i can't handle it anymore......

[pepe mint]

I am just at witts end. Hubby is really irritating me. It seems like it takes nothing at all to set him off these days.

Last night he slept on the couch. why??? well, your guess is as good as mine but we did have a disagreement last night. a very minor one, I thought. this is what happened:

He went to make some coffee in the kitchen and comes in and says "can you believe we are almost out of regular AND decaf??" I said "wow!" He said "wanna sit on the porch and drink some coffee with me??" I said yeah, that sounds great! Let me get some coffee..."

I go to pour me some decaf and said "well, I need to go to Cool Springs anyway to get them to reset the alarm on my car"

he says "what do you mean, anyway??"

I said "I can go and get some more coffee while I am there"

he just started laughing this irritated little laugh. I said "you know, I don't know why you have so much trouble following me. I have never had anyone ever have as much trouble as you do."

He said "oh, so now it's my fault??"

I just stood there, kinda stunned. I wasn't saying that anyone was to blame. Maybe I need to start being more precise when I talk but I wasn't saying there was anything wrong with him. I was just laughing because he has such a hard time following me and I am not used to it.

We are just different like that. when he talks, he is very exact and precise. to a point that it almost annoys me. Like, he will not shorten any words...he is just EXACT. I am not. I am a more casual person and I really can't help it.

so...we never made it to the porch. he opened up his laptop and just started working on some stuff. I just sat there. I got a phone call from a good friend of mine, we started talking and hubby got up and went outside with his laptop. when I got off the phone I went out there with him. I said "it's kinda chilly out here". He said "yeah".

that was it. nothing else said.

I came back inside after a few minutes and folded some clothes and brushed my teeth. When I came out of the bathroom, he was in bed. I got in bed. about 5 minutes later, he gets up and goes into the living room. I fell asleep and woke up at 5:30 this morning to find that he had taken his pillow and alarm clock and went and slept on the couch!

what in the world????

I just dont know. He is up now and said good morning to me but is pretty much acting like I don't exist. When he gets out of the shower, I will ask him what is wrong but I don't want to get into a big discussion until after my daughter gets to school. so it might have to wait....I hate this.

It is so hard to be married. I had no idea.....

[jp4m2]

Sorry your both going through some difficulties...by reading your post it doesn't sounds like your husbands attitude is really about you or the coffee for that matter....when we women go through problems we get weepy & want to talk....men don't..... they tend to get angry & irritable & sometimes quiet...then it gets directed at the family members....it sounds like he has some issues he's dealing w/ & he just doesn't want to talk about....Good luck getting him to talk

[red98vett]

You were right - that's very minor....I don't have any really good advise but will say this because it took me years to get to this point but ....don't sweat the small stuff. When the problems in our lives are as big as they can be sometimes ...it's easy to lose sight of WHY you got married. If you understand his 'personality' and he understands yours....try to let the small stuff slide or the tension will build.

[pepe mint]

he was in the shower so I went in and asked him "why did you sleep on the couch?"

his answer was....

because he couldn't sleep.

well, that's all fine and good but he did leave the house with only a "goodbye".

now...you have to know my husband. he tells me he loves me a million times a day. we can be on the phone, end with an "i love you", call right back because we forgot something and another "i love you", call RIGHT back again...and another I love you.

so, something is wrong. he would never leave without saying it.

[jp4m2]

Since your saying he doesn't typically behave this way really does sound like he's dealing w/ some issues that he hasn't been able to talk about yet...try not to get defensive when he talks "snotty" ...try to find the problem that's causing it..he may be just talking that way to you because he can...your safe...he would probably never act that way at work...hope you find out soon what it is....

[RoxyJosMom]

The best thing I ever did was read "Men Are From Mars". We never fought, but it helped me understand why things happen. While I was reading it, I kept thinking, "OMG, this guy has been peeking thru our windows!". Why nobody ever figured it out before is beyond me, but it is amazingly eyeopening. Please read it, and if your hubby will read it, it would do him a world of good. Good luck and I hope things work out.

[Rhapsody]

There could be something else going on, of course, but I think you might have hurt his feelings. Men communicate different anyway, and he felt like you critized him.

I've been reading 'Love and Logic' -- to help with the kids, but it's made me realize how I'm wording things. Anytime you say the words 'why and you' it's a critism. Whether you mean it that way or not, lol, course this is talking to children. . . but I know it's been helping in other areas of communication also. Funny how small words can have 'hidden' meanings, lol.

Now, I'm no expert, just trying to help!!

