I have my granddaughter mad at me

[crystalsmom]

I understand you don't want to hurt her feelings since you love her so much but this is a chance for 'tough love' to help a young person realize she has to control her children.

I wouldn't worry what the rest of the family thinks. I wouldn't even mention the dogs, certainly she has been asked to leave when she is visiting other homes with only children. If it were me, I would say they have to learn how to behave in people's homes and that is the truth. It isn't a matter of you thinking more of your dogs than her children.

You have lots of good advise here and it may take some time not seeing her and the children but if you can be responsible for them shaping up before they are teenagers and in big trouble, you will be the bigger person and the one that loved them the most.

[Oddsock]

Love and respect should be a two way street. Where is her love and respect for you?
Sure boys should be boys, respectful, kind, polite boys. Who know where to play outdoor games, and how to conduct themselves indoors, specially in other peoples homes. Kicking a ball in your face, and not being sorry or embarrassed........sheesh. That is disgusting.
Children should be taught empathy for others, for creatures around them. Your dogs need your protection, if the boys can't behave, then they can't come over. You are in the right.

If this step- daughter is mad, she should be mad at herself. IF her boys have something wrong with them, then discipline and boundaries are even more important, not less.
Your home should not be wreaked when they visit, that is so out of order, how can she not see this, some folks are weird.

Most parents would be mortified if their children did the things you described, when they visit.

[LunasMomma]

Originally Posted by sandy simpson

These boys have no discipline and that is not right to come over to your home and not follow your rules. No, your Yorkies should not have to be taken out, these boys need to learn to leave them alone. If they cannot follow rules, I would politely say I am sorry but I cannot have you over until your boys are settled down and not bothering my dogs. I feel sorry for her later on, these boys will be totally out of control and she will not be able to do anything about it. Kids with no guidelines eventually become unruly and disrespectful. Do not feel bad about protecting your family dogs. Bless you for doing that. They need a loving environment.

THIS! I am so sorry that it's caused a conflict, but if you don't protect your babies, who will? She's in for a rude awakening when they get older and are so out of control that they end up in legal trouble. And I agree that the dogs should NOT have to be exiled just because her children are misbehaving. I would ban them ALL from the house until she gets it together. Those kids are only doing what she ALLOWS them to do! If she wants to be mad, it should be at herself for being such a lazy parent!

[dawn27]

I am so sorry that you are having these issues . . I am sorry that she didn't have enough courtesy to even stay for dinner after you slaved over it all day. Being a parent is more that providing a roof, food, toys to throw and all the essentials for your children. More importantly it means providing your children the proper tools to be successful, in life starting when they are very young. By teaching them how to behave, respect and be gracious toward others and animals. You must also teach them that their actions have consequences by enforcing age appropriate discipline.

My x-SIL was just like that and it just drove me nuts. I am on of those people that if your child is in my home or yours and they are being disrespectful, hitting, throwing things and just plane acting a fool . . and you do nothing, you can bet your ass that I'm the one that is going to put a stop to it. If your child is misbehaving in MY home and you say and do nothing, sorry but I am going to tell them that it is unacceptable, put their little butts in a time out and than make them apologize for their behavior. Respect start at home.. if you allow your children to misbehave and act a fool with now consequences than how on earth do you expect them to behave in someone else's home. And that she had the nerve that when someone (you) finally spoke up and corrected her children she gets mad at you. That is just ridiculous !! Maybe if she had you would not have had to do it for her... Plus when it involves the safety of your pups and they clearly do not know how to behave or treat them with kindness it becomes a situation that should not be handled with kid gloves. Plain and simple . . hand off !!

You had every right to handle this situation as you did . . I just hope that you can find a solution to this problem. You have lots of great advise above and if your SGD cant see that her boys are out of control than maybe its best she doesn't visit unless she agrees to discipline them or allow you and your DH do while they are in your home.

[SophieKatesMom]

I agree with what everyone else has posted, the boys are old enough to know how to respect animals. You are not wrong to want to protect your babies.


Someone on YT told us once in a post that they use the one hand rule with kids around the Yorkies, meaning they can only use one hand to touch or pet the dog. I have implemented this rule with Sophie Kate and when I am showing dogs to a family at the rescue - One hand, and they can only pet the back of the dog.


Good luck and I hope the rest of your holiday is stress free.

[Deb1]

I have nine grandchildren ranging in ages 2 to 10. They are informed of the rules of the house and expected to abide by them! I have had no problems from their parents. My house, my rules! I protect my 3 yorkies at all cost, even feelings! Your are your yorkies protector and have every right to keep them safe! Your step granddaughter need to get her kids under control before there is really big trouble. Step in and control the situation and don't feel bad if feelings get hurt in the process. Sounds like those children need an intervention from a professional to address their behaviors and then some classes for the parents on parenting! Respect of others, whether, 2 leg or 4 is a must when raising responsible, respectful, well rounded children. Hugs to you and all for having to deal with this situation!

