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01-23-2007, 12:32 PM | #1 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Yorkshire, England
Posts: 783
| The Job Application This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. They hired him because he was so funny........ NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: ?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle EDUCATION: Yes LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 - 3.30 pm Monday Tuesday & Thursday DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they are better suited to a more intimate environment MAY WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now... NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles.... DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. They hired him because he was so funny........ NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: ?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle EDUCATION: Yes LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 - 3.30 pm Monday Tuesday & Thursday DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they are better suited to a more intimate environment MAY WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now... NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles.... DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely |
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01-23-2007, 12:49 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 4,591
| That was hilarious! I'm the Director of HR for a company in Utah and you wouldn't believe the apps I have to read. It's nice to get a funny one that I can laugh at without fear of being discriminating
__________________ Eva and her keikis: Hokule'a, Kalani & Pi'ilani |
01-23-2007, 07:40 PM | #3 |
Mojo, LilyGrace & Me Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cuddling with my babies<3
Posts: 17,329
| Very good!!! HILARIOUS!!!
__________________ Hi I'm Jenn Mom to..... Mojo,LilyGrace & DD Kate RIP Mojo FOREVER in our hearts! |
01-23-2007, 11:55 PM | #4 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Yorkshire, England
Posts: 783
| Whoops, sorry Didn't realise it had posted twice! Did it in a rush last night & my computer was playing up, sticking a bit. Should have taken more time to review it Apologies |
01-24-2007, 12:19 AM | #5 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Brittany France
Posts: 2,420
| LOL very good!
__________________ Anne, Pippa, Jake Woody |
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