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Old 12-02-2007, 05:51 PM   #1
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Default Am I a bad person - WARNING LONG!

Guys, I guess I just need to vent but I have had a problem in our family for quite awhile now and I’m having trouble getting past it. I guess I should say we’re having trouble cause it’s not just me. As some of you might know, my sister passed away last year. About 2 weeks after she passed away, it was rumored that a neighbor was leaving her husband for my brother in law. My other sister even called the neighbors husband and he confirmed everything and even gave her some ugly details which may or may not be true but which were disturbing nonetheless. One of those things being that my brother in law was leaving the kids alone and he was going to report him to child protective services if it continued. I didn’t really believe that part of it but did have concerns because usually, where there’s smoke there’s fire. My brother in law and this woman denied everything but shortly thereafter my son spent the night there with his cousins and after I picked him up he was chattering away and mentioned that Uncle had left to go get them slushies at the store and was gone like “two hours” but he was only gone so long cause the slushy machine was broken so he had to go to another store. Mind you, there are 3 or 4 stores in their neighborhood with slushies and they are literally, just around the corner. Needless to say, my son is no longer allowed to sleep there – there were at least 5 active boys just at the right age to get into trouble left alone. The youngest was 4 at the time. Anyways, I’m sure you probably know what’s coming. This woman and my brother in law bought another house and moved the kids into that all less than a year after my sister passed away. My other sister had a big blow out with my brother in law and told him what she thinks and he seems shocked, like what’s the big deal? I have tried to keep my mouth shut because he has allowed me to see my nephews pretty much whenever I want but I feel like a hypocrite pretending to be nice when I really don’t have very nice feelings at all. I just feel like my poor nephews have been so neglected the last year and a half with my brother in law having to “work” until all hours of the nite when he was really out with this woman. And I know that to be true since I have helped him with his books and places he claimed he was at, he never billed for. Anyways, I really just needed to vent but am I a bad person for feeling this way?
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Old 12-02-2007, 06:22 PM   #2
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You have every right to feel hurt. First off you lost your sister and are still grieving. I'm sure you expected your BIL to be doing to same, and to concentrate all of his free time on the sons left to him by your sister.
Sometimes there is no explaining people's actions. Maybe he felt he needed help to raise the boys and couldn't do it himself. I know it seems very selfish to stay away from them when they needed him the most.
But, I think since he will do what he will do anyway, you should stay in good standing with him so your family can be a strong unit for the boys as they grow. I would hate for you to lose that.
Good luck
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Old 12-02-2007, 06:38 PM   #3
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Stay in those boys lifes...take it until you can't take it any longer, come here and vent..when it is all said and done, nothing matters who was right or wrong, the boys need someone like you to care, talk about their mother and tell how much she loved them...ask God for help, He has given you a mission in life.

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Old 12-02-2007, 07:26 PM   #4
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I'm 51 and I Have seen this happen more than I wish I knew about....I think it is the male gene!

I know not all will marry as soon as #1 is gone but how many of you know someone who did? See it is sad but it is just the male hormone....I maybe wrong.
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Old 12-02-2007, 09:26 PM   #5
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First, Im so sorry for your loss,how difficult that must be for you and your family. This BIL seems like a real winner and I would be reacting the same as you. I would keep in touch and make sure your nephews are being properly cared for. You are not a bad person at all, that would be hard for anyone to take.
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Old 12-02-2007, 11:07 PM   #6
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You're not a bad person at all. If anything he is(your BIL) for leaving them alone for so long and going with that woman. I am so sorry about your sister
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Old 12-03-2007, 05:17 AM   #7
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Thanks all. I know what you're saying is so true and I will keep my mouth shut and remember what really is important is the boys. Some days it's just harder than others and I guess this is the time of year that I really miss my baby sister the most.
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Old 12-03-2007, 05:33 AM   #8
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I think I would do the same thing, just to be a part of the boys life.
I hope to God this man did nothing to harm your sister. Personally I do think he is moving to fast. I know It would be a really really long time before I could let someone into my life again if I lost Brad.

Keep doing what your doing those boys need you!!
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Old 12-03-2007, 06:43 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grayson's mom View Post
I think I would do the same thing, just to be a part of the boys life.
I hope to God this man did nothing to harm your sister. Personally I do think he is moving to fast. I know It would be a really really long time before I could let someone into my life again if I lost Brad.

Keep doing what your doing those boys need you!!
No he didn't do anything to cause her death. She had cancer and had battled it for about 10 years. History kinda has a way of repeating itself - my mom also died from breast cancer and also left behind us 4 kids and my father wasn't the best either so I wound up raising my siblings - I had just turned 18 when she passed away. Anyways, my sister had really thought that her husband was different and he certainly is not as bad as our father but none of expected this! And I try to tell myself that maybe this woman will be good for the kids but I have my doubts because she is a felon who did time for drug dealing and gave birth to her first child in jail - I know people can change and for my 4 nephews sake, I hope she has. Doesn't it sound like the stuff soap operas are made of?
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Old 12-03-2007, 06:46 AM   #10
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Theresa, I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to your family I really have no advice for you other than you're doing what you have to do to keep your nephews in your life. I wish you all the best, and I sincerely hope this man can become a better father for his kids...some of the things you said are just very shocking. I hope he gets his "stuff" together and gets his priorities straightened out. Mostly though, I wish you the best of luck with what seems to be a horribly difficult situation...
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Old 12-03-2007, 08:40 AM   #11
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You're never a bad person when it comes to the welfare of children. I'd continue to put a smile on my face so I could atleast see them, but I'd be calling Child Protective services at the same time. You can do it and remain anonymous.
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Old 12-03-2007, 11:27 AM   #12
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What a horrible situation to be in. I completely understand that you don't want to cross the line and tick him off for fear that he won't let you see your nephews anymore. So DID anyone ever report it to child protection? What was the outcome? I would report it again anonymously and NEVER admit it was me. Sounds shady, but that's honestly what I'd do.
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Old 12-03-2007, 12:57 PM   #13
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So sorry about your sister. Those kids really need you, and I don't think at all you are a bad person, you are human with feelings. I send you prayers to your way
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Old 12-04-2007, 01:53 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorkieRose View Post
Stay in those boys lifes...take it until you can't take it any longer, come here and vent..when it is all said and done, nothing matters who was right or wrong, the boys need someone like you to care, talk about their mother and tell how much she loved them...ask God for help, He has given you a mission in life.
Thank you! I know you are right. I needed to hear it though.
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Old 12-04-2007, 01:55 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuvMyPrinceKobi View Post
Theresa, I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to your family I really have no advice for you other than you're doing what you have to do to keep your nephews in your life. I wish you all the best, and I sincerely hope this man can become a better father for his kids...some of the things you said are just very shocking. I hope he gets his "stuff" together and gets his priorities straightened out. Mostly though, I wish you the best of luck with what seems to be a horribly difficult situation...
Thanks Teri. I really appreciate it.
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