My 3rd graders teacher yelled at them then said "DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS!!"

[newmommy]

also I would let your son know that he has doen nothing wrong and that you have his back.

[Buddy-licious]

First of all, I am so sorry that your little boy is upset and I hope you can get to the bottom of this issue.
I do think that teachers have the hardest job in the world. I definitely would not want their job!!! I volunteer at my son's school alot and I see that all the teachers have a huge problem with disciplining children. There are so many rules and guidelines that teachers have to follow regarding disciplining children but I can assure you that yelling at your child is not one one them. However, I have seen the writing of names on the board used a lot....or some teachers have a system of "pulling a card" (cards have each childs name on it )....the goal each day is to not have your name on the board OR to not have to "pull a card". The first question I ask my son each day after school, "did you have to pull a card today?" No cards pulled means that he behaved well that day.
Perhaps you should discuss with your childs teacher her discipline rules then review those with your child. Obviuosly, yelling is not something that he is use to and this has upset him. Perhaps you could explain this to his teacher. No yelling!!!
I would definitely start with speaking with his teacher first. Hopefully, you can resolve the problem with her before going to the principal. This is a very delicate issue because I would not want to piss the teacher off ....in the past when I had a disagreement with my sons teacher ....I was afriad that his teacher was going to take it out on him.
I bet if you tell your son's teacher that he is crying each night because he is scared of her.....I bet she will be feel really badly. Or at least she should feel bad!!!
I hope you get to the bottom of this. Most of all, I hope your little boy is no longer scared. Keep us posted!!!!

[JCarlson2004]

This is unbelieveable!!! I'b be up to that school so fast it would make your head spin!! She has no right frightening your child like that!! What is she, some sort of monster or bully? You should never use fear to try and control a child ... it's just plain sick and wrong.

[Sadie's Mom]

I would definitely call the school.

[jp4m2]

Heather, I know when we feel our children have been mistreated (raised voices, punished etc.) by some one other than ourselves the "mother bear" comes out in us....

At this point you really don't know what went on in the class room....but it does require a trip to the teachers room to clarify what did and it will also put her on notice that you will be watching....if she said "don't tell..." that is clearly out of line....

As for the "why's" as to her yelling, there are a lot of variables that could have went on, some kids are just more sensitive than others, so "yelling" to them is just us speaking in a stern voice, the kid gets his feelings hurt in the process and he calls it yelling....was he ignoring her directions?...Maybe maybe not....

We all as moms have had our share of good teachers and some bad ones, so until you get some answers try and remain calm til you do some digging...

[Ozzie'sperson]

GET TO THAT SCHOOL -- NOW!!!

I had always loved school – until Sister Celine. She was the classic, abusive nun-from-hell that all the pre-Vatican II Catholic school kids lived in fear of. She had made the one part of my life that was usually a joy become a living hell. (Yes, I was the weird kid who LIKED school.)

If one kid would talk, she would suspend bathroom privileges FOR EVERYONE. Other days, she closed all the windows, turned off the fan, and wouldn't let anyone get a drink -- in 90-degree heat. Inside a very old brick school ... and if you went to Catholic school, you know how impractical uniform jumpers were for hot weather!

Then, she started issuing assignments at 20 or 30 minutes before the end of the day and saying we'd stay after to finish if we weren't done. That was OK, except I was among a handful of kids who rode a bus five miles to get there. She told us we could "just walk home." WE WERE 8 -- and terrified!!!

My mom was working then so she wasn’t home most of the time when I started coming up with any excuse I could think of to stay home from school. My grandmother was a pushover so it was easy at first. Once my mom caught on though, I had to ‘fess up.

I told her about the daily dose of terror from Sister Celine. She took a day off work to go to parent/teacher conferences. (She never took off work – we needed the money too much.) After that conference, it was as if a whole new Sister Celine had emerged. I couldn’t believe it. School was wonderful again!

I shudder to think what would have become of me academically if my mother hadn't put her foot down. PLEASE do this for your child. Someone has to stand up for him -- and he's not the only one.

[Josie's Mom]

I'm not one to get into arguments...but if someone yelled at my kids, I would want to know why. I would definetly go and speak to the principal, ASAP.

Hope you get your point acrossed and everything turns out well.

[BabyFidgette]

Originally Posted by Heather Taylor

ok, week 2 of school, and I was expecting "Third grade is HARD!" What I was not expecting was an 8 year old boy who didn't want to go to sleep, crying about not wanting to go to school in the morning.

Apparently, his new teacher yelled at several of them and made them write their name on the board. Then told them they'd better not tell their parents because the parents would be up at the school trying to get her fired!!!

