Talk to her or just let it go?

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by Ashley V

Ugh... I had a friend do that to me... I was dumped by a long term boyfriend and was devestated.. a week later my friend took me out to "cheer me up" with her boyfriend, then they parked the car and did just about everything but sleep with each other in the backseat. It was disgusting, annoying, and hurtful. I was fighting back tears and I just wanted to walk home even though it was late at night.

Ashley, you win. That sounds horrible!! I thought them making puppy eyes and feeding each other breakfast was bad, yours is worse and it's awkward!!! I would have wanted to walk home too.....

As for car rides, it's true some people are just there to use you. I followed Luvfla's advice (given to me by another friend) and dumped pretty much all my friends. To much partying with them and not enough studying. They were so mad and hurtful when I would tell them "I can't party tonight, I have to study." Well, about a year later when my cute little sports car entered my life, guess who was calling me to play nice again!
I think that's something you can work on though, only you know how much of a good friend, how much she means to you. I'm just here to make dumb salsa jokes.

[manolos mom]

Yes, you need to talk to her one on one..Not with Julio around. I am Hispanic and I can tell you that when a Latin man loves he really loves for life. Family is very important in the Latin culture. Sounds like he really wants you to be a part of his life. Your friend sounds like a racist to me. Whats this with the rice thing. All cultures eat rice. Be strong and always stay HUMAN..Thats what we all are, HUMAN. I have raised all 3 of my daughters not to see color. It has never been mentioned in my home. Remember its your generation that will really bring Change to our country. But not with friends like that. She is not a friend. Friends support one another. You will only have one or two good friends in your life. Everyone else are acquaintances...Good Luck and God Bless

[Yorkieforme]

Originally Posted by luvfla

OK...I'm 55, so I've been around the block a time or two & I have some advice for you. This American vs Spanish thing...your girlfriend is a racist....not good. Telling you how you should live your life...your girlfriend is controlling....not good. I'm going to guess that she finds fault with a lot of things...insecure....that will suck the life out of you.

These things are not worth it. It's ok to drop 'girlfriends' just like we've dropped boyfriends. It's not always easy or pleasant but sometimes, it needs to happen.

As I look back on my life... girlfriends may not agree with what we are doing but they support us & if we screw up, they are there to help us pick up the pieces. If your LIFE is in danger...girlfriends should speak up...but that's rare. Respect yourself enough to say enough.

I wouldn't be 21 again for anything..y'all have a lot to deal with. Be strong!

I totally agree with this! Well said

[roxies_mom]

Guess we must be close in age. Our posts are somewhat similar and I totally agree with yours!!

Originally Posted by luvfla

OK...I'm 55, so I've been around the block a time or two & I have some advice for you. This American vs Spanish thing...your girlfriend is a racist....not good. Telling you how you should live your life...your girlfriend is controlling....not good. I'm going to guess that she finds fault with a lot of things...insecure....that will suck the life out of you.

These things are not worth it. It's ok to drop 'girlfriends' just like we've dropped boyfriends. It's not always easy or pleasant but sometimes, it needs to happen.

As I look back on my life... girlfriends may not agree with what we are doing but they support us & if we screw up, they are there to help us pick up the pieces. If your LIFE is in danger...girlfriends should speak up...but that's rare. Respect yourself enough to say enough.

I wouldn't be 21 again for anything..y'all have a lot to deal with. Be strong!

[xliloliverdiorx]

Originally Posted by DvlshAngel985

Well... to be honest I'm not 100% old fashioned. I did have my boyfriend sleep over a few times when I first moved out, he was my security blanket!!! I fell apart those first few nights alone. But he doesn't have a key, and he always calls ahead of time to make sure he can come over. It's our thing, it's what we're comfortable with and what works for us, I'm repeating myself but to each his own, right? I just didn't like that your friend said in "American culture" that would be a red flag. Not from what I've seen on TV!!
Both of my roommates are asian, totally different cultures between them, and they both have caucasion boyfriends. They both have keys to their boyfriends houses. It's ok and natural to them, I'm apparently the "weird" one in the group.
I will say one thing that you might want to consider... if she really is having such a hard time with her bf and really truly likes to share with you, it's kinda hard to open up with someone that is rubbing a great, fun, exciting new relationship in their face. When I got dumped by my last boyfriend I was truly heartbroken. At the same time my bestfriend was starting a new relationship. She new I was having a hard time and invited me for breakfast before school to talk. Well guess who showed up for breakfast.... yup, her new bf. They were hugging and giggling and making puppy eyes at each other the whole time reminding me what I had just lost, at least it seemed that way at that moment anyway. That hurt, it really did. She wasn't being insensitive on purpose she just wasn't thinking. Anyway, 4 years later no harm done, I was the maid of honor at her wedding and she probably be my maid of honor too..
Man I talk (type) WAY too much!!! Take your time, take in everyones advice, and then decide how to approach the situation. Good luck!!!

