I don't want to be unrealistic...but I'm pulling my daughter out of her day care...

[chloeandj]

I was thinking about this a bit more. I have two brothers that smoke and they light up outside when we are visiting and such. I have used these times as opportunities to have talks with my kids about what those are and what they do to people's health and why their uncles do this. HOWEVER, they are not child care workers, I do not pay them to care for my child and they do not have a license and laws to uphold. It is also my choice to allow them around my kids when they are smoking, these child care workers did not give you that choice.

[medusa512]

i would be uncomfortable. since your child has no say in where she is when they light up it is your responsibility to make sure she has a healthy and safe environment when you are not with her.

my husband complains every time we pay kindercare about how much it's costing us. but the place Raven was before was less expensive...and when he became school-aged, less of a place i wanted him to be. (they grouped the 7-12 year olds with 1 teacher and it had a bad influence on Raven's behaviour.) so everytime Eric complains i say, "yeah. but you can't put a price on your child's safety." and it's a way more structured env.

i am not sure if the rules are the same for a home daycare as for a private or franchised daycare and you may want to look into that.

and it's a good thing you found the cigarette butts! your daughter must have known it was wrong but still been curious.

YOU'RE A GREAT MOMMY!

[BamaFan121s]

I would be livid! You have every right to be upset and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit bad about taking her out and letting them know EXACTLY why.

[vainchick5]

You are absolutely right to be upset, but if I may ask you something: WHY would you even put your daughter at a daycare where people smoke period? If I misunderstood your post I apologize but it sounds like you already knew that the lady, her helpers and her sons are all smokers and they do it when they are outside with the kids. I wouldn't even leave my kids anywhere there was smoking at all. Even smoking outside is bad, because they are still interacting with the children and the children are inhaling the smoke.

[Graleyne]

You have every right to be upset. I would be too! I would also take my child out of that day care.

The point is that according to TN law it is ILLEGAL for them to smoke in front of the kids. They, as licensed child care givers, are breaking the law by smoking in front of the children.

[kelleykrack]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

I found cigarette butts in my daughters room. When I asked her where she got them, she said "Ms. Brenda's". I said "what were you doing with them???" She was so embarrassed and didn't want to tell me but she finally told me she was pretending. she is 6 years old!!!!!!!!!! I then asked her where she was playing with them and she said "ms. Brenda's". I asked her if she was playing by herself with them and she said no, that there were other kids doing it too. she has been going to this day care all summer...and the adults smoke when they are outside with the kids. in front of the kids.

well, i hope no one here gets offended by this but I am not a smoker...I DESPISE it...and I am VERY angry about this.

first of all, I want to know if they saw the kids playing with these. and IF they did...why didn't they contact the parents and tell them what was happening so that the parents can talk to the children?? and IF they did NOT see them....WHY???? are they not watching the kids????? am I being too sensitive? I am freaking out here. I watched my grandmother die in front of my eyes because she smoked. I cannot stand the thought that my daughter might think this is "cool" or something.

OMG..I am truly freaking out. i don't want to over-react but I seriously do not think I can take my daughter there anymore. I know she will be exposed to smoking...and I do not typically shelter my daughter. But I can't justify taking my child somewhere, paying them a LOT of money to watch my kid, and them obviously not be watching them...and in my eyes, encouraging bad behavior. I mean, if they want to smoke, they are adults and I am not EVER going to tell them not to do it...but I do feel that as a parent, I do have the right to ask them not to do it in front of my child...when they are supposed to be setting a good example for the children. I mean, in essense, they are helping to raise my child. I do not smoke...I do not condone it in my house...why would I want someone who is responsible for instilling values in my child while I am away at work during the days to do it around her??? I just think they should have the decency to do it AWAY from the children. not right there in front of them...all day every day. I have been taking Trinity there for a long time. She used to go there every day until she started school, now it is just summers. But I don't want to take her there anymore. I have always been uncomfortable with the fact that they smoke around the kids. I have always thought it was a bad example for the children. and now it is proving to be true. I should have said something a LONG time ago. I am tempted to call the state board where she is licensed and ask them if it is against any policy's to smoke in the childrens presence. They do not smoke inside...but during the summer, the kids are outside ALL THE TIME and they adults just light up right there in front of them.

am I crazy????

