Working through my grief - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Shadow · 05-23-2006, 10:06 PM

I lost my Dad on New Years day AND my Mom a few years back .My Mom was my bestfriend and really the best Mother anyone could ask for. I was very Blessed. I loved my Dad very much also and took care of both of my parent until they passed. Since my Dad's death I hadn't really grieved until recently.
I think my body didn't have anymore to give at the time of his death.I was so mentally and physicallly exhaused. Then I was left to deal with wrapping up all his affairs. This weekend I made a video and would like to share it with you all. I used the pictures I had on the computer,so they aren't nmany of my Mom on there.Turn up your sound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfpdHHUk0v4

red98vett · 05-24-2006, 04:28 AM

I'm SO sorry both your parents are gone...I have older parents now and am dreading the day I don't have them any longer as I'm very VERY close to them too.....

Big hugs to you and all the best ...they're watching you very closely from heaven and are with you always now....

Tiger's Mom · 05-24-2006, 05:19 AM

That's a very touching video . . . thank you for sharing!

DianaB · 05-24-2006, 06:31 AM

Wow what a great video!! It looks like you had a wonderful Mom and Dad and have such wonderful memories. My Dad has some problems and really isn't someone that I enjoy being around much, so I envy you and the relationship that you had with your Dad.

Don't deny yourself the grieving process. Find someone who will talk with you and help you through this time. Treasure your memories. We live in a time that we are suppose to "get over" the death of our loved ones quickly and move on with our lives, but sometimes that's easier said than done. If you find yourself having problems, sleeping, eating, depression, etc., look on line for the symptoms of grieving. There are some great books that can help you through this time, if you have any problems.

Jaspermom · 05-24-2006, 06:36 AM

Your parents look so happy! You must have loved them so much, and I am sure they adored you.

Grieving is a natural process. Only after grieving can the healing come.

Patti · 05-24-2006, 06:39 AM

That was so beautifu! It brought tears to my eyes. I just made one for my parents who are 86 and in failing health. I moved them up by me in January and I am so thankful for the time I get to spend with them now but I know it will make the grieving that much harder. Truly everyday with them is a gift. I don't think we can fully understand the loss of our parents until we have to go through it . You are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing that touching memory.

Bonnie's Mom · 05-24-2006, 06:46 AM

Awesome video...I had to quit watching it because I am at work and it was making me cry!! Especially where your Dad was on the cart...my Dad had one and he would take the boys for rides when they were little...my middle son called it "Buddy's motorcycle"!

My Dad passed away in 1998, but it seems like yesterday...I know I didn't grieve for him because all my time and energy was put into taking care of my Mom. When Mom passed away in 2004 she was so ready to go...she had had a stroke and couldn't see well and was in danger of losing her 2nd leg...she had lost her first leg the year before Dad died...but it didn't slow her down a bit...she was awesome! (I had actually bought Bonnie for my Mom, but she passed away before we were able to bring her home, so I have her as a reminder of my Mom everyday

) Anyway...after she died..I'm not sure how to word this, but she was so adamant about having to go to a nursing home and was ready to go..so it was a bit of a relief and for the first months after she died I only thought about her in the state she was in at her death, but now when I think of her, I remember her being healthy and able to do for herself and full of life, so in some ways I grieve more now for her that when she died, and I definitely feel that I grieve more now for my precious Daddy (I was an only daughter and Daddy's little girl) today than I did 8 yrs ago...BUT I made a decision a long time ago that neither of them would want me to be sad thinking of them, so I think of how blessed I was to have them and what wonderful grandparents they were for my kids. I did have a small meltdown last week when thinking about my sons graduation coming up and he will only have 1 grandparent there (my father-n-law died 6 months before my Mom)!

Sorry...didn't mean for that to get so long winded

but just seeing your video made me think of parents...I can tell you were as blessed as I was and you also have some wonderful memories!

edited to add: my oldest son made a video for my fil we played at his memorial...if I can find it on my computer I will post it!

Mydogkelsey · 05-24-2006, 06:52 AM

I'm so sorry to hear that. Just know they are watching you and protecting you from above. You will join them one day. I can't watch your video here at work but will watch it when i get home. thanks.

