Can someone answer my question?? - YorkieTalk.com Forums

speleogirl37 · 08-10-2009, 05:39 PM

I know this is long, sorry. We have never been real fond of our next door neighbor. My husband is trying to be a good christian neighbor. So for the past 3 1/2 months, at least, she has been using our electricity by an extension cord. She is always asking for money. Which alot of times is for beer, and cigarettes. She has only repaid us $9 out of all the money we've given her. She is living with a man and neither have jobs. They both had a job for a couple of months maybe, but not anymore. We are a family of four, who live paycheck to paycheck, with 2 kids to take care of. They both have family, I know that for a fact. So it's not like they don't have anywhere else to go. I am not a selfish person at all. I LOVE to help anyone with anything as much as I possibly can!! But, come on. How long is this going to go on for? When is the point when you can say enough is enough? I am feeling like we are being taken advantage of! I told my husband a couple of weeks ago I don't want to know anymore when he gives them money, it just makes me so angry. Am I wrong for feeling this way? My husband makes me feel like I am a horrible person for feeling this way. We have gotten into a few arguments over this.

They were sitting their trash out with ours, because they haven't paid their trash bill in forever. A day or two ago the man that lives across the street, who works for the trash company that picks up our trash, said if the neighbor gets caught putting his trash out with someone else, both parties will get fined $1000.00. <......No, that isn't a typo. I had no idea!!

So, now I'm worried that if that is illegal,is it illegal to let them use our electricity also?

Marissa101 · 08-10-2009, 05:44 PM

I would say that you wouldn't pay them untill they find a job. Or for whatever they need you will go out and by for them personally so you know where your money is going and that its being used for good and not beer and ciagrettes.

We also had people that acutally LIVED with us for a few years, stole everything in site to get drugs, of course we didn't know it at the time. We kicked them out after they took the car and tried to hide it.

ally173 · 08-10-2009, 05:49 PM

i think you have been generous enough and i think it's time to cut the cord; literarly. i believe it's illegal to use extention cord and sharing electrecity. i believe these people have been playing the victim card long enough and you are just enabling them. they need to get up on their own feet. i know your husband wants to do good; however what he's feeling is guilt and pitty and that's not the right way to go about it. you, him and the kids come first; so you will be doing them a favor by cutting them off; believe me they will survive; humans are meant to thrive and they will figure out a way; good luck

Julie1760 · 08-10-2009, 05:49 PM

I don't think you are being a bad person. For 3 1/2 months they have been using you...period. You are letting them do it.

Tell them that they can't put their garbage out with your as you found out you will be fined for it and you can't afford to pay a fine. Also tell them that with them using your electricity, that your bill is too high and you can't afford to pay your bill any longer. With the way the economy is, It is reasonable. I know your hubby is tying to be nice, but it is a different thing if they are using you and you keep enabling them.

I hope it works out for you.

Nancy1999 · 08-10-2009, 05:51 PM

Man, I wished I lived next to you! The sad thing is many of these people know exactly what their doing and think it's funny getting money out of you. You've heard of the term enabler? This is when someone helps someone hit rock bottom. You are not lifting them up, you are actually pushing them down. If your a real softy, you might want to give them notice on the electricity, and stop with the money immediately. These people might even be getting government assistence, but they have learned how to manipulate people. Your number one priorty is for your own family and it's future. I would tell them that the use of electricity was just for short term, and you no longer can afford to support them. We did the electricity thing for someone once, but it was only for a couple of days.

FlDebra · 08-10-2009, 06:00 PM

I agree with everyone else. It is great to be a good neighbor and help someone with a specific need, but to continually give them money, electricity, and trash service is wrong. They have no incentive to straighten up their life. It is easier to mooch. I would repeat the term "enabler" to your husband. Explain that it is doing them no long term favor to encourage their lack of responsibility. I could go a long way if there was a child involved, but two adults need to get their act together. Cut (unplug) the cord now.