NO you are not crazy or overreacting. I am a smoker, but even I wouldnt allow my children to play with cigarette or cigarette butts. Where I live there are rules that state that if you are a child care provider you are not allowed to smoke while caring for the children. I would def call DSS or something to ask about the regulations and let them know what is going on. You are doing the right thing about voicing your opinion and making it right, dont let the daycare tell you or make you feel otherwise!!

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by vainchick5

You are absolutely right to be upset, but if I may ask you something: WHY would you even put your daughter at a daycare where people smoke period? If I misunderstood your post I apologize but it sounds like you already knew that the lady, her helpers and her sons are all smokers and they do it when they are outside with the kids. I wouldn't even leave my kids anywhere there was smoking at all. Even smoking outside is bad, because they are still interacting with the children and the children are inhaling the smoke.

I have to be honest, I cannot think of a good reason why I took her there in the first place, even knowing that the lady smoked. When I was desperately looking for child care, a very good friend of mine highly recommended this lady. I went to see her, took my daughter with me, and didn't see anything wrong with the place. I didn't ask if she smoked because I guess I assumed she would not smoke around the kids, even if she did smoke. Once I realized she was smoking around the kids, Trinity was very attached. My daughter does not deal well with change, so I decided to let it go. I struggled for a while with the fact that they smoked in front of the kids but I always thought that I was being unrealistic by asking them to change how they have done things for more than 20 years. I know that Trinity will be exposed to people smoking, I know I can't protect her from all of the evils of the world. Both of her Granny's on her dad's side smoke and so I thought, well, she see's it anyway, I just need to let her know that it is bad. And I have. I explained how my granny died (she made the trip with me to see my granny while she was in the hospital) and explained to her the health problems that come from it. I never thought she would "mimic" smoking. But as I talk to my child, (she has an amazing vocabulary and is super smart) I realize that she didn't think "pretending" would cause any problems. So then, I realized that I never explained to her about the germs that are on the butts, the risk of them making her sick, etc.

So....I now realize that by neglecting to say anything in the past about the smoking, I am now paying the price for that. I should have said something a long time ago. but this doesn't change the neglect aspect of the situation.

Somehow, they are not disposing of them properly, and IMO are not supervising the kids close enough.

let me tell you what my friend told me a few minutes ago. She takes her son there because he and Trinity are only 6 months apart in age and are sooooo close. they just love each other. She knew i had been taking Trinity there for several years so this summer, she decided to take her son there. She is a very heavy smoker, but feels the same way I do about this situation. She decided to talk to her son about it. He admitted to playing with them as well. When she asked him where the adults were, he said "they were inside with the babies, while the babies were taking nap". she said, "so, you were outside alone???" he said "yes, we always stay outside by ourselves while the babies are sleeping".

OMG so, they are leaving 5 & 6 year old kids outside alone...hmmm...well, now this just confirms my belief that they are not supervising the kids. which would explain how trinity could have been "pretending to smoke" and no one know about it.

so, i now need to talk to the day care provider about that as well.

good news is...Trinitys friend that was in her class this past year lives down the street from us. maybe 9 or 10 houses down (we live in a TIGHT subdivision). Her mom called me out of the blue this morning to see how trinity is doing. very random phone call. I explained the situation to her and she felt my anger. she understood. she offered to keep trinity for the rest of the summer for us. I talked to Trinity about this and she is very excited. she LOVES going over there!!! this lady has 3 kids close to trinity's age so she will have plenty of people to play with.

[pepe mint]

People are asking why I am taking her out of this day care, instead of talking to the people about it and giving them a chance to rectify.

frankly, I know brenda, and I know she won't change anything. she has been doing this a very long time and has never had any problems. she honestly see's nothing wrong with the way she runs her business. I just know how she is and she will get defensive...we will get nowhere with that. so I choose to just remove trinity, explain to brenda why, and continue to talk to my child about this. She is a child...it is my job as her parent to protect her and look out for her well-being. and this is what I am doing. period.

[Ozzie'sperson]

It's your child. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone on a decision like that.

[chloeandj]

I don't give people a second chance with my kids, I would not wait to see if she rectifies the situation either. However I would report it and atleast they would be investigated and be put on some sort of record in case anything happens to a child, particularly while they are not being watched outside.

