Please help a new Yorkie dad

[newdad]

Hi everybody -

Sorry in advance for the long post! My girlfriend of 9 months and I moved in together recently. She has two Yorkie pups (Jake, age 3.5 years, and Roxy, age 9 months). Jake and Roxy are my first dogs. Roxy has already warmed up to me, but Jake has not at all in 9 months. I want to make sure I'm doing all the right things for him and our new dog relationship.

Jake is an extremely nervous dog. He exhibits inconsistent and extremely anxious behavior. He will sometimes bark and growl at me, but will sometimes lick my hand and let me pet him when he sits with my girlfriend and I on the couch only to change his mind and bark angrily when I walk away from the couch. He never approaches me, will always walk away from me if I approach him (he always puts something between him and me - a table, a chair, goes under the bed etc), and will either always be nervous and cowering/rigid or angry and aggressive. His response is either fear or aggression. My girlfriend's friends have noted that Jake has never been any other way in 3.5 years. He's happy and ecstatic when my girlfriend is around and follows her literally everywhere, but is a total nervous wreck or angry/aggressive towards everybody else (my girlfriend's mom and grandma somewhat excluded). If she puts him in my lap, he's rigid and just stares with this terrified look on his face.

Please help. I really want to be the best dog dad that I can be and am really looking forward to developing a relationship with him. We have tried lots of praise, having me take him on walks, trying to "correct" him (saying "no!") when he aggressively barks, but he never changes. It's just so sad - he's the most nervous dog I have ever seen. Roxy is so playful and fun, but Jake just looks terrified 24/7. He's never happy or relaxed unless my girlfriend is right there. She is away all weekend and the dogs are with my alone for 5 days and Jake screamed and peed on himself when I put a leash on him to take him outside to potty.

Thank you for your help!

[BabyGirl Rosie]

First welcome to YT! I am curious if she has had him the entire time or was he a rescue? One of my girls had a bad experience with a man and she is very terrified of men. She has warmed up to my husband but it has taken some time. She is fine with women but goes nuts if a man is around. Makes me wonder if he has had any bad experiences? Is it only men he is this way around? Or is it women too? Hopefully someone here will be able to give you some good advice.

[maggiefromnj]

Treats. that's my only advice. Be patient with him. I would suggest that YOU be the giver of treats and don't let your girlfriend do it anymore. Hopefully he will associate you with good things. You might have to sort of throw them (shuffleboard style!) towards him if he won't come to you. Positive associations are all I can think of that could help.

[misslissa]

Originally Posted by maggiefromnj

Treats. that's my only advice. Be patient with him. I would suggest that YOU be the giver of treats and don't let your girlfriend do it anymore. Hopefully he will associate you with good things. You might have to sort of throw them (shuffleboard style!) towards him if he won't come to you. Positive associations are all I can think of that could help.

I agree. I don't know of anything else that will really get through.
after all how would you feel if someone you hated gave you a donut every time you did not yell at them?

[chattiesmom]

I agree about the treats. I would also suggest that you be the one to feed the furkids, take him for walks and/or let out outside for potty. Other than taking care of his needs, just ignore him. Dogs hate to be ignored - especially when they want a treat or its time to eat or play.

Like the others said, be patient, and in time I will almost guarantee that you and Jake will be best buds.

[yorkietalkjilly]

I would suggest reading a training book about nervous/aggressive dogs by a trainer like Victoria Stillwell if you really want to learn from the ground up how to deal with him successfully. I think she does a pretty good training behavioral problems and you want to get some theory & dog knowledge of how they think & perceive people who scare or worry them and then learn step by step what to do to overcome that. Or just read a few pages of some behavioral trainers on Amazon or one of those sites & pick one that sounds good to you - one that talks about using only positive reinforcement training techniques & no discipline or collar-yanking. On a nervous dog, that could increase his problems. Buy that book & read it start to finish.

