Nephew slapped my Yorkie...now, slapping myself!

[shelimcallister]

Yesterday, my DH and I had planned on going to our family's houses separately and my mom wanted to see Max so I brought him along. To make a long story short, I ended up at my in-laws with Max. I knew my niece and nephew would be there but I thought I could either hold Max or take him in another area away from the kids (2 and 4 years old).

I decided to take little Max out back and away from the kids while my DH spent time with his family INSIDE. My nephew ran outside to see Max and I immediately scooped Max up. I told my nephew to pet him nicely and he did. Then, my nephew slapped him and ran away. I told my nephew that I would put him in time out if he did that again. My sister in-law said "sorry!" We left after that and I will never allow my baby around them again under any circumstance. I couldn't help wonder your opinion on

1) Do you provide consequences to your non-immediate family members (nieces and nephews) ?
2) Would you tell your dear, loving sister-in-law (from DH's side) that her kids are out of control and she must get a grip? They are aggressive and behaviorally a major problem!!

Thanks!

[shelimcallister]

Just thought about it and should've posted in "off topic" whoops! Sorry!

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by shelimcallister

Yesterday, my DH and I had planned on going to our family's houses separately and my mom wanted to see Max so I brought him along. To make a long story short, I ended up at my in-laws with Max. I knew my niece and nephew would be there but I thought I could either hold Max or take him in another area away from the kids (2 and 4 years old).

I decided to take little Max out back and away from the kids while my DH spent time with his family INSIDE. My nephew ran outside to see Max and I immediately scooped Max up. I told my nephew to pet him nicely and he did. Then, my nephew slapped him and ran away. I told my nephew that I would put him in time out if he did that again. My sister in-law said "sorry!" We left after that and I will never allow my baby around them again under any circumstance. I couldn't help wonder your opinion on

1) Do you provide consequences to your non-immediate family members (nieces and nephews) ?
2) Would you tell your dear, loving sister-in-law (from DH's side) that her kids are out of control and she must get a grip? They are aggressive and behaviorally a major problem!!

Thanks!

No, I would not - not if the parents' are there. It's their job to discipline their children - not yours no matter how angry you are. I understand your anger - but a 2 year old (or a 4 year old that's never been around animals) can't be trusted with a dog.

I definitely would tell his parents' because they need to teach him how to act around animals.

Bottom line - their behavior probably beyond your control - unless you are babysitting or something.

I definitely would keep my yorkie away from their hot little hands.

[Wylie's Mom]

Oh my gosh...what a tough one...I bet you were so upset on the inside and had to hold a lot back.

For me, I would rarely ever reprimand someone's kids or my relatives etcetera. BUT, the one absolute exception is if they mistreated an animal. I would address it immediately w/ the child, in that moment, and later talk to the parents.

I had to do something similar w/ one of my neices when she was about 3 or 4. She handled Wylie incorrectly..in a way that could've really hurt him...so, I stopped her, took Wylie gently away, and gently tried to explain my concerns...and then I showed her how to properly handle him. Of course, she BURST into tears and I felt like a jerk...but, it was still the right thing to do. Even when uber gentle, the little kidlets can just explode into tears bc they feel so bad about doing something "wrong"...and like they're in trouble.

She recovered in about 15 seconds (as 3-4 yrs olds sometimes do), and then she was totally fine...and handled Wylie better, and she felt proud that she was doing it the "right" way....so then, she kept picking him up over and over using the new method bc she was so proud .

All's well that ends well.

[Ringo1]

I agree with gently explaining your concerns - but I wasn't sure what the OP meant by 'consequences'. My mind went directly to time out or some such.

Yes, I definitely would explain why we can't do that. But - I would go no further unless it was my child.

Sounds like Mom and Dad need to get on the ball!

[shelimcallister]

Originally Posted by Ringo1

No, I would not - not if the parents' are there. It's their job to discipline their children - not yours no matter how angry you are. I understand your anger - but a 2 year old (or a 4 year old that's never been around animals) can't be trusted with a dog.

I definitely would tell his parents' because they need to teach him how to act around animals.

Bottom line - their behavior probably beyond your control - unless you are babysitting or something.

I definitely would keep my yorkie away from their hot little hands.

