I don't want you in my life - sister

[upindust]

Alright first let me explain i have 4 younger sisters who use to live in michigan but now live in tampa bay fl. I helped raise them up until our mom died(which is why they moved to MI) I mean I actually turned into the 2nd mother at the age of six I was doing everything, baths, changing diapers, feeding, burping.. everything my mom wasn't ready for kids but she had them anyway. Well the 2nd oldest of the 4 is a troublemaker(like ho wmy older sister was) and her and I have been arguing it all started over her myspace default pic because it was her in her bra and well yeah she's 13-14. I told her she needed to change it and was boldly honest with her why and we got into an arguement and basically she blames me for things I had no control over(aka my moms bf's). Like when my dad got custody of my older sister and I we were forced to move 4 horus away(life at my moms house was hell she had anger issues and her bfs ranged from drug addicted, alcoholics to mental/physical/sexual abusers) and she blames me for the one that was in their life until our mom died. That I didn't protect her when I wasn't even living there. The arguement got pretty bad and the 3rd older ended up writing to me and told me I had made Ciera cry so i apologized to ciera and tried to explain that I act the way I did because I DO love her and don't want bad things to happen to her and her behavior is the type that will get her into trouble.

I never got a response back until a couple days ago when she told me:
kaela look im sorry to but you started it.
and i have depression problems already you werent helping.i have anger problems to. i was just forced to move to florida. and move away from the one guy who treated me right. yeah were still together but our relationship is falling apart you in my life right now is not gonna work sorry bye.

I told her how to work with the depression(during my teenage years I had hospital visits for suicide attempts depression runs in both sides of my family) and that the anger issues are from our mom and gave her tips to help deal with them(like I had to do). But I still can't believe she wants to throw me out of her life. I don't know their phone number or address and I found out she's only home to wash her laundry and her dad has given up saying "she'll learn" I think he needs to send her to an alternative school, or military school. I mean she thinks her life is hell I think she needs to be shown that her life is pretty cozy and let her see what hell is like(military will do that for you it did it for me) Darrall(my husband) said she would hate me but I was like at least she'd be alive to hate me. When I did a registered sexual offenders search ona couple zip codes there were THOUSANDS of them and 90% of them were aimed at kids. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could of raised her over David because I would of done a better job at it.
also the raising process was 6-14 I'm 21 now.

[Nikki+2]

Awww sweetie I am so sorry! It sounds like she needs a target for her anger and you are handy. It isn't fair at all to you and I can imagine it is very painful. I have experienced a similar situation with my brother but unfortunately I didn't gain any wisdom from it. My brother is an adult so the situation is a bit different. The only thing I can suggest is to just let her know you will always be there for her and then, hard as it will be, just let her work through it and hope for the best. Just remember you have done the very best you could do and sometimes other people's problems are just beyond us. You should be very proud of yourself for all you have done!

[Nikki+2]

Re-reading my post I hope I didn't come across as suggesting you should give up on your sister. Just that there might not be anything else you can do right now for her other than her knowing you will always be there.

[zoeybear]

Im sure my daughter would like to kick me to the curb sometimes. Don't give up on her. You are right about myspace and posting pics of herself. Just keep trying to do the right thing like you have been. She will appreciate you when she is older. She needs you now more than ever!

[upindust]

thank you guys. I told her she couldn't get rid of me that easily. That pushing away the people who love her wouldn't help her depression because we're the people she needs.

[4doggiemama]

Originally Posted by upindust

thank you guys. I told her she couldn't get rid of me that easily. That pushing away the people who love her wouldn't help her depression because we're the people she needs.

For all you've been through, you have a good head on your shoulder. Kudos to you. All teenagers want to get rid of common sense in their lives. Hang in there, my dear.

[nikkinack]

Speaking as someone who has went through something similar, I have a bad mom and my father passed away. My Brother raised me and did the best he could but when I was younger I hated him, why I don’t really know but I did. It was not until I was in my 20 that I realized that everything that he did was for my own good. Just remember some day she will thank you, even if it takes a while she will one day understand.

[JeanieK]

Awwwwww Sweetie, that has to be so hard to take. At her age there might not be a lot that you can do, it's a very difficult age and you are just a baby yourself.

Try to keep the lines of communication open, even if it means crying together on the phone.

Trust me on this one. she does love you and in a few years this will all blow over. This is just normal teenage behavior.

[upindust]

Originally Posted by nikkinack

Speaking as someone who has went through something similar, I have a bad mom and my father passed away. My Brother raised me and did the best he could but when I was younger I hated him, why I don’t really know but I did. It was not until I was in my 20 that I realized that everything that he did was for my own good. Just remember some day she will thank you, even if it takes a while she will one day understand.

yeah I had issues with what our mom caused. I had many suicide attempts and was told it was just a phase but I found ways to deal with it after over 4 years of suicide attempts and near ones where I snap out of it then had to force myself to throw up. It was a friend who started my recovery because she was bulimic and we used each other to slowly recover. and then my husband is what made it official I still have thoughts at times but singing, writing and working on graphics with the pc helps me keep myself away from that kind of thing. It's all she needs to help. I did it without meds. But I think I would of been abel to deal with it if I had a therapist and some meds. I think she needs to talk to her dad and ask for a counselor. I wanted to be a counselor for teens because i think that's the crucial age that decides what kind of an adult you will be and with all the changes and judgementalness around you and parents don't seem to realize the severity of depression these days. Even if it's "just a phase" it doesn't mean it can't end deadly.

Ciera is just like my older sister.. she acted out due to past things that happened and she just wanted dad to ask us what was wrong and I did the opposite(perfect child.. almost straight A's in more extra activities then I can count, did community volunteering, 4-h.. etc) To try to get my dads attention. But if she keeps going downhill I still think she needs to be fought for and not given up like her dad has done. But he was never a good guy I still just hate him and i think Ciera and Alex have surpressed what he did.

I know in time she will snap out of it. But the worst feeling for me at her age was feeling friendless, like no one cared about me at all and if it wasn't for maria(who lived in kansas and I lived inohio) I don't think i would be alive. I don't want her to feel the same as I did because I know thats what depression does it puts you in a mind set where you believe no one gives a crap about you and that you cause all the problems. I just wish i was there to I dunno shake her and try to wake her up and drive her to a counselor. To try to spend time with her and bring back the preppy perky little girl she use to be.