My Dear Spikie... I Am So Sorry!!

[Ironman433]

Oh, my God... My dear, dear, sweet lil' Spikie... Daddy is so very sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most! You were always there to give me comfort even when I didn't realize how much I needed you or how comforting it was just knowing that you could sence my feelings and were there for me just in case... I am so sorry... So very, very sorry that I let you down.

Two days ago my loyal friend drowned in our swimming pool as I laid awake in bed ten feet away thinking about myself and my day ahead. Meanwhile on the other side of our doors, my best friend in the whole world died a horrable, agonizing death filled with fear and desperate panic as his mate searched helplessly for a way to help him as she she watched him die in the most cruel manner I can think of and the overwhelming guilt and pain is driving me crazy beyond belief... I can stop thinking about his poor poor helpless face searching for me to come and save him from this and I never, ever came! Oh, my ****ing God, my God, how I hate not hearing him and not being abe to rescue him. The pain is almost unbearable at times and that immage of his panic stricken little face will not leave my mind no matter how hard I try to think of how he used to make my wife and I laugh until we were in tears at his sweet, lovable antics. I have never know a dog like Spike. He was a great watch dog - mostly because of his pure, sweet innosence and curiousity. He genuinely loved everyone and was so kind and gentle. He never wanted to harm anything ever... Thoughts of biting or hurting anything never once crossed his mind ever - even in play... That he could do such a thing just never crossed his mind even for a second. It kills me to think that such a kind hearted, loving soul like Spike had to die in such an agonizing, slow, terrifying manner... My God, this is just so unfair... I will never be able to fogive myself for not being able to help him when I know that seeing my face was the last thoughts... Last hope he had... And I let him down. Oh, my God, Spikie... Daddy is so, so sorry...

He used to usually sleep either right by my side or right between my legs (gee, thanks, Spike... Daddy is so comfy now!) where he felt safe and secure and Gypsy would sleep on the other side of Carie... They kept us tucked in at night whether we wanted to be or not, but the four of us loved it and we all felt warm and safe together. We even had to buy poor little Spikie some steps so that he could get up there... Gypsy could jump up there, but his little legs just couldn't quite make it. We used to laugh before we got the steps about him being like a pop up (on your computer) or one of those gophers down at Chuck E. Cheese... He was such a sweet little nut case... So much personality... He was like a lovable, grumpy old man trapped in an adorable toy doggie's body.

We had taught them where the stairs were and how to get out of the pool and had put them in and made them do it on many occasions so we never once worried that this might happen after that. Maybe once a week we would let them stay outside so we could get a good nights rest without worrying about rolling over on them or accidently launching them across the room if they were by your feet. And that was just fine by Spike... It was like going camping to him and he was like a Beat Cop on patrol keeping gaurd over his castle. He was happy to alert you if a bird flew into his air space or if a clump of leaves stirred without getting his permission... He was the grounds security gaurd and it was a job he loved and took as seriously as a heart attack! He was so funny to watch - every 10 minutes he had to make his rounds... Then he would come back and lay down. If Domino's rang the door bell on TV, he was at the door in a flash to see who was there... "It's the TV, moron... Sit down, goofy!" He was so funny... God, how I miss him so... I can't even sleep without him being right there at my side. Now with this haunting immage of his desperate face franticly searching for me to help him, I wonder if I will ever be able to sleep the sleep of the just ever again... This just may be the death of both of us as I don't know how to cope with the fact that I was probably wide awake only ten feet from where he spent his last moments terrified in agony and fear... I hate myself for not being there and for him not being on our bed where he belonged...

Good bye, my precious little friend... I know that you have already made an excuse and fogiven me for not being there just as you always have - now I just wish that I could do the same. Take care, Spikie! Your daddy loves you and will have a pocket full of those little pig ears you loved so much when I see you again... You be sure and let God know that daddy's at the door, OK, Spikie... I love you!

[jeanm1963]

OMG I am so very very sorry at the loss of Spike. You cant blame yourself , accidents can happen!! You and your family will be in my prayers... so sorry !!


RIP little SPIKE

[MeganS]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that you must be feeling so much pain and grief it's impossible to describe it. Please, I know this seems impossible, but try not to blame yourself. Spike wouldn't blame you. accidents happen. This was an accident.

