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Old 01-19-2008, 09:29 PM   #1
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Hi Everyone

I haven't been posting or even around for the last few months. We went on a great vacation this summer to LA and Vegas. When we got back, my sons (14 year old twins) got settled into school. Early in September, one of them disclosed that they had been sexually assaulted on and off for 2 years by a friends son who wasn't much older. Its been a rough go for all of us. First off, this is a friends son who had many sleep overs at our place and I let our son's have sleep overs at their place. I never thought my child would be in danger! I knew the Mom very well and I thought everything would be okay. I spoke with a social worker and he said "isn't it funny that we would never allow children of the opposite sex to sleep together in the same room but we don't think twice about the same sex children sleeping in the same room with opposite." Wow, this really opened my eyes.

As the months have gone on, we have been able to get him help and I think he is able to put this whole experience into perspective. My hubby and I are still working on the guilt feelings and the questions of why he didn't tell us about it sooner. We always thought we had a great relationship and that our Kids could tell us anything. Boy, were we wrong. When I asked my son why he wdidn't tell us he said that he was ashamed! It broke my heart!!!

I now think it is so important to share with other Moms about our experience and even if you know the family and know the kids, be really careful about kids sleeping over at other peoples houses. I have always been a diligent parent and I have learnt my lesson the hard way... and worst of all, so did my Son.

God Bless

Leslie
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Old 01-20-2008, 05:49 AM   #2
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so sorry to hear your story. It must be really hard as a parent to deal with this as well. Sounds like you are doing the best you can with a crappy situation..... Prayers going out to your family.
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Old 01-20-2008, 05:53 AM   #3
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I am so sorry to hear what happened to your son. You're right-most parents would never think twice about letting children of the same sex have sleepovers. Things like this affect the whole family, and I am sorry that you all are going through this. I commend you for getting him help, and for keeping the communication open with your son. I appreciate you coming on here to share your story-you may have just prevented another child from having a similar experience.
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Old 01-20-2008, 06:20 AM   #4
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I am so very sorry. I will keep your family in my prayers. What a terrible experience for this young person.
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Old 01-20-2008, 06:22 AM   #5
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Oh Leslie, I'm so sorry I think it's great that you are sharing your story and I hope your family can heal.
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Old 01-20-2008, 07:05 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baileysmom31 View Post
Hi Everyone

I haven't been posting or even around for the last few months. We went on a great vacation this summer to LA and Vegas. When we got back, my sons (14 year old twins) got settled into school. Early in September, one of them disclosed that they had been sexually assaulted on and off for 2 years by a friends son who wasn't much older. Its been a rough go for all of us. First off, this is a friends son who had many sleep overs at our place and I let our son's have sleep overs at their place. I never thought my child would be in danger! I knew the Mom very well and I thought everything would be okay. I spoke with a social worker and he said "isn't it funny that we would never allow children of the opposite sex to sleep together in the same room but we don't think twice about the same sex children sleeping in the same room with opposite." Wow, this really opened my eyes.

As the months have gone on, we have been able to get him help and I think he is able to put this whole experience into perspective. My hubby and I are still working on the guilt feelings and the questions of why he didn't tell us about it sooner. We always thought we had a great relationship and that our Kids could tell us anything. Boy, were we wrong. When I asked my son why he wdidn't tell us he said that he was ashamed! It broke my heart!!!

I now think it is so important to share with other Moms about our experience and even if you know the family and know the kids, be really careful about kids sleeping over at other peoples houses. I have always been a diligent parent and I have learnt my lesson the hard way... and worst of all, so did my Son.

God Bless

Leslie
My heart goes out to you and your family. I am sure he did not tell you because he thought it was his fault, that he had done something to make this happen to him, and shame/guilt he carried within himself. At the time this so called friend may have said something to him in a threatening way if he was to speak about it.
It is awful to be a victim of such horrific acts inflicted on a person. Subsequently he lost a lot of his trust while this was happening.
When you lose trust in a person (his friend), it makes it tough for awhile to trust even your family that is so very close to you. Will I be believed is the number one reason usually. I am sure he questioned himself on this. No one will believe I did nothing to cause this to happen to me.
It is very good you have been seeking help. You cannot blame yourself or feel guilty. (Easier said then done) I know this.
The best thing that happened is he did talk to you. Some never tell their parents and have to deal with this later in life.. Much harder then.

I hope this helps.. and I also hope something was done about this friend, for I would bet you son was not the first an if so will not be the last.

I worked with male sexual offenders... grrrrrrrrrrrrr it was a tough job at times..

pooh's mum
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Old 01-20-2008, 07:14 AM   #7
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I am very sorry that happened to your Son. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a 7 yr old that goes to sleepovers sometimes. Most of the time she has friends over to Our house though. That is very scary
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Old 01-20-2008, 07:40 AM   #8
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That is a life altering experience. I'm sorry for your son. Healing may take a while but now you know and can help him along. Some parents never find out.

I was always leery of sleep overs with my kids - kind of paranoid cause of my past, I guess. Turns out my instincts were right. If I had to raise kids again (mine are grown now) there would not be any sleep overs and I would be even more vigilant.

I hope your son will continue to talk to you and/or a counselor. He cannot be told enough that he is not to blame and has nothing to be ashamed of.

Hugs to you and your family
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Old 01-20-2008, 09:25 AM   #9
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Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. It has been a real struggle but I am glad that this is being dealt with now that when he has gotten help. Thank you all again!

Hugs

Leslie
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Old 01-20-2008, 09:30 AM   #10
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I'm so sorry that your family has had to deal with this. You are in our prayers.

But we're glad to have you back.
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Old 01-20-2008, 10:32 AM   #11
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Wow i am so sorry If i ever have kids i think i would be extra overprotective 'cause i've just heard too many stories, whether its a boy or girl. You will be in my prayers.
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Old 01-20-2008, 01:43 PM   #12
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So sorry that your family have to go through this, most of the childrens feel ashamed, scare that no one will believe them, or if the one who assaulted scare them telling them that they are going to hurt them or hurt someone in the family and stuff like that. Send you prayers to your way for emotional, physical,spiritual healing
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Old 01-20-2008, 02:21 PM   #13
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Leslie, I am so sorry that this happened to your family. I can understand a little because we are going thru this with my 6 year old granddaughter. She was sexually assaulted by an 11 year old boy this past summer. She was afraid to tell because he had said the police would take her. My daughter was always around when they were playing. We are still in the court process and in counseling. My daughter is very open because she wants all parents that it can happen almost right in front of you....in the bushes, in the laundry room, on the playground. The guilt my daughter is feeling is horrible. I will keep you in my prayers. PM me if you ever need to vent....we have done lots of venting.
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Old 01-20-2008, 02:26 PM   #14
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God Leslie... i am so sorry. How horrific for your son. I wish the best for your family & espcially your son in dealing with this & overcoming!!!
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Old 01-20-2008, 02:34 PM   #15
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I had a bad sleepover experience with a friends Dad as a child and never let my children sleep over at friends houses because of that. They get mad at me for it but I always tell them they can certainly go over but there is no reason to sleep there...all your doing is sleeping anyhow lol...you might as well be comfortable in your own bed...so far its gotten me by. My daughters friends are always asking to sleep her too...but I dont want to put my self in a situation for false accusal so no one sleeps here either...its a shame that we have to even think of these things but unfortunately predators come in all shapes, sizes and sexes...I am sorry for your son and It sounds like he is dealing well with it and is very lucky he didnt bottle it up his whole life..

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