Just wondering if anyone else has been in my shoes.....
 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and 5 months now. We have plans to get married but, its not official yet. He does not like dogs being in the house and has allergies. He told me tonight that when we get married he wants me to leave my dogs here (with my mom and step dad). Does anyone else's boyfriend/husband not love dogs like you do? If so, what solution did you come up with? Thanks for your help! Oh by the way, I don't need anyone to talk bad about my boyfriend nor our relationship. ;)

I made my bf learn to deal with the fact that my pets will come before him:D We've been together almost 6 years, and he is still here LOL!
Anyway yorkies are the dog of choice for peeps with pet allergies, and he is still allergic?

Lol, my pets are high on my priorities but, not before Kevin. Cocoa doesn't shed but, Daisy does (A LOT).

Any chance of just Daisy staying with your parents? If you still live close by you can still see her.

Yeah, my mom said she will keep Daisy....I'm not going to worry about it right now though because we aren't even engaged; I guess I will worry over it when the time comes. Ya know?

well, he wouldn't be my bf anymore if he didn't like dogs.

I love dogs, they are my world and passion in life. I just could never be with a man that didn't like dogs or wanted my dogs to live outside.

Is there any medication he can take for the allergies?

Relationships require compromise and I think I can be willing to compromise on some things. Like leaving one or both of my dogs with my mom and sister. I will just have to wait and see how things play out.

The main thing isn't the allergies its him not wanting dogs in the house. The allergies just add to it.

That's a hard one then. Has he given any other reason besides the ones you all ready mentioned?

He just doesn't like animals being in the house (my dad is the same way but, I don't live with him).

It sounds so strange to me, especially since I've had a pet since before I could walk. Does he truly know and understand how much your furbutts mean to you? and that they are not disposable like an old appliance?

I'm sure it does sound strange but, we were together for almost 3 years before I got Cocoa and Daisy came after. Before that I didn't have dogs and knew he didnt want dogs in the house and just ignored that fact and went ahead and got them. Its my fault, I knew it would become a problem.

I try my hardest not to be judgemental,but I have to say it,sorry I don't want to offend you. If I were in your shoes and my future husband was already making these demands on me I would seriously think twice about sharing my future with him. He knew this about you from the beginning and I think he should be the one to change,not you. JMO

OK ,DIFFERENT STORY AFTER READING YOUR LAST POST,SORRY.

I really don't know what else to say except for him to suck it up and deal! I'm sure you will be heartbroken over the rehoming, and he probably wouldn't bat an eye over it.

I sent you a PM ... hope it is helpful ... but each story is different ... :cry:

Marriage is two lives coming together, you give and take from each life (good and bad) and blend a new family. Do you want to live your life without dogs, is that a part of you that you can give up forever? Hopefully you will be able to talk things over with him and he can meet you in the middle some how. Compromise makes a succesful marriage, you knew that he doesn't like dogs, but he knows that YOU DO. It is not "your fault" that you enjoy having dogs.

Relationships are full of compromises. This is one of those times. You need to talk about what can be done so both of you are happy.

First and most important. If he is allergic to dogs and he reacts to your dogs, then you might not be able to keep them. Your BF has the right to be "healthy". He might be able to take a medication or do allergy shots if he is willing.

You also said he does not like dogs in the house. Do you know or understand why this is? Is it because of his allergies? Does he even like dogs? You need to have a very serious discussion about why he doesn't want dogs in the house. After this you have to decide if you can live this way forever!

Just my two cents.

I would never date someone who didn't care for my dog and the moment he said he didn't want a lot of animals, didn't want animals at all, or didn't like animals in the house he would be out of my life. Yes, relationships take compromising, but I could NEVER EVER be in a relationship (let alone marry) someone who didn't love animals as much as me. Animals are a huge part of my life and a huge part of who I am as a person. I absolutely could not live without one. My freshman year in college was aweful because I lived in a dorm and couldn't have any pets. My parents kept my oldest cat for me that year (didn't have Lacy or Sophie yet). I actually went out and bought a hamster and hid it in my dorm room just so I'd have some animal contact. I'd have more than three animals right now if I could, but my parents own my house and pay for my school and they don't want me to have any more pets right now. I told my parents that once they can't tell me what to do anymore, no one is going to tell me what to do anymore...I'm sure not going to marry someone who is going to tell me I can't have whatever pets I want. Like I said, they are that important to me. Honestly, I'd much rather stay single and have my pets than be married to someone with no pets.

