whining, barking....Fiance is not happy

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by DBlain

Nancy I don't think you said beating, to me beating is so much worse than a wack on the butt, and you are right and like I said it's not good either. But I know I would be insulted and angry if I said I gave Lola a wack on the butt and then someone accused me of beating her. Maybe I think of a wack or smack differently than others do, but I don't think of it as beating. Perhaps using the same word as the OP did would keep it simple and less room for interpretation and hurt feelings.

I feel so strongly about this, I imagine they used the word beating because they were upset, I'm literally shaking and I know this type of thread affects others like it does me. Dog are not built like humans, so while some people think a smack to a baby fat butt is okay, (I don’t) it's not the same, dogs rarely have fat butts and you can do injury, serious injury. I've read the studies, and corporal punishment, is not an effective way to modify behavior or to discipline. Perhaps beating isn't the right word, but I want people to understand a smack or a wack is WRONG!!!!!!!!

[msyorktown]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

I will diplomatically leave this to others that can offer solutions. Please, just let me say one or two little things and dont get offended or your feelings hurt....my heart is breaking for this baby girl. She adores you, and for 4 years, she has been an appendage on your body. Now, she has been religated to a downstairs closet. Her heart is broken.....and she is crying for you....and you are responding to her cries for you, by yelling and repremanding her, even spanking her (THIS gives me chest pain!!). Please dont spank this baby...she is broken hearted that you have obviously abandoned her....she KNOWS she is going to get "kicked to the curb" when it is lights out, so even as she is glued to your lap, she is tearful and whining, knowing she is going to loose you again, any minute. Now here is where you may want to stop reading.....
I am 64 years old and have had men come and go.....I have NEVER had a dog abandon me, no matter how bad things got. Your finace is a human, an adult, and is capable of reasoning and has a sense of time,.... past, present, and future. If I was in your situation, (and this is going to send YT'rs screaming and yelling at me), I would be trying to reason with the ADULT in my life, that is "new" to this little family situation, rather than that pup. I can honestly say, with NO regret, I have never, nor would I ever, allow anybody I was with, to come into my life, and start dictating changes and restrictions on my behavior with my pets, that were there BEFORE they were. Now, we can try to keep pup off the furniture, but if I am sitting on the furniture, that pup is welcome in my lap. We can try to keep pup from sleeping with me, but I will not beat my dog over this....because I can assure you of one thing, sweetie.....if it EVER gets down to the nitty gritty in your life, that PUP will NOT leave your side....that fiance.....I would not bet the ranch on it. Just give that theory a trial run and insist the pup be allowed to continue to sleep with you....................has fiance left yet??? If not, good, she got over it and pup is back with her owner, sleeping peacefully, watching over you....if she left....well I told you she wasnt up to the "hard" times!

Said much more eloquently than I could have said.

[rubynrosie]

I too see where this has been a drastic lifestyle change for your little one...and I agree...I think puppy is crying for your attention. There is a reason why yorkies are called a Velcro dog....they LOVE ADORE LIVE FOR being beside their human.

1. Spankings taps yelling is likely not going to work...she is getting the attention she is craving. And truly...it isn't teaching a dog what he is or isn't suppose to do

2. Have you thought of doggy day care or seeing if there is a neighbor willing to watch her for the day?

3. She needs to be active/played with so she gets tuckered out!

4. Have you thought about getting an ex pen and setting it up in your bedroom?

5. I so would try talk to your significant other and see if sleeping arrangements can't change...my bf was adamant NO DOG IN THE BEDROOM...one year later...we have 2 yorkies a husky and 2 cats in bed...I never have to worry about being cold on a Minnesota winter night.

6. Think about re-homing if you can't give her the attention she needs!

She loves you and she wants you...that's all she is asking for...good luck...I wish you and your little one the best!!!

[yorkietalkjilly]

Perhaps to a dog a whack on the butt from the person it loves when it is just trying to call its pack to be near it at night might psychologically be almost as damaging as a beating. He's likely totally perplexed and unsure of why it happened and why he's ostracized from his pack at night. Hitting a dog in any form can make an insecure dog fearful of the hitter and humans in general.

As pack animals, canines instinctively want to sleep near or on pack mates for security and comfort from other predators. They are usually quite uncomfortable alone nights unless taught over time to go against that instinct. They aren't nocturnal animals and usually like to spend the dark hours curled up securely within the sleeping perimeter of their pack and often changing positions for additional security and comfort. If you watch feral dogs or dogs in the wild, they seem to be cognizant of the fact that some dogs have poor smell, others poor hearing or low night vision and frequent changes of sleeping positions can take better advantage of each's strengths and keep the whole pack more secure as they rotate positions for a full perimeter watch during darkness.