GeorgiesMomma · 05-24-2006, 07:01 AM

I am so sorry you lost both of your parents. I lost my Mom at 13 and I still have my moments where I get down about it. But I told myself when I was about 19 that I needed to move on for my Mom and that she may have only lived 42 years but they were filled with a lot of love from her family and friends. The video you did was a beautiful tribute to your Dad and his life. We made a video for my Dad recently to celebrate his 60th birthday and a lot of the video included my Mom, and I think it was part of the healing process for my 3 brothers and I. I know how you feel to lose a parent, but you should be proud of yourself that you are so strong. I am here for you if you need someone.

LaLoca1 · 05-24-2006, 07:02 AM

That was such a beautiful video. I can't imagine the day when both my parents will be gone. You have the strength of a warrior to go through this very painful period of your life. They are watching over you and I'm sure they feel so loved knowing you made such a video.

Shadow · 05-24-2006, 08:12 AM

I'm so... so surrounded by such wonderful people when Im hereat YT.
I was brought to tears by everyone's responses.
I think no matter how old we are when our parents are gone we feel orphaned, true? I miss them so much and feel sad about it most of the times.A deep sadness that doesn't go away for very long. Which brings me to this question. I feel like I need some help medically, like a anti depressant. The doctor gave them to me right after losing my Mom but I didn't take them .Has anyone taken these? Did you benefit?
Im sorry for everyone losses here, sending out a big *Hugs* to all. Thanks for taking the time to reply, it really means alot to me.
Debra

Bonnie's Mom · 05-24-2006, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow

I'm so... so surrounded by such wonderful people when Im hereat YT.
I was brought to tears by everyone's responses.
I think no matter how old we are when our parents are gone we feel orphaned, true? I miss them so much and feel sad about it most of the times.A deep sadness that doesn't go away for very long. Which brings me to this question. I feel like I need some help medically, like a anti depressant. The doctor gave them to me right after losing my Mom but I didn't take them .Has anyone taken these? Did you benefit?
Im sorry for everyone losses here, sending out a big *Hugs* to all. Thanks for taking the time to reply, it really means alot to me.
Debra

I can't offer any advice on taking anti depressants as I did not take them, but I do know that a lot of people do take them and we wished my Mom would after Dad died, but were never able to make her stay on them. Good luck with whatever you decide?

How old was your Dad when he passed away?

GeorgiesMomma · 05-24-2006, 10:24 AM

Yes we feel orphaned and you are so right it doesn't matter how old we are it stills hurt very bad. I will tell you another thing that helps me a lot, knowing that I have been loved so deeply by my Mom and that some people aren't that fortunate to have felt that. What a great feeling to know that you were loved so much by your parents. I use to tell my Dad that I wish I didn't even know that kind of love and he told me that when I got older I wouldn't feel that way. He was right, I am so glad that I was blessed to experience the love of my Mom! I don't know about the anti-depressants but I would check with your doctor about it. I know people that take them and it helps them get through the rough times. Again I am here if you need someone to talk too.

DianaB · 05-24-2006, 12:08 PM

Here are a couple of sites that talk about the grieving process. There are different levels of grief that we go through. I hope that these sites are helpful to you.

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/m...reavement.html

http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/griefloss.html

I had a miscarriage several years ago and afterwards I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Since the miscarriage was only personal to me I tried to "get over" it, but inside I felt that I was falling apart. I ended up one night staying in a Ronald McDonald house (my MIL was in the hospital) and I came across a pamphlet about grieving. It helped me to realize that what I was going through and how I was feeling was part of the process of loosing someone. I eventually found a good book on miscarriages and found out that what I was feeling was "normal". It wasn't easy sometimes and I had a few times that I really fell apart. It took me a year to go through my grieving process. I found it was hard to talk to anyone about what I was going through, but I can tell you that God is an extremely good listener. If you need someone to talk to please PM me. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Shadow · 05-25-2006, 12:28 PM

Thanks Diana. My Dad was 84, and he lived a pretty good long life.For that I'm grateful for.

