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Jessica, When I was just your age I became pregnant from a boy I had dated for 2 yrs. I always thought we would get married one day, but when I told him I was pregnant, he certainly wasnt very supportive. What he said to me was so painful. He didnt want to be a father so young, he didnt want to get married so young, he just wasnt interested in any of it. Thinking back, I think he was scared to death like me, but it didnt matter then. His disinterest and anxiety over the baby cut me up emotionally like a knife. It didnt help matters that I had been preached to and heard all my life that "If any girl of mine is stupid enough to get pregnant, before marriage and in high school they will need to find a new place to live, cause they wont live here" So I had never NEVER felt so alone in my whole life. At 17 yrs old I wasnt very mature emotionally or strong. I finally told my mom and stepdad, who I lived with and then I told my biological father. My mom and stepfather attended church 3 times a week, and I had too until I began to rebel at 16 yrs old. My real dad wasnt a religious man at all. All of them insisted I have an abortion. They told me I was smarter then that and they would not allow me to ruin my life at my age. That is what happened too, I never was given any options, no one supported me to help me with a baby or adoption was never mentioned. It was hush hush, very private. The truth is at 17 yrs old I didnt want a baby either. I wasnt ready to be a mother until I was in my 30's. I really wasnt a stupid girl either just immature, I even on my own thought about adoption, but I didnt think I could live with that either. I was to selfish for consideration to give my baby to someone else to care for, knowing I might not see them for yrs or never see them again period. At the tender age of 17, with no support at all in any other direction, that became my reality. I guess what I am trying to say to you is ...........I understand. Whatever choice you make in your situation must be right for you. If you dont want an abortion, there are options! Maybe you have someone to support you, help you, to keep the baby near or in the family even! Open adoptions too! I dont know your family so maybe they will be more understanding for you then mine was. Not so rigid and demanding. My opinion is its truly more selfish to get an abortion, then to adopt a sweet baby out to a loving family. I still think about it, a burden I will always have to bare. There are couples out there that crave a baby so bad, and would give a baby such a wonderful home. Couples that would give you the oppurtunity to see the baby, let you have a relationship with your baby. So you consider what you need and want. You do what you feel is right in your heart and life. And even if you find no support at home, I am hoping you do! You DO have options. Sending you a great big bear hug!!!!!!! |
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Thank you Rebecca. Adoption can be a great thing for all involved. Now you know why I go on and on about my son. He is the best son anyone could ever ask for. I had to log off and just go hug him. He's my everything. |
I was a bit older when I got pregnant with our daughter...I was 19. It was the hardest and best thing I ever did!! We now have two kids and are together now 13 years. No one can tell you what to do only you can decide and then live with your decision. Don't let anyone pressure you into a decision you don't want to make and know there are people who have been there and you can lean on. I don't know what your family is like but chances are they will be more understanding than you think...I thought mine would freak but they were a huge help! Good luck and you are in my prayers. |
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All these stories have really touched me. i felt like i was alone on this and i was the only person who is dealing or has dealt with this situation |
You are not alone. I wish I could come across the keyboard and give you a hug and tell you it will all be alright. |
You are not alone, that's what everyone has been telling you. You are going to have to tell your folks at some point so now is just a good a time as any. My mom got pregnant with me when she was a senior in high school, got married for all the wrong reasons. By the time I was 6 months old they divorced. She never asked him for anything. It's like he just walked away. She didn't want me going from home to home. Anyway, long story short, we are good friends. It was hard, I'll tell you that. She worked 2 and 3 jobs sometimes to keep us going. We lived on pancakes for a month another time. In the end, we did great and my mom is the world to me, but I wouldn't have faulted her one bit if she had placed me for adoption. There will be many decisions for you to make and many ups and downs no matter what road you take. But you don't have to take it alone. Talk with your folks. You truly don't know what they will say or how they will act unless you tell them. I know that it seems like everything sucks right now but hang in there. You will survive and get through this. Remain positive and reach out. Don't keep this in. |
