Marital S_E_X

[DerbyLayne]

Yes sex.

Mostly because I have lost interest in it for, what seems like, a really long time and it's causing some conflict in my marriage. I have seen a counsellor regarding past issues, and while it helped me to change my attitude about sex and love, it didn't change the amount that I want to have sex. I can dream about it, but I never feel like having it. My hubby just told me that it started to go downhill as soon as we got engaged, although I swear it didn't. Thoughts? Advice? I'm a month shy of 30, and I love my husband very much. I want to want sex more, but I don't know where to turn with this issue.

[Nancy1999]

This should be an interesting thread! My advice is to have a physical checkup, and make sure you are in good health. Also, be aware of your emotional health, as depression can affect your sexual feelings. I also think exercise is a great way to increase your well-being and how sexy you feel. People have varying appetites for sex, and it's difficult to find someone who's exactly on the same page as you, but there are things you can do to increase your libido, including taking hormones. By the way, have you started taking any hormones for birth control, as this might affect desire? I'd tell my doctor about his, there are things you can do.

[DerbyLayne]

I've been taking birth control for 10 years, am on medication which shouldn't affect my libido (been on for for 4 years), am on another medication to counteract the weightgain from the other med and to help with migraines, work out as much as possible, but could stand to lose weight (am sitting at a pre-diabetic state). I don't feel depressed right now, but I am managing the illness. I do feel tired all the time, my sleep is often disrupted, btu I have finally cut out a lot of stress. I did however go from working 3 jobs to 2 that equal one full job- although it's with kids all day. I'm not sure what else to say... I don't feel sexy so I'm sure that plays a part. I am insecure about my body, but I've always been so that's normal.


but has anyone ever gone through this ? What did you do about it?

[shodanusmc]

Depression meds will decrease the libido and sex drive. It effects some more than others. Many medicinal drugs will decrease it, as well as health problems, hormones, and psychological issues. You may want to get a referal to a specialist. Best of luck. Wish I was 30 again.

[jrsygal37]

Yes, depression meds as well as Diabetic meds (If you are taking them) will affect desire. I also totally understand the not feeling sexy part. I had gained weight after reconstructive surgery on my ankle (I was a runner and broke it). Until after I started losing weight and looking better I had no interest in fooling around. I'm a size 6 now, but must admit I'm still kind of shy with my body. I think sometimes that is just who we are.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by DerbyLayne

I've been taking birth control for 10 years, am on medication which shouldn't affect my libido (been on for for 4 years), am on another medication to counteract the weightgain from the other med and to help with migraines, work out as much as possible, but could stand to lose weight (am sitting at a pre-diabetic state). I don't feel depressed right now, but I am managing the illness. I do feel tired all the time, my sleep is often disrupted, btu I have finally cut out a lot of stress. I did however go from working 3 jobs to 2 that equal one full job- although it's with kids all day. I'm not sure what else to say... I don't feel sexy so I'm sure that plays a part. I am insecure about my body, but I've always been so that's normal.


but has anyone ever gone through this ? What did you do about it?

You mentioned so many things that could contribute, including loss of sleep, diabetes, and stress. Any changes we make in our lives even to reduce stress can temporary raise stress, just because change is so stressful. I would probably start by looking at the birth control pills, they are hormones, and a lightly different balance could help, so first step would be to talk to OBGN. I would not ignore this situation, there are many ways to approach it including the psychological ways, but I think approaching the physical is the best place to start. Here's an article you might find interesting. Low sex drive in women — causes and solutions

[viviansnickers]

Hey girl...

We are in the same boat!!!!! I am 30 (31 in Feb) and am dealing with the same exact issues. I will tell you. I was on Yaz for 2 years now (since I got married) and I had NO DESIRE to have sex at all. NONE! I have been off the pill for about a month now and about 2 weeks ago my babe and I went on vaca to Turks and Caicos islands and my drive was back!! (HUBBA HUBBA) My birth control seems to be controling my life. I feel so chemical-free now and am thankful. I was also experiencing major DRYNESS down there and now that's gone too!!!!!!!!! I just had my 1st period after getting off the pill and it is SO HEAVY!! I think the pill DRIES you out!!! Sorry if this is TMI, but this hits home for me!!!