If your husband just wants to help people (which is commendable) maybe check with your pastor or a community outreach program for people that maybe could use a nice one-time helping hand to get back on their feet. Lots in that position these days.

speleogirl37 · 08-10-2009, 06:02 PM

I totally agree with all of you!! I just need to convince my husband. It's just that it causes a big argument every time I bring it up. He is shocked and can not believe I feel this way. He has told them that they can't put their trash out with ours anymore. So that's one problem down. I was hoping I could find proof that it is illegal to share electricity. Then, I would just have the money problem to deal with. I am such a weak person, and I just hate arguing.

JeanieK · 08-10-2009, 06:04 PM

Unplug the cord. You are enabling them. People like that are parasites and they making a living by living off of other people. That IS their job.

If they can afford cigarettes and Beer they can afford to pay their own bills.

Just say NO.

yorkiehugs · 08-10-2009, 06:12 PM

Yes it is illegal for them to be using your electricity!

What I would do is tell them that need to find a different way for the electric and the trash.

Only offer to buy them groceries. That way you know how the money is spent, plus your still helping your fellow neighbor.

Ask your husband to read this page Leviticus 25:17 Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the LORD your God.

Hope this helps.

Blessings

Nancy1999 · 08-10-2009, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkiehugs

Yes it is illegal for them to be using your electricity!
What I would do is tell them that need to find a different way for the electric and the trash.

Only offer to buy them groceries. That way you know how the money is spent, plus your still helping your fellow neighbor.

Ask your husband to read this page Leviticus 25:17 Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the LORD your God.

Hope this helps.

Blessings

You know I forgot about that, but you are correct it is illegal, and the electricity company would probably turn off your electricity if they found out.

Akbritt · 08-10-2009, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Unplug the cord. You are enabling them. People like that are parasites and they making a living by living off of other people. That IS their job.

If they can afford cigarettes and Beer they can afford to pay their own bills.

Just say NO.

I agree with JeanieK!

I would explain to your husband...that the more you hold them up the longer its going to take for them to stand on their feet. I have had a similar situation with a friend that I ended up moving in to my house, me not working, my husband being the only one in the family working, we have a young daughter, paying her bills and ours, buying her groceries, it was never ending! Then she started getting in to legal trouble.

We ended up making her move out and find her own place...regardless of her financial situation. Then once we did, she started taking care of her self.

I know you want to help them, but some times helping someone is letting them help themselves.

ally173 · 08-10-2009, 06:19 PM

that was your chance to cut everything when you cut the garbage service. i don't think you need to waste your time and energy finding excuses and laws to cut them off. you have to sit down and talk one last time with your husband and tell him; this is not worth getting into an argument and it's not right putting strangers before your family. ask your husband how would he feel if these people kept taking advantage forever; i mean why should they get a job if they can get everything handed to them. they are acting like victims making people feel bad for them and taking advantage of nice people like you. enough is enough and you need to make that clear; even if you have to talk to them yourself. these people have no shame taking money and electrecity, using garbage service;...... what's next your kidney??.......come on this is so obvious to any outsider; i am not sure why your husband is not seeing it........ what kind of story are they telling him to guilt him into this................. and by the way sharing electricity is illegal; you can do some research or even email the electricity company; and like the other person mentioned; if these people are poor then they are elligble for state help; food stamps, electiricity assistance program, welfare...............

speleogirl37 · 08-10-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkiehugs

Yes it is illegal for them to be using your electricity!

What I would do is tell them that need to find a different way for the electric and the trash.

Only offer to buy them groceries. That way you know how the money is spent, plus your still helping your fellow neighbor.

Ask your husband to read this page Leviticus 25:17 Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the LORD your God.

Hope this helps.

Blessings

Thanks, I will get him to read it. He likes to mention Matthew 22:39 "Love your neighbor as yourself" and another one but I can't remember it at the moment.

tammy8833 · 08-10-2009, 06:24 PM

i agree with everyone else
and the beer and cigerattes will never END for some people..it comes before food and responsbility...i kno that are on OXYGEN but wont stop smoking and are drunk by

ally173 · 08-10-2009, 06:29 PM

quick not ; if they both have families and they don't want to help why should you; i believe they are not helping them because they dont want to enable them; and i believe they know that money is being wasted on beer and cigarettes; so what are they doing with their time; just sit there , drink and smoke and take advantage of people; they are leeches and you have to take a stand and make the decision; sometimes it's not all up to the man of the house; i know you respect ur husband and he's religious, however he's not thinking clearly. there's a difference between "love thy neighbor" and "let thy neighbor destroy you and suck you dry"