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Believe me when I say this ...many, if not most, of us adoptees look at our biological moms as someone who cared enough to say goodbye .....and our adoptive moms as our TRUE MOM. I know that's how I feel about mine and am sure your son must feel the same about you.....What a nice post that was and I didn't know that about you. Thank you for sharing.... My mom used to tell me a poem when I was a kid - all I can remember now is the one line...."You didn't Grow UNDER my heart - but in it." and I always felt so special. Gorjess sweetie - there are so many people who WIN if you decide to let your baby go to a loving home - there really is ...you would have time to be a teen ....AND then, one day.... have a baby when the time is right. |
I'm really sorry about what you're going through!!! I know how difficult it is. Like others, I've been there. I found out I was pregnant when I was 18 and still living w/my parents. My Dad had said if any of us ever got pregnant (unwed/still living in his home) he'd disown us. I was scared to death, and to make it worse, what I thought was the love of my life turned into the meanest/scariest person ever. I was terrified!!! At 2 mths along I told my Mom. It was the greatest thing I ever did. She was upset but kind of excited as well. I didn't tell my Dad. She did, and he didn't speak to me the entire pregnancy and I lived at home!!! It hurt alot knowing that my Dad and my daughter's Father didn't want anything to do w/me or the baby, but I realized that that didn't matter. It wasn't just about me anymore... I had my beautiful daughter and believe it or not, my Dad turned into the biggest sap in the world!!! He wouldn't let me carry the car-seat out to the car, and when my daughter was 3 days old, I tried to put her in this pretty dress to take pictures and he told me to quit fussing with her. It was so sweet! LOL. I'm not going to lie, it was ROUGH. Thankfully, I had already finished HS, but it did put a huge hold on college. But, I got through it. My Mom was tremendous throughout and I thank her all the time for it. It's not easy and I feel so sorry for young girls that get pregnant. It makes me so sad because I know how rough it is... :( Sorry for the novella. I just feel so bad for you! Hang in there!!! Talk to you Mom! |
I had my 1st daughter at 15, and I would never advise this to any young teenager, but I'm glad I did have her so young, her and I are so close and we have such a strong bond, she comes to me for anything and is very honest with me. My parents went off the wall when they found out, but as soon as they seen that life growing in me, my mom and I really bonded, and to this day, I feel that my daughter brought my mom and I close. We use to fight like cats and dogs, but now we have such a strong connection. She has and forever will always be here for me. Having a child at a young age, is not easy, I missed out on so much, but it was so worth it. If you keep a solid head on your shoulders, and do this the right way, you can make it work, it wont be easy, it will be very tough, but it will be so worth it. Adoption is also a great choice, there are so many couples out there that cant have children of there own, and they could give a child such a wonderful life. Just think long and hard, your heart will tell you what to do, just listen! |
My daughter was pregnant at the age of 17. When she told me I nearly hit the roof. I blew up before I took the time to think. All I could see was how hard my life was having children young, blah, blah, blah. I told her I would not help her and all that jazz. She was keeping the baby though since she had had an abortion a year and a half prior to this. She couldn't live through that again and I could understand that part of her decision. Given a week or so to think things through calmly I knew that there was nothing I could do but support her. I put the anger and fears aside and knew that she would do okay because she was a strong willed person like me. The baby's father was 16 at the time my grandson was born. That was nine years ago and they are still together and just had a baby girl this past July. Life has been hard for them and they struggle to survive but I stepped aside and let them do this on their own (knowing I would certainly be there if she needed me). I adore my grandchildren! |
I had my first son at 19 and My second at 21. For my 21st Birthday My Mom treated me to a virgin strawberry Daquri since I was pregnant. I proably missed out on things having my Children so young but I would never take it back. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your parents and discuss your options. On ce they get over the initial shock I am sure they will be more suportive |
Jess, You have received lots of wonderful advise here and have alot of people that care about you! If I might make a suggestion.....sometimes it is easier to tell someone other than your parents first (and not the father).....Is there someone at your school that you can confide in? At my High School we had a crisis that counselor available to us....and everything we told her was in strict confidence unless we signed for her to share that information. (of course if it was life & death that was not the case) Please check with your school counseling office and see what resources you have. You do not need to tell a secretary or anyone else what your situation is....just that you are in a crisis and need help. If there is no one to assist....can you confide in a teacher or principal? If you can just sit with someone in person and share you concerns and as silly as this may sound - but just "practice" telling your parents - it might help you feel more prepared to face you parents. I think my mom would not care if I shared....so here