[vainchick5]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

I have to be honest, I cannot think of a good reason why I took her there in the first place, even knowing that the lady smoked. When I was desperately looking for child care, a very good friend of mine highly recommended this lady. I went to see her, took my daughter with me, and didn't see anything wrong with the place. I didn't ask if she smoked because I guess I assumed she would not smoke around the kids, even if she did smoke. Once I realized she was smoking around the kids, Trinity was very attached. My daughter does not deal well with change, so I decided to let it go. I struggled for a while with the fact that they smoked in front of the kids but I always thought that I was being unrealistic by asking them to change how they have done things for more than 20 years. I know that Trinity will be exposed to people smoking, I know I can't protect her from all of the evils of the world. Both of her Granny's on her dad's side smoke and so I thought, well, she see's it anyway, I just need to let her know that it is bad. And I have. I explained how my granny died (she made the trip with me to see my granny while she was in the hospital) and explained to her the health problems that come from it. I never thought she would "mimic" smoking. But as I talk to my child, (she has an amazing vocabulary and is super smart) I realize that she didn't think "pretending" would cause any problems. So then, I realized that I never explained to her about the germs that are on the butts, the risk of them making her sick, etc.

So....I now realize that by neglecting to say anything in the past about the smoking, I am now paying the price for that. I should have said something a long time ago. but this doesn't change the neglect aspect of the situation.

Somehow, they are not disposing of them properly, and IMO are not supervising the kids close enough.

let me tell you what my friend told me a few minutes ago. She takes her son there because he and Trinity are only 6 months apart in age and are sooooo close. they just love each other. She knew i had been taking Trinity there for several years so this summer, she decided to take her son there. She is a very heavy smoker, but feels the same way I do about this situation. She decided to talk to her son about it. He admitted to playing with them as well. When she asked him where the adults were, he said "they were inside with the babies, while the babies were taking nap". she said, "so, you were outside alone???" he said "yes, we always stay outside by ourselves while the babies are sleeping".

OMG so, they are leaving 5 & 6 year old kids outside alone...hmmm...well, now this just confirms my belief that they are not supervising the kids. which would explain how trinity could have been "pretending to smoke" and no one know about it.

so, i now need to talk to the day care provider about that as well.

good news is...Trinitys friend that was in her class this past year lives down the street from us. maybe 9 or 10 houses down (we live in a TIGHT subdivision). Her mom called me out of the blue this morning to see how trinity is doing. very random phone call. I explained the situation to her and she felt my anger. she understood. she offered to keep trinity for the rest of the summer for us. I talked to Trinity about this and she is very excited. she LOVES going over there!!! this lady has 3 kids close to trinity's age so she will have plenty of people to play with.

OMG I can't believe they just leave the kids outside by themselves I would probably over-react even more than you and probably sue for neglect and improper care of children. I'm really glad you found out about all this stuff happening now, to where your daughter and other children are young enough to adapt to a new place. Sorry you have to deal with this. I would talk to the other parents of the other kids if I was you and let them know what's going on, especially if they have really young kids who can't talk and explain what's happening.

[JCarlson2004]

Originally Posted by BamaFan121s

I would be livid! You have every right to be upset and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit bad about taking her out and letting them know EXACTLY why.

I agree. The situation is completely unacceptable and should never have happened. SHAME on them!

[medusa512]

wow, i thought it was bad, the smoking! but when you said the kids are outside alone that really made me !!

i do let my son go out in our front yard alone, but he's now 7. at the daycare they are to be supervised when outside period!

i'm glad that your daughter is excited about the new change.

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by medusa512

wow, i thought it was bad, the smoking! but when you said the kids are outside alone that really made me !!

i do let my son go out in our front yard alone, but he's now 7. at the daycare they are to be supervised when outside period!

i'm glad that your daughter is excited about the new change.

i know..i'm freaking too. I am about to head over there to talk to her. I'll let you all know how it goes.

[PuppyLovinNurse]

So they're leaving very young children outside alone & smoking near them when they ARE out there.

OMG.

I'd have them in court so fast their heads would never stop spinning!

You ARE NOT wrong in any of your feelings...fight this! They deserve it.

Sue them for every penny you have paid them to "supervise" (and I use the term loosely) your child.

This is such a horrible situation and I am so sorry that you are in it.