05-23-2006, 10:06 PM	#1
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	Working through my grief I lost my Dad on New Years day AND my Mom a few years back .My Mom was my bestfriend and really the best Mother anyone could ask for. I was very Blessed. I loved my Dad very much also and took care of both of my parent until they passed. Since my Dad's death I hadn't really grieved until recently. I think my body didn't have anymore to give at the time of his death.I was so mentally and physicallly exhaused. Then I was left to deal with wrapping up all his affairs. This weekend I made a video and would like to share it with you all. I used the pictures I had on the computer,so they aren't nmany of my Mom on there.Turn up your sound. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfpdHHUk0v4

05-24-2006, 04:28 AM	#2
red98vett Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Houston TX Posts: 33,590 Blog Entries: 1	I'm SO sorry both your parents are gone...I have older parents now and am dreading the day I don't have them any longer as I'm very VERY close to them too..... Big hugs to you and all the best ...they're watching you very closely from heaven and are with you always now.... __________________ Villette, Chanel & Cheri www.DesignsByVillette.net Custom Address Labels and Note Cards using YOUR Photos! Just Click HERE!

05-24-2006, 06:31 AM	#4
DianaB Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Fredonia, KS Posts: 755	Wow what a great video!! It looks like you had a wonderful Mom and Dad and have such wonderful memories. My Dad has some problems and really isn't someone that I enjoy being around much, so I envy you and the relationship that you had with your Dad. Don't deny yourself the grieving process. Find someone who will talk with you and help you through this time. Treasure your memories. We live in a time that we are suppose to "get over" the death of our loved ones quickly and move on with our lives, but sometimes that's easier said than done. If you find yourself having problems, sleeping, eating, depression, etc., look on line for the symptoms of grieving. There are some great books that can help you through this time, if you have any problems. __________________ Diana and Reuger Take time to laugh. It is the music of the soul.

05-24-2006, 06:36 AM	#5
Jaspermom Yorkies Rock My World! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: North Carolina Posts: 4,721	What a beautiful tribute! Your parents look so happy! You must have loved them so much, and I am sure they adored you. Grieving is a natural process. Only after grieving can the healing come. __________________ Glad Mom to Jasper, Wosie & Dreama, RIP sweet babies.

05-24-2006, 06:39 AM	#6
Patti Donating YT 30K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 35,509 Blog Entries: 6	That was so beautifu! It brought tears to my eyes. I just made one for my parents who are 86 and in failing health. I moved them up by me in January and I am so thankful for the time I get to spend with them now but I know it will make the grieving that much harder. Truly everyday with them is a gift. I don't think we can fully understand the loss of our parents until we have to go through it . You are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing that touching memory. __________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html

05-24-2006, 05:19 AM	#3
Tiger's Mom Donating YT 8000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Spokane, WA Posts: 9,339	That's a very touching video . . . thank you for sharing!

05-24-2006, 06:46 AM	#7
Bonnie's Mom Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: South Carolina Posts: 2,419	Awesome video...I had to quit watching it because I am at work and it was making me cry!! Especially where your Dad was on the cart...my Dad had one and he would take the boys for rides when they were little...my middle son called it "Buddy's motorcycle"! My Dad passed away in 1998, but it seems like yesterday...I know I didn't grieve for him because all my time and energy was put into taking care of my Mom. When Mom passed away in 2004 she was so ready to go...she had had a stroke and couldn't see well and was in danger of losing her 2nd leg...she had lost her first leg the year before Dad died...but it didn't slow her down a bit...she was awesome! (I had actually bought Bonnie for my Mom, but she passed away before we were able to bring her home, so I have her as a reminder of my Mom everyday ) Anyway...after she died..I'm not sure how to word this, but she was so adamant about having to go to a nursing home and was ready to go..so it was a bit of a relief and for the first months after she died I only thought about her in the state she was in at her death, but now when I think of her, I remember her being healthy and able to do for herself and full of life, so in some ways I grieve more now for her that when she died, and I definitely feel that I grieve more now for my precious Daddy (I was an only daughter and Daddy's little girl) today than I did 8 yrs ago...BUT I made a decision a long time ago that neither of them would want me to be sad thinking of them, so I think of how blessed I was to have them and what wonderful grandparents they were for my kids. I did have a small meltdown last week when thinking about my sons graduation coming up and he will only have 1 grandparent there (my father-n-law died 6 months before my Mom)! Sorry...didn't mean for that to get so long winded but just seeing your video made me think of parents...I can tell you were as blessed as I was and you also have some wonderful memories! edited to add: my oldest son made a video for my fil we played at his memorial...if I can find it on my computer I will post it! __________________ Bonnie's Mom SSLS SouthernCheesestraws.etsy.com <------ Please visit my site

