2007, 02:42 PM

sounds like to me she is tired lol

I always used the 'time out" with my kids, I love watching Super Nanny! I think she is awesome!

TammyJM · 08-29-2007, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LouisLove

LOL! I'm only laughing because I was a pre-school teacher about two years ago.... Yeah, about the tantrums, we were always told to let the child throw the fit if you cannot talk them out of it. I had this one 4 year old in particular that was obvious her parents heeded to her every cry. She tried to pull one of those on me but I was prepared for her.

I tried to let her understand the reason she couldnt hold the book was because it wasn't her turn and she just about flipped out. I had basically introduced her to one of her first "no's". Once that didn't work I tried the serene approach were I spoke quietly to her and asked her to please go to the screaming corner because no one wanted to see her scream and cry. She was sooooo confused, all the other kids and myself turned our backs and completely ignored her and she was trying to cry but she was more interested in the story we were trying to read.

3 months of fighting this and we let her parents know and asked them to please work with us. Well, 6 months later she broke and was able to interact positively with other children.

Sadly there are other more serious reasons to these tantrums, but this one was just lack of discipline, and believe it or not her parent's attention. Either way she was a dream once she got over this. :-) Im happy you stayed strong!!!!

My daughter just started preschool this month (sniff sniff....so hard for Mommy to let her go) and has been so excited about it. I cannot imagine her throwing a fit at school....she would be mortified for the kids and her teacher to see her do this!!!!!!!!! However, she is not one to throw fits ever....now my 2 year old son is not afraid to express his opinions every once in awhile.

Tammy

YorkieRose · 08-29-2007, 03:04 PM

My youngest threw two "fits"..the first was in the living room...we all left the room and went in the back yard...that fit lasted about a minute and she came outside and laid down in the grass to continued the fit..we went inside and locked the door..she knocked and said she was done and would be good.

Second fit was the A&P...I told a clerk I was leaving and to watch her..I left the store, stood outside by the door..she comes and fuming mad because I left her...but she apologized and never had another..of course that was back in the old days when parents could do these things and not get arrested.

Graleyne · 08-29-2007, 03:09 PM

My oldest threatened to run away once. I packed her bag and put it and her on the front porch and closed and locked the door. She was out there a total of about 2 minutes before she was yelling she was sorry and please let her come back home.

Then another time she threatened to call DFCS (child protective services) because I grounded her. I told her to go ahead, but to keep in mind it would take them about 20 - 30 minutes to get here and God help her while they were on their way. I also told her I didn't have a problem with going to jail. Jail would be a VACATION for me. I wouldn't have to worry about who had to be where at what time and what they were going to where, etc. I wouldn't have to worry about what was going to be for dinner. She straightened herself up real quick and has never threatened to call again.

I Love Bailey · 08-29-2007, 03:16 PM

I was a preschool teacher for 15 years. And I have seen it all,

the best thing you can do for your child is to be consistent.
Sounds like today she was just tired and it escalated into a meltdown.
When my kids were small, they would have hard days too. That is part of testing bounderies and learning to get along with others.

One of my preschoolers was just horrible, his parents would let him kick and hit them. The worst was one day during a parent/teacher conference he picked his baby sister up by the straps of her overalls and threw her across the room.
His parents did nothing to him, just said "no,no! that wasn't very nice"
I marched his little butt over to the time out chair and made him sit there, his parents said he nevers listens to us at home, I wonder why...
He is going into 3rd grade this year and is still always in trouble.

YorkieRose · 08-30-2007, 03:57 AM

My sister-in-law came to visit us one time..she had a 5 yr old boy, he was the "demon seed" himself. We went to breakfast at a place with a buffet..SIL goes to the bathroom..nephew demands I go get him another plate of food..he didn't like anything on the one he had..and he wanted ice cream or he would start screaming. My two girls tell him.."no use threathening her, she'll leave and you will look stupid"...
DIL comes back and he demands ice cream...he gets it...!