I will have your family in my prayers.

[Doodlebug]

I am so sorry. Your love for your little guy shows in your tears. Please don't blame yourslef. You were a kind, loving daddy. I think we have all had near tragic accidents with our babies. My heart stopped every time my little one excaped from the house and ran into the street. I know I could never forgive myself if she had been hit by a car. But please know that it was an accident and it was not your fault. I know your little guy felt loved by his daddy every minute of his life and please let that be a comfort to you.

[Ironman433]

Thank you so much for your kind words - they are greatly appreciated! I know that he felt loved and has undoubtedly forgiven me for not helping him as he was just the sweetest soul one could ever imagine... It is just so unfair and completely out of balance that his unequaled kindness and loving disposition was rewarded with the most horrifying death that i can think of... That is what I can't get out of my mind - the thoughts that were franticly racing through his head those last moments of his precious little life that must have felt like an eternity to him as he was praying that I would appear quickly to save him as I had done in the past. That is why we worked with them until we felt confident that they would know what to do before giving them full run of the house without watchful supervision... He so loved our new house and watched over it with such pride and a genuine sence of duty. He was an amazing little man! I have seen that look of panic and desperation in his eyes as he swam to my voice before and daddy was there to save him if he needed me... THAT is the image that will not leave my mind... That and the heartbreaking image of him floating above the 1st step where the water was only 5" deep! He should have been able to stand up and not drown right there... This is just so not fair! It is hard to have faith in a God that would allow such a tragedy to happen...

[AprilLove]

My heart just breaks for you. I am so very sorry for your loss of little Spikie. He is running and playing healthy and happy at the Rainbow Bridge.

[Theodore]

Dear Ironman, I am so, so sorry. Know that sharing with us will, at the very least, help us all be more vigilant. We too have taught Ted to swim to the stairs in the pool; yet no one here at home seems to believe me when I tell them that he will panic if he falls in. Today I read the family Spike's story. I can only pray that the sadness I saw in their faces today will forever remind them to shut the gate to the pool. Spike's memory will save many loved yorkies. You take care. It may be Spike came with a message and his job was completed and his message will be spread. It certainly touched this family. God bless you, your wife, Gypsy, and lovely Spike. He obviously was loved and cared for by you personally. He was a lucky little guy.

[Ironman433]

Theodore - Thank you so, so much for that story. I can not begin to tell you that even though it doesn't lessen the pain I feel or the overwhelming guilt that haunts me during every waking moment - it does, however, make me feel better to know that Spike's sad story may save a life and that his death wasn't completely in vain. Please tell your family that I personally watched Spike get himself out of the pool after swiming the 32' length to the other end WITH our supporting voices coaching him to victory every stroke of the way on many, many occasions before we felt assured he would do alright on his own. When my wife picked his limp body out of the water as I was crying hysterically from having discovered him... He was above the top step in 4-5" of water... ?? What happened... God! I wish I knew. And the most haunting thing is that I am so sure I was awake in bed ten feet away when he died. Drowning happens so quickly but I'm sure it FEELS like an eternity if it's you that is drowning. I wish I could destroy the footage of Spike's last moments that plays over and over and over in my mind... Maybe in time that replay will fade, but it is so vivid and so frequent that I feel like I'm going insane over this tragedy... Please, please... Learn from our mistake... You can't turn back the clock! Thank you for your message - it really does help! Tom

[Theodore]

Hi, Tom. Your coaching lessons sound exactly the same as ours on this end last summer. We also have a big old black lab (addicted to the water,) and he for sure can fend for himself. Everyone also told me, "Ted's a dog..they all know how to swim." It's just so hard getting people to realize that their little legs tire easily and the shock of the accident clouds their senses. I wholeheartedly believe that Spike is now an angel and will get many small doggies to safety. In time I hope you can replace your haunting thoughts with thoughts of Spike nudging little furbuts to the steps while you spread the word about pool safety for little ones. Many, many times we've all sat ten feet away from our babies with danger right under our noses and didn't even know it. Always remember that you did do right by Spike. You took the time to teach him what you thought would keep him safe. How were you ever to know there was more to teach at the time? Now you are teaching us humans what you had to learn the hard way so that our pets may be safer. No, Spike's passing will not be in vain. Sounds like you are just the man to spread the word; so get to work. Your words are touching. I saw it firsthand in my family's faces. A small pamphlet placed in all pet shops, animal shelters, campgrounds...EVERYWHERE....telling you and Spike's story will save lives. Thank you for sharing your pain to help others. Corrinne