From dealing with dogs like this myself, I know that one way to start is you start to do everything for him from feeding, watering, taking him outside for walks, pottying & for now, only you play with him. I wouldn't bathe him for a while - let your girlfriend do that, as that is an extremely anxious time for some dogs & you don't need any setbacks right now. But I would strongly suggest that with a dog with this fear/aggression combination, that you read a couple of good books from noted trainers about it before doing any actual retraining of him to respond differently to you. You can pretty much change his whole attitude about you if you learn how to do it right & stick with it over time.

Tell your girlfriend that when you walk away from the couch & he barks or growls, to stand up & leave him also & keep doing that until he gets the message that his outbursts only get him ignored & left behind. When you walk away & he behaves, stays quiet, he gets a yummy boiled chicken treat. Set aside 4 or 5 minutes a day for doing this exercise over & over during each session, morning & night or twice a night, more on weekends until he learns. Dogs hate being ignored & he will begin to learn that misbehavior will get him left alone on that couch.

Best of luck in learning how & changing your relationship with this little guy. Someone who cares enough to come on YT & ask for help is likely going to do very well in learning what to do & doing it.

[yorkietalkjilly]

Another thing I think I would start doing is stop approaching him to do anything to him in the way of petting or caressing him until you read what and how to do it properly with a dog like he is. If you sit down near him or walk near him, just kind of ignore him as Chattiesmom said. Let him approach if he wants but you just sit there & let him do any touching, sniffing, etc.

You might close the doors to the living room or den so he can't get out, bring in some warm, boiled chicken treats & just sit in the floor facing away from him. Don't do anything else but sit there & watch TV or listen to relaxing music. After 15 minutes, take your chicken & leave, opening all the doors again and going on about life. Repeat this a few times and see what happens. If he never even attempts to come close or shows interest, he has a bad problem but if he does eventually start to realize you won't touch him(because you have stopped that in your other relations with him), you don't have such a serious case & it will probably work out well much, much sooner. Of course, if he does come up & start pawing on your arm, give him a treat but stay quiet & uninvolved for now. Patience is the key in dealing with a dog who is nervous/aggressive(probably from some unknown fear) & untrusting. Once you read & know more, you can gradually start other methods that work up to forming a totally natural relationship with him.

[gracielove]

It could be a nervous disorder or it may be he was never properly socialized. He is fearful of you. He barks and growls out of fear. When you stand it makes him feel even more threatened. Try to move slowly around him so you don't make his fear any worse. Treats while you are sitting or crouching down to his level may help or he may be too afraid to take them.
Has the dog been neutered? Not neutering a male dog can sometimes lead to territorial issues.
Please be very patient with this dog. 9 months is not a long time for a dog to adjust that has been this way for over 3 years. Do not raise your voice to him as that is only going to make him feel more threatened. He needs to feel secure in your presence.

[ancora_imparo]

I know a lot of people have had good luck with multiple pups from the same litter, but this can happen with litter mates sometimes-one is outgoing, the other timid to the extreme.

I second the treats motion-high value ones. Maybe call in a professional trainer.

[navillusc]

In addition to what others, like Yorkietalkjilly and Chattiesmom, have already said, I would ONLY 'work' with the dog when I was alone with him until a rapport was established. It is too easy with you and GF present to give mixed or conflicting signals to Jake. Except for the addition of your GF, the situation seems very much like what I typically encounter working with feral animals.

Until a rapport ('trust' and 'understanding') is established with Jake, I'd politely ignore him (when he was watching). If he were to become interested in me, I'd allow him to approach without looking at him, allow him to sniff, touch, whatever, without moving or saying anything, but I'd still ignore him. I'd move slowly and smoothly when around him. I'd speak in soft tones and maintain an even keel. If he approached me, I'd change directions. If he was on one sofa, I'd sit elsewhere facing away from him. I'd turn away, avert my eyes (think kitty 'winky-eye'), and walk away...a lot. I'd not approach him head on, but walk forward toward him from a side angle and zigzag as necessary, slowly and gently. I'd not give him a treat by handing it to him, but by laying it down while he's watching and moving away from it and not looking back at it or him.