Good luck!!!!

Originally Posted by pepe mint

I am just at witts end. Hubby is really irritating me. It seems like it takes nothing at all to set him off these days.

Last night he slept on the couch. why??? well, your guess is as good as mine but we did have a disagreement last night. a very minor one, I thought. this is what happened:

He went to make some coffee in the kitchen and comes in and says "can you believe we are almost out of regular AND decaf??" I said "wow!" He said "wanna sit on the porch and drink some coffee with me??" I said yeah, that sounds great! Let me get some coffee..."

I go to pour me some decaf and said "well, I need to go to Cool Springs anyway to get them to reset the alarm on my car"

he says "what do you mean, anyway??"

I said "I can go and get some more coffee while I am there"

he just started laughing this irritated little laugh. I said "you know, I don't know why you have so much trouble following me. I have never had anyone ever have as much trouble as you do."

He said "oh, so now it's my fault??"

I just stood there, kinda stunned. I wasn't saying that anyone was to blame. Maybe I need to start being more precise when I talk but I wasn't saying there was anything wrong with him. I was just laughing because he has such a hard time following me and I am not used to it.

We are just different like that. when he talks, he is very exact and precise. to a point that it almost annoys me. Like, he will not shorten any words...he is just EXACT. I am not. I am a more casual person and I really can't help it.

so...we never made it to the porch. he opened up his laptop and just started working on some stuff. I just sat there. I got a phone call from a good friend of mine, we started talking and hubby got up and went outside with his laptop. when I got off the phone I went out there with him. I said "it's kinda chilly out here". He said "yeah".

that was it. nothing else said.

I came back inside after a few minutes and folded some clothes and brushed my teeth. When I came out of the bathroom, he was in bed. I got in bed. about 5 minutes later, he gets up and goes into the living room. I fell asleep and woke up at 5:30 this morning to find that he had taken his pillow and alarm clock and went and slept on the couch!

what in the world????

I just dont know. He is up now and said good morning to me but is pretty much acting like I don't exist. When he gets out of the shower, I will ask him what is wrong but I don't want to get into a big discussion until after my daughter gets to school. so it might have to wait....I hate this.

It is so hard to be married. I had no idea.....

[Baby Blessing]

Originally Posted by red98vett

You were right - that's very minor....I don't have any really good advise but will say this because it took me years to get to this point but ....don't sweat the small stuff. When the problems in our lives are as big as they can be sometimes ...it's easy to lose sight of WHY you got married. If you understand his 'personality' and he understands yours....try to let the small stuff slide or the tension will build.

very well said Vi.


Hi Pepi Mint
I did reread your post and so I am going to quote something you said in it,

He said "wanna sit on the porch and drink some coffee with me??" I said yeah, that sounds great! Let me get some coffee..."

I go to pour me some decaf and said "well, I need to go to Cool Springs anyway to get them to reset the alarm on my car"

he says "what do you mean, anyway??"

I think your hubby was looking forward to your being with him on the porch and your joining in a cup of coffee with him. Seriously think about the different situations and maybe there is something you can do to help make things better.

Jack and I will be celebrating our 51 year wedding anniversary this month May 19th, I am not going to say through our earlier years it had not been without squabbles, we had our share but we never lost sight of WHY we got married, and growing old together has been marvelous. We had lots of differences too, but that's okay we are all individuals, needing each to be
ourself. That doesn't change things and one's love for the other. We just worked around those and let each other be the person of their own opinion. We have seen lot of heartache through the years, illness's, loss of loved ones, so thankful to have each other to gain strength from one another through those times.

We have come to the time in life that Jack is trying to get through each day coping with Progressive Parkinsons, The Lord has helped us get through so much in this lifetime and we find ourselves leaning heavily on him more and more. I myself can only pray and ask the Lord to give me the strength I need to help him and give thanks back for giving me the patience through the years of the many struggles we had to endure to reach the age we are and be Blessed with the time we have had together.


I pray that things will work out as I know you really care that they do.
Please know this is all typed to you in sincere good thoughts and with love.
From the both of us,
Patti and Jack

[LouisLove]

I've only been married for two years and am in my early 20's, so I may not have the best advice, but I have learned a lot about myself and my hubby in this short time.

To be honest I am a lot more like your husband so I understand him a bit more. One thing I have noticed is that I am more willing to open up when my hubby tells me what he felt when I (example: ignored him, was aloof etc) he will ask if he did anything wrong or if there is something on my mind. Being honest is hard sometimes. But I prefer a humbling even risky confrontation than living with an elephant in the room. Hope that helps.