Thanks!! Yes...beyond my control and I wouldn't really follow through although I have some knowledge on behavior modification strategies (ESE teacher for 9 years). They are super cute and I love them very much but I cannot tolerate their destructive behavior. I just don't want to be around them at all because they have spit in my face and will not listen to ANYTHING an adult tells them. Hitting my dog crossed the lines for me and when I told her, I was pretty angry there was no follow through from her end.

Thanks!!

[shelimcallister]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Oh my gosh...what a tough one...I bet you were so upset on the inside and had to hold a lot back.

For me, I would rarely ever reprimand someone's kids or my relatives etcetera. BUT, the one absolute exception is if they mistreated an animal. I would address it immediately w/ the child, in that moment, and later talk to the parents.

I had to do something similar w/ one of my neices when she was about 3 or 4. She handled Wylie incorrectly..in a way that could've really hurt him...so, I stopped her, took Wylie gently away, and gently tried to explain my concerns...and then I showed her how to properly handle him. Of course, she BURST into tears and I felt like a jerk...but, it was still the right thing to do. Even when uber gentle, the little kidlets can just explode into tears bc they feel so bad about doing something "wrong"...and like they're in trouble.

She recovered in about 15 seconds (as 3-4 yrs olds sometimes do), and then she was totally fine...and handled Wylie better, and she felt proud that she was doing it the "right" way....so then, she kept picking him up over and over using the new method bc she was so proud .

All's well that ends well.

Awweee. You sound like such a nice person. I definitely could have handled the situation better. I think I am just tired of seeing how my niece and nephew have such a lack of respect for adults, animals, toys, furniture, EVERYTHING!!! I am a teacher for children with autism and my students are more well behaved than her "typical" children!!! Maybe its the teacher in me that wants to correct the behavior.

Thanks love!

[Yorkiemom1]

Originally Posted by shelimcallister

Yesterday, my DH and I had planned on going to our family's houses separately and my mom wanted to see Max so I brought him along. To make a long story short, I ended up at my in-laws with Max. I knew my niece and nephew would be there but I thought I could either hold Max or take him in another area away from the kids (2 and 4 years old).

I decided to take little Max out back and away from the kids while my DH spent time with his family INSIDE. My nephew ran outside to see Max and I immediately scooped Max up. I told my nephew to pet him nicely and he did. Then, my nephew slapped him and ran away. I told my nephew that I would put him in time out if he did that again. My sister in-law said "sorry!" We left after that and I will never allow my baby around them again under any circumstance. I couldn't help wonder your opinion on

1) Do you provide consequences to your non-immediate family members (nieces and nephews) ?
2) Would you tell your dear, loving sister-in-law (from DH's side) that her kids are out of control and she must get a grip? They are aggressive and behaviorally a major problem!!

Thanks!

My extended family is very close...all us cousins grew up together and all the anunts and uncles were always around with their kids...it was understood, if one did something inappropriate or STUPID, and he did it to another cousin or around anyone of the aunts, we knew we would get swatted....or at the VERY least, have your a$$ chewed out!!! It all depends on YOUR family dynamics if that is acceptable in your family....you dont want to start a Hatfield/McCoy situation over some slap a 4 year old brat gave your baby.....or maybe you would!! I am not fond of small children, and I like them even less around animals for this very reason....I am very confrontational, and if it was ME, I would have gone to the kid, (where did he hit your baby?)told him what he did was very ugle and uncalled for, and how do YOU like it????and with THAT, I would have popped him, right where he hit my baby! OMG!!! I CAN HEAR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HITTING THE FLOOR, GASPING IN STUNNED AMAZEMENT AND HORRIFIED EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES!!! Sorry! Kids need to be corrected!

[shelimcallister]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

My extended family is very close...all us cousins grew up together and all the anunts and uncles were always around with their kids...it was understood, if one did something inappropriate or STUPID, and he did it to another cousin or around anyone of the aunts, we knew we would get swatted....or at the VERY least, have your a$$ chewed out!!! It all depends on YOUR family dynamics if that is acceptable in your family....you dont want to start a Hatfield/McCoy situation over some slap a 4 year old brat gave your baby.....or maybe you would!! I am not fond of small children, and I like them even less around animals for this very reason....I am very confrontational, and if it was ME, I would have gone to the kid, (where did he hit your baby?)told him what he did was very ugle and uncalled for, and how do YOU like it????and with THAT, I would have popped him, right where he hit my baby! OMG!!! I CAN HEAR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HITTING THE FLOOR, GASPING IN STUNNED AMAZEMENT AND HORRIFIED EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES!!! Sorry! Kids need to be corrected!