Since we are stewards of our dogs and we are responsible for their health, happiness and security, to hit one for trying to answer his deepest instincts to me is like spanking a dog for pooping in the house when it cannot get outside. If you want to go against your baby's desire to cuddle down near its pack to sleep, you will probably have to do it in slow increments of giving that baby a secure sleeping quarters quite near to you - starting right beside your bed and gradually and slowly move its crate away, foot by foot, over a long, slow time period of weeks or months. I personally let my dog sleep right with me and just change the bedlinens frequently even though my dog is fully housebroken and always clean.

[yorkietalkjilly]

Don't forget - posting your dog's 24 hour schedule will help tell us about other ways to suggest helping it to be happier and calmer, more contented pet while still having a lot of its basic needs met.

[electricevoix]

I have responeded however my posts need to be approved before they can be seen. Is this the norm for newer members?

[rubynrosie]

Yep...that is the norm...shouldn't take too long. After a new person posts a certain number that stops....by the way...welcome to yorkie talk!!!!

[Yorkiemom1]

I can honestly imagine how frustrated this OP is.....trying to please the pup and the fiance too. His frustration is boiling over with little Mia, because Mia is the one making all the noise and keeping the house awake all night. I used the word "beat" because that is what it was in Mias mind....not a pat or a tap or a little sweet smack....Mia is taking offense at the way she is being treated....Poor OP is really trying to acclimate poor Mia to a new family situation and I am certain he is frustrated....and just wait until "fiance" starts chewing on his ear about his little Mia....he is REALLY going to be frustrated.....and I do want to point out one little thing, some of us down here in the South refer to "beat" as a spanking...like when OUR mother used to say, "I am going to beat your butt", you knew that meant spanking and not drawn and quartered or publically given 40 lashes with a wet leather whip! When she was going to do THAT, she would tell us, "I am going to tear your a$$ up!" And it really is easy to swat, swipe, tap, pat, smack, spank, ...whatever the politically correct term is.....a little Yorkie butt and cause damage to little hips and hind legs, UNINTENTIONALLY. So I want to make it absolutely clear to the OP, before any well intentioned people start disecting out words and building a fire under OP's butt with them, I was not accusing him of animal abuse by imprisoning Mia, or beating Mia, etc. I just want to ask him to please dont repremand the little dog with "laying his hands in a threatening manner" on her little butt. Is THAT politically acceptable?

[DBlain]

Originally Posted by electricevoix

I have responeded however my posts need to be approved before they can be seen. Is this the norm for newer members?

yes sadly that is true, if you want see if you can PM me with what you wanted to say and I will post it for you, I have seen new posts held for almost a day and I know people would love to help you sooner than that.

[bchgirl]

Originally Posted by electricevoix

Again just to clarify my fiance is not giving me an ultimatum that the dog goes or she goes. Trust me I found my soulmate, the relationship is going to end because of Mia. I would bet the ranch and everything I own on that. In any case like I've said i'm trying to break old habits of hers and looking for help so she can get used to a new style for her in our new home that's it.



To answer your question, every morning I wake up do my thing get ready and head downstairs. Once I head downstairs I immediately let Mia out, tell her to go potty and she runs into the bathroom with a pad i've laid out for her already and she does her business. She's already adjusted to the new layout of the house and where she goes to the bathroom. I finish getting my things together before I leave for work, i'd say about half hour. During this time she's running around, following me and I like to play with her for about 10 minutes before I leave the house. I'm out the door by 7. All depending on the way the work day goes I'm home anywhere between 8:30-10:00. My fiance is normally home anywhere between 9-10:00 (we both have the same profession). Regardless of who is home first, first thing I do is take off my jacket, let Mia out and tell her to go potty. She does have a pad in her caged in area which she normally does her business during the day if she has too. I wouldn't expect any animal or human to hold it in for that long. So she does her business in the bathroom, I clean up and proceed to get settled and comfortable till I go to bed. During this time she's following me around the house upstairs or downstairs, sits in the bathroom while I shower and then I try to watch a little tv to relax the brain after a long day. Normally between an hr to an hour and half. Normally during this time she's grabbing her toys and I know she wants to play so I play with her for a few minutes, she eventually gives up on the toy and wants on my lap so I pull her into my lap, relax till I go to bed then it's lights out for everyone, which ends up being around 12:30ish.

