Need advice for moms of teens or post teens

[Tashasmom]

Originally Posted by friesianlady

I can tell you its hard raising children today, I have 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys. You have to pick your battles, the more we say don't, they do. Its one step at a time. School is so important, that was one thing I did stress upon. Unfortunately there is no magic book on raising children, each one is different and what works on one does not work on the other. Just hang in there.

That is so true. I know when I was a teen all my dad had to do was raise his voice and it hurt my feelings and I'd listen to him..but my younger sister..he could beat her with a tree out of the yard and she'd still sneak out or do things she wasn't supposed to lol..
I've been lucky with my oldest son..he's never really gave me any trouble..so I can imagine my girls will probably put me in an early grave lol..

[cheryl000]

That is rough, I am so sorry all of this happened at once. First of all, I agree that you shouldn't force her to dump her boyfriend. NO ONE likes being told to do something they don't want to do, especially if it's something they really like. If she loves him like she says she does, she will turn it into a Romeo and Juliet thing and do anything to rebel and stay with him. The best you can do is talk to her and be totally HONEST. You have to let her know that she has many responsibilities and you depended on her as your oldest daughter. Let her know how her bad actions have made you feel. You can't make a person change; they have to WANT to change. You can limit her time with her boyfriend, but I wouldn't force them to breakup.
The grades issue is HUGE problem. This country is having a big problem with people dropping out of school, 1 out of 3 students drop out. It is mostly from kids that fall behind and after the first F it is very easy to get more. She NEEDS a reality check that life isn't always so easy. If you know of anyone who did not graduate and regrets it, bring her over to talk to them. If you feel like you need to, volunteer the both of you to a homeless shelter and see how many of those people wish they would have stayed in school. Are you in Washington State? I believe I have heard that is the number one area for runaway/homeless people to gather for drug related reasons. She needs to realize that high school IS important and getting good grades is as well. From this point on YOU NEED to make sure she stays in school. She has violated your trust so it is your job as a parent to make sure she is there everyday. Make the school call you and verify when she is not there, my high school was small, so they did this whether parents requested it or not. I completely agree with the idea that you should show up in pajamas and hair rollers on Monday as a consequence to her actions.
As for the birth control; I would get her some anyways. If she is skipping school with him and going god knows where she is probably already doing it. Just sit down and talk to her and hand her some. Let her know that this is NOT a green light to do it but if she is already doing it she can't use the excuse that there was no protection available to her. Definitely let her know the risks of sex, especially at a young age. At her age the only thing they fear is getting pregnant, not STDs. Try not to yell or be condescending, or she will not open up to you. She sounds headstrong like I was when I was young, although I didn't skip school. I never did anything because I was told to, I did things that I wanted to.

Good luck with her!

[Julz]

I didn't read all of the responses....but I hear/fear what you are saying. I have a 13 year old.....just on the verge of getting out of control. We took almost EVERYTHING out of her room....right down to taking posters off of the wall. She will only get things back as she earns them through being respectful and honest. No staying over night at friends. More work at home. Its such a rough bumpy ride. I really feel for you. I wouldn't cover for her (by writing an excuse saying she was ill) and I'd let her get suspended from school for skipping. I would try talking to her (not screaming....when you are out of control they are in control). Maybe she could see her boyfriend at your house once a week. I KNOW, would seem like you are caving. However, better they are at your house than somehwere else, doing who knows what.

[Tiggerwit]

She's a good kid and so is he. Right now though they are just too wrapped up in each other that it's affecting everything else, it's been 2 months . She didn't really skip per se, just was about 15 minutes late for class. Her excuse was he forgot his homework and she wanted to make sure he got it so she went back to his house with him to get it, (his mom is a stay home mom), otherwise she doesn't think he would have. I personally think they were macking in the back of his car....

Anyhow, I explained that she has her own issues right now and that her boyfriend can take care of himself. We talked and it was good. She's pretty bummed but they both understand my thoughts on everything. The trust issue is something she will have to rebuild with me....

I went on line and she just got an A+ on her spanish test which brought her up and she's getting a B+ in another class and a C in the third. the others weren't updated yet. So we are on the mend so to speak. We are going to focus on school first and then try to figure out how to work everything else in.

[mustangbee]

Originally Posted by Tiggerwit

She's a good kid and so is he. Right now though they are just too wrapped up in each other that it's affecting everything else, it's been 2 months . She didn't really skip per se, just was about 15 minutes late for class. Her excuse was he forgot his homework and she wanted to make sure he got it so she went back to his house with him to get it, (his mom is a stay home mom), otherwise she doesn't think he would have. I personally think they were macking in the back of his car....

Anyhow, I explained that she has her own issues right now and that her boyfriend can take care of himself. We talked and it was good. She's pretty bummed but they both understand my thoughts on everything. The trust issue is something she will have to rebuild with me....

I went on line and she just got an A+ on her spanish test which brought her up and she's getting a B+ in another class and a C in the third. the others weren't updated yet. So we are on the mend so to speak. We are going to focus on school first and then try to figure out how to work everything else in.

All kids are great, just sometimes they forget they
are kids, No matter what they do or say, we will always love them
So glad to hear things are going OK.
Don't you just love on-line Grade checking!!!
I use it all the time