4 months on: still crying - Did I love Lucy too much?

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by Shicks

So very sorry. We lost our sweet little boy almost 2 years ago. I was beside myself for ever. I can't describe the emptiness in me. He was only 1 week into his 7th birthday. I felt very robbed, alone, sad, mad, afraid, anxious, and the lists goes on. I was in misery. I went on with my daily activities on automatic no feeling.
13 months later we had our little Ruger. He has been sent from heaven to us from our deceased one. He has kept me so busy I can't think of anything else.
I have portraits all over my house of our passed baby and just now I can look at them and smile and talk with him.
So for me, it took getting another baby to fix myself.
I couldn't begin to tell how long I would have been a basket case.
Prayers for your healing.

First off Moonstruck I am so very sorry for your loss, nothing prepares us for the earth shattering devastation we feel when we lose our precious fur babies. I do not think we can love them too much, with all the love they give us they so deserve all the love. Do not be hard on yourself during this time, I lost Jingle in January and was a complete mess. I didn't leave home for a week. I couldn't eat, sleep, or do anything but cry. Basket Case would be a mild word to describe my state of being during that time. I still have bad times with it, even though it is better. I was at a pet store Saturday and they had a flag of a Yorkie angel that looked just like my Jingle and I started bawling right in the store, completely out of the blue.

I agree with Shicks completely, once I got Presley the healing started to begin. Without Presley I do not think I would be where I am with the grieving process. He has replaced tears with laughter, loneliness with puppy kisses, idle time with a busy baby. He hasn't replaced Jingle, as nothing ever could, but he has helped me tremendously and brought the joy back into our home. i pray soon you will be able to open your heart to a new baby, I think there are some of us that are destined to be Yorkie mommy's, I am so thankful I was one of the blessed ones to be chosen for that! Prayers and thoughts to you!

[moon_struck]

Once again, thanks to all for taking the time to reply with your kind words. I am sorry you've all experienced the same ghastly emotional pain and yearning for your darling yorkie.

Still have her toys, chew sticks, towels, bed blankets, one of her beds that I can't bear to wash (and donate to charity). Some days are better than others, for the most part it just feels like there's a stone in my stomach. All part of the grieving process. Wish I wasn't so hyper-sensitive though.

Saudade: "the love that remains". Very much so - and what to do with it, squash it down and put a lid on it ...

x

[Opium88]

Never put a lid on it. Otherwise youll go through this grief every time you come across it and open it. I've always had to deal with grief since I was young. My first three deaths were suicides of the first three men in my life. My grandfather, my father, and then my boyfriend when I was almost 16. I used to let grief encompass me . But I've dealt with a lot more since then and I've learned to immerse myself in it for a short time and I print pictures and plaster their face everywhere and write poems and cry until I'm so used to seeing their sweet little face that I forget to cry. Because they meant too much to me to lock away and forget. And it gives me much better sense of closure and it makes it easier to breathe. I still have my bag of Marley things and my Chewy objects of course. But really, what helped me heal the most was Toby. If I hadn't of gotten him I would still be missing Marley every time I looked at her sister, Izzy . And since she's always in my lap I'd be crying all the time. But like someone above me here said, Toby saved me. My Angel on four legs...

[moon_struck]

Thanks Opium for your very wise words, so sorry for your terrible losses and at such a young age - that is so so tough.

Lately I have been allowing myself to grieve and cry more, Christmas approaching has made me feel more sad. My darling Mum died last year, losing her devastated me - so when we lost Lucy too, well ... it just brought me to my knees. At the same time I feel weak for not coping. Grief is complicated.

[canana]

We had to euthanize our sweet Bibi at the age of 19 yrs. She had a very long and healthy life with our family. She really was a huge part of our family and a huge part of my life growing up.

It still makes me sad every time I think of her. I wouldn't have done it any different even though it hurt so much, but we were present in the room while the vet injected her. It was so very incredibly painful seeing her go. From living to suddenly gone. I was crying for months every time I thought about her and how she left us.

I still cry each time thinking about it...even as I write this right now.

It's been 3 years since she's left us. It took me 2.5 years to move on and to get a new puppy. But it still hurts to think about how Bibi's gone now...I try to tell myself a part of her came back in my little Scottie who's the love of my life right now.

[moon_struck]

awww Canana, so sorry that you had to say goodbye to sweet Bibi. What an adorable name, I love it. And such an incredibly long life, a small dog so well loved.

I share your pain - from living to suddenly gone is so so difficult to watch - it haunts me, particularly at 3am in the morning. Her last moments and passing was not good or what I was expecting - think that's why I'm struggling so much to come to terms with losing her.

Maybe in time I will move on - but for now, I can't - I love her and want only her, to be able to hold her and look into her eyes. I'm worn out with it.

When I'm out and about I often have to restrain myself from approaching owners to ask for a stroke of their dog, don't want to turn into crazy dog bereaved nutter.

So you have a new chapter with little Scottie, a new light shining in your life after the darkness. How lovely.

x

[anakarydas]

I miss my beloved Bella still... since Oct 9-2014.....
I know how you all feel.

[anniernc]

I don't think you can ever love your sweet babies too much. The end of this month will be 6 yrs since I lost my sweet little Heidi and I still cry when I think or talk about her. It does get easier but it takes alot of time. Your Lucy will always have a special place in your heart and you'll always miss her but you will smile again when the memories come flooding in. My thoughts are with you. Rest in Peace sweet baby Lucy.

[tinav]

Sorry for your loss....I think the love that you have for your little baby will eventually pull you through. I don't think the sadness of loosing one of our fur babies will ever end but instead we learn to endure and know that one day we will all be together again. You are in my prayers and thoughts. Don't be afraid to cry...it has to come out and will help you heal.


Hugs..
Tina

[moon_struck]

Thank you all for all your kind words and understanding.

Felt very down recently, thinking about her a lot. As with all grief, if you're low about other life difficulties, it's always there to creep up and take a hold.

The "not there-ness" that is so overwhelming and constant. Long to see her cute little face - you all know what I mean.

x

[sandy simpson]

Just seems the more we love the harder it is to let go. Yet dog people always love alot. You are very special to have loved your precious dog and now the loss is heartbreaking. Only tears and time helped me and the comfort of knowing my awesome Lord Who creates my dogs will have them waiting for me when I leave earth for heaven. This life is short and your sweet dog is in a place of beauty we cannot imagine. Eye has not seen nor ear heard neither has entered into the heart of man the things that God has prepared for them who love Him.
I totally believe this and I know my dogs are there.

[Cindy_17]

Originally Posted by sandy simpson

Just seems the more we love the harder it is to let go. Yet dog people always love alot. You are very special to have loved your precious dog and now the loss is heartbreaking. Only tears and time helped me and the comfort of knowing my awesome Lord Who creates my dogs will have them waiting for me when I leave earth for heaven. This life is short and your sweet dog is in a place of beauty we cannot imagine. Eye has not seen nor ear heard neither has entered into the heart of man the things that God has prepared for them who love Him.
I totally believe this and I know my dogs are there.

Beautiful! God is good and loves us His children more than we can imagine. If my Jingle cannot be in my care it comforts me to know he is in the Creators care.

[dawz1026]

I just called a pet loss counselor. .believe me you are normal.My passing may be fresh but I can tell u I will never be over it.