[pepe mint]

I want to make sure I am not misunderstood...I was not suggesting that I go to cool springs right then and get some coffee...I was indicating that I needed to go soon to get the alarm reset...

He knew I was still going to sit on the porch with him. He got upset when he did not know why I said "anyway". He said "what do you mean, anyway??" Like he didn't realize that what I meant was "I need to go to cool springs soon, so I can get coffee when I go."

I just was not clear in my speaking. he didn't realize I was saying that as a verbal confirmation that i could pick up coffee when I go.

ok...with that being said...I want to update the situation.

we both stayed very busy at work today. I had to go handle a crisis with my company and he was meeting with subs all day. So we stayed busy. He did send me a msg asking if I could have lunch with him. I just smiled when I got that. But unfortunately, I was 1.5 hours away from him and couldn't get back any time soon. So I asked for a rain check and he said OK. so...we will make it up tomorrow. The rest of the day was kinda quiet but when I got home, I saw he was online and asked when he would be home and what he would like for dinner. This made his day because he is the one that usually cooks in the house. I told him I intended on going to the grocery store and would be picking up a few things for dinner and asked what he preferred..chicken or beef. So...he was excited to get home to a cooked meal

He got home and I could tell he still had a headache. he had indicated earlier that he didn't feel good. So he went and laid down in the bedroom. I went in and laid with him, kissed his forehead and asked if I could get him anything. He said he just got all he needed

so we laid there for a minute until i had to get up to check on dinner. Well, after dinner, we laid back down and just talked about nothing. it was very nice. i laid my head on his chest and suddenly we were back to when we were dating. We both commented on how nice it was.

so we realized at that moment, that one of the things we are lacking most is affection. We work very closely together with our companies involved with each other so our relationship has turned very "business-like". We realized tonight that we really need to put the passion back into our marriage. even if all it means is that we lay on the couch together and make jokes. Holding hands while walking through the grocery store.

When we first got married, we used to have this game we would play. We had each day of the week put on a slip of paper. We put them all into a bowl. Each week, we would both draw a day out of the bowl. We would keep it secret. Well,. whatever day we drew, we did something special for the other person on that day. it was so fun. it got kinda hard after a while cuz we ran out of ideas we would start repeating ourselves over and over again. But it was fun. it was exciting. We need to do stuff like that again.

Our 1 year anniversary is May 7. I am hoping that on that day, we can look at each other and say that this is only a second in time for us compared to the long life we have ahead of us. I think we just need to do things to keep it alive.

look at the sticky note that he left on my computer a few months ago...

Let's make sure that before today is over we take one step closer to being stronger together until we last forever.
Love
-JIM-

yeah, he is a doll.

Originally Posted by Baby Blessing

very well said Vi.


Hi Pepi Mint
I did reread your post and so I am going to quote something you said in it,



I think your hubby was looking forward to your being with him on the porch and your joining in a cup of coffee with him. Seriously think about the different situations and maybe there is something you can do to help make things better.

Jack and I will be celebrating our 51 year wedding anniversary this month May 19th, I am not going to say through our earlier years it had not been without squabbles, we had our share but we never lost sight of WHY we got married, and growing old together has been marvelous. We had lots of differences too, but that's okay we are all individuals, needing each to be
ourself. That doesn't change things and one's love for the other. We just worked around those and let each other be the person of their own opinion. We have seen lot of heartache through the years, illness's, loss of loved ones, so thankful to have each other to gain strength from one another through those times.

We have come to the time in life that Jack is trying to get through each day coping with Progressive Parkinsons, The Lord has helped us get through so much in this lifetime and we find ourselves leaning heavily on him more and more. I myself can only pray and ask the Lord to give me the strength I need to help him and give thanks back for giving me the patience through the years of the many struggles we had to endure to reach the age we are and be Blessed with the time we have had together.


I pray that things will work out as I know you really care that they do.
Please know this is all typed to you in sincere good thoughts and with love.
From the both of us,
Patti and Jack

[Mitzis Mom]

Originally Posted by RoxyJosMom

The best thing I ever did was read "Men Are From Mars". We never fought, but it helped me understand why things happen. While I was reading it, I kept thinking, "OMG, this guy has been peeking thru our windows!". Why nobody ever figured it out before is beyond me, but it is amazingly eyeopening. Please read it, and if your hubby will read it, it would do him a world of good. Good luck and I hope things work out.

Another good one is "It's a guy thing"....