This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny........
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY: ?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle
EDUCATION: Yes
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any
PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 - 3.30 pm Monday Tuesday & Thursday
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they are better suited to a more
intimate environment
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now...
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles....
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely
This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny........
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY: ?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style
redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle
EDUCATION: Yes
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any
PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 - 3.30 pm Monday Tuesday & Thursday
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they are better suited to a more
intimate environment
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR PRESENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with
a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now...
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles....
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely