Issue: Posting More Kindly Here vs. Telling Others How to Post

[gemy]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

I agree with it all....I really do. What I DO find disturbing and not addressed (in my mind) is the issue of telling the OP of a thread that people are mean and trying to make that person think that the person calling others mean is being nice and giving good advice. Not sure I am making sense? I am not so upset about people not liking my style so much as I am upset that they are giving bad advice to people that could potentially harm a pup while saying that the rest of us who are giving the correct advice are mean. I just think that they should give their advice and not trash others for their advice. That goes beyond critiquing the style of a post.

I get it and it is of concern for sure. So what could you say in that situation, without inflaming the whole post? ...... ...... .......

You could for example post back and simply say; Look OP my style is direct kind of like a torpadeo

My years of experience and knowledge of this particular XYorZ tells me this.....

Quite frankly you need to see the vet, or a specialist to wade through a/b/c.
And in my mind, that is the best advice I can offer you, despite what others are posting.

I wish you and your dog well.

There is a time to step back, and a time to say, a time to listen, and a time to give.

None of us can control what others' say how-ever in-correct it could or eve n is.

All we can control (as you well know) is our responses.

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by Nancy1999

This is one of my pet peeves too. This always has the effect of making the OP angry, even when she was tolerant before. I've seen threads where the OP was slightly open minded to our suggestions and someone posted how mean other were and the OP automatically shuts down. If they are offering bad advice also, it's really important to address that, but I often see it without any other advice.

Anyway, great post and great reminder Ann. We can all learn to do better.

Indeed.

[dottiesyrky]

Thank you for the very thoughtful reminder of posting etiquette here.
I agree with all the comments and sentiments, and must admit to committing to some of the 'sins' in the past and will try harder to keep to the rules.
Thanks for all you do for us and YT.

[lynzy420]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

I agree with it all....I really do. What I DO find disturbing and not addressed (in my mind) is the issue of telling the OP of a thread that people are mean and trying to make that person think that the person calling others mean is being nice and giving good advice. Not sure I am making sense? I am not so upset about people not liking my style so much as I am upset that they are giving bad advice to people that could potentially harm a pup while saying that the rest of us who are giving the correct advice are mean. I just think that they should give their advice and not trash others for their advice. That goes beyond critiquing the style of a post.

[Lil Sis]

Thank you Ann

Great post

I think we have to be who we are and not worry so much about what others think (I am speaking to myself here)

Originally Posted by gemy

I get it and it is of concern for sure. So what could you say in that situation, without inflaming the whole post? ...... ...... .......

You could for example post back and simply say; Look OP my style is direct kind of like a torpadeo

My years of experience and knowledge of this particular XYorZ tells me this.....

Quite frankly you need to see the vet, or a specialist to wade through a/b/c.
And in my mind, that is the best advice I can offer you, despite what others are posting.

I wish you and your dog well.

There is a time to step back, and a time to say, a time to listen, and a time to give.

None of us can control what others' say how-ever in-correct it could or eve n is.

All we can control (as you well know) is our responses.

so true

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by Lil Sis

Thank you Ann

Great post

I think we have to be who we are and not worry so much about what others think (I am speaking to myself here)




so true

I am not actually referring to our responses to people critiquing our style. I am referring to the people who start out by calling people mean who are giving someone good advice .. this usually happens in the Sick and Injured Forum. Then, others start to gang up as well..and the next thing you know, the OP thinks that the good advice is bad and mean. More than likely they are not looking for the advice given anyway...but nonetheless I believe it should STOP sooner rather than later. Calling me harsh and mean is one thing, but saying that I am giving bad advice is yet another.

[Mistymillar]

Firstly thank you Anne for your constant sense. Secondly, I totally get the different viewpoints here and agree good advice is sometimes ignored. Because I am in a different time zone, I tend to read almost full threads and am therefore not generally caught up in the moment.
Most of the time I don't think the "be kinder" people are challenging the advice, just the way in which it is positioned. I can also see that a lot of the time "be kinder" people, don't name the person they are referring to and lots of people on the thread assume it is them being accused of unkindness.
I have had all sorts of emotions reading old and new threads here and have also seen new people come and go very quickly which is a shame as I think their Yorkies are the ones who will lose out from the great advice given.
I see many breeders getting frustrated and wanting to leave but try to stick it out for the sake of the dogs.
I really appreciate this forum and have had wonderful support and advice, but am sad when other new Yorkie Moms and Dads feel badgered because they are not in the know about the majority opinions here.
Hell, if I make a new friend of a newbie in UK, I make a point of telling them "never,ever say teacup" if you are not already a member here or a knowledgable Yorkie parent most people won't know there is no such thing.

