Relationship woes? Advice needed

[Txgurl06]

Originally Posted by aarnold808

Okay,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We decided on getting Teddy and then my mom and I chipped in together and got Theresa. Lately, my boyfriend and I have been having problems. He gets jealous when the dogs sleep with me (or rather on me) and I tell him "please don't give me a hard time, its sooo difficult to get them to sleep." He gets angry now because I don't lay next to him in the bed because Teddy and Theresa lay on either side of me. When we first got both puppies.. HE was the one who wanted them on the bed.. not me. Now all of a sudden he is having complaints. He said, "you love those dogs more than me," and I detect a hint of bitterness in his tone more than before. It used to be a running joke, but now he gets angry if I greet the dogs first when I come in and not him.


I don't know what to do. Besides, there are other issues including suspicions of cheating (found a girl's number in his phone.. she claims they have been dating for a year.. while we were together, and found two other voicemails from other women as well. All of which he claims as friends, or ex-girlfriends from the past wanting him back) I don't know if he's worth it. I love my dogs, and my mind tells me to leave him, but my heart isn't ready to take him out of my life. I don't trust him whatsoever, he is very abrupt with me on the phone, he never tells me where he is going, and since we are seperated (until I can figure things out with the cheating) he has never once asked about my dogs. But he did get them a diamond collars for my birthday.. does that count for anything?

Plus, my grandmother has dialysis so on the days when I'm not at school full time (monday, wed., fri,) I take her to dialysis for 5 hours at a time. So I'm busy almost all the time. He claims he needs more attention. I'm too tired. Plus this is my last semester at SF State, then I'm graduating and applying for law school. I don't have time. But he thinks that I do and that I need to "act more like a girlfriend." and spend more time with him. I have school (tuesday and thursday and saturday) from 8am - 7pm. I go see my grandmother 11am to about 7pm (mon, wed, fri) and during any free time off I spend time with my dogs, study, and try to maintain my 4.0 GPA.

He used to be so supportive. Now he's not.

What do you think I should do? (sorry for being so long)

Ashley

my boyfriend is so jealous of skoshi lol!! he says hes not but he is! he wanted me to get him and when he comes over and stays the night hes like why dont you sleep in the bed lol because i sleep with skoshi on the floor. or i kiss skoshi and not him or pet skoshi and dont love on him lol! its funny to me. i love them both!

[ChiliPepper]

Run Don't walk to the next exit . Your future looks bright

[stephluvsangel6]

girl you dont need him, take your dogs and run. you shouldnt have stress, i always heard that if you dont fight then somethings wrong, but if you have to second guess than something is wrong. take your pups and have fun

[aarnold808]

If this happened to you what would you do?

He always says to me, "ashley, I love you, there's no one else I want to be with," etc. But then when I call him.. I have to call him 10 or 12 times before he will pick up. When I spent every moment with him, he always picked up the phone, now that I moved back into my mom's house, he's out all the time. But he gets pissed when I leave the house after 7pm.

The "other girl" sent me a picture of the two of them kissing. At first he denied he was in the picture. Then he claimed he didn't know the girl. And then he said the picture was taken a long time ago (when he was in high school) and the girl is just trying to get back with him. Why would an ex keep an old picture? But he assures me that some women can do this?

Would you just end it? I know in a million years I would never do this to him. I just hate dating.. and hate knowing I invested three years of my life into someone to have him hurt me like this. I love him, but I don't think he will ever change or stop cheating. If you were in my position do you think you could forgive him? I know I can't...but he was my best friend, I told him everything. How do you forget that?

[TootiesMom]

you do seem to be a VERY bright person and I think you know where you should go...
You are WAY too important to let someone treat you that way....
No one can make this decision for you but it appears that you already have and are needing reasurrance!
I agree with everyone here, you are much too good to deserve this, go with your GUT! go to law school, meet you a man who will appreciate you for what you are! A GREAT PERSON!
d

[aarnold808]

Originally Posted by TootiesMom

you do seem to be a VERY bright person and I think you know where you should go...
You are WAY too important to let someone treat you that way....
No one can make this decision for you but it appears that you already have and are needing reasurrance!
I agree with everyone here, you are much too good to deserve this, go with your GUT! go to law school, meet you a man who will appreciate you for what you are! A GREAT PERSON!
d

Thank you! I guess I just needed the reassurance! I have already stopped calling him, and am thinking about changing my number. But thank you again! I really do appreciate all of you guys' support. It really means a lot.