I feel discipline is respect..respecting the parent to actual do what they say they will do it if the child does not listen...my chilldren were never beaten or even punished very often...they just got the message early on that if they acted up in public, where ever, they were taken home or did not get to go next time, instead of me making empty threats..
I had both of mine get in a fight in a store once, pushing each other around, kicking, running,..I told them if they did not stop they were going home..they did not stop...it was a big pain in the butt, but I took them home, blew the horn, husband comes outside and gets them, I go back to the mall...
I honestly can not remember having to ever take them home again...I said what I meant and meant what I said....once they understood, it made for a pleasant life...I didn't like physical discipline very much..

Shadow · 08-30-2007, 05:41 AM

That will do the trick most the time,Be Strong!

Quote:

Originally Posted by LunasMomma

The best thing I ever did with my kids, when they were little, was this. I walked into their rooms (this happened with more than one kid

!) with a huge black garbage bag, This was after several times of being told to clean up their toys. They were told this was their final chance, and after 15 minutes, *I* was going to clean up their room and donate the toys I picked up to children in need.

Worked like a charm

My daughter was easy, she picked up the toys. My son, on the other hand, didn't believe I was serious and said "SO! Go ahead and get rid of my toys, I'll just get new ones from Santa and grandma" So I put them all in a garbage bag, put him and the bag into the car, and dropped the stuff off at Goodwill. It wasn't all his toys, dont' worry

He screamed and cried for a while, but you bet your sweet booty that next time I asked him to pick up the toys, he DID

Nip those tantrums in the bud right now. If you don't you'll be dealing with it forever and ever

08-29-2007, 02:02 PM	#17
LouisLove YT Addict Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: San Jose Posts: 285	LOL! I'm only laughing because I was a pre-school teacher about two years ago.... Yeah, about the tantrums, we were always told to let the child throw the fit if you cannot talk them out of it. I had this one 4 year old in particular that was obvious her parents heeded to her every cry. She tried to pull one of those on me but I was prepared for her. I tried to let her understand the reason she couldnt hold the book was because it wasn't her turn and she just about flipped out. I had basically introduced her to one of her first "no's". Once that didn't work I tried the serene approach were I spoke quietly to her and asked her to please go to the screaming corner because no one wanted to see her scream and cry. She was sooooo confused, all the other kids and myself turned our backs and completely ignored her and she was trying to cry but she was more interested in the story we were trying to read. 3 months of fighting this and we let her parents know and asked them to please work with us. Well, 6 months later she broke and was able to interact positively with other children. Sadly there are other more serious reasons to these tantrums, but this one was just lack of discipline, and believe it or not her parent's attention. Either way she was a dream once she got over this. :-) Im happy you stayed strong!!!! __________________ Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. Proud Member of the LIttle Gentlemen's Club

08-29-2007, 02:18 PM	#18
Yorkie3 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,686	The action that helped me with my son (when he was younger) was if I told him to pick up his toys and he didn't do it or threw a fit...I set a timer for 15 minutes. Told him what ever I had to pick up was going in the trash. I actually did throw them in the trash, but when he didn't see I took them back out and hid them. But anyway....it worked. __________________ Janet

08-29-2007, 02:22 PM	#20
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	The best thing I ever did with my kids, when they were little, was this. I walked into their rooms (this happened with more than one kid!) with a huge black garbage bag, This was after several times of being told to clean up their toys. They were told this was their final chance, and after 15 minutes, I was going to clean up their room and donate the toys I picked up to children in need. Worked like a charm My daughter was easy, she picked up the toys. My son, on the other hand, didn't believe I was serious and said "SO! Go ahead and get rid of my toys, I'll just get new ones from Santa and grandma" So I put them all in a garbage bag, put him and the bag into the car, and dropped the stuff off at Goodwill. It wasn't all his toys, dont' worry He screamed and cried for a while, but you bet your sweet booty that next time I asked him to pick up the toys, he DID Nip those tantrums in the bud right now. If you don't you'll be dealing with it forever and ever __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

