That is rough, I am so sorry all of this happened at once. First of all, I agree that you shouldn't force her to dump her boyfriend. NO ONE likes being told to do something they don't want to do, especially if it's something they really like. If she loves him like she says she does, she will turn it into a Romeo and Juliet thing and do anything to rebel and stay with him. The best you can do is talk to her and be totally HONEST. You have to let her know that she has many responsibilities and you depended on her as your oldest daughter. Let her know how her bad actions have made you feel. You can't make a person change; they have to WANT to change. You can limit her time with her boyfriend, but I wouldn't force them to breakup.
The grades issue is HUGE problem. This country is having a big problem with people dropping out of school, 1 out of 3 students drop out. It is mostly from kids that fall behind and after the first F it is very easy to get more. She NEEDS a reality check that life isn't always so easy. If you know of anyone who did not graduate and regrets it, bring her over to talk to them. If you feel like you need to, volunteer the both of you to a homeless shelter and see how many of those people wish they would have stayed in school. Are you in Washington State? I believe I have heard that is the number one area for runaway/homeless people to gather for drug related reasons. She needs to realize that high school IS important and getting good grades is as well. From this point on YOU NEED to make sure she stays in school. She has violated your trust so it is your job as a parent to make sure she is there everyday. Make the school call you and verify when she is not there, my high school was small, so they did this whether parents requested it or not. I completely agree with the idea that you should show up in pajamas and hair rollers on Monday as a consequence to her actions.
As for the birth control; I would get her some anyways. If she is skipping school with him and going god knows where she is probably already doing it. Just sit down and talk to her and hand her some. Let her know that this is NOT a green light to do it but if she is already doing it she can't use the excuse that there was no protection available to her. Definitely let her know the risks of sex, especially at a young age. At her age the only thing they fear is getting pregnant, not STDs. Try not to yell or be condescending, or she will not open up to you. She sounds headstrong like I was when I was young, although I didn't skip school. I never did anything because I was told to, I did things that I wanted to.
Good luck with her! |