So frustrated with men!!! - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

tinyterriers · 03-04-2009, 03:24 AM

Oh my GOD, you gorls have to wak up, your not even married and your complaing, what do you tthink it will be like after you get married and start having a family, myself I would ditch them, thats so hard listening you complaining over a boyfriend, you have an eay way out right now. Can you tell I have been married for 50yrs.

cheryl19 · 03-04-2009, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LolaLove

I definitely need to figure this one out. It's ironic because over the holiday's my mom was talking about leaving my dad because she was so fed up with him not helping around the house! My mom has cancer and has been going through chemo and radiation, and has had 2 hip replacements, and 1 knee replacement, and has HAD IT with my dad not helping out! Luckily, the threat of leaving him, knocked some sense into him, and my dad has been a lot better about it.

My mom said to me "If you're with a man who does NOT help around the house, I would tell you to leave him immediately!" The thing about my boyfriend is, he helps when he WANTS to. Sometimes, he'll feel like it, but then seems to expect a "thank you", and some sort of praise for it!! I don't EVER recall a "thank you" for taking out the trash, doing the dishes, making the bed, etc. That's it!! NO MORE THANK YOU'S FROM ME!!!

YOU ALL ARE SOOOOOOO RIGHT ABOUT THIS!! Something needs to be done! Otherwise, it will just build up and build up, like it did with my mom, and cause a HUGE resentment. The resentment will only hurt me in the end.

(I'm making him out to be a monster, but he's truly a VERY sweet person, and aside from this issue, we do pretty well together. Just thought I would add that little piece

)

Now your thinking

Need to stop this before you have 20 years with this guy and you end up like your poor mother.

dogears · 03-04-2009, 03:23 PM

I say give him 1 chance. Sit down and have a talk about how he needs to pretty much do everything around the house since he has no job. Cooking, cleaning, laundry all needs to be done by him because now you are working 2 jobs and have school. If he can't take care of things now, what do you think will happen when children are born? You need an equal not someone bringing you down. We women seem to think what will I do without_____? Well news flash you are doing just fine with him doing nothing, imagine how much easier it will be without him? Don't get me wrong relationships are good and I love to see them but they have to be 50/50, and with someone you know can carry things if something were to happen with you. Is he that someone?

Ashley V · 03-04-2009, 04:24 PM

UGH Monday was a snow day for my hubby's job so he sat home and did NOTHING. I come straight home, take the dogs out for their potty break, go straight into cooking and was cleaning in between cooking... at the end of the meal I asked him if he would HELP me clean... not do it by himself and he flat out told me NO!!! He wanted to relax. UGH! I was so irritated.

Mitzis Mom · 03-04-2009, 04:39 PM

I've been married the 4th time (happily ever after now!) and all I can say is communication, communication, communication...

Don't anticipate anything, men are not mind readers and are wired differently. They also need more time to grow up and 'hotel mama' doesn't help either. If he doesn't get it now he never will...

xxmxaxrxyxx · 03-04-2009, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Connie

He's not working and you're working two jobs, plus going to school! I think he should not only do the dishes, but also do the cooking and any other housework! I don't blame you for needing to vent! *HUG*

i so agree!

manolos mom · 03-04-2009, 05:31 PM

I would PUT HIM OUT OF THE BED....And make a list of what you need done for the day.....I love LIST...

DukesMommy · 03-05-2009, 04:18 PM

Men can be as difficult as kids.
My husband had to be told that Cleaning the Kitchen means not just the dishes, but also the stove top and counters.. After a couple times, and me getting fed up and atually hollering over it (because it was the only thing I ever asked him to do) thats when he finally got it.

We also had to have a battle over I'm not your maid, when you come home and change your clothes, they go in a laundry basket, not the living room floor.
But now he is a lot better with things. Though he also expects the OMG thank you sooo much for doing that, even when it's for picking up his own garbage.

Miao · 03-05-2009, 05:11 PM

It's all in the training...

I remember back in the day... about 8.5 years ago, when I babysat for my sister's boy, he was at the time being fed hot cereal mixed in with his milk so that he might gorge less. Well, his diaper was REALLY disgusting, as a result. I mean, you could have told me it came out of his other end, and I'd have believed it because I've seen it come out of his mouth and it was pretty much the same. Anyway, I valued my fresh air and scent-free living. My nose became very sensitive. My other senses were not far behind. I'd gag when I attempt to change his diapers. I mean, his diapers were MANY times nastier than her first kid's was when I changed those as he was on a normal infant baby diet. Due to my very real gagging, my now hubby, but bf of the time, he did the majority of the diaper changes. LOL.

Over the years, when he's home, he got to clean up pet accidents, while I do it if it can't wait.

He'd cook for me too if I'd eat what he makes. There are very few things he can make that I'd eat so his love of cooking for me couldn't be realized as I'd only stand to eat so much of the same thing day after day.

And when I cook, I generally clean up during the process, but sometimes I just leave it all for him on days I'm feeling extra lazy. Of course, after dinner, he does the dishes.

The problem with my guy is, if he's not told to do something, it would never occur to him to do it. If I ask him to do something and not specify when it needs to be done, it either gets forgotten or put off until I have to specify NOW. And he claims to want to provide for me a stress-free life.

I tell him HE is the source of my stress.

Ashley V · 03-05-2009, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DukesMommy

Men can be as difficult as kids.
My husband had to be told that Cleaning the Kitchen means not just the dishes, but also the stove top and counters.. After a couple times, and me getting fed up and atually hollering over it (because it was the only thing I ever asked him to do) thats when he finally got it.