PS. Si hablo espanol!! It'd be hard to watch mi novelas if I didn't!

Yeah I do suppose that maybe it is kind of insensitive to be talking about Julio and my relationship while she is going through a hard time in hers. But at the same time, she really needed to take my advice when I told her to leave her boyfriend alone for a little bit because she was smothering him and she refused to do that. But I am really going to try to be more sensitive about that situation. hahaha Julio le gustan las novelas tambien como "el cartel" es su novela favorita (estoy aprendiendo espanol entonces lo siento si este frase no es correcta). hahah it makes me laugh me gustan las novelas tambien.

[xliloliverdiorx]

ILoVeEMiNnie: Thank you for your advice. I do think that what she said was very criticle and somewhat judging me and thats why I think i was very upset by it. I am like you too I have a hard time saying no and I LOVE to avoid any conflict and I give myself to everybody and I feel like its my job to help people but with her I feel like I give too much and I help her too much. I will never change for her or for anyone. Thanks again it did help.

roxies_mom: you completly have her sumed up in exactly what you said. I believe that she is jelous and she is very controling (why her bf and her are having problems). She does want to be with me every free min she has which is why she calls me like 5 - 8 times a day. But I have not ever talked to her about this so I said this is strike one, I think I am going to talk to her if it happens two more times I am done with the friendship.

luvfla: Thank you, I appricate your advice. Do you think that it would be fair to her to give her another chance or do you think that its time to say enough is enough?

Ashley V: Wow I am sorry about your friend and her boyfriend and how that made you feel. I guess that makes me think too that I need to be sensitive to her and maybe not talk about mine and julios relationship to her while she's in a hard time.

DvlshAngel985: People are really rude sometiems when it comes to cars. Its all about what car you drive and if you do drive haha. Its sad it really is.

manolos mom: Thank you very much. I like the last thing you said to me "you will have one or two good friends in your life everyone else are acquantances" Right now I am really realizing this. I try very hard not to see color either and I do not judge people becasue of the way that they are. Her and I were raised with very different values and morals I think this is why we dont see eye to eye.




Sorry I like to address everyone seprately because then i know that I didnt leave anyones advice out. Thank you all very much I really appriciate it.

[celstu1]

Ok, I have a little experience with this I was with a guy who was Puerto Rican, I am total white girl! I don't speak the language, dance the dance, cook the food, nothing. We were together 10 years and engaged to each other. It was not the best relationship and I think cultural differences were a small part of the reason.

However along the way I met many americann women who were dating latino men. Some women immersed themselves into the culture so much that it became offensive even to me who was engaged to a latino man. Offensive because I felt these women were ashamed of who they really were, and ashamed of their own culture. So much so they had to take on another identity almost. Then there were women (like me) who loved their man and embracing his culture without turning into someone they were not. I learned a little spanish, learned how to cook a few meals, learned some of the ways of the culture so I would not offend them and in turn his family spoke english around me, made turkey on thanksgiving for me, etc... it was give and take.

Make sure he is as involved with YOU as you are with him. One day eat rice & beans and one day eat good ol' american spaghetti. Remember not lose yourself in his culture, take pride in who you are and your culture and also in your ability to adapt and learn other cultures and being able to keep an open mind and heart. Maybe your friend sees you slipping away into his culture to not lose him, he liked who you were when he met you. Listen to spanish with him and american music with her, keep up with both cultures and accomodate both, it will make you a richer person all around.

If she still has a problem with you just dating a latino man, then get rid of her, no need for small close-minded people in your life, no matter what their intentions are.

Hope I helped in some little way!

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by xliloliverdiorx

hahaha Julio le gustan las novelas tambien como "el cartel" es su novela favorita (estoy aprendiendo espanol entonces lo siento si este frase no es correcta). hahah it makes me laugh me gustan las novelas tambien.

Your spanish is probably better than mine! I speak it more than I write, so I've pretty much taken the written language for granted and never practice. Maybe you can re-teach me later!