The Job Application
 

This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. :)



They hired him because he was so funny........



NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY: ?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle

EDUCATION: Yes

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any

PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 - 3.30 pm Monday Tuesday & Thursday

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they are better suited to a more
intimate environment

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now...

NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles....

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely

This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.



They hired him because he was so funny........



NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY: ?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle

EDUCATION: Yes

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any

PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 - 3.30 pm Monday Tuesday & Thursday

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they are better suited to a more
intimate environment

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now...

NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles....

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely

That was hilarious! I'm the Director of HR for a company in Utah and you wouldn't believe the apps I have to read. It's nice to get a funny one that I can laugh at without fear of being discriminating:)

Whoops, sorry :(

Didn't realise it had posted twice!

Did it in a rush last night & my computer was playing up, sticking a bit.
Should have taken more time to review it

Apologies :(

LOL very good!