[Lil Sis]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

I am not actually referring to our responses to people critiquing our style. I am referring to the people who start out by calling people mean who are giving someone good advice .. this usually happens in the Sick and Injured Forum. Then, others start to gang up as well..and the next thing you know, the OP thinks that the good advice is bad and mean. More than likely they are not looking for the advice given anyway...but nonetheless I believe it should STOP sooner rather than later. Calling me harsh and mean is one thing, but saying that I am giving bad advice is yet another.

I so understand... and I know it drives me up the Friggin wall too!! But.. we can only do what we can. Linda ( and yorkiemom, gemy, deb etc etc), you have so much knowledge and you care so much for the dogs (and the people... well some people lol) but you can't control the pack mentality of some people. If an op wants to justify bad decisions because of what someone post that is their choice... the hardest thing to do is walk away for me..but I have to at times.

Please think of all the people and their dogs you have helped... that is what counts

ok.. enough sap... stop being so argumentive lol

[MandiesMom]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

Great post, thank you Ms. Moderator Boss Lady.

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by Lil Sis

I so understand... and I know it drives me up the Friggin wall too!! But.. we can only do what we can. Linda ( and yorkiemom, gemy, deb etc etc), you have so much knowledge and you care so much for the dogs (and the people... well some people lol) but you can't control the pack mentality of some people. If an op wants to justify bad decisions because of what someone post that is their choice... the hardest thing to do is walk away for me..but I have to at times.

Please think of all the people and their dogs you have helped... that is what counts

ok.. enough sap... stop being so argumentive lol

Thanks, Shinja! Well said.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

I agree with it all....I really do. What I DO find disturbing and not addressed (in my mind) is the issue of telling the OP of a thread that people are mean and trying to make that person think that the person calling others mean is being nice and giving good advice. Not sure I am making sense? I am not so upset about people not liking my style so much as I am upset that they are giving bad advice to people that could potentially harm a pup while saying that the rest of us who are giving the correct advice are mean. I just think that they should give their advice and not trash others for their advice. That goes beyond critiquing the style of a post.

Yep, I hear you on this and it's definitely a whole different consequence of this issue. Maybe in these cases, report it and mention how the advice is being lost due to the 'critiquing' (whatever you want to call it). And/or maybe also follow up in the way that Gemy was suggesting, another good idea....in other words, try to connect again to the OP despite what's going on in the periphery.

Originally Posted by Mistymillar

Firstly thank you Anne for your constant sense. Secondly, I totally get the different viewpoints here and agree good advice is sometimes ignored. Because I am in a different time zone, I tend to read almost full threads and am therefore not generally caught up in the moment.
Most of the time I don't think the "be kinder" people are challenging the advice, just the way in which it is positioned. I can also see that a lot of the time "be kinder" people, don't name the person they are referring to and lots of people on the thread assume it is them being accused of unkindness.
I have had all sorts of emotions reading old and new threads here and have also seen new people come and go very quickly which is a shame as I think their Yorkies are the ones who will lose out from the great advice given.
I see many breeders getting frustrated and wanting to leave but try to stick it out for the sake of the dogs.
I really appreciate this forum and have had wonderful support and advice, but am sad when other new Yorkie Moms and Dads feel badgered because they are not in the know about the majority opinions here.
Hell, if I make a new friend of a newbie in UK, I make a point of telling them "never,ever say teacup" if you are not already a member here or a knowledgable Yorkie parent most people won't know there is no such thing.

Very helpful to read your perspective - you have a lot of insight and definitely are clearly seeing some of the issues we're having. Thanks for posting !

[chachi]

What some need to see is you can judge the situation and not be judging the person. we all do that all the time and not just on the heated threads. I also realize sometimes people take it too far and thats when i feel the whole thread gets lost

[Marhcarter]

Thank you, Ann, for your gentle reminder to all of us. I know I am one of those people that hates confrontation, and I know I want to "smooth it out" when feathers get ruffled, and although I don't THINK that I have ever apologized for something someone else has said, I know those tendencies live within me as the constant peacemaker/taker of customer complaints at my work. I have learned so much from everyone here and hope that newbies have that same opportunity. Please, PLEASE! PLEASE!!! If I every do that to any of you, please let me know by pm so I know to shut up! Also, I agree that no one should ever denigrate the knowledge of another on a public forum. I feel like that is not only controversial, it is disrespectful. Once again, I think the pm function is good for that, as long as it is still done in a respectful manner, private though it may be. Great discussion, everyone, and quite valid points made by all!