What would you do?

[mh357]

My boyfriend found out how much I spent on the Juicy carrier and saw me in the process of trying to spend more $$ on 3 more carriers, and he absolutely flipped out at me. (In the end I wasn't allowed to buy the 3 carriers and I was so embarrassed that I had to tell this really nice person I couldn't do it...so ashamed ). It completely blew up into this GINORMOUS argument about how I don't even have this dog yet, and how he doesn't even want me to get my yorkie!! He's so seriously adamant about hating little dogs and not wanting me to get my baby. I mean this was like a serious all-out fight--all about me not getting this dog, and THEN it turned into how I'm a frivolous buyer/spender and I buy things that aren't necessary or things I don't need. It was so hurtful and so I was ashamed for him thinking these things of me, and then ashamed that I had to tell this other person I couldn't send her the money. I felt so bad, you have no idea. And now I feel even worse because I don't know how to convince him that I should have my yorkie. He says that since we live together and will be getting married soon, he should have a say in the dog buying. What do you guys think? He knows I've wanted one for so long and all he can say is that he doesn't "want a little rat". I'm just so upset over this

[Gracie2006]

One thing jumped out at me, the word "permission". Since when does an adult need permission from anyone to do anything? Yes, you live together. That does not make "him" a "king" and give him permission to rule over all that live there. Perhaps you could find some middle ground. Maybe there is one room that will be off limits to the dog. If it were me, I would be thinking about getting some counseling. If he is like this with the dog, what other ways will he try to control you? I worry when this topic comes up. I have a girlfriend who was abused by her husband for many years before she finally had her fill and left him. She always had to get "permission" to spend money, to go out with her friends, to get a pet, to get her ears pierced, to do anything! Proceed with caution girl friend!

[LuvMySissy]

Well, I have always been of the mind that "my money can buy whatever I want for whatever reason I want". My hubby knows that if I want something or I want to do something, I really don't much care whether he likes it or not. If it is important to me for whatever reason, I expect him to be supportive.

Sounds like you guys might need to have a heart-to-heart on this one. If you don't clear this up now, it will become a larger problem once in the marriage. As far as your BF having a say as to your Yorkie, I guess you need to determine how important having a Yorkie is to you. If he wanted a doberman, would he ask you or just go get one. Don't buy into the "little rat" argument, cause unless he was raised around Yorkies, he can't make judgement on what he doesn't know. Most men fall in love with them very quickly!!! Good luck to you.

[AngelWorks]

I agree w/ Gracie.

My sis just left her husband after 13 years of abuse and control.

She is back to being herself and will never look back.

Real partners support each other and comprimise on things.

What does he do or have that you don't like or agree with but support him on?

[mh357]

Originally Posted by Gracie2006

One thing jumped out at me, the word "permission". Since when does an adult need permission from anyone to do anything? Yes, you live together. That does not make "him" a "king" and give him permission to rule over all that live there. Perhaps you could find some middle ground. Maybe there is one room that will be off limits to the dog. If it were me, I would be thinking about getting some counseling. If he is like this with the dog, what other ways will he try to control you? I worry when this topic comes up. I have a girlfriend who was abused by her husband for many years before she finally had her fill and left him. She always had to get "permission" to spend money, to go out with her friends, to get a pet, to get her ears pierced, to do anything! Proceed with caution girl friend!

I know this definitely also worries me I know he "says" that it's because we can't afford to have "so many" dogs in the house (it would only be 2 or 3! that's not a lot!!!) but he just HATES little dogs and I can't break him of it! He really thinks they're rats. And he doesn't understand the concept of pampering them like I do. I'm all about that. He's definitely not abusive in any way, but this just annoys me! I guess I just thought he'd never find out about the money thing, because even if I told him he'd flip out. I don't need permission for anything else at all, but to him dogs are this HUGE responsibility and HUGE investment and HUGE money burden. To me, they're responsibility but I love that responsibility! I don't think they're a burden, when I take them everywhere with me anyway! I just feel so sad about it because he knows how much dogs are my only passion in life, and I don't understand why he can't accept this. The money thing scares me too because what if it was a big purchase, like when we need a refrigerator, or a new house, or a car? Am I supposed to wait for him to see the car I want so I can "get it"? Ugh. It's not like we're in a new relationship either, we've been together for almost 5 years.

