Husbands..Men..

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by southernbelle04

That is hilarious!!! Katie Scarlett just sits and stares at Brandon when he toots! She looks at him like...what on Earth was that?! Did you hear that Mommy?!! I will look at her and say 'yea, I heard it!' Now bark at him and tell him how rude he is being.

You know what else men (or my husband) does that DRIVES ME UP THE WALL....we will be sitting in the man cave (that's our den) enjoying his day off. Just watching a nice show and enjoying down time. Katie Scarlett will be laying next to me, I look up, and he's laying there scratching his YKW! What on Earth?! I ask him...what are you doing? He'll say..."I had an itch." And I'll say....'yea, you had an itch 5 minutes ago, now you are just on vacation.' It's so gross! IDK where he gets that from! He really can be a good ol' southern gentleman when he wants, but then other times he just grosses me out! I ask him why he doesn't have couth about him anymore when we are alone and he will say "what's the point of being married if I can't be myself around my own wife?" WTH?

Oh that and not shutting the bathroom door when he goes in there to tee tee. That drives me batty! I tell him, I don't want to hear you pee. Close the dang door! Some things should be kept private!

Y'all are going to think I'm nuts, but come on...someone out there has to be living with a man like my husband, right?!

LMBO- That is funny!!

[dawn27]

Originally Posted by southernbelle04

That is hilarious!!! Katie Scarlett just sits and stares at Brandon when he toots! She looks at him like...what on Earth was that?! Did you hear that Mommy?!! I will look at her and say 'yea, I heard it!' Now bark at him and tell him how rude he is being.

You know what else men (or my husband) does that DRIVES ME UP THE WALL....we will be sitting in the man cave (that's our den) enjoying his day off. Just watching a nice show and enjoying down time. Katie Scarlett will be laying next to me, I look up, and he's laying there scratching his YKW! What on Earth?! I ask him...what are you doing? He'll say..."I had an itch." And I'll say....'yea, you had an itch 5 minutes ago, now you are just on vacation.' It's so gross! IDK where he gets that from! He really can be a good ol' southern gentleman when he wants, but then other times he just grosses me out! I ask him why he doesn't have couth about him anymore when we are alone and he will say "what's the point of being married if I can't be myself around my own wife?" WTH?

Oh that and not shutting the bathroom door when he goes in there to tee tee. That drives me batty! I tell him, I don't want to hear you pee. Close the dang door! Some things should be kept private!

Y'all are going to think I'm nuts, but come on...someone out there has to be living with a man like my husband, right?!

I've got one of those .... and yea he's all mine !!

Just what is it about MEN and their junk?

I can guarantee that once those lounge pants go on, that that hand is going down the front. Not just any hand, the right hand because the left one is for buggers! Seriously.... in and out in and out of the pant and the nose all night long. Than he tires to touch me...OH Hell NO.

I would love to be there when he gets the two hands mixed up !!

[Ahis_Mama]

Originally Posted by dawn27

I've got one of those .... and yea he's all mine !!

Just what is it about MEN and their junk?

I can guarantee that once those lounge pants go on, that that hand is going down the front. Not just any hand, the right hand because the left one is for buggers! Seriously.... in and out in and out of the pant and the nose all night long. Than he tires to touch me...OH Hell NO.

I would love to be there when he gets the two hands mixed up !!

Omg...I just got an image! Lmao too funny! Hehehe

My hubby thinks its funny to pluck his facial hairs which he then puts on his face to dust later in the sink. But he always tries to make me kiss him before he heads to dust off. Talk about GROSS! Lol

[Alvindy]

I saw a bumper sticker on a minivan the other day: "Daddy farted...and we can't get out!" I totally checked out the driver when we passed him...hehehehe

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by lovespandp

Well he was pretty spendy but he has won the Best in Show for the last 30 years, he has the best bloodline and is the top of the line pedigree If you are really interested I am sure we can clone him.

BEST IN SHOW!! Love it.

Originally Posted by celstu1

SO .. I am 3 weeks from marrying my soon-to-be-husband... and last night he told me to pull his finger!!!!!!! WHAT???? We are not even married yet! LOL Best part of that was he didn't wait for me to pull it!

Lol! Just wait til after you're married. Just WAIT. I swear, my hubby is a 12 year old boy at times. He too thinks his farts are just the funniest thing on earth.

[Taryn0405]

Pulling finger? I'd trade for that any day over a dutch oven....

Oh the joys of the first year of marriage!

[jp4m2]

LOL......I couldn't help but think of this joke while I was reading some of your man stories........


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return n to bedroom wearing l long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

[sugarmamma]

Originally Posted by jp4m2

LOL......I couldn't help but think of this joke while I was reading some of your man stories........


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return n to bedroom wearing l long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

OMG LMAO

[jadabug]

Originally Posted by jp4m2

LOL......I couldn't help but think of this joke while I was reading some of your man stories........


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return n to bedroom wearing l long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Cha Cha]

I am in stitches! Sooooo funny!

[Taryn0405]

Read this joke out loud to my best friend and husband....After I was able to pick myself and my best friend off of the floor from laughing, my husband's response was, "I don't do that!"


LMBO! Amazing post!

[deonk1]

Originally Posted by Taryn0405

my husband's response was, "I don't do that!"


LMBO! Amazing post!

That's what they all say....

OMG it is totally sooooooooooo true...

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by jp4m2

LOL......I couldn't help but think of this joke while I was reading some of your man stories........


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return n to bedroom wearing l long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Lmbo- Was someone watching my Dh and wrote this after he took a shower!!?? This is to the T my DH!! We both peed are pants on this one!!

[susan lynn]

Originally Posted by jp4m2

LOL......I couldn't help but think of this joke while I was reading some of your man stories........


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return n to bedroom wearing l long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I am laughing so hard I am crying, this is so my husband and he is 71 years old. I am sure he is teaching the 18 year old son all of this

[susan lynn]

I have got to copy this and take to work for the girls, we have one man that works there. should leave it in his locker