[BrendaS54]

I want to thank everyone for the advice here.. I respect all of you here. That is one reason I love YT. I can come here for Prayers, advice, just something to do, look at beautiful pictures of all your furbutts. Again thank you all !
I have so much going on here that I am about to check myself into the looney bin.. Lol! My husband health isn't great and for 7 years It has been touch and go with him.. My health isn't great either. I have had so many surgeries the last 4 years that I can't do much anymore. I have to take pain meds and pain patch is my daily meds now. My furbabies is all I have to love me and I know they love me and it helps me to release my pain an sadness when I have something that bothers me. They are there loving me.. all on me an never leaving me. I PROTECT MY BABIES! that is one reason I am having problems with my Step daughter now. I told her she has to respect my home an My furbabies.. This is their home too an she should teach her children to respect both.. My husband backs me up on everything I say and do. They do not come over that much but when they do its hell..
Well this is the last time we will have Thanksgiving dinner here.. The Last! He understands. we just told the kids no more.. We both just can't do the dinners anymore.. The stepdaughter called My husband this morning.. she felt bad she left..and apologized .. to him.. Not me.. Anymore if we want to see the grandchildren we will go to their home. I hate going there but guess it will have to be. I leave there with a headache from the noise and most of the time bruises an nervous.. lol.. Everyone meets there sometimes for birthday partys and there are lots of grandchildren there. Its a regular circus..OH well.. guess It means Old Age isn't golden anymore.. Its rusty an cranky.. lol... again.. thanks so much my YT family!

[gemy]

You got such great advice here. And I had to laugh as it sounds like some of us were raised by the same mommas'! My house, my rules, no ifs ands or buts, was the first thing that came to mind.

I liked Maximo's suggestion, have a room you can key lock, and put the pups in, they will be safe. This is a great idea particularly if your pups are not crate trained, and not just for visiting badly behaved grandchildren either. When you have workmen through the home, doggies are safe! When you have guests that are very scared of dogs, doggies are safe.

Your step grand daughters behaviour was appalling, and her kids are obviously out of control. No doubt about it.

But for me, there are a couple of things at play here in my mind. As the host I was taught that guests to my home were treated very well. I have some friends (not many), and one neice who are afaird of my big breed. I know this, and yet I want her and my friends to be able to visit my home in a way that is comfortable for them. I truly don't want to miss out on their company.
So for me I have always crate trained my dogs, and while they would love to be part of the company (always), I will crate the dogs when these people who are special to me are invited over. In the scheme of life, my boys who are crated for 4-5 hours it is not too much of a hardship for them.

With everyone else, I have developed some short rules, and for first time visitors I pre-explain to them, how to meet and greet my dogs, what to do and how to behave. I in other words stage manage the situation. ANd that includes for my wee Yorkie.

Set up a set of short rules/guidelines, and ask your visitors to follow them. After all it is for every-ones safe enjoyment of the visit.

And I do agree with every-one who posted that this is their (the dogs' home), but it is MY HOME first, and everyone in it comes under my rules.
Most especially my dogs are expected to obey my rules.

Maybe that sounds harsh to some. But an unruly dog just like an unruly child needs rules and discipline. And for me that means sometimes you can be part of the company, and sometimes not.

I do so hope your Christmas goes better than Thanksgiving did.

[Princes mom]

Have the boys been tested for any type of behavioral disabilities? Their actions are so extreme, that I was just wondering. If they act out like that in school, testing would be suggested followed by special education placement. Once they are placed in special ed, that stays in their school record, permanently. Something to think about.

You shouldn't worry about her feelings; your concern should be focussed on the welfare of your babies. If it were me, I would not allow them in my house until they have learned the meaning of respect. Good luck!

[Mistymillar]

I have a daughter of my own without kids yet and two stepsons. The oldest has 2 boys 14 and 10 and the youngest has one boy just turned 5 last week. The 2 older boys have always stayed with us most weekends and behave much better with us than with their parents, simply because we say what we mean and we mean what we say, we don't tolerate rude, aggressive or bad behaviour and we don't give in to whining, huffs or tantrums. Their parents know and support that if they want built in baby sitters the kids have to play by the rules.
The youngest one is a whole different story, spoilt rotten, aggressive with his parents, actually hits them and demands what he wants and gets it. He tries it with us but is slowly learning, like if he has to sit on the stairs for timeout, then apologise, he will come and say (actually shout really) something like, "I'm sorry pig face" or squeal "I am sorry ugly granny/granda" only to have to go back to the stairs.
I love them all, but if the youngests parents are not prepared to set boundaries, then they have to understand that we are not prepared to be treated with no respect so when he is here there are rules.
I feel a little worried for your stepgrand daughter it feels like she is sett ng herself up to be a victim of her children's behavior.
It is never ok for any visitor to your home to make your furry family upset or uncomfortable.