goes....My mom found herself pregnant and unmarried at the age of 18 and could not face her parents, but had always been very close to one of the preachers at her church.....so she went to him and told him and he offered to go with her to tell her parents. Her preacher did not tell her parents but was just there for the emotional support of everyone involved! Her parents were upset but came around.....and later as we became teenagers...my mom (and us kids) found out that her mom had found herself in the same position - pregnant and unwed....so even though her mom had been in the exact same situation herself she did not react calmly and with compasion...instead just the opposite - at first - and mostly just out of a realization of how much it changes your life. Of course my mom & grandmother both ended up marrying the fathers and are still married to the fathers - which I know is not the norm. Jess, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You have alot to think about, but please take care of yourself!! |
I remember telling my parents and they were not happy at all...I stayed with my friend for a few days until they cooled off and wanted to talk. They made sure they married me off to my bf..our marriage lasted 11 LONG years..we both didnt want to be married but did it for the sake of me being pregnant. You NEED to tell the father..its his choice afterwards if he wants to be a part of the baby's life or not....but he WILL be obligated to pay child support that child no matter what!!! At least here it works that way. You cant lie to him...it will come back to slap you in the face when your child grows up and wants to know who his/her father is...its just not fair not to tell. BUT it is YOUR decision if you want to end the pregnancy, place the baby up for adoption or keep the baby. Finding a job, finishing school and raising a baby are hard but if you are serious about it..it CAN be done!! Don't try to figure it all out in one day...tell your parents and let them help you out...they love you im sure and wont leave you homeless and pregnant. And like a previous posted stated we arent here to judge you..we are here to support you NO MATTER what you decide!! HUGS!! Dawn |
I have never been pregnant before but I always tell myself if I ever happen to get pregnant I will keep the baby, although I know you think totally different when you are actually pregnant. I am also against abortion but agree with adoption if the mother doesn't want to keep the baby. There are ways to get thru this. My mother once told me if I ever got pregnant to keep it but continue to go to school because she's against abortion and I am glad for that. Of course I am sure she would be mad at first if I did get pregnant or who knows. She told me not too long ago that before she had me and my brother she had an abortion and she regrets it sooo much. My dad on the other hand once told me he would never talk to me again if I got pregnant at this age. I'm 19 and can't see myself with a baby right now but if I were to get pregnant I would def. consider keeping it. My friend had her son when she was only 15! She was a sophmore in H.S. and she still attends my h.s., she was 2 grades below me. She did it and she loves her baby. But whatever you decide will be a good choice because it is the right thing for you. There are many decisions you can make just think them throughly and I'm sure you''ll make the right one. I am here for you also if you ever need to talk. Maybe tell your mom first, she might be more understanding than your dad since she's a woman. Also speak to your sister about it so she can give you advice. As for the father of the baby I wouldn't consider having an abortion just because of his career. You have to put yourself first and of course the baby. If you decide not to keep the baby adoption is a great thing where loving parents can support it. Good luck and I hope everything works out. Sarah |
I think it will be hard, but that you can do it. Some of my friends had kids in HS, and while times are hard for them, they are still doing great. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one. I've done tons of research projects on abortion, and I always found "testimonials" where girls who had them regretted them so much after it was done. Also, keep in mind the joy and love this baby is going to bring to you. I think you'll be OK. Just try to think of all the positive that will come from this little blessing, and not anything negative. If you ever want to talk, PM me. |
After reading other people's post, would it be beneficial to tell either your mother or your father separately first (whichever one your closer to) and that way, they can kinda be on your "team" before you tell the other parent, the one that will flip their lid? Also, if you tell them when they're together, do you think they will gang up on you? I know if it were my parents, I would tell my mother first and try to get her on my side before we told my father. This way, my mother and my father wouldn't gang up on me if I told them at the same time. It's just a thought.......... |
I think if I tell my mother first she'll just run and tell my father right away, and the same thing with him. :( BTW I found this site and it just broke my heart. www.abort73.com |
after reading all of these posts... i just wanted to add my support.. i'm 23.. and have had a lot of friends that had babies young... my cousin is 21 and he and his gf (19) just had a baby 2 months ago... i went and visited and she said.. it's tough.. but she can't imagine life without him..... either way you go... adpotion or keeping the baby... both will be tough... but i also think both are very rewarding... i'm praying for you! |