[Ironman433]

Corrinne - Thank you... Thank you... I was just telling my wife about your first responce and also about a responce I made on this site yesteray to a lady who's dogs were playing on a pool cover. I breifly told her of our tragedy and asked that she be careful and not repeat our loss. She wrote back to assure me that she was aware of the danger and that she had suffered the loss of her younger brother years ago and was now an advocate for pool safety, etc. I told my wife that even though I have no desire to become a celebrity advocate like John Walsh (America's Most Wanted), after the story about her brother and your kind responce, maybe my story of Spike's misfortune could be turned into a good thing - but where / how? Your second responce gave me the shove that I needed to turn this around for Spike's sake! I will be taking this to the next level and I thank you for your encouragement to do so. And for what it's worth, this revelation of how to somehow find the silver lining in this dark and dismal rain cloud has helped to free some of the guilt that's been trapped within my thoughts for days now... You have no idea how your kind words have taken part of the load off of my shoulders at last!

On a lighter note... My wife and I struggled with the thought of getting another dog as a companion for poor Gypsy and the shoes that it would have to try to fill. One thing is for certain - there is no replacing our beloved Spikie! He was the greatest little friend that either of us have ever had without a doubt! He has set the standard for us by which all dogs will be judged and we have said from the moment he came into our lives how very lucky we were to have gotten Spike... That having been said, we are very happy to announce that we have a new addition to our family! In honor and loving memory of our precious Spike, we would like to introduce Spike, Jr., or "Junior" as we call him, to everyone who has read and supported us through out this ordeal. He is an 8 week old male Yorkie Poo like Spike was, and within minutes of meeting him he reminded us so much of Spike at his age with his attitude and personality that we knew it was the right thing to do. He is quite a pistol! Gypsy isn't too sure about him yet - once she came to the conclusion that he was a puppy, too, now she can't understand why this little fur ball won't play with her?! In spite of her gentle pawing, barking, nose nudging and hopping around like some sort of retarded rabbit or ?? he still just won't play her games! I wish I knew how to tell her to be careful what she wished for and that soon enough he would make her life hell just as she had done to poor Spike not too long ago, but I guess Mother Nature will soon be showing Gypsy that "Payback Is A Bitch!" I will try and post some photos of Junior soon.

[red98vett]

oh my that was sooooo hard to read my heart breaks for you.....I'm so so sorry for your loss. I really am. There will be brighter days ahead and your little Spike will always be with you in spirit. I know words don't help but please try to ease up on your guilt....it can eat you alive.

My condolences for your family....that's such a horrible accident to go thru........

He sounds like such a special dog

[BonBon]

OMG, I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family.

[fon]

OMG I am so very very sorry at the loss of Spike. You cant blame yourself , accidents can happen!!

[Ironman433]

Thank you to all who have been so kind and supportive to my wife and I in regards to our recent loss of our little Spikie!

I have been encouraged to share the heartbreaking story of our fatal tragedy with others on an even larger scale than within this format by one of the members here to raise awareness to our pets danger around water even though we might think we have trained them and prepaired them in case of an accident so that perhaps it will save another little dog from dying the cruel death my poor, sweetheart Spikie did.

Another member enlightened me to something else that made me absolutely sick inside to learn - you can give your pets CPR and possibly turn a tragedy into just a near miss!! I had no idea about this and thinking that since my baby was still floating on top of the water when we found that he might could have been saved just ads a whole new dimention to the pain and guilt that already fills my mind.

To Spikie and everyone here at YT, I can promice you that you will be hearing a lot more from me on this subject as I am determined to make something positive come from this devistating tragedy.

Please don't take our pets safety lightly... I did, and I am paying for it with the most haunting memories that one can imagine...

[Lexi Rae]

omg!!! im in tears and im so so sorry for your loss. my heart goes out to you and your family..