HUGS-
VIVIAN

[RoscoesMommy42]

I am 28 and I am dealing with this also. I gained weight after we got married almost 7 years ago and with the stress of school, kids, etc., my sex drive has gone down the drain. I try really hard to get in the mood because my husband is 26 and of course has a very high sex drive, but sometimes I just do NOT want to do it! So I am pretty certain that if I lose weight and eliminate some of the stress it might help, but gosh that is sooo much easier said than done!

[Mom to Hot Rod]

Sounds like there is a lot of stuff going on with you that can contribute to a physical reason you are feeling the way you do. Anti anything meds will certainly dull the senses. They usually inhibit the parts of the brain stimulate pleasure. I am not a doctor nor do I have medical traing, but I do have friends that take anti whatever stuff and I hear the same thing. I've been on some meds that affect something as well. It's not far fetched that this is something that can be remedied wth a good physical exam and talk with a doctor. Best of luck.

[shodanusmc]

Originally Posted by RoscoesMommy42

I am 28 and I am dealing with this also. I gained weight after we got married almost 7 years ago and with the stress of school, kids, etc., my sex drive has gone down the drain. I try really hard to get in the mood because my husband is 26 and of course has a very high sex drive, but sometimes I just do NOT want to do it! So I am pretty certain that if I lose weight and eliminate some of the stress it might help, but gosh that is sooo much easier said than done!

Relax, he peaked at 17, and is going downhill. You however, have years to go before you peak! 39, so you have a lot to look forward to.

As far as Dryness, I believe I will not comment on that, but there are a lot of commercials on that exact topic!

[Justin]

Being in great physical shape leads to increased desires. If you don't get that blood pumping and the hormones going crazed during exercise, you won't have the strong desires later on. I agree with shoudanusmc, you are going to hit your peak soon and you will be complaining that he doesn't want to go at it as much anymore.

This is the advice from a 24 year old guy to help bring balance to the convo.

[charmed239]

Wow its unbelievable, there is someone else in the world just like me.. I will have to tell my husband this..lol I am the vary same way. I can dream about it. but when it comes to doing it, id rather do the dishes!..but seriously with me I think it is something physiological. stemming from our past. we have been together 20 years, and Im now 39. But I never had a high sex drive anyway. and when we started dating that is all he wanted to do, and I really got tired of it, and he even broke up with me a few times over it. and that made me feel like that all he had me around for. and then we got married and he cheated, which of course I was told was my fault, because I wasn't taking care of his needs enough. But we survived all that and he grew up, this went on in our early 20"s. and now that we are in our 30"s almost 40's (sigh) he is a completely different person. and I still have next to no sex drive. and I am convinced that in the back of my mind what it boils down to is resentment. because we did split up again for a few months last year, (over money and normal stuff this time) but about 2 weeks after he left. My sex drive decided to show up.( ya I know, perfect timing right,) but that told me that it was not a medical problem at least. and guess what. Yup you guessed it, when we got back together it went away again. So maybe in your situation it could be something in your subconscious that you don't even relies.

[manolos mom]

Originally Posted by DerbyLayne

Yes sex.

Mostly because I have lost interest in it for, what seems like, a really long time and it's causing some conflict in my marriage. I have seen a counsellor regarding past issues, and while it helped me to change my attitude about sex and love, it didn't change the amount that I want to have sex. I can dream about it, but I never feel like having it. My hubby just told me that it started to go downhill as soon as we got engaged, although I swear it didn't. Thoughts? Advice? I'm a month shy of 30, and I love my husband very much. I want to want sex more, but I don't know where to turn with this issue.

You need Spark back in your sex life. Men like straight up sex and women need to be dated first. Like when you first met. I say take him out to a classy Strip joint and buy him a lap dance and just sit back and watch. He will love it and so will you. Go to a movie and sit in the back row and make out. Its fun. You need naughtiness in your life.

[Cerise]

This is a very good thread and serious. I want to add that you may want to get your Thyroid checked. Even if they have checked it already in the past. Thyroid issues cause a lot of the symptoms that you are describing, along with Type II Diabetes resulting with hormone issues.

Best of luck to you!

[Justin]

Originally Posted by manolos mom

You need Spark back in your sex life. Men like straight up sex and women need to be dated first. Like when you first met. I say take him out to a classy Strip joint and buy him a lap dance and just sit back and watch. He will love it and so will you. Go to a movie and sit in the back row and make out. Its fun. You need naughtiness in your life.

you have no idea how hot it is when a girl takes you to a strip club...one girl I dated insisted we go one time. I bought her a dance...which turned into "hey lets both give him a dance..." Fun times