i feel like laughing

[Lexi Rae]

anyone have any enbarassing moments they would like to share and that are funny... this is gonna be a good one..

not too long ago i was in my bedroom down the hall from the bathroom to the left and straight ahead is a closet door, well i was running so fast and its like
30 feet to the end and needed to make a left into the bathroom. i ran so fast and slipped on lexi's pee pee and feel right into the closet door . made a big giant hole and was all pissed off... my knees actually went through the door and you should of heard me screaming..it hurt, my toes wound up under the freaking door. here i am laying in piss and hurting,, and to boot im screaming for my b/f down the hall and he has no idea what just happened until i went back into the room limping and bleeding

[magnolia]

Originally Posted by Lexi Rae

anyone have any enbarassing moments they would like to share and that are funny... this is gonna be a good one..

not too long ago i was in my bedroom down the hall from the bathroom to the left and straight ahead is a closet door, well i was running so fast and its like
30 feet to the end and needed to make a left into the bathroom. i ran so fast and slipped on lexi's pee pee and feel right into the closet door . made a big giant hole and was all pissed off... my knees actually went through the door and you should of heard me screaming..it hurt, my toes wound up under the freaking door. here i am laying in piss and hurting,, and to boot im screaming for my b/f down the hall and he has no idea what just happened until i went back into the room limping and bleeding

Oh Gina!! I'm sorry, don't mean to laugh but that is funny!!

[magnolia]

I have a story concerning Katie, our first Yorkie. My cousin and her husband had come down to New Orleans for the week-end to visit. Katie was laying on the couch where she usually stayed when we were home. Well, little miss decided she needed to go to the bathroom and rather than go to the paper in the kitchen, she went down the hall and peed in front of the guest bedroom door. When my cousin went to go back to the bedroom to get something, she stepped in it (she was wearing socks) and hollered out, "I've been baptised!!". I was so embarassed at the time as Katie had never done anything like that before - my face was red while all she did was roll over on her back for a belly rub, like she had done something great!!...LOL! I know, it's not that funny but we still laugh about that to this day and that's been over 17 years ago!

[Amber_lv]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy,
cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious
ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our
days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must
be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants
us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. "Then she hands the
bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and
then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."



the moral of the strory is that girls are evil and we should stay away from them!!! except the good lookin' ones!

[ehunney]

Oh! I've got one. One time my dad and I went to safeway at about 11:00 pm at night. We just needed milk, so my father pulled his car up, to right in front of the safeway, at the curb, and I jumped out and went inside. When I came out the store, I opened the car door, got in and buckled my seat belt. I was sitting there for about 30 seconds, and I looked over to my left, and saw a little blonde boy staring at me horrified . Then I looked upfront and saw a woman I had never seen before staring at me. I jumped in the wrong car! It was the exact same color as my dads, exact same make and year and was parked in the exact same spot, he was parked in, before I left!!!!! I almost died, but first I high tailed it out of there! Then the woman speed of like a mad woman!

[Lexi Rae]

good one amber

[Amber_lv]

this site is full of funny videos
http://5.moqvo.com/hot5/?show=20060803

[Francie]

Originally Posted by newmommy

more


the lion one is proof there is marriage in the animal kingdom!!

LOL.....omg....those pics are hysterical! I LOVE the last one...hahahahaha!


Francie

[Lexi Rae]

ehunney, i liked that one tooo,,, i would of been mortified

[Francie]

Originally Posted by ehunney

Oh! I've got one. One time my dad and I went to safeway at about 11:00 pm at night. We just needed milk, so my father pulled his car up, to right in front of the safeway, at the curb, and I jumped out and went inside. When I came out the store, I opened the car door, got in and buckled my seat belt. I was sitting there for about 30 seconds, and I looked over to my left, and saw a little blonde boy staring at me horrified . Then I looked upfront and saw a woman I had never seen before staring at me. I jumped in the wrong car! It was the exact same color as my dads, exact same make and year and was parked in the exact same spot, he was parked in, before I left!!!!! I almost died, but first I high tailed it out of there! Then the woman speed of like a mad woman!

.....omg.....



Francie

[Francie]

Originally Posted by newmommy

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY....
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING....... AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... You open the door....

NOW, REMEMBER,THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!
TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....DOESN'T IT?

Lol....I would be FREAKING out!



Francie

[Amber_lv]

MASTERCARD WEDDING
> You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent
> wedding that took place at Clemson University.
>
> It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
>
> It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at
> the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the
> crowd.
> He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long
> Distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to
> thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law
> for providing such a lavish reception.
>
> As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give
> Everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of
> everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope. He
> said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
> Inside each manila envelope wa! s an 8x10 glossy of his bride having
> sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks
> earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing
> there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he
> turned
> to the best man and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to his bride and
> said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm
> outta here."
>
> He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most
> people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about
> the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were
> wrong.
> His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300
> guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best
> man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
>
> This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get
> a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
>
> Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends:
> $32,000.
>
> Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000.
>
> Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.
>
> The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the
> bride humping the best man: Priceless.
>
> There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's
>
> MASTERCARD!
>
> "Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches; it's more like a jar
> of Jalapenos--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow......"

[Amber_lv]

The perfect Walmart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-mart with
her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through
the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ...
Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "H#@!*#l no they
ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the
h#@* would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they
look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

[Amber_lv]

The Plane Is On Its Way To Houston When A Blonde In Economy Class Gets
Up And Moves To The First Class Section And Sits Down.
The Flight Attendant Watches Her Do This And Asks To See Her Ticket.
She Then Tells The Blonde That She Paid For Economy Class And That She
Will Have To Sit In The Back.
The Blonde Replies, "i'm Blond, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going To Houston And
I'm Staying Right Here."
The Flight Attendant Goes Into The Cockpit And Tells The Pilot And The
Co-pilot That There Is A Blonde Sitting In First Class That Belongs In
Economy And Won't Move Back To Her Seat.
The! Co-p Ilot Goes Back To The Blonde And Tries To Explain That Because
She Only Paid For Economy She Will Have To Leave And Return To Her Seat.
The Blonde Replies, "i'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going To Houston And
I'm Staying Right Here." The Co-pilot Tells The Pilot That He Probably
Should Have The Police Waiting When They Land To Arrest This Blonde
Woman Who Won't Listen To Reason.
The Pilot Says, "you Say She Is A Blonde? I'll Handle This. I'm Married
To A Blonde. I Speak Blonde."
He Goes Back To The Blonde And Whispers In Her Ear, And She Says, "oh,
I'm Sorry." And She Gets Up And Goes Back To Her Seat In Economy.
The Flight Attendant And Co-pilot Are Amazed And Asked Him What He Said
To Make Her Move Without Any Fuss.
I Told Her, "first Class Isn't Going To Houston."

[Amber_lv]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.

It's important at my age.