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11-17-2006, 11:21 AM | #1 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| In light of the AUBURN/ALABAMA game this weekend... Here's a cute joke. A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Auburn/ Alabama game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Auburn/Alabama game, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?" He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Auburn/Alabama game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible! But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?". The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at her funeral." |
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11-17-2006, 11:45 AM | #2 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Alabama
Posts: 11,432
| Oh, you've done it now... Two Auburn fans were walking through the woods, one looks at the other and says, "Darn it, I'm cutting down the next Christmas tree we come to, lights or no lights!" *And BTW, I will NOT be even here for the game!--I'll be watching it, of course, but won't be back in town until next weekend. ) |
11-17-2006, 11:47 AM | #3 |
I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 37,147
| Oh now that is bad
__________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427 |
11-17-2006, 11:48 AM | #4 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Alabama
Posts: 11,432
| Yeah, I know...the corny jokes are THICK around here this week. Rebecca understands how it is... |
11-17-2006, 11:53 AM | #5 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| Q: Why do Bama graduates keep their diplomas in the windshield of their pickups? A: So they can park in handicapped spaces. |
11-17-2006, 12:03 PM | #6 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 1,399
| Did you hear about the 8 Auburn fans that drown in the pickup truck? After it hit the water, nobody could get the tailgait down to get out. |
11-17-2006, 12:04 PM | #7 |
Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: panama city
Posts: 63
| ok. So I am not an Alabama or Auburn fan. FSU since the day I was born! HOWEVER, Alabama sure got one more person rooting for their team and watching them play on Saturdays because I sure like me some Jon Parker Wilson! WOOHOO! everytime that helmet comes off and he shakes that hair...ok...got to stop before i get carried away |
11-17-2006, 12:08 PM | #8 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| Application for University of Alabama Pulp-Truck Alumni Association We have all encountered the many individuals throughout the great state of Alabama who consider themselves die-hard Alabama fans despite the fact that, not only have they never enrolled in classes there, they probably couldn't even find "Tuscaloser." These misguided individuals, known as "Pulpwood Alumni," are under the impression that Alabama the school, and Alabama the state, are the same thing. Of course the University of Alabama welcomes them with open arms, since, after all, they tend to mirror the student body itself. But, fair is fair, and these fans must be subject to the same stringent academic standards as all other UA students, so the University of Alabama has implemented the following application in an effort to weed out those individuals who are not exceptionally qualified to wear the cherished "Crimson and Polyester." ------------------------------------------------------------------- APPLICATION FOR UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA PULP-TRUCK ALUMNI ASSOCIATION Name: _____________________________ Nickname: _________________________ CB Handle: ________________________ Address: (RFD #): _________________ Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects): ________________ Mamma: ______________________ Neck Shade: __Light Red __Medium Red __Dark Red Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper:___ Lower:___ Name of pickup owned: ____________ Height of truck: ______ Truck equipped with: __Gun Rack __4-Wheel Drive __Big Dog __Cassette Deck __8-Track Tape __Load of Wood __Hijacker Shocks __Radar Detector __Mag Wheels __Dual CB Antennas __Spittoon (this category includes old Red White and Blue beer cans) __Camper Top __Air Horns __Mud Flaps __Toothpick Holder __Mud-Grip Tires __Raccoon Hide __Sheepskin Seat Covers Number of empty beer cans in pickup bed: ____ Depth of permanent mud on sides of pickup: ____ Bumper stickers on truck: __"Eat more Possum" __"My other car is a piece of junk, too" __"Honk if you love Jesus" __"If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'" __"Jesse Helms for President" __"Redman Chewing Tobacco" __"The day they take my gun away is the day they pry it from my cold dead fingers" Define the following (must be 90% correct): 1. Grits 2. Goobers (either the nut or the TV character) 3. Pintos (either the bean or the car) 4. Collards 5. Sidemeat 6. Sawmill Gravy 7. Turnip Salad 8. Redeye Gravy 9. Soppin' Syrup 10. Poke 11. Cobbler 12. Fatback 13. Tote 14. Chickin' Fry 15. Chitlins 16. Tater 17. Pig Skins 18. Cheetah (either the