Wedding talk...what's right, what's wrong, and how do u handle things???

[pepe mint]

I know there are a few of us here planning weddings and I personally keep coming across situations where I don't know what the appropriate way to handle things would be. So I thought I would come to a place with thousands of women and a few brutally honest men and ask for some opinions. Others can feel free to ask questions here too

my first question is this...should the bride or groom be allowed to say someone can't be invited even if the other person wants to invite them? In my case, I am dealing with one of his friends that is a woman who has caused a lot of grief and heartache for us. She has disrespected our family and I simply do not like her at all. I don't trust her. I do not want her there. He is more forgiving than I am...he has been able to forgive her for the stupid crap she pulls... and because they have been friends for 14 years, on some level, he doesn't see why she shouldn't be allowed there. Well, I know she will ruin the day. That's just how she is. I've expressed my feelings many tines and he has somewhat agreed not to invite her because he does agree that it could turn out disasterous...but he also makes the comment that if he decided he DID want to invite her, I shouldn't be able to tell him he can't. Tricky situation but I just really believe she would screw our whole day up. She has ruined our vacations, anniversaries, birthdays and our every day life. Why would our wedding day be any different???

What do u think??? Am I being selfish or controlling???

[Britster]

Personally, I don't think you should not allow him to invite her. It's both of your wedding so he has a say, too. And you might as well be the bigger person and just deal with it. I understand your frustrations because there's a few people in my life like this too that I just can't stand.... but when it comes to events & things, we feel obligated to invite them.... not inviting them almost causes more trouble in the end. I say if she ends up coming - just ignore her! There was a woman (my moms friend) who got married and did the whole "not inviting certain people thing" and everyone thought she was a bitch and the town was talking about her, lol. Then again, all the women around here are drama

[bchgirl]

Piece of advice....pick your battles.

You've expressed your opinion over it, he knows...now let it go.

Btw, there were people at my wedding I wouldn't have invited either. It the grand scheme of things ....it really wasn't that important, ya know.

Best wishes!!

[heatherm0890]

i agree to pick your battle but I also know how you feel...my aunt has ruined vactions and everyday life so I likely will not invite her to my wedding....too big of a risk...If you honestly think she willl cause I problem at your wedding I would sit down with your fiance and tell him you feel really strongly about this and would appreciate if he would see your point on this one...

[DaisyMom]

I suppose my question would be....why does he still maintain a friendship with this person if she has caused so many problems for the two of you? You should be his first priority; even if he chooses to keep her as a friend, there should be some new boundaries based on bad behavior. Maybe she needs to become a more peripheral friend.....or even a Christmas card friend?

Because this is causing you so much stress, I do think you have the right to not invite her to your wedding. This is a big day for you both, the day of a lifetime, and you should be blissfully happy with NO worries at all. Things are going to come up, so why add something you know will be a problem to the mix?

This is a really good taste of what it is like to be married; sometimes you just can't agree, but a decision has to be made. In my case, we respected each other enough to allow the person who felt the most strongly to prevail. Yes, in theory, your fiance should be allowed to invite who he wants to the wedding. But there are other factors at play here, ones that he agrees with, that should be considered. It just isn't a perfect world!

Best wishes..........

[Bianca]

Originally Posted by DaisyMom

I suppose my question would be....why does he still maintain a friendship with this person if she has caused so many problems for the two of you? You should be his first priority; even if he chooses to keep her as a friend, there should be some new boundaries based on bad behavior. Maybe she needs to become a more peripheral friend.....or even a Christmas card friend?

Because this is causing you so much stress, I do think you have the right to not invite her to your wedding. This is a big day for you both, the day of a lifetime, and you should be blissfully happy with NO worries at all. Things are going to come up, so why add something you know will be a problem to the mix?

This is a really good taste of what it is like to be married; sometimes you just can't agree, but a decision has to be made. In my case, we respected each other enough to allow the person who felt the most strongly to prevail. Yes, in theory, your fiance should be allowed to invite who he wants to the wedding. But there are other factors at play here, ones that he agrees with, that should be considered. It just isn't a perfect world!

