Grieving

[Freado]

As of late, Freado's closet seems to come up in conversation a lot. It's one of the last things that I have not "cleared out" of the house. The day he was taken from me, I had my Husband put all of his toys in a bag and that bag is in another room in the house. I hope one day, I will have the strength to take them all out and photograph each one, before permanently discarding them. When showing people the house for the first time, taking them into our closet was a thrill. Reason being, we had originally built our home in 2001, but then we went through a two year remodel job, which my Husband called an "extreme home makeover" in 2008, and guess what, yep, our closet got bigger. I was always lucky that Freado didn't mind me putting clothes on him. When he was smaller, I would buy Build-A-Bear clothing, a very inexpensive way of "building" a large wardrobe. I have not yet figured out why animal clothing is so crazy expensive! When we traveled, we would find t-shirt souvenirs for him, a Hawaiian button down from Hawaii, a pirate themed t-shirt from the Treasure Island Hotel in Vegas, etc. He wore tuxedos for special occasions, a Santa suit during Christmas, sweaters when it was cold out, and tank-tops when it was hot. Everywhere we went, vet, bank, mall, he was dressed. When we would have company over, he was dressed appropriately, wether it be a casual, semi-formal, or formal affair. Ah, the things we miss... Right now, to go through it all, would be waaayyy tooo painful. I*wasn't even sure what to do with his clothing. I say "wasn't" because not to long ago, I came up with a plan. While our Daughter was in high school I collected all of her t-shirts that she had worn throughout the years. She had them from performances that she was in, sports, mission trips she had taken, and so on. Before she graduated from high school and went off to college, I took them all down to a neighbor's house, who does quilting, to make a t-shirt quilt out of them. A little over four years, Daughter still has and uses her quilt. So, I figure if it works for her, keeping all of those high school memories fresh, then it should work for me, to keep my Freado memories alive. When I can, and think I won't completely break-down, I will take Freado's clothes down to that quilting lady, and have a quilt made out of them. Just the thought of having it made, actually makes me feel a little better.

[Freado]

So...I, we, are in the process of getting a new little fur-baby. I have so many mixed emotions over this decision. I loved my Freado more than life, we all did. He was a Son to my Husband and a younger Brother sibling to my Daughter. For me, those 14 years go so much deeper. It's a strange feeling to try and explain, it's so deep inside my body and mind. There is this little space that is empty, vacant, hollow, sad, and yet, that space also feels, for the lack of any better words, dead, lifeless. Since Freado has been gone sometimes it's hard to smile, or just be happy. I have a most wonderful life. Not a single complaint. A super fantastic Husband and Daughter, good friends, and so many new adventures just starting, with Husband retiring and Daughter graduating from college, but there's that little vacant hole still there. I am not expecting our new little one, Franchessca, to fill that hole, I always want it to be there, if for nothing but to be a reminder of what I once had with my special little man. With all of this said, there is a kind of excitement and nervousness that has been building. I'm actually having a hard time just waiting to get her home and in my arms! It's been a long time since we've raised a child, whether it be of the human or furry variety. It seems like we've been pretty good at it so far, so I feel pretty confident we'll be ok. However, deep down inside, similar to or maybe even in that same little space, there is just a hint of doubt. Most people, who know me would laugh at my self doubt. They know what a lover-spoiler I am and have been to my fur-children. I've been told more than once, "If I die, I'd like to come back as one of your pets!". I guess that's the difference, they aren't just pets, but a true part of our family. As of now, I will continue to grieve, and soon I will be grieving with a little fur-baby next to me, helping me through a tough time in my life. That is something Freado would have done and did do for me.
Thanks ~ B

[sandy simpson]

I wish I could help you with that awful grief. Your precious little man is so missed. It hurts. When we love deeply it breaks our heart to let them go. Faith has comforted me. I know all the dogs that have gone on are with their Lord and Creator who gave them life. I believe there is a place they go. We are sad . their little spirit is still with us always. Freado is around your feet still. God knows your needs and your little new friend will be what you will love. My prayers for you .

[missmybabygirl]

Awwe. I'm glad you are opening your heart to a new little friend. I, too, am getting a new 6 month old baby tomorrow and share your feelings of doubt whether it's too soon. I started dreaming about the little guy though, and I knew he was the one (I had only seen 1 blurry picture also!). I'm torn about whether or not to wash the dog bed and toys I have, or buy all new stuff. The old beds still have some fur in them .

[Freado]

Sunday, December 6th, is THE DAY.
10:00 am, is THE TIME.
A little tooooo dramatic for you?
Husband and I will be making the 1.5 hour drive to pick-up our little fur-baby, Franchessca.
My mind is sooooo full of...do I have everything we will need to introduce our little one into our family household? We don't live close to any pet stores, so I have been planning and purchasing all of the necessary items I think may be needed. We haven't done this in a loooong time and, believe it or not, things have changed!
As I have said before, this is a bitter-sweet time for me. I still miss my little guy. I still cry every day. It really hasn't been that long since he has been gone, almost five months. I will say it again, it feels like a lifetime since I held him, gave him belly rubs, and have heard that sweet bark, that I miss so much. I know it will get better and I have faith that Frannie will be there to help me continue to get through this time of grieving in my life. As always, I want to thank everyone who have read my stories and who have validated my feelings. It means the world to me to know that I have not been alone during the last few months. I am sure, while raising our little Franchessca, memories of our sweet Freado will come back to us, and when they do, I will be documenting those stories here, simply because it makes me feel good to share those special memories with others that have lost their furry loved ones.
Thanks ~ B

[scrapindee]

It has been quite a journey for you. Now you are starting a new chapter. Hope you will start a new thread for your new puppy.