We also had to have a battle over I'm not your maid, when you come home and change your clothes, they go in a laundry basket, not the living room floor.
But now he is a lot better with things. Though he also expects the OMG thank you sooo much for doing that, even when it's for picking up his own garbage.

One of my former co workers walked past me one day and said "I need money" and I figured she needed money for lunch or something and I was going to give her a couple dollars, so I said "Why what do you need" and she said "I have 3 kids". I thought about it for a second and said "I thought you only had two?" She said simply "My husband..." I understood after that and started giggling.

LolaLove · 03-06-2009, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miao

The problem with my guy is, if he's not told to do something, it would never occur to him to do it. If I ask him to do something and not specify when it needs to be done, it either gets forgotten or put off until I have to specify NOW. And he claims to want to provide for me a stress-free life.

I tell him HE is the source of my stress.

That's the thing! It does not even OCCUR to them!! My mom and I said the same thing. I told my mom that it doesn't even "occur" to him to help her with the groceries, or cleaning the kitchen, or whatever. You are SO right!

It's all about the communication, like a few people suggested. The thing is, its ME who needs to learn how to communicate effectively. I was just talking to my mom about it, and whenever I am nagging him to do it, it just sparks a huge argument, and is ineffective. I think I need to sit him down, like someone said, and use "I statements"

Something has got to be done, because how could I have kids with someone who doesn't help!!!!

Everyone has been so great about advice!! Makes me feel a million times better!!! It's also nice to realize that I'm not alone in this either, and that I'm not overreacting about it either. I SOOOO appreciate all of you!!!

03-04-2009, 03:24 AM	#16
tinyterriers Donating YT Addict Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Tewksbury, MA Posts: 280	wake up Oh my GOD, you gorls have to wak up, your not even married and your complaing, what do you tthink it will be like after you get married and start having a family, myself I would ditch them, thats so hard listening you complaining over a boyfriend, you have an eay way out right now. Can you tell I have been married for 50yrs.

03-04-2009, 04:24 PM	#19
Ashley V ♥ Chip ♥ Smokey ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Leesburg Posts: 3,835	UGH Monday was a snow day for my hubby's job so he sat home and did NOTHING. I come straight home, take the dogs out for their potty break, go straight into cooking and was cleaning in between cooking... at the end of the meal I asked him if he would HELP me clean... not do it by himself and he flat out told me NO!!! He wanted to relax. UGH! I was so irritated. __________________ ~~ Chip ~~ Smokey ~*~ My heart is wrapped around their little paws Karley Marissa born 1/20/12 weighing 8 lbs 11 oz and 21.5 inches long

03-05-2009, 04:18 PM	#23
DukesMommy YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: CA Posts: 682	Men can be as difficult as kids. My husband had to be told that Cleaning the Kitchen means not just the dishes, but also the stove top and counters.. After a couple times, and me getting fed up and atually hollering over it (because it was the only thing I ever asked him to do) thats when he finally got it. We also had to have a battle over I'm not your maid, when you come home and change your clothes, they go in a laundry basket, not the living room floor. But now he is a lot better with things. Though he also expects the OMG thank you sooo much for doing that, even when it's for picking up his own garbage. __________________ Kati,Duke,and Lucie

03-04-2009, 03:23 PM	#18
dogears Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Charlotte, nc Posts: 555	I say give him 1 chance. Sit down and have a talk about how he needs to pretty much do everything around the house since he has no job. Cooking, cleaning, laundry all needs to be done by him because now you are working 2 jobs and have school. If he can't take care of things now, what do you think will happen when children are born? You need an equal not someone bringing you down. We women seem to think what will I do without_____? Well news flash you are doing just fine with him doing nothing, imagine how much easier it will be without him? Don't get me wrong relationships are good and I love to see them but they have to be 50/50, and with someone you know can carry things if something were to happen with you. Is he that someone?

03-04-2009, 04:39 PM	#20
Mitzis Mom No Longer a Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 2,837	I've been married the 4th time (happily ever after now!) and all I can say is communication, communication, communication... Don't anticipate anything, men are not mind readers and are wired differently. They also need more time to grow up and 'hotel mama' doesn't help either. If he doesn't get it now he never will...

03-04-2009, 05:31 PM	#22
manolos mom Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 7,982	I would PUT HIM OUT OF THE BED....And make a list of what you need done for the day.....I love LIST...

03-05-2009, 05:11 PM	#24
Miao No Longer a Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Savage Garden Posts: 1,147	It's all in the training... I remember back in the day... about 8.5 years ago, when I babysat for my sister's boy, he was at the time being fed hot cereal mixed in with his milk so that he might gorge less. Well, his diaper was REALLY disgusting, as a result. I mean, you could have told me it came out of his other end, and I'd have believed it because I've seen it come out of his mouth and it was pretty much the same. Anyway, I valued my fresh air and scent-free living. My nose became very sensitive. My other senses were not far behind. I'd gag when I attempt to change his diapers. I mean, his diapers were MANY times nastier than her first kid's was when I changed those as he was on a normal infant baby diet. Due to my very real gagging, my now hubby, but bf of the time, he did the majority of the diaper changes. LOL. Over the years, when he's home, he got to clean up pet accidents, while I do it if it can't wait. He'd cook for me too if I'd eat what he makes. There are very few things he can make that I'd eat so his love of cooking for me couldn't be realized as I'd only stand to eat so much of the same thing day after day. And when I cook, I generally clean up during the process, but sometimes I just leave it all for him on days I'm feeling extra lazy. Of course, after dinner, he does the dishes. The problem with my guy is, if he's not told to do something, it would never occur to him to do it. If I ask him to do something and not specify when it needs to be done, it either gets forgotten or put off until I have to specify NOW. And he claims to want to provide for me a stress-free life. I tell him HE is the source of my stress.