08-10-2009, 05:39 PM	#1
speleogirl37 ♥ Luv My Lil' M&M ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Posts: 1,572	Can someone answer my question?? I know this is long, sorry. We have never been real fond of our next door neighbor. My husband is trying to be a good christian neighbor. So for the past 3 1/2 months, at least, she has been using our electricity by an extension cord. She is always asking for money. Which alot of times is for beer, and cigarettes. She has only repaid us $9 out of all the money we've given her. She is living with a man and neither have jobs. They both had a job for a couple of months maybe, but not anymore. We are a family of four, who live paycheck to paycheck, with 2 kids to take care of. They both have family, I know that for a fact. So it's not like they don't have anywhere else to go. I am not a selfish person at all. I LOVE to help anyone with anything as much as I possibly can!! But, come on. How long is this going to go on for? When is the point when you can say enough is enough? I am feeling like we are being taken advantage of! I told my husband a couple of weeks ago I don't want to know anymore when he gives them money, it just makes me so angry. Am I wrong for feeling this way? My husband makes me feel like I am a horrible person for feeling this way. We have gotten into a few arguments over this. They were sitting their trash out with ours, because they haven't paid their trash bill in forever. A day or two ago the man that lives across the street, who works for the trash company that picks up our trash, said if the neighbor gets caught putting his trash out with someone else, both parties will get fined $1000.00. <......No, that isn't a typo. I had no idea!! So, now I'm worried that if that is illegal,is it illegal to let them use our electricity also? __________________ Angie Madison Chance Our Future Baby Tatum

08-10-2009, 05:44 PM	#2
Marissa101 YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Northern Nevada USA Posts: 818 Blog Entries: 1	I would say that you wouldn't pay them untill they find a job. Or for whatever they need you will go out and by for them personally so you know where your money is going and that its being used for good and not beer and ciagrettes. We also had people that acutally LIVED with us for a few years, stole everything in site to get drugs, of course we didn't know it at the time. We kicked them out after they took the car and tried to hide it. __________________ Yes, we made a fan club for our obssession of Johnny Depp Snickers Not just a delicious candy bar

08-10-2009, 05:49 PM	#3
ally173 YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: cliffside park, nj, usa Posts: 1,170	i think you have been generous enough and i think it's time to cut the cord; literarly. i believe it's illegal to use extention cord and sharing electrecity. i believe these people have been playing the victim card long enough and you are just enabling them. they need to get up on their own feet. i know your husband wants to do good; however what he's feeling is guilt and pitty and that's not the right way to go about it. you, him and the kids come first; so you will be doing them a favor by cutting them off; believe me they will survive; humans are meant to thrive and they will figure out a way; good luck __________________ Ava's mom

08-10-2009, 05:49 PM	#4
Julie1760 Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Packer Country!!! Posts: 666	I don't think you are being a bad person. For 3 1/2 months they have been using you...period. You are letting them do it. Tell them that they can't put their garbage out with your as you found out you will be fined for it and you can't afford to pay a fine. Also tell them that with them using your electricity, that your bill is too high and you can't afford to pay your bill any longer. With the way the economy is, It is reasonable. I know your hubby is tying to be nice, but it is a different thing if they are using you and you keep enabling them. I hope it works out for you. __________________ •·.·´¯`·.·•Julie •·.·´¯`·.·• Chloé & Myah

08-10-2009, 05:51 PM	#5
Nancy1999 I ♥ Joey & Ralphie! Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 25,396 Blog Entries: 2	Man, I wished I lived next to you! The sad thing is many of these people know exactly what their doing and think it's funny getting money out of you. You've heard of the term enabler? This is when someone helps someone hit rock bottom. You are not lifting them up, you are actually pushing them down. If your a real softy, you might want to give them notice on the electricity, and stop with the money immediately. These people might even be getting government assistence, but they have learned how to manipulate people. Your number one priorty is for your own family and it's future. I would tell them that the use of electricity was just for short term, and you no longer can afford to support them. We did the electricity thing for someone once, but it was only for a couple of days. __________________ NancyJoey Proud members of the CrAzYcLuB and YAP! ** Just Say No to Puppymills – Join YAP! Yorkshire Terrier Club of America – Breeder Referrals