You buying these pets, knowing your boyfriend didn't want them (and you intending to marry him one day), wasn't fair to them. It's not fair for them to love you and get attached to you and depend on you and then you give them up, especially when you already knew you'd probably have to. I guess all you can do is decide what's more important to you. But you know...if he's telling you what to do now, he's always going to be telling you what to do. Definitely not something I'd want but to each their own I guess

LMAO OMG you sound just like me! Except i wouldn't rather be single but i would make my husband, bf whatever accept my pets. Luckily my bf loves my pets tho, even the birds, he doesn't care, he never had a pet before so now that he does he loves it. Anyhow i am just like you, i have always had a pet in the house ever since i was 3, whether it was bird(s), hamsters, fish, rabbit, frogs, a dog i always had a pet and don't think i can ever live w/o a pet again. IDK i would just feel so empty w/o a pet. lol And i also live with my mom and she pays for my school so i can't have anymore pets right now but when i move, i plan to have a lot more:D I just love them:)

About your relationship i hope everything works out.:) My only concern is that what if your dogs Daisy and Cocoa get too attached to you, what if they are already? Won't that affect them if, when you move out to be with your bf? If that's not the case then i'd say leave them to your mom, it's something you have to think about. If your mom wants them and if they are important to you that you can't let them go. Good luck!;)

Exactly like me! Freshman year I started volunteering with a shelter, just so I could be around pets. And i'm glad i did or I wouldn't have Laney and mom wouldn't have Schatzie.

I have an older (40s) friend who did compromise. She was a huge animal lover but future hubby did not want pets in the house. So they made the deal her current pets (two cats) could live in the house and once they were gone, no more pets in the house. Well the cats passed shortly after the people got married. now she has one outdoor cat and one outdoor dog, and I don't think having to be outside is fair to either one of the animals. Neither does my friend. She is also involved in rescue, but can never bring them home to foster b/c hubby says no way. No more than one dog, one cat and none inside. Needless to say, my friend is unhappy much of the tiem bc she cant have her animals inside.

I think everyone has already said the same thing. If you love dogs, and your boyfriend doesn't like them in the house, it sounds as if you really are not compatable. In a marriage, there is give and take, but sometimes, you need to look at whether you are giving up an important part of yourself. If you are, you will regret it down the road. Both parties need to feel they are being heard and are both a part of this marriage. Look at what your life will be 20 years from now if he continues to take a little piece of you away. That is when marriages fall apart. It is better to look at it now, even if you have been together three years. Twenty year and three kids down the road would be sad if you or he suddenly decided it was all wrong.

all i can say is i am sorry you have to make a choice..I know it will be a hard one. I can't offer you any advice sorry..I wouldn't know what to say since i have never been in that situation and My fiance loves his girls..Good luck!

I had a similar situation with my DH. He and my son are severely allergic to cats so I would never think of having a cat because I see what cats do to them (they cannot breath...this is something they cannot help). They are both also allergic to dogs but they are not allergic to Yorkies. However, my DH was still very hesitant about us getting a Yorkie in fear of being around the dog all the time that he & our son would have a difficult time breathing. It was a COMPROMISE (no marriage will ever survive without compromise)....we as a family agreed to buying a Yorkie but if my son and DH had a difficult time breathing we would have to re-home him...as sad as that would of been!!! WELL, since we got our sweet Buddy, my DH is soooooo in love with Buddy that I think that if he had to be on oxygen each day he would NEVER re-home Buddy. Buddy is like a child to us!!!! I would of NEVER of thought that my DH would be so attached to a dog that he really did not want in the first place. Hopefully, your BF will come around on the dog issue since it is so important to you!!! My DH did ....who would of thought? Not me!!!

I hope when the time comes he will be willing to compromise. My husband was never a big animal person either. He knew that I was raised with them and it was important to me so that made it important to him. We have been together for 16 years and married for 14. He is still my very best friend in the world and there is absolutely no one who I would prefer to hang out with. Our marriage is fantastic and I believe a large part of the reason is that we both genuinely care about the others' happiness. He knows having dogs makes me happy and that makes him happy. Of course he has grown to love them now too. I mentioned wanting a rabbit and he didn't look thrilled so... I wont get a rabbit. We look out for each other.

ETA- I would never let ask my hubby to suffer allergies for me. That's a different story but it sounds like you have solved that by being willing to leave Daisy behind. You are willing to compromise which is great. Good luck.

My BF and i have been together 4 years and are in a similar situation....BUT at first he didnt like dogs because he had never had one....can you believe that? no pets? no dog? id die.....but anyway we started dating and he learned to like my two babies...he has horrible horrible allergies and was worried they would aggrivate them, but he hasnt had one flare up with these guys! When i finally move out and we get a place together he "thinks" they wont sleep in the bed with us and will stay in their own designated lil room....psh boy does he have another one coming! haha My point is....try to make him learn to love your lil guys and compromise.....i wouldnt survive if i had to leave my babies at my parents house....good luck!:thumbup:

Sorry to hear all this but am I reading correctly in that you had your dogs before the BF? I guess I'm old school her so forgive me if I sound a little harsh - don't want to be - but I've dated a lot of guys in my life and I know I am an animal lover and always will be - if any of them did not like my animals then as much as I liked, loved them then out they went. My motto was love me, love my animals..lol. I guess I'm confused..if you got your doggies before the BF didn't you know about his allergies when you met him and talk about this from the get-go?

I wish I could help you with a solution but you two need to work this out soon before you get married and so sorry that you have to decide between your babies and your BF. :(

No, I got my dogs nearly three years after Kevin and I got together