Ashley

[Txgurl06]

Originally Posted by aarnold808

If this happened to you what would you do?

He always says to me, "ashley, I love you, there's no one else I want to be with," etc. But then when I call him.. I have to call him 10 or 12 times before he will pick up. When I spent every moment with him, he always picked up the phone, now that I moved back into my mom's house, he's out all the time. But he gets pissed when I leave the house after 7pm.

The "other girl" sent me a picture of the two of them kissing. At first he denied he was in the picture. Then he claimed he didn't know the girl. And then he said the picture was taken a long time ago (when he was in high school) and the girl is just trying to get back with him. Why would an ex keep an old picture? But he assures me that some women can do this?

Would you just end it? I know in a million years I would never do this to him. I just hate dating.. and hate knowing I invested three years of my life into someone to have him hurt me like this. I love him, but I don't think he will ever change or stop cheating. If you were in my position do you think you could forgive him? I know I can't...but he was my best friend, I told him everything. How do you forget that?

I think you know what you should do and honestly we can tell you everything we think and our opinions but when it comes down to it you are only going to take your own advice. you honestly have to learn from your own mistakes. When anyone asks for advice about love they probably wont follow that advice until they are ready and until you are fed up. you should listen to that song called when a womens fed up by rkelly. play it for your man. women will go through so much crap for men and ask for so much advice but your gonna follow your own thoughts. do what you feel is right. but like i said you know whats right but i think every women goes through that much crap because they are scared of being loney and trust me you could loose all love and respect for a man and still try and try just for that fact!


and does the girl that you seem him kissing in the picture have more pictures of them together and what this recently also does she live near? if so i would ask her to lunch and invite him without him knowing shes there and then confront him!

[puppyluver07]

i recently went throught the same thing and as hard as it is to let go i was torn up for days, couldnt stop cring because he broke up with me and i was actually shocked bc everything was going ok i thought truth was he was scared of commitment, everything was ok. but now we're just friends and things are great so much better. so follow your heart it will lead u in the right direction. hope that helps

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by Zeus' Mom

Relationships are very hard. I always follow one simple rule, you need to be with someone who makes you a better you, not someone who breaks you down. I am married to my very best friend and no one has ever supported me or encouraged me the way he has. That is what everyone deserves. I hope it all works out and you find the one who let's you be you!!

I think this is some of the best advice I've ever seen/heard. Well said!

[aarnold808]

Originally Posted by Txgurl06

I think you know what you should do and honestly we can tell you everything we think and our opinions but when it comes down to it you are only going to take your own advice. you honestly have to learn from your own mistakes. When anyone asks for advice about love they probably wont follow that advice until they are ready and until you are fed up. you should listen to that song called when a womens fed up by rkelly. play it for your man. women will go through so much crap for men and ask for so much advice but your gonna follow your own thoughts. do what you feel is right. but like i said you know whats right but i think every women goes through that much crap because they are scared of being loney and trust me you could loose all love and respect for a man and still try and try just for that fact!


and does the girl that you seem him kissing in the picture have more pictures of them together and what this recently also does she live near? if so i would ask her to lunch and invite him without him knowing shes there and then confront him!

I do listen to what other people tell me. Any advice my grandmother has given me, I listen. She has never told me anything wrong. Even when it comes to love, I do listen. Also the picture.. I have no idea if it was taken recently, and yes she does live close to me. All she said, was "I can find another guy like him in a minute. I'm not worried about him." That doesn't sound like a heartbroken ex.

He's calling right now. I haven't picked up. I'm so over the drama. I have a paper to write and I have to get up for school at 5am. I just needed some reassurance and a little support from you guys. Thanks so much.