08-29-2007, 02:24 PM	#21
Graleyne Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,563	Yep, the trash approach worked with my son up until he got wise to us a couple years ago. Now computer time works with him. You don't listen, you don't go on line. Every time I have to tell him to do something, that's 10 minutes computer time lost. That's quite a chunk of time when he only gets an hour. He pushed and lost ALL of his computer time about 3 times before he finally realized we weren't playing around. We tried to play the trash card with Olivia but she just said, "That's a lot of money to just throw away like that, Mommy." Usually time out works the best with her. She has her days though, like today, where nothing seems to work and everything just seems to make it worse. __________________ Aerrica, and Norman RIP my sweet Poopanut

08-29-2007, 03:04 PM	#26
YorkieRose No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida Posts: 8,577	tantrum My youngest threw two "fits"..the first was in the living room...we all left the room and went in the back yard...that fit lasted about a minute and she came outside and laid down in the grass to continued the fit..we went inside and locked the door..she knocked and said she was done and would be good. Second fit was the A&P...I told a clerk I was leaving and to watch her..I left the store, stood outside by the door..she comes and fuming mad because I left her...but she apologized and never had another..of course that was back in the old days when parents could do these things and not get arrested.

08-29-2007, 02:42 PM	#24
yougetthesmiles BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 9,295 Blog Entries: 3	sounds like to me she is tired lol I always used the 'time out" with my kids, I love watching Super Nanny! I think she is awesome!

08-29-2007, 03:09 PM	#27
Graleyne Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,563	My oldest threatened to run away once. I packed her bag and put it and her on the front porch and closed and locked the door. She was out there a total of about 2 minutes before she was yelling she was sorry and please let her come back home. Then another time she threatened to call DFCS (child protective services) because I grounded her. I told her to go ahead, but to keep in mind it would take them about 20 - 30 minutes to get here and God help her while they were on their way. I also told her I didn't have a problem with going to jail. Jail would be a VACATION for me. I wouldn't have to worry about who had to be where at what time and what they were going to where, etc. I wouldn't have to worry about what was going to be for dinner. She straightened herself up real quick and has never threatened to call again. __________________ Aerrica, and Norman RIP my sweet Poopanut

08-29-2007, 03:16 PM	#28
I Love Bailey I Love Angel too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Northern Nevada Posts: 1,339	I was a preschool teacher for 15 years. And I have seen it all, the best thing you can do for your child is to be consistent. Sounds like today she was just tired and it escalated into a meltdown. When my kids were small, they would have hard days too. That is part of testing bounderies and learning to get along with others. One of my preschoolers was just horrible, his parents would let him kick and hit them. The worst was one day during a parent/teacher conference he picked his baby sister up by the straps of her overalls and threw her across the room. His parents did nothing to him, just said "no,no! that wasn't very nice" I marched his little butt over to the time out chair and made him sit there, his parents said he nevers listens to us at home, I wonder why... He is going into 3rd grade this year and is still always in trouble. __________________ Michele & Bailey Angel 7/06-9/12

08-30-2007, 03:57 AM	#29
YorkieRose No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida Posts: 8,577	fits and other interesting things! My sister-in-law came to visit us one time..she had a 5 yr old boy, he was the "demon seed" himself. We went to breakfast at a place with a buffet..SIL goes to the bathroom..nephew demands I go get him another plate of food..he didn't like anything on the one he had..and he wanted ice cream or he would start screaming. My two girls tell him.."no use threathening her, she'll leave and you will look stupid"... DIL comes back and he demands ice cream...he gets it...! I feel discipline is respect..respecting the parent to actual do what they say they will do it if the child does not listen...my chilldren were never beaten or even punished very often...they just got the message early on that if they acted up in public, where ever, they were taken home or did not get to go next time, instead of me making empty threats.. I had both of mine get in a fight in a store once, pushing each other around, kicking, running,..I told them if they did not stop they were going home..they did not stop...it was a big pain in the butt, but I took them home, blew the horn, husband comes outside and gets them, I go back to the mall... I honestly can not remember having to ever take them home again...I said what I meant and meant what I said....once they understood, it made for a pleasant life...I didn't like physical discipline very much.. Last edited by YorkieRose; 08-30-2007 at 03:58 AM.