She just called me stupid

[Graleyne]

I do not like my about to be 14 year old daughter very much right now. I still love her more than life, but what she said was just very hurtful and I am pretty hurt and angry right now.

We got into a little argument over a totally unrelated topic (I won't let her go out with a certain boy), and she said that she wasn't dumb like me who didn't even finish college. A lot of it was what she said, but a lot of it was the WAY she said it too.

No, I didn't finish college. It is a VERY sore subject with me as I am very embarrassed about dropping out. I didn't finish because I got pregnant with HER. I made the decision to be a stay at home mom. It wasn't because I wasn't smart enough to graduate. If I had stayed in school I would most likely have my phd by now.

I've attemtped to go back over the years, but it seems like something always happens and I'm not able to finish. I had two other children, then I had a cancer and a hysterectomy, then all the stuff started happening at the old house, etc.

I know she is only a child and she said it because she was mad at me. I think it just was just the wrong thing to say at the wrong time of the wrong day.

I had to just walk away and come in here and sit down for a little bit.

It's just that she honestly doesn't realize all the sacrifices I've made for her and sometimes that hurts. Its crazy that it hurts, because she can't really be expected to understand and be grateful when she doesn't have a clue because I've never told her.

Sometimes being a mom is just HARD.

[chachi]

It is hard! She will appreciate all that you have done for her someday. She just picked something she knew would really hurt you to say because she wasnt getting her way. She is entering in the more challenging years. Ive been through it once with a Son and will be going through it again in a few yrs with a Daughter. Dont take what she sad to heart she was just lashing out

[Ashley V]

I'm sorry what she said hurt you so much. I think you did the best thing for both of you - just walk away. Later on when you both are calm, maybe you could have a conversation and tell her how much that it hurt you to hear her say that and tell her some of the sacrifices you've made for her.

[SaraAlexine00]

Aww, I'm sorry you are feeling down about what she said. Don't worry, one day you will be best of friends and she will appreciate all that you have done for her.

I'll admit, when I was her age I was a rotten little b*tch to my mom. I think it was from about the age of 14 to 16. She still reminds me of the time I said "You are SO pathetic!". I'll never live that one down. I'm 25 now and thankful for the lessons she has taught me and consider her a friend, and not just a mom.

[Graleyne]

I know she was just lashing out and that is the one thing she KNEW would get me. I'm actually a little shocked she said it. She used to not be so brave.

14 - 16, huh? Wonderful. Well, this is going to be a fun 2 years.

[pea496]

I am 16 years older than my two younger sisters. When the next-to-the-youngest was 14, none of us in the family could stand her - she knew everything!! We would say that we couldn't wait until she is a person again. Well, she turned into a person at 16 and now is getting it back 10 times over with her 13-year old daughter. I am guessing this is a girl thing because my other sister had two boys and they did not go through something like this. Just grin and bear it, keep your sense of humor and it will be over before you know it.

[cataholic]

I know what you mean! My 16 year old son gets mad at me and gets mouthy. Partly it's my fault because I spoiled him though. So when he doesn't get his way he gets a little lippy. I just walk away and ignore him then he's nice again. My 21 year old son thinks he knows more then anyone. Hopefully they will grow out of it someday! I teenage boys and girls both think they know more then their parents. I just tell my boys that I hope someday they have 3 kids that act just like them!!

[emilyann]

I'm 21 and I'm going to tell you something that will hopefully put you somewhat at ease.

When I was in my teens, my mom and I argued all the time - now I realize that it was all mostly my fault. She always told me that one day I would look back and realize that she was right and I'd regret the way I acted. Well, I do. My mom kicked me out when I had just turned 20 last year around this time. Being so far away from her now really gets to me and now that I look back at how I acted, I really honestly whole heartedly regret it. I've said things to her that I wish I never would've said, did things I never wish I would've done but I really think that's part of growing up. A lot of the things I said I didn't mean but I said them out of anger.

Believe me, your daughter will come around when she gets older. There isn't a day that goes by when I talk to my mom or my younger brother who she's currently struggling with that I don't tell them how much I regret being the way I was or saying the things I said.

I can only imagine how hard it is being a mom.

[AVERYxo]

this is a phase.. it will pass i promise!! sorry you have to go through this.. i know those teen years aren't the easiest! hang in there hun!!

[vegasrush]

A boss of mine once put the teenage years like this.... They go into a tunnel and you can talk and talk and talk to them, but they don't listen to you. Several years later they come out at the other end and you pray that they make it out alive. (His daughter got involved with a boy and tried to sue her parents when she was 15. The boyfriend's parents had a lot to do with it also).

[Graleyne]

She actually apologized last night. Maybe there is still some hope after all. I apologized too. We talked. Things are good at the moment.

We had a very good morning before she left for school. I hope it continues.

[Lucia]

It's been a while since I was a teenager (I'll be 28 this year) but I remember it so well - I really believed that my mum didnt understand and didnt care how much I loved this boy (who turned out to be a complete waste of space)* It's took me a while to realise that it's because she understood and cared so much that she acted the way she did. Now I'm a mother and even though my girls have quite a few years to go (ages 4 and 1) I hope that when they are teenagers I am as good a mum to them as mine is to me. Sorry I'm rambling nowbut what I'm trying to say is that my mum made sacrifices for me, as you have done for your daughter and it's not until I got out of that selfish teenage phase that I really appreciated what it meant. You sound like a wonderful mummy! xxx

[JeanieK]

Yes teenage girls can be mean. I found the best answer to them was "listen Little Girl, I've been where you're at but you've never been where I'm at."

I have a 30 year old Daughter in law that called me a "Stupid old woman" Now that is pretty bad. But I told her the same thing.

Your daughter knows that is your weak spot so that is where she attacks. I know it's hurtful but it really isn't worth getting upset over. She's just a kid trying to get her own way. she really doesn't believe what she says.

It does get better. Just stand your ground and she might not like you but she will respect you.

[celstu1]

I think being a parent is the most thankless job in the WHOLE world. Im not a parent myself but I remember what I put mine through. Man oh man.... you would literally DIE to save your child and you get "I hate you" in response! Thats GOT to hurt quite a bit, and you are supposed to just 'take it' because they don't know. Im sorry your daughter hurt you. I know someday she'll realize it and you'll probably get a huge "im sorry I was awful to you when I was younger" I know I did that to my mom when I got older and DID understand!

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

She actually apologized last night. Maybe there is still some hope after all. I apologized too. We talked. Things are good at the moment.

We had a very good morning before she left for school. I hope it continues.

That is soooooooooo great. I raised 5 daughters. 4 of them were teenagers at the same time. It's not an easy path, but well worth it now that they are grown.