[JasmineNoelle]

Originally Posted by BrendaS54

I want to thank everyone for the advice here.. I respect all of you here. That is one reason I love YT. I can come here for Prayers, advice, just something to do, look at beautiful pictures of all your furbutts. Again thank you all !
I have so much going on here that I am about to check myself into the looney bin.. Lol! My husband health isn't great and for 7 years It has been touch and go with him.. My health isn't great either. I have had so many surgeries the last 4 years that I can't do much anymore. I have to take pain meds and pain patch is my daily meds now. My furbabies is all I have to love me and I know they love me and it helps me to release my pain an sadness when I have something that bothers me. They are there loving me.. all on me an never leaving me. I PROTECT MY BABIES! that is one reason I am having problems with my Step daughter now. I told her she has to respect my home an My furbabies.. This is their home too an she should teach her children to respect both.. My husband backs me up on everything I say and do. They do not come over that much but when they do its hell..
Well this is the last time we will have Thanksgiving dinner here.. The Last! He understands. we just told the kids no more.. We both just can't do the dinners anymore.. The stepdaughter called My husband this morning.. she felt bad she left..and apologized .. to him.. Not me.. Anymore if we want to see the grandchildren we will go to their home. I hate going there but guess it will have to be. I leave there with a headache from the noise and most of the time bruises an nervous.. lol.. Everyone meets there sometimes for birthday partys and there are lots of grandchildren there. Its a regular circus..OH well.. guess It means Old Age isn't golden anymore.. Its rusty an cranky.. lol... again.. thanks so much my YT family!

Brenda,
While reading this, I could feel your anguish and frustration. I think there is nothing quite as maddening and overwhelming as a family member(s) that continues to cause chaos at family functions and/or visits. My heart goes out to you!

From what you have written, the children are like a bunch of wild baboons on the loose. Who I point my finger at here is the Step Daughter, their Mother. She absolutely shows no respect for you or your husband allowing her children to behave this way in your home and to your precious fur babies! Shame on her, she is the one that needs to stand in the corner!!! One day she will rue the way she is allowing her children to behave when they turn and "bites the hand that feeds them".

I can't phantom her treating you and your husband like this in the first place and then reading of the health issues you both have endured that she must have been aware of......well, I am flabbergasted to say the least.

I am glad you stood up for yourself, your husband, your fur babies and your home......I know it is not easy. I will keep you, your husband, fur babies and family in my prayers.

Sincerely,
Joyce

[Sandysbabies]

So sorry you had to go through this. Glad your husband stood with you on this. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. Her day is coming. One of these days her kids and grankids will be driving her nuts. Its a shame how one person can ruin a family get to together. Next year, I would let the babies sleep and be at ease and I would go to a resturant with my husband. No one should have to go through what they put y'all through. I would just say "thank you for your apology but next year we are going to do something different. God bless!!! Those little fur babies have a good mama and daddy.

[DBlain]

lots of good advice and of course you have to protect your dogs against anything that would bring them harm, I am saying a prayer that she does not decide to get her kids a pet. Since you have such a large group of other grandkids or kids I am curious what their thoughts are about the way she lets her kids run amok when visiting their houses, perhaps you can find an ally in some of them. What about a sibling or a cousin that may have younger children, I am sure they would be nervous about having her rowdy boys near any toddlers. Perhaps if she heard this from several other family members it would sink in a little. But truthfully it sounds like she is to far gone in her "boys will be boys" lazy approach to parenting to change. I think you guys visiting her is really the best solution.

[celstu1]

Some 'parents' think their 'kids' are way more important than your kids bc your kids are dogs and not human. Its not right I don't think. Anyone in your home should respect your loves. It mean disciplining their children for sure. I have issues with my brother not respecting me in my home by not respecting my dogs. It stinks, but stand your ground. She'll be back, she loves you, she just need to respect you. I suspect that she'll come around when she realizes that you will not tolerate your living beings being hurt as much as she wouldn't tolerate hers being hurt. Dog, kid, it does not matter. Its a living being. Hopefully she'll teach her children to respect and love animals. This may be the kick in the pants she needs to make that happen. I'm sorry though, I'm sure it's very upsetting not knowing what will happen, just give it some time.