[BubblPopElectrc]

Originally Posted by Gracie2006

One thing jumped out at me, the word "permission". Since when does an adult need permission from anyone to do anything? Yes, you live together. That does not make "him" a "king" and give him permission to rule over all that live there. Perhaps you could find some middle ground. Maybe there is one room that will be off limits to the dog. If it were me, I would be thinking about getting some counseling. If he is like this with the dog, what other ways will he try to control you? I worry when this topic comes up. I have a girlfriend who was abused by her husband for many years before she finally had her fill and left him. She always had to get "permission" to spend money, to go out with her friends, to get a pet, to get her ears pierced, to do anything! Proceed with caution girl friend!

Counseling?? Over a dog?? She never mentioned it was anything deeper.


And to the OP, as others have mentioned, if you're paying for it, do what you want. With that said, I think it's more about finding a middle ground. I'm sure it'll all work out and the dog would grow on him. I wouldn't worry about it to much.. it'll all work out.

[mh357]

Originally Posted by BubblPopElectrc

Counseling?? Over a dog?? She never mentioned it was anything deeper.


And to the OP, as others have mentioned, if you're paying for it, do what you want. With that said, I think it's more about finding a middle ground. I'm sure it'll all work out and the dog would grow on him. I wouldn't worry about it to much.. it'll all work out.

Kyle you're right, it's nothing deeper than the dog, because he just doesn't want a 'little rat' but it does sometimes cross my mind about other stuff in the future. Also, he didn't grow up with a yorkie like I did. He had a sheltie (they're tiny enough...not real little, but it's STILL a smaller dog).

He wants a rottweiler. I love all dogs, so of course I'd never ever say "no, you can't have that dog!!!" But as for things he has that I don't like... well, he spent an arm and a leg on an audio system for his car, which I tried to pull out as an argument for spending $$ on the carriers, but he wouldn't have it. He said that I don't even have the dog yet, which is more $$, which would then be more $$ for vet bills--basically that another dog would be even more $$ for everything else. To me they're not a financial burden though, they're my babies. I guess I just don't see priorities the way he does.

[mustangbee]

Originally Posted by mh357

My boyfriend found out how much I spent on the Juicy carrier and saw me in the process of trying to spend more $$ on 3 more carriers, and he absolutely flipped out at me. (In the end I wasn't allowed to buy the 3 carriers and I was so embarrassed that I had to tell this really nice person I couldn't do it...so ashamed ). It completely blew up into this GINORMOUS argument about how I don't even have this dog yet, and how he doesn't even want me to get my yorkie!! He's so seriously adamant about hating little dogs and not wanting me to get my baby. I mean this was like a serious all-out fight--all about me not getting this dog, and THEN it turned into how I'm a frivolous buyer/spender and I buy things that aren't necessary or things I don't need. It was so hurtful and so I was ashamed for him thinking these things of me, and then ashamed that I had to tell this other person I couldn't send her the money. I felt so bad, you have no idea. And now I feel even worse because I don't know how to convince him that I should have my yorkie. He says that since we live together and will be getting married soon, he should have a say in the dog buying. What do you guys think? He knows I've wanted one for so long and all he can say is that he doesn't "want a little rat". I'm just so upset over this

Ohhhhhh, I would really be thinking about getting married! How long have you been together? If you have extra money and you want to spend it you should do so. If he's saying your spending money you should be saving for something else, that's a different story. When I want something, I don't ask anyone, I just get it. My husband of 26 years knew that before we were married.
I didn't have Princess when we were married, but he knew someday I would. It took me a very long time to find her. He had no idea the day she came home I had found her. I was buying things for her for years, I just couldn't find the right furbaby.
I think you both should sit down and talk about bringing a yorkie home. Let him know just how important she/he is to you. It's best if you talk this out before you get married. Yorkies are not dogs, they are family members.

I wish you the best of luck.

[mustangbee]

Originally Posted by mh357

Kyle you're right, it's nothing deeper than the dog, because he just doesn't want a 'little rat' but it does sometimes cross my mind about other stuff in the future. Also, he didn't grow up with a yorkie like I did. He had a sheltie (they're tiny enough...not real little, but it's STILL a smaller dog).