05-24-2006, 06:52 AM	#8
Mydogkelsey YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Orlando, Fl. Posts: 1,133	I'm so sorry to hear that. Just know they are watching you and protecting you from above. You will join them one day. I can't watch your video here at work but will watch it when i get home. thanks. __________________ R.I.P. Amy girl 01/06/06

05-24-2006, 07:01 AM	#9
GeorgiesMomma I love TBCG! Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: MD Posts: 7,227	I am so sorry you lost both of your parents. I lost my Mom at 13 and I still have my moments where I get down about it. But I told myself when I was about 19 that I needed to move on for my Mom and that she may have only lived 42 years but they were filled with a lot of love from her family and friends. The video you did was a beautiful tribute to your Dad and his life. We made a video for my Dad recently to celebrate his 60th birthday and a lot of the video included my Mom, and I think it was part of the healing process for my 3 brothers and I. I know how you feel to lose a parent, but you should be proud of yourself that you are so strong. I am here for you if you need someone. __________________ Morgan Mommy toGeorgie boy & Isaiah RIP sweet Coco 10/12/99-8/1/12 Read About Georgie's Experience with Atlantoaxial Instability (AAI) Here! Last edited by GeorgiesMomma; 05-24-2006 at 07:03 AM.

05-24-2006, 07:02 AM	#10
LaLoca1 Livin' on a Prayer Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Jersey...Home to Bon Jovi and the Mafia Posts: 1,224	That was such a beautiful video. I can't imagine the day when both my parents will be gone. You have the strength of a warrior to go through this very painful period of your life. They are watching over you and I'm sure they feel so loved knowing you made such a video. __________________ *Christina* Mami to Luca and Adrianna AWARENESS

05-24-2006, 08:12 AM	#11
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	I'm so... so surrounded by such wonderful people when Im hereat YT. I was brought to tears by everyone's responses. I think no matter how old we are when our parents are gone we feel orphaned, true? I miss them so much and feel sad about it most of the times.A deep sadness that doesn't go away for very long. Which brings me to this question. I feel like I need some help medically, like a anti depressant. The doctor gave them to me right after losing my Mom but I didn't take them .Has anyone taken these? Did you benefit? Im sorry for everyone losses here, sending out a big Hugs to all. Thanks for taking the time to reply, it really means alot to me. Debra

05-24-2006, 10:24 AM	#13
GeorgiesMomma I love TBCG! Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: MD Posts: 7,227	Yes we feel orphaned and you are so right it doesn't matter how old we are it stills hurt very bad. I will tell you another thing that helps me a lot, knowing that I have been loved so deeply by my Mom and that some people aren't that fortunate to have felt that. What a great feeling to know that you were loved so much by your parents. I use to tell my Dad that I wish I didn't even know that kind of love and he told me that when I got older I wouldn't feel that way. He was right, I am so glad that I was blessed to experience the love of my Mom! I don't know about the anti-depressants but I would check with your doctor about it. I know people that take them and it helps them get through the rough times. Again I am here if you need someone to talk too. __________________ Morgan Mommy toGeorgie boy & Isaiah RIP sweet Coco 10/12/99-8/1/12 Read About Georgie's Experience with Atlantoaxial Instability (AAI) Here!

05-24-2006, 12:08 PM	#14
DianaB Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Fredonia, KS Posts: 755	Here are a couple of sites that talk about the grieving process. There are different levels of grief that we go through. I hope that these sites are helpful to you. http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/m...reavement.html http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/griefloss.html I had a miscarriage several years ago and afterwards I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Since the miscarriage was only personal to me I tried to "get over" it, but inside I felt that I was falling apart. I ended up one night staying in a Ronald McDonald house (my MIL was in the hospital) and I came across a pamphlet about grieving. It helped me to realize that what I was going through and how I was feeling was part of the process of loosing someone. I eventually found a good book on miscarriages and found out that what I was feeling was "normal". It wasn't easy sometimes and I had a few times that I really fell apart. It took me a year to go through my grieving process. I found it was hard to talk to anyone about what I was going through, but I can tell you that God is an extremely good listener. If you need someone to talk to please PM me. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. __________________ Diana and Reuger Take time to laugh. It is the music of the soul.

05-25-2006, 12:28 PM	#15
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	Thanks Diana. My Dad was 84, and he lived a pretty good long life.For that I'm grateful for.