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12-13-2005, 06:05 AM | #1 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Effingham, Illinois
Posts: 2,535
| Daddy's 10 rules of Dating *DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* Rule One~:If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two~: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three~: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four~: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five~: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early." Rule Six~: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven~: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight~: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts,tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine~o not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten~: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car --there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
__________________ I'd rather be in Mexico! |
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12-13-2005, 06:13 AM | #2 |
Donating YT 9000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: North Carolina :)
Posts: 10,616
| LOL I'll have to copy that one! Thanks
__________________ Friends are God's way of apologizing for our relatives. "Love & Support Our YT Members" Gina & Princess Member of the SSLS |
12-13-2005, 06:31 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Alabama, etc.
Posts: 9,031
| Elizabeth!! You are certifiable!!! That's the most hysterically funny "Rules" I have ever read!!! While reading them to Patrick, we both kept visualizing my son whose "only child", a daughter, just turned 16!! He has to know every breath she breathes!! He told me the other day "Mom, I now know what paying for your raising means!!" Oh, that did my heart good!! Thanks for the belly laughs!! Can't wait to forward these rules to Chris!!
__________________ Toto's Mom - http://www.dogster.com/?206581 Yorkie Rescue Colorado - http://www.yorkierescuecolorado.com/ "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits." -- Albert Einstein |
12-13-2005, 06:32 AM | #4 |
I Love My Monkeys! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 11,166
| Funny! Sounds just like my dad When I was a teenager I lived with my dad (it was just the 2 of us) and let me tell ya dating was oh so fuuuuun! I have a similar copy of dating rules that my dad gave me back then, I've kept it all these years. |
12-13-2005, 06:34 AM | #5 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Central NY state
Posts: 1,741
| Elizabeth- that is too funny! |
12-13-2005, 06:44 AM | #6 |
Mommy To 3 Poochies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New York
Posts: 8,287
| I've had these rules e-mailed me to before -- they're so funny!!
__________________ Mommy Loves Codie, Tia & Baby Cali RIP My Precious Katie - I Love You |
12-13-2005, 06:50 AM | #7 |
YT Addict Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Georgia
Posts: 278
| That is funny! When I was a teenager, my dad actually said alot of that stuff to whatever guy I was dating at the time. And, that if he acted up, he did not mind going back to prison! The best is when he would have all is guns out on the dining table when he came to pick me up. |
12-13-2005, 07:11 AM | #8 | |
BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas
Posts: 2,811
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12-13-2005, 08:33 AM | #11 |
~GirlieGirls~ Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Missouri
Posts: 5,293
| Too cute, I have to find the one my husband printed out. It is an application to date a daddy's daughter....
__________________ Tricia ~ mommy to Alexis, Victoria, & Candise www.TriciaMartinPhotography.com http://www.flickr.com/photos/fotosbytricia/sets/ |
12-13-2005, 09:11 AM | #12 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,022
| I have seen that one before too...but it is always god....I intend to print it and give to the boys that date my daughter....our family joke is she is me with hormones...and I know how bad I was.....so I am reeaaally worried
__________________ Max and Milos Dad! |
12-13-2005, 09:15 AM | #13 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,861
| Thanks so much for that one. My daughter is 13 and has a boyfriend! My husband can't even say the word boyfriend. When she was 10 she wanted to know how old she had to be to have a "boyfriend". She had a boy who liked her and wanted to "go out". My husband blurted out "you have to be at least 35" I said there had to be a compromise and so he agreed on 13. Well, the day she turned 13 she had a boyfriend. They go to the movies and football games and talk on the phone all the time. My husband refers to him as "that boy who is your friend". Ha ha LOL. I met my husband when we were both 15, and we've been together ever since. I am going to print out The Rules and tape them on the front glass door right before my daughter get's home from school. She will think it's been there all day and all of her friends have seen it (Bad Mommy!) hee hee |
12-13-2005, 09:38 AM | #14 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Rialto CA
Posts: 3,243
| That is too funny!!! My husaband is going to love reading this. My oldest daughter is 15, and we laugh because there is noting but boys that are her age around here. She has known them since she was 5. So needless to say she is very close to them. My husband can handle that. We know them and thier parents. And they all look at eachother as brothers and sisters. But,,, if there is a new face out there, you can best believe Tim is out there figuring it out. The boys know my husbands crazy ways, and don't fear him as much as they used to but for the unfamilar ones that come every so often are very scard of Tim.
__________________ Monica, Proud mom of Gus who is forever missed! And new mom to Leiloni Gus's Dogster page |
12-13-2005, 07:05 PM | #15 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: California
Posts: 2,990
| Ive never really had a real date, and im going to be married,.....lol.... is that bad? we just always sorta "hung out".. |
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