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I can't bring myself to look at the site. :cry: |
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W/ a lot of my friends who got pregnant at young ages, of course telling their parents was one of the hardest things, but not their parents love they'r little grandbaby soo much. I hope it'll be the same with you. I don't know you or your parents, so alls I can really say is just to tell them and get it over with. Like I said, you never know the outcome. HOpefully all will be good. You'll be in my prayers. |
I would tell your mother first and cry and bed her not to be mad at you. You never know....maybe she won't run and tell your dad. I would give it a try since telling them at the same time didn't work for your sister. |
open adoption Hi I wanted to share the adoption of my daughter with you I had 4 children when my youngest a girl made 18 she joined the airforce I had empty nest syndrome we started fostering when we got my baby she was 6months old a drug baby. After 6months of caring for her we could not give her up when she came up for adoption we adopted her this was and is one of GODS greatest gifts to us I would and my husband give up our lives for her my daughter she is normal healthy and so smart. My point adoption allows someone to love someone else you could have open adoption where you can still keep in touch with your child when my daughter is ready I will help her find her mother this does not hurt me I owe this person for the joy she gave my husband and myself. |
Ps Your parents love is unconditional dont be afraid to talk to them you might be surprised how they can help |
I had my first baby at 20, my second at 21 and then had 2 more at age 24, and 25. It has not been easy. I've grown up so much and made so many mistakes too. I missed out on alot of things. When I was in high school I took my best friend to get an abortion. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I am against abortion. I cared enough for my friend to take her though. I sat in the waiting room and cried the whole time I was there. I still think about it to this day. I looked at the website you posted and it brought it all back to me. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. |
I think that's a great place to start. It's going to be so hard to tell them, I really hope they are supportive of you. |
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It depends on the father and how he acted. My mom left me when I was 7 not a word..just left...my real dad abanoned us...I would rather NOT know who my parents ever were than know that they never wanted me. May sound stupid but thats just my 2 cents |
Here's a prayer for you... My daughter is 17 and has been dating since she was 15. i have always known that there is a chance she could come home pregnant even though she promises me that will never happen. My husband and I used to fool around before marriage and I waited to tell my daughter till I thought the time was right. I told her last year and she freaked out thinking I was a virgin when I got married...I am very straight laced... i don't swear, have never been drunk... my hubby was my only boyfriend ever... She was shocked to find out we had sex before marriage. My point is your parents know how hard it is to resist sex. They have always known there was a chance this could happen. I am hoping you pray for understanding on their part and decide to tell them... Here is a pray right now for you... Dear Heavenly Father, Please give this sweet girl the peace that only you can give. Please give her courage to do your will and help her to have wisdom and guidance from you. I pray you would put someone in her life that can help her make decisions. I also pray that the father wold not pressure her to abort her baby and think past how this effects him. Lord I pray that you would soften the hearts of parents of both young adults and give them understanding, compassion, and over whelming love to help these young people through this confusing time in their lives. Please show all involved your perfect plan for them and for this new life. Help all to tun to you for all decisions and wisdom. Thank you Lord for all your unfailing love. In Jesus name Amen Please keep us updated... I will pray every day for you. I am hoping every one else here will too!;) </IMG> |
Hang in there. As you've seen we are all here for you with an endless supply of advice. :D In Seattle there is a 800 for the crisis clinic, which is a hotline for people/teens to call and talk anonymously. They can also hook you up with all kinds of help and services. Find out if there is something like that in your area. Also find a counselor or something at school. If you decide on abortion, you will need someone to talk to about it and if you decide to keep the baby or adopt you will need to stay in school throughout your pregnancy and they can help you with your options and advise you on how to go about doing that. Are you close to your sister? Maybe talk to her first and have her go with you to tell your folks. We love ya. Be strong and be proud. Asking for help from us is the first step. You are going to be ok. I think deep down you know what you want to do you are just looking for reassurance. :) |
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