Ashley

[Zeus' Mom]

Originally Posted by AngieDoogles

I think this is some of the best advice I've ever seen/heard. Well said!

Thank you! It took me awhile to realize this, but when I met my husband, it all seemed so clear!

[LuvMySissy]

Ashley - it sounds like you have a really great head on your shoulders. I agree with what everyone else has said. A significant other should make you a better person, not drag you down. Please don't get caught up in having 3 years with him - just don't spend anymore time or effort. The good memories can stay with you, but don't totally forget the other stuff. If he isn't supportive now, he isn't ever going to be. There is someone out there who is right for you. Make a list of all the qualities you are seeking in a partner and don't settle for anything less.

[LunasMomma]

I have to say that I did not read any replies and am going with my gut here. I'm 39 years old and have been through it all

Anyway, if you THINK he's cheating, then chances are, he IS. Go with your gut. You are moving on to bigger and better things (I'm proud of you!!) and you don't need someone trying to drag you down. To be actually jealous of two little doggies is just immature. There are so many men out there that would treat you with the respect that you deserve. It'd be a shame to waste even one more day on this jerk. It'll hurt to leave him behind, sure, but look into your future. If he's jealous of your dogs and the time that you spend helping your grandma, what would happen if y'all had kids?

[Morkie4]

As you said so well in your post: I love him, but I don't think he will ever change or stop cheating.

Loving him will not change HIM..........he has to love you and want to change because HE wants the relationship. I took my first husband back three times after he cheated on me! Was I dumb? No I was deeply in love! But my love did not change his actions or the depth of love for me. So we parted with the deepest hurt and pain in my heart you could imagine! BUT, I met a very nice man who gave me his heart, a gentle and quiet man that I would trust with my life ! Married to him for over 30 years now and he has never said a harsh word to me! The happiest years of my life and still going!So there is and will be someone out there for you that will "appreciate you" and "show it."

[psugorilladdr]

Originally Posted by aarnold808

If this happened to you what would you do?

He always says to me, "ashley, I love you, there's no one else I want to be with," etc. But then when I call him.. I have to call him 10 or 12 times before he will pick up. When I spent every moment with him, he always picked up the phone, now that I moved back into my mom's house, he's out all the time. But he gets pissed when I leave the house after 7pm.

The "other girl" sent me a picture of the two of them kissing. At first he denied he was in the picture. Then he claimed he didn't know the girl. And then he said the picture was taken a long time ago (when he was in high school) and the girl is just trying to get back with him. Why would an ex keep an old picture? But he assures me that some women can do this?

Would you just end it? I know in a million years I would never do this to him. I just hate dating.. and hate knowing I invested three years of my life into someone to have him hurt me like this. I love him, but I don't think he will ever change or stop cheating. If you were in my position do you think you could forgive him? I know I can't...but he was my best friend, I told him everything. How do you forget that?

WHOSH! I have been here before!!! I was with a guy for off and 3 years. It was the biggest waste of my time! He treated me like crap, told me what I could do, where I could go, who I could talk to, what I could wear, etc. . . While the whole time he was talking to other girls. Threatened to hurt my mom, MY WHOLE FAMILY HATED HIS GUTS! I never listened to them. I also took care of my grandparents during this point, after my grandpa passed away I moved in with my grandma and this made him SO mad. He actually punched me in the face once, it was at this point that I hauled off and gave him a good one right back in his face, what an ass! I caught him dead in his tracks so many times when I could prove he was a cheater, but he ALWAYS had an excuse, and I ALWAYS just ate it up and forgave him! I was an idiot!

I think I could write things for days and still have more to write about him. Thanks gosh I finally smartened up! It's hard at first, but the next year I started dating a wonderful guy I met in college... and he is amazing! AND... He's the guy that I will be spending the rest of my life with!

Amazing the whole time I thought I knew what I wanted, but it actually wasn't until I just gave up and said "God, I just can't take anymore. I give it all to you, it's all in your hands" that I met the love of my life. He said he was just at that same point in his life where he said the same thing. Wild.
I know this is long, but from the sounds of it, you can do so much better! There are great guys out there!!!