08-10-2009, 06:00 PM	#6
FlDebra Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL Posts: 7,651	I agree with everyone else. It is great to be a good neighbor and help someone with a specific need, but to continually give them money, electricity, and trash service is wrong. They have no incentive to straighten up their life. It is easier to mooch. I would repeat the term "enabler" to your husband. Explain that it is doing them no long term favor to encourage their lack of responsibility. I could go a long way if there was a child involved, but two adults need to get their act together. Cut (unplug) the cord now. If your husband just wants to help people (which is commendable) maybe check with your pastor or a community outreach program for people that maybe could use a nice one-time helping hand to get back on their feet. Lots in that position these days. __________________ FlDebra and her ABCs Annie, Ben, Candy Promoting Healthy Breeding to the AKC Yorkshire Terrier Standard

08-10-2009, 06:02 PM	#7
speleogirl37 ♥ Luv My Lil' M&M ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Posts: 1,572	I totally agree with all of you!! I just need to convince my husband. It's just that it causes a big argument every time I bring it up. He is shocked and can not believe I feel this way. He has told them that they can't put their trash out with ours anymore. So that's one problem down. I was hoping I could find proof that it is illegal to share electricity. Then, I would just have the money problem to deal with. I am such a weak person, and I just hate arguing. __________________ Angie Madison Chance Our Future Baby Tatum

08-10-2009, 06:04 PM	#8
JeanieK Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa Posts: 12,552	Unplug the cord. You are enabling them. People like that are parasites and they making a living by living off of other people. That IS their job. If they can afford cigarettes and Beer they can afford to pay their own bills. Just say NO.

08-10-2009, 06:12 PM	#9
yorkiehugs Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 212	Yes it is illegal for them to be using your electricity! What I would do is tell them that need to find a different way for the electric and the trash. Only offer to buy them groceries. That way you know how the money is spent, plus your still helping your fellow neighbor. Ask your husband to read this page Leviticus 25:17 Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the LORD your God. Hope this helps. Blessings

08-10-2009, 06:19 PM	#12
ally173 YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: cliffside park, nj, usa Posts: 1,170	that was your chance to cut everything when you cut the garbage service. i don't think you need to waste your time and energy finding excuses and laws to cut them off. you have to sit down and talk one last time with your husband and tell him; this is not worth getting into an argument and it's not right putting strangers before your family. ask your husband how would he feel if these people kept taking advantage forever; i mean why should they get a job if they can get everything handed to them. they are acting like victims making people feel bad for them and taking advantage of nice people like you. enough is enough and you need to make that clear; even if you have to talk to them yourself. these people have no shame taking money and electrecity, using garbage service;...... what's next your kidney??.......come on this is so obvious to any outsider; i am not sure why your husband is not seeing it........ what kind of story are they telling him to guilt him into this................. and by the way sharing electricity is illegal; you can do some research or even email the electricity company; and like the other person mentioned; if these people are poor then they are elligble for state help; food stamps, electiricity assistance program, welfare............... __________________ Ava's mom

08-10-2009, 06:24 PM	#14
tammy8833 Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: VA Posts: 2,775	i agree with everyone else and the beer and cigerattes will never END for some people..it comes before food and responsbility...i kno that are on OXYGEN but wont stop smoking and are drunk by __________________ Tammy YT Gallery Lil Girl Princess & Theodore *Gidget R.I.P**

08-10-2009, 06:29 PM	#15
ally173 YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: cliffside park, nj, usa Posts: 1,170	quick not ; if they both have families and they don't want to help why should you; i believe they are not helping them because they dont want to enable them; and i believe they know that money is being wasted on beer and cigarettes; so what are they doing with their time; just sit there , drink and smoke and take advantage of people; they are leeches and you have to take a stand and make the decision; sometimes it's not all up to the man of the house; i know you respect ur husband and he's religious, however he's not thinking clearly. there's a difference between "love thy neighbor" and "let thy neighbor destroy you and suck you dry" __________________ Ava's mom