Bahahaha!!! I wish I was from your family!!! You just made me cry laughing!!

[GeorgiesMomma]

I will say our whole family raises the kids in our family. So if Isaiah is out of line my brother will say something to him or correct him with no issues from me. Bad kids drive me nuts!!! But bad parenting is even worse!!!! If your sister in law had any sense she would realize that a child treating an animal wrong is cause for concern IMO. I can never ever imagine Isaiah doing anything to mistreat Coco and Georgie or anyone else's animals. Heck he doesn't even want to kill a spider or mosquito!

BTW I am sorry poor Max was slapped If it was Georgie he would have tried to bite the little boy LOL

[Ahis_Mama]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemom1

My extended family is very close...all us cousins grew up together and all the anunts and uncles were always around with their kids...it was understood, if one did something inappropriate or STUPID, and he did it to another cousin or around anyone of the aunts, we knew we would get swatted....or at the VERY least, have your a$$ chewed out!!! It all depends on YOUR family dynamics if that is acceptable in your family....you dont want to start a Hatfield/McCoy situation over some slap a 4 year old brat gave your baby.....or maybe you would!! I am not fond of small children, and I like them even less around animals for this very reason....I am very confrontational, and if it was ME, I would have gone to the kid, (where did he hit your baby?)told him what he did was very ugle and uncalled for, and how do YOU like it????and with THAT, I would have popped him, right where he hit my baby! OMG!!! I CAN HEAR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HITTING THE FLOOR, GASPING IN STUNNED AMAZEMENT AND HORRIFIED EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES!!! Sorry! Kids need to be corrected!

Okay...sounds like how I grew up. It is still this way with each generation. I know it sounds bad but you know...."It takes a village" and all.

I don't smack my kids. Because they know better. My nieces and nephews on the other hand.(The ones which the parents aren't parenting) Will get swatted from me or my hubby if they are completely out of control. The parents just look at them and tell them "see...you better listen" Somebody has to do it. But honestly.....they listen better to me and my hubby then they do to their mommy and daddy. Sadly we also pay more attention to them. They come to us instead of their parents when they need something if we are around.

[shelimcallister]

Originally Posted by GeorgiesMomma

I will say our whole family raises the kids in our family. So if Isaiah is out of line my brother will say something to him or correct him with no issues from me. Bad kids drive me nuts!!! But bad parenting is even worse!!!! If your sister in law had any sense she would realize that a child treating an animal wrong is cause for concern IMO. I can never ever imagine Isaiah doing anything to mistreat Coco and Georgie or anyone else's animals. Heck he doesn't even want to kill a spider or mosquito!

BTW I am sorry poor Max was slapped If it was Georgie he would have tried to bite the little boy LOL

Some kids just aren't meant to be around little dogs...not Isaiah. He's a little pumpkin and can visit Max ANYTIME!! Thanks.

[hnybun128]

If that was my niece or nephew and the mother wasn't doing anything, I would have gotten down to eye level with the 2 or 4 year old, held them gently by both wrists, and said very firmly "No hitting. Hitting hurts and we don't EVER want to hurt Max!" The key here would be making eye contact.

Raising children is very hard, but consistency is key. Clearly the issue here is not a bad child but rather a lazy parent. Obviously the mother wasn't very concerned, which would have made me even more apt to correct the child. Honestly, I would have even done that with a stranger's child at a park (except the wrist holding).

[southernbelle04]

I am allowed to put my nephew in time out if need be, but of course his mother told me I could. I would not do it unless she told me to. But any harsher punishment...that comes from his Mom and Daddy.

I think if it was my SIL, I would say something. I would be polite about it, but I would voice my concerns.

[MidnightUnicorn]

God help me if my nephew slapped Tatiana.

First of all, I would scold the child.

Second of all, I would talk to the parents, and explain why I would put some boundaries between their children and my dog. I consider myself Tatiana's protector. I take that role seriously.

Incidentally, if the situation was reversed, and Tatiana bitten one of their kids, I would completely understand if they behaved the way I would. Thus, I think I'm acting with integrity.