Returning an unwanted child!

[kdreamson]

Both of my children(12&2) were adopted at birth. I cannot even think of how anyone could send back this child! I was bonded with both of mine the moment they put them in my arms! When you have kids(by birth or adoption)there are no guarantee's...You get what you get! I can understand how difficult kids can be,especially ones with behavioral or mental issues! What did this person expect? There are so many agencies in the USA to aid with any problem. It is not a cheap thing to go thru the adoption proccess,so was money an issue? It is also an lengthy and complicated proccess(especially with another country involved) And to put a kid on a plane alone is inexcusable! And back to Russia no less! Poor little soul! Could there not be another answer to this situation? IDK. In my opinion, when you take on the responsability of another life(be it human or animal) it is YOUR responsibility until the end. I do not mean to sound cruel but this person maybe should have started out with a pet rock instead of a human being. Children do not come with a return clause. Period.

[miabellaamoure]

You also do not return a child without taking all necessary steps with all parties aware of your actions which does not seem to be what occurred.

[miabellaamoure]

Originally Posted by kdreamson

Both of my children(12&2) were adopted at birth. I cannot even think of how anyone could send back this child! I was bonded with both of mine the moment they put them in my arms! When you have kids(by birth or adoption)there are no guarantee's...You get what you get! I can understand how difficult kids can be,especially ones with behavioral or mental issues! What did this person expect? There are so many agencies in the USA to aid with any problem. It is not a cheap thing to go thru the adoption proccess,so was money an issue? It is also an lengthy and complicated proccess(especially with another country involved) And to put a kid on a plane alone is inexcusable! And back to Russia no less! Poor little soul! Could there not be another answer to this situation? IDK. In my opinion, when you take on the responsability of another life(be it human or animal) it is YOUR responsibility until the end. I do not mean to sound cruel but this person maybe should have started out with a pet rock instead of a human being. Children do not come with a return clause. Period.

Unfortunately not all adopted parents bond or share the same belief...thankfully my parents shared your beliefs!

[Patti]

When my girlfriend adopted my godchild from Russia they had to make 2 trips there, which she said was very scary and they had escorts and were told never to leave the apartment they were put in alone. She said at the orphanage, they were only allowed in one room and there were 10-12 little ones in a big giant crib. When they came in they all put out their arms to be picked up. Amanda was left in a hospital for 12 months laying flat on her back and was cross eyed from staring at the ceiling all that time. She didn't walk until she was 16 months due to her legs not having muscle tone. She said it was so sad and they had to leave her there and come back a month later to get her. They had to take cash (very corrupt system there) and go to court and adopt her there. They were so lucky to get a wonderful child but they were aware of the risks of the possibility of getting a fetal alcohol syndrome child or a detachment disorder one. I can't imagine what lies ahead for the boy that was returned!

[laci32]

Originally Posted by LuvMyPuppE

i don't understand why people want to adopt children from other countries in the first place when there are so many right next door that need a home, but that's just my opinion.

sort of like everyone sending money to earthquake victims overseas, but so dead set against giving a dime for healthcare right here at home.

oh well -what can ya do?

To be honest I have to agree with you , There are children in our own countries that need families .One of the good points with the child not being so far away in another country is you can spend time with them first . How a person can go through the adoption without knowing them .How can they make that life long decision I know I couldn't .Not choose a child from a catologe

[jrsygal37]

Originally Posted by LuvMyPuppE

i don't understand why people want to adopt children from other countries in the first place when there are so many right next door that need a home, but that's just my opinion.

sort of like everyone sending money to earthquake victims overseas, but so dead set against giving a dime for healthcare right here at home.

oh well -what can ya do?

