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05-21-2008, 03:23 AM | #1 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 857
| Shoebox of letters from the Ex...normal?? Alrighty... First question- is it okay to keep a shoebox full of old letters from the ex?! Is that normal? I don't throw anything away, which I realized as I was going through everything trying to pack for my big move on Monday. I found valentine cards from the 4th grade!!!!!!!! I'm 22 and moving in with a new BF. As some of you know I was with my ex for 5.5 years and living with him for 3 of those years. My main point here is that my current BF is THE MOST SUPPORTIVE BF in the entire world. We met a year ago (re-met actually, but that's a whole new thread) and he has been my bestfriend for a year now. Truly my best friend. I went through hell and back this past year and he has been my support system. Basically, I talk about my X a lot. A lot... there is still a lot of drama about it. He says it kills him inside, but he toughs it out and is my friend first and foremost and if I need to talk/vent/ whatever about anything (even stuff about the X)... Back to original topic. He knows about the shoebox. He thinks it'll do me good to chuck the letters. I can't (reallyreally) can't do that. But I also can't see us having that showbox under our bed at the new apartment in a week. What would/have you girlies/men done? <3<3<3
__________________ Mom to OLIVER & CHARLIE Scents & Warmers for your home from a YT member & Independent Scentsy Consultant https://elizabethcampbell.scentsy.us/Home |
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05-21-2008, 03:38 AM | #2 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 249
| If they mean that much to you, store them at your parents home, if you can, like that they're not in your way... So, if in the future things don't go as planned, you won't regret getting rid of your precious memories... Otherwise if they're meaningless, just dump them, why hang on to your past... Live for today, tomorrow, the future!! Last edited by nygee; 05-21-2008 at 03:39 AM. |
05-21-2008, 03:40 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member | Ask yourself what is the real reason you can't chuck the letters. From the sounds of things...I'd say there's a little unresolved feeling left from that relationship. Just my opinion. Obviously you know what they say...so really you don't physically need to keep them. Analyzation over ...if you want them...keep them. Tuck them on a shelf in your closet. Simple as that. Somewhere in this house are pictures of h's ex girlfriends and my ex boyfriends. We've been married 25 years. I think my answer may be an complete non-answer....lol
__________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com |
05-21-2008, 05:16 AM | #4 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Central Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,200
| IMO I wouldn't have current boyfriend move in or go any further in this relationship until you have resolved and put closure on the old relationship. It is not fair to either of you to be holding on to something that isn't going to benefit either of you. The letters are just that letters. The memories are in your head...they will never go away. I say, close that door and open anew with this current boyfried. No sense in dragging the past into the future! Have a bon fire! Yea!! Fire...burn them!!
__________________ Zoe Peppee Brady EARL! |
05-21-2008, 05:20 AM | #5 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 10,534
| Here is my take on it... when you are ready you will toss most of them. I had an album that was all stuff my ex & I did together (tickets, pics, letters, momentos, etc...) about 2.5 years after the break up when I met my new guy and KNEW he was it, he was the one. I felt the need to take the album apart. I sent my ex the pics of just him or him and HIS friends (through his sister), kept SOME of the pics/letters/cards (very few) and tossed the rest. It was 10 years of my life... and some of it was really good. I couldn't just toss it all away like it didnt exist. But the majority of it I didnt need to keep anymore. I have a stack of pretty hat boxes and I have other memorabia in them from the past and I just put the stuff I kept from my ex in that. My new guy will never go through it and its not kept in the room we sleep in or anything. Its in a spare bedroom. So if I were you Id mix the 'ex' stuff in with the rest of your memorabilia, thin it out a bit... and keep it in another room, not the room you and your new guy sleep in. You're not ready to let go of that part of your life completely yet, and thats ok... its only been a year and it was 5.5 years of your life!
__________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz |
05-21-2008, 05:27 AM | #6 |
Luv my Angel, too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 9,333
| I would agree that there are still unresolved issues here that prevent you from getting rid of the ex. Even if all you do is go through the box and sort through, and throw out some of it, you are taking a step in the right direction. I understand that everyone has a history and some of that history includes good memories. However, those good memories also help to justify why you were in the relationship and also has a tendency to overshadow the reason you're no longer in the relationship. Your current guy sounds like a definite keeper. Even though he is supportive and listens to your rants about the ex eventually this will get old. Sometimes you just have to cut the cord completely. Next time you find yourself ranting to your current guy, ask yourself if it is worth the breath and the time it is taking away from you and your guy enjoying each other. That might add a new perspective. Hugs-
__________________ Sissy & Angel |
05-21-2008, 05:31 AM | #7 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NYC
Posts: 1,859
| I had a book bag filled with letters, pictures and journals of my time with my ex boyfriend as well. when I met my husband and we moved in together I got rid of everything. I felt that it was my past with another man and did not need it anymore. I didnt feel the need to take the rtip down memory lane anymore and felt it was not right to my hubby having old photos of my happy times with another man. I dont regret getting rid of the stuff...but hat could be cause I was ready to move forward.
__________________ Its SummerTime! |
05-21-2008, 06:00 AM | #8 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Stuart, Florida
Posts: 1,094
| I've actually thought about this myself. I'm getting married in September and I still have a box with love letters, pictures, etc. They aren't from just one particular boyfriend but several ex boyfriends that I had a significant relationship with. I don't have feelings for anyone of them anymore and love my fiance more than I have ever loved another person, but I don't want to get rid of that box. There are a lot of memories in that box. I don't think I will be much help for you My fiance knows the box exists and doesn't have a problem with me keeping it so I'm not getting rid of it at this point. Maybe one day I will be spring cleaning and realize it's crap taking up too much room and I will toss it, but until then I'm just gonna leave it at the back of the closet. I think if you still have drama with this ex then it may be a good idea to get rid of it and get that out of your life. I don't think just having the box in itself means you have unresolved issues (I don't feel like I do) but if you keep going back to that box then ya, there may be something there. Did that make any sense at all!?
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