When a care-giver in GF's absence, I'd maintain a matter-of-fact "just doing my job" aloofness. I'd let him scream if he wants to but clip the lead and take him out anyway. I'd clean up any mess with complete emotional detachment.

Given time and space but maintaining proximity (think cat-hater's paradox...i.e. reverse psychology...where a cat hater draws the cat to him by ignoring the cat but cat lovers push away the cat trying to attract him), he will likely begin to see you as a trustworthy friend BECAUSE you let HIM make the first moves in his own good time rather than as an AGGRESSOR because YOU make the first moves when he's not yet ready.

With the exception of required care...food, water, walks, etc...I'd treat Roxy however she wanted me to treat her...play, hold, pet, etc...while Jake gets used to me. If Jake wants the same treatment that Roxy gets, some adjustment will be necessary on his part...and I'd allow HIM to make know what HIS wishes from me are.

I am not being cruel when I say these things...I'm being polite to Jake. I'd want to remove all behavior from myself that might be seen as 'aggressive' to HIS way of thinking.

I am sorry you are in this position. It would be great to be able to treat both Roxy and Jake the same all the time, but since they are so different, different methods of dealing with them are necessary.

Good luck!

[newdad]

What a wonderful, supportive community this is! I greatly appreciate all the thoughtful replies.

Unfortunately, I've had a terrible day and I'm devastated. I took both pups out for potty and a walk today, and a car starting startled Jake and he wrestled out of his collar and ran away. I grabbed Roxy and tried to catch up. For a moment she had wriggled out of her collar, too, and I had two dogs on the loose in an urban area. I got Roxy safely back, but I lost Jake. He was running away full speed down busy streets. I drove around for hours, put up 50+ flyers, walked around calling his name, called the animal shelter and SPCA. I broke the news to my gf on the phone tonight, and while she was understanding that this was an accident, I feel just numb and devastated. I feel terrible for bringing this sadness to her life. I cried and cried tonight, and I haven't cried in years. I feel so guilty.

I hope for his safe return.

[MamaZiggy]

omg! wow, this is such a sad turn of events! I too hope fr his safe return

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by newdad

What a wonderful, supportive community this is! I greatly appreciate all the thoughtful replies.

Unfortunately, I've had a terrible day and I'm devastated. I took both pups out for potty and a walk today, and a car starting startled Jake and he wrestled out of his collar and ran away. I grabbed Roxy and tried to catch up. For a moment she had wriggled out of her collar, too, and I had two dogs on the loose in an urban area. I got Roxy safely back, but I lost Jake. He was running away full speed down busy streets. I drove around for hours, put up 50+ flyers, walked around calling his name, called the animal shelter and SPCA. I broke the news to my gf on the phone tonight, and while she was understanding that this was an accident, I feel just numb and devastated. I feel terrible for bringing this sadness to her life. I cried and cried tonight, and I haven't cried in years. I feel so guilty.

I hope for his safe return.

How terrible! If he was he chipped & wearing an I.D. tag., someone will likely find him when he's done hiding & hungry/thirsty & turn him in somewhere or start reading online ads. Did you report his loss to the chip company yet? All is not lost yet. Call all the vets within a 10 mile radius & you have to keep calling the shelters, etc. back over & over for weeks. There is a thread in the YT Library about all the things to do to find a lost dog. Good luck.

[newdad]

We found him! He was gone for 72 hours, and other than being tired, hungry, and skinny, he was perfectly fine. He was hiding in an alley waiting to hear his mom call his name. What a relief!

Now I'm back to using the suggestions here and hopefully building some rapport with Jake. Thanks again, everybody.

[BabyGirl Rosie]

Oh thank goodness! What great news that you found him!