He wants a rottweiler. I love all dogs, so of course I'd never ever say "no, you can't have that dog!!!" But as for things he has that I don't like... well, he spent an arm and a leg on an audio system for his car, which I tried to pull out as an argument for spending $$ on the carriers, but he wouldn't have it. He said that I don't even have the dog yet, which is more $$, which would then be more $$ for vet bills--basically that another dog would be even more $$ for everything else. To me they're not a financial burden though, they're my babies. I guess I just don't see priorities the way he does.

Well that made me laugh! Because before I found Princess we did get a Rottie. My husband had always wanted one, so I found a great Breeder. That's how we got Roxanne before we got Princess. Roxanne and Princess were best of friends. When Roxanne passed away at 12 years old, Princess was heartbroken, she lost her best friend. I talked with our Vet about how sad she was, he told me to look for a new bestfriend, it just might work.
Yep, it worked, our second Rottie Mandy is now Princess's best friend.

[pea496]

He sounds very controlling - maybe you should think if this is the person you want to spend your life with.

[WV~Yorkies]

Honestly I would kick him to the curb before it is to late.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by LuvMySissy

Well, I have always been of the mind that "my money can buy whatever I want for whatever reason I want". My hubby knows that if I want something or I want to do something, I really don't much care whether he likes it or not. If it is important to me for whatever reason, I expect him to be supportive.

Sounds like you guys might need to have a heart-to-heart on this one. If you don't clear this up now, it will become a larger problem once in the marriage. As far as your BF having a say as to your Yorkie, I guess you need to determine how important having a Yorkie is to you. If he wanted a doberman, would he ask you or just go get one. Don't buy into the "little rat" argument, cause unless he was raised around Yorkies, he can't make judgement on what he doesn't know. Most men fall in love with them very quickly!!! Good luck to you.

What she said!!

[bruizersmummy]

My hubby was upset that I was getting Bruizer and didn't want me to spend that much on a dog when you could go to the pound and get one for under $100. But I told him I have ALLWAYS wanted one and that I was getting him no matter what cause I let him( my hubby) get whatever he wants without saying a word. So I brought Bruizer home and after a couple days of my hubby trying to ignor my little puppy, he finally broke down and fell IN LOVE with bruizer. Before That My Husband wouldn't let any animals on the furnature or in certain areas of the house like our bedroom. But now Bruizer can go where ever he wants cause Daddy said so! LOL Bruizer even sleeps in bed with us at night now!

So I say, If you really want this dog then get it. And get all the nessesitys like carriers and clothes for it. You will love the affection this puppy will give you and if your b/f warms up to the dog like my hubby did, thats great too. But if not Just make sure he dont hurt the baby, not even emotionaly..
Good luck in whatever you decide.

[mh357]

Well I'm definitely not going to dump him, because he's wonderful in every other way possible...I'd really have a hard time finding someone else who treated me as nice, and had all the other qualities he has...it's just this dog thing. He seems to be on the side where dogs are a burden because you can't go on vacation, they cost money, etc. I'm on the side where they're my babies, I won't go anywhere without them, and I couldn't live without them in my life. For me, nothing is too good for them, but for him, he's willing to feed a crappy food, just buy the bare necessities and just enjoy the dog because "it" is a "dog" and nothing more. Which is true to some extent I guess but I just don't believe that. I believe that they are more than just a companion to have, and for the unconditional love they give us, the least we can do is pamper them, give them a great food, spoil them a little with treats and toys, take them out with us, give them long walks, the works. I don't think I need to adjust my morals for him, and I know I can win out on the dog, but I want him to love the dog as well. I think I need to just come home with the yorkie baby one day He'd be mad, but once he saw such a sweet face I don't know how he could stay mad. It just doesn't seem to be an issue to me that I'd break up with him over...We've been together almost 5 years, and I know he can learn to do with this, I just agree that when the time comes we need to have a real 2 like you all have said. He's not a big pre-planner like I am (I mean here I am planning a year in advance) so maybe that's the bigger part of the problem...that he just doesn't agree with planning so far ahead...

[Gingergirlsmom]

I was concerned about two comments "not allowed" and that you "feel ashamed".

I can not for the life of me figure out why you feel ashamed...

I'd suggest you work this out first before bringing yorkie into the mix. Don't count on the dog to change the man.

Good luck to you whatever you choose to do!