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Old 01-16-2008, 07:26 AM   #1
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Unlove This is a good one for those w/Mother-In-laws

Hubby had a Vasectomy last friday (mother in law was away) she came home yesterday and called us. My daughter told her that her daddy hurt is inner leg and had to relax over the weekend (we did not tell the kids what he had done - they are 8 and 5) so of course the minute I got on the phone w/her she wanted to know what happened to him. So of course I told her the truth. Well you would of thought he committed a horrible crime.
She felt the need to inform me how upset she was to hear this news and that maybe I should of gone and had my tubes tide since she did when she knew that she did not want anymore children.
Now to give you a little background info, we struggled w/infertility and I had to do IVF to get the two children that I have. Did three more cycles of IVF, mis. a set of twins and did 3 failed IUI's. Developed a clotting disorder that I now have to live with, had trouble w/my heart from all of the medication and have major probs w/my kidneys. Was informed in April that I should be very thankful that I ever had kids and that it would never be recommended that I get preg again because it could be fatal to me. (mother in law knows all of this too)
So w/that all said, even though we have never been pregnant w/out intervention we both thought that it was better to be safe then sorry. I want to be alive for the family I already have. I can't worry about the family I don't have.
She really feels that she should of been informed before HER son made such a harsh choice. I did remind her that HER son is a grown man, that was been w/me for over 17years and has been married to me for almost 12yrs and that WE as a couple made that choice together and that when we decided to have babies we did not inform her so why would we start now. And not for nothing - I sort of felt that was the least hubby could do considering the hell I have put my body through just to get our kids. I was the one injecting myself daily and then giving birth w/out pain med twice!
Is she kidding me. She is usually a lovely woman but this really set her over the edge.
Does anyone else have a mother in law that has been hurt by something like this?
I was speechless!
(Thanks for listening to me vent!
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:44 AM   #2
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Wow, Talk about inconsiderate!!! You most definitely did the right thing. Would she have wanted you to risk your life? My hubby had a vasectomy too and was up and about the next day with no complications. I think it is so much easier for the guys. I wouldn't worry about how she took it, it's your lives and whats done is done.
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Old 01-16-2008, 08:11 AM   #3
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wow, turn loose lady!!
I would've just handed the phone over to the husband and let him deal with her...I'm willing to bet you have had other issues with her too, right? Those MIL's.....I feel for you, I had one from hell for a long time...then she got other DIL's and figured out I wasn't quite as bad as she thought I was
Seems like she would be thankful you gave her two wonderful grandkids and then butt out
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Old 01-16-2008, 08:33 AM   #4
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WOW! I don't have a my mother-in-law passed away before we got married so, I don't have these things to worry about. I hate to say this but, this really isn't any of her business. This was a personal decision between you and your husband. With all the troubles you went through I don't blame you at all! My first pregnancy was horrible! I was sick and nearly died having her. My second daughter is lucky she is here because of the horrible time I had with my first. I am divorced and re-married (at the age of 42) a man (when he was 38) who had no children. He knew that is would be detramental to my health to have anymore children. He had a vasectomy when he was 40 yrs old. I feel your mother-in-law is being very selfish. sorry.
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Old 01-16-2008, 09:10 AM   #5
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It is much less invasive for your husband to have a vasectomy than for you to have your tubes tied, isn't it? It really is not any of her business. I had a "lovely" MIL myself, but she let us know if something displeased her. My situation was just the opposite. When we told MIL that we were expecting a baby (this was our last child) she was adamantly annoyed with us. And she let us know it. A couple of weeks later she came over and told us that she had prayed to God and come to terms with the pregnancy and it was ok now.
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Old 01-16-2008, 09:20 AM   #6
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Maybe she was just surprised and is now regretting what she said. Sometimes we say things without really thinking about it first. Maybe hubby should talk to her about it, I'd definitely let him handle it. I agree, it definitely makes more sense for him to have it done rather than you, especially with everything you've been through. My husband had it done, his words were "Why should you go throught that when you've had to give birth 3 times, it's only an office visit for me". And I didn't have any of the complications you've had. He's such a great guy!
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Old 01-16-2008, 09:22 AM   #7
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I know of someone that had several ectopic pregnancies after her tubes were tied, as well as women that actually got pregnant...that's something I would not do and depend on not getting pregnant. Mother-in-law needs to butt out
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Old 01-16-2008, 11:13 AM   #8
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I will say that normally MIL is a very nice woman and would do anything for me. When I had surgery in Nov. she was the first to offer to take a week off to take care of me but for some reason this really upset her.
Hubby was not home, he is a lot like his mom, neither of them are ever confrontational.
Maybe she was just surprised because she had know idea that he was going to have this done!
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