animal or the Alabama football program) 19. Okrie 20. "Shonuf" Favorite Vocalist: __Reba __Dolly __Conway __Loretta __Porter __Hank, Sr. __Hank, Jr. __Willie Nelson __Ray Wylie Hubbard __Randy Travis __Tammy Wynette __Slim Whitman __George Jones __Box Car Willie Favorite Recreation: __Square Dancin ' __Possum Huntin' __Skinny Dippin' __Craw Daddin' __Gospel Singin' __4-Wheelin' __Drankin' __Spittin' Backy __Bull Chip Throwin' __Honky Tonkin' __Noodlin' __Otherin' Name of son(s): __Jim Bob __Billy Bob __Bob Bob __LeeRoy __J.D. __Bubba Name of Daughter(s): __Pammy Sue __Violet __Paulette __Dolly __Daisy __Bubba Weapons Owned: __Deer Rifle __Sawed-off Shotgun __Varmint Rifle __Tire Iron __Chain Saw __Motorcycle Chain __Pick Handle __Hick'ry Switch __Rotwieler __Broken Beer Bottle (long neck) Number of Dogs: ___ Type of Dog(s): __Blue Tick __Beagle __Black & Tan __Bird Dawg Cap Emblem: __John Deere __McCulloch Chain Saws __Bud __VA-Tech __Skoal __Coors __NAPA __Dale Earnhardt #3 __Richard Petty #43 __Hooters Restaurants - "More than a mouthful" __"Smile if you're not wearin' underwear" __"Keep the South beautiful -- Put a Yankee on a bus" Number of Dependents: Legal:____ Claimed:____ Number of weeks unemployed:____ (if you can't count that high, use number of years) Number of Welfare checks received:____ Memberships: __NRA __Moose __PTL Club __700 Club __AAA __AA __Bass __Bill Dance Fan Club __John Birch Society __any militia group Length of: Right Leg:____ Left Leg:____ Does your truck contain some part painted the official alumni association color of primer red? __Yes __No (Check only one) How many vehicles do you have up on blocks in your front yard? ___ How many kitchen appliances do you have (or are you willing to have) on your front porch? ___ Do you ever plan to install indoor plumbing in your house (or do you see this as an unnecessary luxury)? ___Yes ___No Will you (or do you now) wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags? ___Yes ___No Do you own shoes? ___Yes ___No If yes, how many (odd number OK)? ___ Are you married to any of the following: ___Sister ___Cousin ___Sow What is her name (if known)? ________________ (You may write an "X", if that's how she signs her name) Does your wife weigh more than your pickup truck? ___Yes ___No Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time? ___Yes ___No ___Not Sure Can you count past ten without removing your shoes (assuming you're wearing shoes)? ___Yes ___No ___Ten is too high Do you know any words that have more than four letters? ___Yes ___No If yes, list it:____________ Have you ever had more than one bath per week? ___Yes ___No If yes, what was the occasion? _______________ Medical Information: Do you have at least two of the following: __B.O. __Head Lice __Rabies __Trench Mouth __Runny Nose __Bad Breath __Teeth ------------------------- End of Application -------------------------- Note that if your application is turned down by the University of Alabama, you may be eligible to apply to the University of Arkansas, as their standards are slightly lower. However, you would still be eligible to visit Tuscaloosa (if you can find it). -------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
11-17-2006, 12:24 PM | #9 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL
Posts: 7,651
| What's the difference between Auburn and Cheerios? One belongs in a Bowl and one doesn't!
__________________ FlDebra and her ABCs Annie, Ben, Candy Promoting Healthy Breeding to the AKC Yorkshire Terrier Standard |
11-17-2006, 12:29 PM | #10 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| Q: What do Alabama fans and maggots have in common? A: They both live off dead bear. |
11-17-2006, 01:11 PM | #11 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Alabama
Posts: 11,432
| Q: How do you compliment an Auburn fan? A: Nice tooth. |
11-17-2006, 01:25 PM | #12 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,459
| I have GOT to join in!!!! What's the difference between an Auburn fan and a puppy? A puppy will eventually stop whining!
__________________ Suzi - mom to Gabby and Gage For Mickey |
11-17-2006, 01:27 PM | #13 | ||
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| Quote:
Quote:
I am seriously cracking up. These are actually pretty hilarious! | ||
11-17-2006, 01:29 PM | #14 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,459
| And another: One day 3 guys died and went to heaven, and before they could go in St. Peter asked them their IQ. The 1st guy said "My IQ is 220", and St. Peter said he should go to where Einstein and Newton were. The 2nd guy said his IQ was 120, and St Peter told him he was normal and to go on in and mingle.St Peter asks the third guy his IQ, and the guy said "35"; St. Peter looked and him said "War Eagle"
__________________ Suzi - mom to Gabby and Gage For Mickey |
11-17-2006, 01:30 PM | #15 | |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,459
| Quote:
I know!!! Perfect ending to my day
__________________ Suzi - mom to Gabby and Gage For Mickey | |
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