So 3 hours of the day she is unconfined and has company....I won't comment on the spankings or address the changes or habits that could be corrected...quite frankly you do not have enough time to own a dog. Not now. She deserves more.

[rubynrosie]

Correct me if I am wrong...but is this schedule basically January to May? Due to tax season? If so...I would strongly suggest daycare even if its just during the time you are this busy...or at the very least a pet sitter who can come into your home once or twice a day to spend time with her...might be worth a shot if you have that type of service in your town/city.

[Lap Princess]

Originally Posted by bchgirl

So 3 hours of the day she is unconfined and has company....I won't comment on the spankings or address the changes or habits that could be corrected...quite frankly you do not have enough time to own a dog. Not now. She deserves more.

That was my first thought, too---the other stuff notwithstanding. This poor dog has NO life! And that really isnt okay.I know you love her, but unless you can meet HER needs too, the kindest thing would be to re-home her to someone who can meet her not insubstantial needs.

[Teresa Ford]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

I will diplomatically leave this to others that can offer solutions. Please, just let me say one or two little things and dont get offended or your feelings hurt....my heart is breaking for this baby girl. She adores you, and for 4 years, she has been an appendage on your body. Now, she has been religated to a downstairs closet. Her heart is broken.....and she is crying for you....and you are responding to her cries for you, by yelling and repremanding her, even spanking her (THIS gives me chest pain!!). Please dont spank this baby...she is broken hearted that you have obviously abandoned her....she KNOWS she is going to get "kicked to the curb" when it is lights out, so even as she is glued to your lap, she is tearful and whining, knowing she is going to loose you again, any minute. Now here is where you may want to stop reading.....
I am 64 years old and have had men come and go.....I have NEVER had a dog abandon me, no matter how bad things got. Your finace is a human, an adult, and is capable of reasoning and has a sense of time,.... past, present, and future. If I was in your situation, (and this is going to send YT'rs screaming and yelling at me), I would be trying to reason with the ADULT in my life, that is "new" to this little family situation, rather than that pup. I can honestly say, with NO regret, I have never, nor would I ever, allow anybody I was with, to come into my life, and start dictating changes and restrictions on my behavior with my pets, that were there BEFORE they were. Now, we can try to keep pup off the furniture, but if I am sitting on the furniture, that pup is welcome in my lap. We can try to keep pup from sleeping with me, but I will not beat my dog over this....because I can assure you of one thing, sweetie.....if it EVER gets down to the nitty gritty in your life, that PUP will NOT leave your side....that fiance.....I would not bet the ranch on it. Just give that theory a trial run and insist the pup be allowed to continue to sleep with you....................has fiance left yet??? If not, good, she got over it and pup is back with her owner, sleeping peacefully, watching over you....if she left....well I told you she wasnt up to the "hard" times!

Well said Yorkiemom1. And I might also add, I am of the same age and have been a trainer since the 1970s. Hitting is never OK with Yorkies. It only makes them fearful and heart broken. She will forgive you, you are her world, her hero. Please never hit her again. Thank you for asking for advice. I am sure you don't want to crush her spirit.

[nanahas3]

All I will say is I am praying for little Mia and the OP. Hope a good solution is worked out soon. Others have given great advice so I really can't add anymore. Welcome to YT.

[Yorkiemom1]

Originally Posted by electricevoix

I appreciate all the responses but let me clarify and it might be a case of lost in translation or my wording, I don't beat the dog but a little tough love yes. I've had dogs my entire life and cared for them. My fiance didn't demand these things, we had talks and mutually agreed that the habits she was used too I wouldn't like in our new home. So yes I agreed to no sleeping in the bed and on the couches solo. Mia comes upstairs with me when i'm in our bedroom doing whatever.

So again i'm open to suggestions.

You are trying soooooo hard....and the bolded sentence above is my attempt to perhaps soothe any ruffled feathers I may have given YOU! I am from South Texas, and down here, we often use the term "beat" , and it is NOT like physically abusing the poor dog. Another poster suggested "whack"....to ME, you use a stick, board, or belt to "whack" something....so see it truly is a case of "lost in translation"! I am thrilled you did not feel like we were attacking you, and have you disappear with your feelings crushed and all offended....I am not a trainer, and I sleep with 5-7 dogs in my bed every night....it would break my heart to hear one of my babies crying out for me and me not able to go get her and bring her to my side. I always tend to take the dog's side in a disagreement where a significant other is involved....I can understand you and your fiance have jointly agreed to do these changes....but I will continue to be hopeful that Mia ends up with you back in your bed, where she has always been.....put fiance in the coat close.......NO! I AM JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!