Have you ever tried to adopt in the US? Not being smart in asking this. Ask anyone who has tried or went through a US adoption and then chose to adopt internationally and they will tell you. I will tell you. Because (Atleast in NJ) they have something call foster adopt program. This is where social services know you want to adopt the child you'll be fostering and they attemp to place you with a foster child they think will be available for adoption. HOWEVER, you can have this child in your home for 17 or more months while the state attempts to rehabiliate the mother and then if the state feels that the mom is now rehabiliated they will come to your home and remove the child you've nurtured for all that time and then give that child back to the natural mother so she can ruin him or her again. Do you think it's fair to he child who now has a loving home? I don't. I think the child should come first, but sadly it doesn't work this way in our country.

Sorry, do not mean to sound so abrubt but I feel when a parent screws up and beats a child, uses drugs, etc and this child suffers such neglect that that parent has lost it's right to re-obtain custody. All of this means that you can have a foster child from birth and have this child one, two or even three years and that child knows nothing but you, yet the state has the right to come in and take this child away from the only home he or she knows and give him or her back to it's natural mother.

This is why people choose to adopt internationally, because once that child is put up for adoption, papers work completed and child obtains visa to come home it's a done deal. The birthmother has then lost the right to change her mind.

And, if you adopt privately in the US it's not that much better. The birthmother still has a right to change her mind (After paying all her birthing fees, agency fees, homestudy fees etc.) and there is nothing you can do, including asking for reimbursment back so the adoptive parent is then not only has the hearbreak of having to give the child back or not getting the child but they are also out all that money.

This is why people choose to adopt outside the US. I have two internationally adopted children. I researched our country, had our fingerprints done, Social Services in our home and was approved and ready to be placed until I realized that I could have this child for years and have someone take him or her back.

If you want more US children adopted then people need to write for changes that will protect he child and not the birthmother. Anyone can father a baby or give birth but the real mother or father is the one who is there for the child and who loves that child.

Elaine

[jrsygal37]

Originally Posted by LuvMyPuppE

i don't understand why people want to adopt children from other countries in the first place when there are so many right next door that need a home, but that's just my opinion.

sort of like everyone sending money to earthquake victims overseas, but so dead set against giving a dime for healthcare right here at home.

oh well -what can ya do?

Have you ever tried to adopt in the US? Not being smart in asking this. Ask anyone who has tried or went through a US adoption and then chose to adopt internationally and they will tell you. I will tell you. Because (Atleast in NJ) they have something call foster adopt program. This is where social services know you want to adopt the child you'll be fostering and they attemp to place you with a foster child they think will be available for adoption. HOWEVER, you can have this child in your home for 17 or more months while the state attempts to rehabiliate the mother and then if the state feels that the mom is now rehabiliated they will come to your home and remove the child you've nurtured for all that time and then give that child back to the natural mother so she can ruin him or her again. Do you think it's fair to he child who now has a loving home? I don't. I think the child should come first, but sadly it doesn't work this way in our country.

Sorry, do not mean to sound so abrubt but I feel when a parent screws up and beats a child, uses drugs, etc and this child suffers such neglect that that parent has lost it's right to re-obtain custody. All of this means that you can have a foster child from birth and have this child one, two or even three years and that child knows nothing but you, yet the state has the right to come in and take this child away from the only home he or she knows and give him or her back to it's natural mother.

This is why people choose to adopt internationally, because once that child is put up for adoption, papers work completed and child obtains visa to come home it's a done deal. The birthmother has then lost the right to change her mind.

And, if you adopt privately in the US it's not that much better. The birthmother still has a right to change her mind (After paying all her birthing fees, agency fees, homestudy fees etc.) and there is nothing you can do, including asking for reimbursment back so the adoptive parent is then not only has the hearbreak of having to give the child back or not getting the child but they are also out all that money.

This is why people choose to adopt outside the US. I have two internationally adopted children. I researched our country, had our fingerprints done, Social Services in our home and was approved and ready to be placed until I realized that I could have this child for years and have someone take him or her back.

If you want more US children adopted then people need to write for changes that will protect he child and not the birthmother. Anyone can father a baby or give birth but the real mother or father is the one who is there for the child and who loves that child.

Elaine