What the h***???? Anybody out there have any input on this? My son and I have a very close relationship. His dad told him once not to tell me something and it just tore him up for days and days until he finally did. Now he's crying because some teacher that I haven't even got to know is thinking the parents will try to get her fired? Where there is smoke???

Any teachers out there that can reassure me about this...I'm waiting!!!

I'm a teacher, and I think that's pretty ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, kids need to be disciplined, but I can't believe she said that. She sounds like she doesn't like her job anymore.

[BabyFidgette]

Originally Posted by Teryn

I am a middle school Spanish teacher. I will let you know that I would never tell me kids NOT to say something to their parents. First of all, I like to keep the communication lines open. Second of all, what you tell kids not to do they will do anyway, it's like telling the sun not to shine. So teachers have to make sure that they are always doing the right thing and watching their backs. Now, I am not a person that yells, but I have done it a couple of times in extreme circumstance. But then again, I teach middle school not elementary. But when I yelled, I never would have told them not to tell their parents.

I will say though too, schools, teachers, and education DO get blamed for a lot of irrational things. We have a trigger happy and lawsuit society unfortunately. She may be TOO paranoid about something happening to her.

However with all that aside, I would definitely write a note to have her call you and for you to discuss it rationally first to get her full story. Based on her reactions and explanation, you will know if you need to seek further assistance (from principal, etc.) and/or move your child out of the class. Most of the time, things like this are just a misunderstanding/miscommunication. So, give her the benefit of the doubt until you know otherwise. Keep us posted!

I teach middle school (and high school) Spanish too.

[zoeybear]

For your son to have such a strong reaction, something is wrong. He can't continue in that environment without intervention. Be honest with him about your concerns and what you intend to do. The secrecy thing seemed to trouble him, so I would be very up front with him about the actions you take.Good luck Mom!!!!!

[Heather Taylor]

Thanks guys! I went to the principal thru the guidance counselor. She said that I needed to tell him my concerns. I feel like a NUT because I could hardly talk for crying I was SO mad!

The teacher was absent today, so he said he'd follow up tomorrow. I did confirm with another mother who said her child said that "Yes, it did happen just like that". I know that teachers have a hard job. I probably wouldn't have even been that upset about the yelling...I know what it is like to be frustrated! But telling him not to tell me is what bothered me so much. Kids should get a weird feeling in the pit of their stomach when an adult tells them not to tell their parents about an interaction. It's what we have always encouraged him to speak about.

Thanks for all the support. We'll see how it goes!

H

[BamaFan121s]

Originally Posted by Heather Taylor

Then told them they'd better not tell their parents because the parents would be up at the school trying to get her fired!!!

Yeah, I would go to the school, punch the woman in the nose and say, "you'd better not tell the police or they'll be trying to put me in jail."

Seriously, I would do whatever it took to have my child moved to another teacher's class and not take no for an answer. It's a problem that can't be ignored, but you have to play it safe and assume that someone this unstable would take it out even more on your son if it was found out that you reported it. Do you know any of the other parents? Talk with them. Maybe they feel the same way. Remember, there is power in numbers. If the school refuses to take action that YOU are satisfied with, threaten to call the local news stations and follow through if you have to. No school would want that going public. I know that may sound drastic and will have a huge impact on the teacher's life, but you have to choose between that and your kid...not a hard decision for any parent.

My heart goes out for your poor son. It took alot of courage for him to come forward and tell you this. Good luck and let us know the turn out.

[Little Bit]

Originally Posted by Heather Taylor

Thanks guys! I went to the principal thru the guidance counselor. She said that I needed to tell him my concerns. I feel like a NUT because I could hardly talk for crying I was SO mad!

The teacher was absent today, so he said he'd follow up tomorrow. I did confirm with another mother who said her child said that "Yes, it did happen just like that". I know that teachers have a hard job. I probably wouldn't have even been that upset about the yelling...I know what it is like to be frustrated! But telling him not to tell me is what bothered me so much. Kids should get a weird feeling in the pit of their stomach when an adult tells them not to tell their parents about an interaction. It's what we have always encouraged him to speak about.

Thanks for all the support. We'll see how it goes!

H

How convenient that she was not there today! Do you think she had an inkling it was going to come back to haunt her?

[two2tango]

As a teacher with 20+ years of experience (currently teaching 3rd grade), I would also recommend that once you settle this with the teacher/administration, you, your son, and the teacher should meet and to let your son know that he is free to discuss anything that happens at school with his family. He needs to see first-hand that he will not be put in this position again, and that you and the teacher agree that communication should be positive and productive, not punitive. I always meet with the parent and the child when there is a misunderstanding. It is very important that the student see the home/school connection as a two-way street. I find that the students are quicker to feel comfortable if we all meet in person, even if I have already spoken to the parent. Just my opinion.

[BabyFidgette]

Any new news?