Best wishes..........

I too want to know why he would be friends with her and keep forgiving her I agree with the phrase "Pick Your Battles" but, if this person could actually ruin your wedding NO she wouldn't be coming. Another thing my husband would not be friends with such a person, period.
Your wedding is a special day and memories last forever, do you want a memory of this looney bird doing something off the wall?
I would just stick to my guns and not invite her ..JMO
By the way Congrats !

[Mom to Hot Rod]

Definitely, pick your battles. You both know how the other feels. Let it go. Come your wedding day, you will be too pumped and excited to even give her a second thought. Make it clear to your fiance that you've agreed to invite her but that doesn't mean you have spend much time with her on your wedding day as you have other guest you must attend to.

[cbhunny]

Thats a hard one. I just finished school to be a wedding planner and I havent' had a situation like this yet. I agree that you should pick your battles, but also remember that its your big day and you need to follow your heart. If you really would feel that uncomfortable having someone like that there, then express that and do what you feel is right. If you have any wedding prep questions I can try to answer them for you if you need any advise! Congrats!!!

[dtrahan511]

The wedding day should be special for both of you, so you should both have input on who should and should not be invited. I would not tell him that he absolutely cannot invite her, but at the same time, he should consider your feelings. To me he would want to make his bride much happier than a friend who has cause so much "drama"! Afterall, he's making a life with you! I think everyone's feelings should be considered here, not just hers! Hope it works out well for everyone! Good Luck!

[Arzel36]

My advice to you is to forgive and forget! Don't let those wedding bells stop ringing for the both of you because people! ****,when I got married I told my dh that one of his uncle wasn't going too be invited because of his behavior.........but did I invite him? Yes,and thank goodness we received a generous amout of cash in our card from his uncle,lol!

[BamaFan121s]

I don't think that it's being selfish at all that you don't want her there...it is your wedding after all. I would explain to him exactly why you feel that way you do and hope that he understands and would take the feelings of his bride-to-be into consideration OVER the feelings of this trouble making friend.
I think that if the 'friend' is pushing the issue, then that really speaks volumes about her and her motives. From the sound of it, you guys have given her the opportunity time and time again to prove you wrong and she has failed. This is not a day that you can "get back" if she decides to pull her antics. And for what it's worth, I think that everyone, at some point in time has to deal with one of those sorts...and a 'other half' who just doesn't get it.

If all else fails, appoint some of your tried and true attending girlfriends (bridesmaid)) to be on patrol to keep her in check. They'll likely jump at the opportunity.

Good luck and congrats on your upcoming big day!

[marcerella02]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

I know there are a few of us here planning weddings and I personally keep coming across situations where I don't know what the appropriate way to handle things would be. So I thought I would come to a place with thousands of women and a few brutally honest men and ask for some opinions. Others can feel free to ask questions here too

my first question is this...should the bride or groom be allowed to say someone can't be invited even if the other person wants to invite them? In my case, I am dealing with one of his friends that is a woman who has caused a lot of grief and heartache for us. She has disrespected our family and I simply do not like her at all. I don't trust her. I do not want her there. He is more forgiving than I am...he has been able to forgive her for the stupid crap she pulls... and because they have been friends for 14 years, on some level, he doesn't see why she shouldn't be allowed there. Well, I know she will ruin the day. That's just how she is. I've expressed my feelings many tines and he has somewhat agreed not to invite her because he does agree that it could turn out disasterous...but he also makes the comment that if he decided he DID want to invite her, I shouldn't be able to tell him he can't. Tricky situation but I just really believe she would screw our whole day up. She has ruined our vacations, anniversaries, birthdays and our every day life. Why would our wedding day be any different???

What do u think??? Am I being selfish or controlling???

I think he needs to respect the difficulties this woman has caused in your life. YOU are the #1 woman now and no other woman in his life should really be worth a fight about. If the tables were turned and it was a guy in your life (although in MY opinion, no woman or man should cause these issues in a marriage- if they do- they are out or this is a big dealbreaker) he would hope that you would respect him enough to not invite this guy.