Everyone: can we TURN UP the COMPASSION here?

[jp4m2]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

There are things being said and done on YT lately that have nothing to do with the tone of the posts. Everyone says things in a different manner and there is no tone in the written word. It is just like the little game we all played in school when we were young...one person whispers to someone and it travels around until it gets to the end and the last message is nothing like the first! Things get misinterpreted....and just like in real life someone might hear something totally different, on the computer people think that someone has a tone that may not even be anywhere near what the writer meant. Sadly, there are some downright nasty things being said lately on YT that many people don't even know about. Thankfully, those comments usually disappear quickly.

As for subject matter, I will never say anything online to a person that I would not say to them in real life. Anyone who knows me, knows this is a fact.

I don't see the tone of things as being a problem as much as the intent to malign people. The behind the scenes getting together for the sole purpose of trying to get rid of a YTer .. or to try to take over YT is, in my opinion, out of line.

I saw some recent happenings here that just fried my brain. I don't know where people find the time to do the dirt digging they do...or the people who get banned and keep coming here to let everyone have it. I have had emails sent to me from various sources where people are actually working behind the scenes to "take YT down". Boggles my mind. Surely there are more productive things to do.

I can understand your frustration and anger if this is what is occurring here. Unfortunately, some women will never outgrow this type of high school behavior. Their need to *belong* and be *accepted * is what drives them to gossip, and play cruel games. They will make sure that every small slight, misunderstanding or unintentional remark will get twisted so as to manipulate others into joining in on their *behind the scenes* agendas. Sadly, these types are severely lacking in maturity and in their ability to understand the cruelly, pain and hurt they leave behind in their path...These are adults who can slay with a smile and wound with a word….Hopefully, the vast majority of members here are not like this.

I just wanted to clarify that my post was to address the issue of resisting the *feeling* to respond to posts when it might just be best to just let it go….To not engage in unnecessary commentary or to engage in one - upmanship posts.....As for *tone*, us oldsters here have seen more threads addressing this topic than we care to see.....It appears that *tone* may be the least of the issues here to be worried about. After all, tone is a matter of an individuals perception .....

It’s too bad if what you’re describing is what's going on…..This kind of behavior is very destructive to the spirit, friendliness, and civility here and it's very destructive to the sense of community on this forum….We all talk about being respectful to each other, that everyone has an opinion and we are all here learning from each other’s experiences, but when it gets down to it it seems to be just lip service…….I'm quite saddened by this.....

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by jp4m2

I can understand your frustration and anger if this is what is occurring here. Unfortunately, some women will never outgrow this type of high school behavior. Their need to *belong* and be *accepted * is what drives them to gossip, and play cruel games. They will make sure that every small slight, misunderstanding or unintentional remark will get twisted so as to manipulate others into joining in on their *behind the scenes* agendas. Sadly, these types are severely lacking in maturity and in their ability to understand the cruelly, pain and hurt they leave behind in their path...These are adults who can slay with a smile and wound with a word….Hopefully, the vast majority of members here are not like this.

I just wanted to clarify that my post was to address the issue of resisting the *feeling* to respond to posts when it might just be best to just let it go….To not engage in unnecessary commentary or to engage in one - upmanship posts.....As for *tone*, us oldsters here have seen more threads addressing this topic than we care to see.....It appears that *tone* may be the least of the issues here to be worried about. After all, tone is a matter of an individuals perception .....

It’s too bad if what you’re describing is what's going on…..This kind of behavior is very destructive to the spirit, friendliness, and civility here and it's very destructive to the sense of community on this forum….We all talk about being respectful to each other, that everyone has an opinion and we are all here learning from each other’s experiences, but when it gets down to it it seems to be just lip service…….I'm quite saddened by this.....

Doesn't it just kill you that most of the time these things happen, it is our gender doing it?

And, yes, you are right....sometimes it really is wiser and actually healthier to walk away. Not always easy to do. It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. It is doubly hard here because there is a lot of passion involved when it comes to the pups that we all love so much.

What I described is going on. There are always going to be disgruntled folks, but some lately have taken things to such a disturbing level. Someone yesterday sent a pm to a few of us advising us that perhaps it would be better to report such things rather than get caught up in the person's nonsense. After all, it really does feed into their disturbed agendas. We all need reminders at times. This is a great thread.

[cj125]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

There are things being said and done on YT lately that have nothing to do with the tone of the posts. Everyone says things in a different manner and there is no tone in the written word. It is just like the little game we all played in school when we were young...one person whispers to someone and it travels around until it gets to the end and the last message is nothing like the first! Things get misinterpreted....and just like in real life someone might hear something totally different, on the computer people think that someone has a tone that may not even be anywhere near what the writer meant. Sadly, there are some downright nasty things being said lately on YT that many people don't even know about. Thankfully, those comments usually disappear quickly.

As for subject matter, I will never say anything online to a person that I would not say to them in real life. Anyone who knows me, knows this is a fact.

I don't see the tone of things as being a problem as much as the intent to malign people. The behind the scenes getting together for the sole purpose of trying to get rid of a YTer .. or to try to take over YT is, in my opinion, out of line.

I saw some recent happenings here that just fried my brain. I don't know where people find the time to do the dirt digging they do...or the people who get banned and keep coming here to let everyone have it. I have had emails sent to me from various sources where people are actually working behind the scenes to "take YT down". Boggles my mind. Surely there are more productive things to do.

I have to disagree with you on this LJ.

Yes, some informational statements are made in haste and may seem rude but are merely supplying information without all the extra dialogue. I agree that doesn't have to be sugar coated.

However, when certain words are used in comments - it is obvious what the tone is.

I know I've made comments with an angry tone - and I hoped that the other person would hear it - but to say that you can't hear someone's tone is silly.

*Tone: the writer's attitude toward the material and/or readers. Tone may be playful, formal, intimate, angry, serious, ironic, outraged, baffled, tender, serene, depressed, etc.

[cj125]

[QUOTE=jp4m2;3174546]I can understand your frustration and anger if this is what is occurring here. Unfortunately, some women will never outgrow this type of high school behavior. Their need to *belong* and be *accepted * is what drives them to gossip, and play cruel games. They will make sure that every small slight, misunderstanding or unintentional remark will get twisted so as to manipulate others into joining in on their *behind the scenes* agendas. Sadly, these types are severely lacking in maturity and in their ability to understand the cruelly, pain and hurt they leave behind in their path...These are adults who can slay with a smile and wound with a word….Hopefully, the vast majority of members here are not like this.

I just wanted to clarify that my post was to address the issue of resisting the *feeling* to respond to posts when it might just be best to just let it go….To not engage in unnecessary commentary or to engage in one - upmanship posts.....As for *tone*, us oldsters here have seen more threads addressing this topic than we care to see.....It appears that *tone* may be the least of the issues here to be worried about. After all, tone is a matter of an individuals perception .....

It’s too bad if what you’re describing is what's going on…..This kind of behavior is very destructive to the spirit, friendliness, and civility here and it's very destructive to the sense of community on this forum….We all talk about being respectful to each other, that everyone has an opinion and we are all here learning from each other’s experiences, but when it gets down to it it seems to be just lip service…….I'm quite saddened by this.....[/QUOTE]

Again, nicely put.

There are some really wonderful people here that have so much knowledge and passion for this breed/animals but so much BS keeps getting in the way.

I think the best word used in this thread was by Ann - COMPASSION.

It's free and it does make us feel better!

[Lou]

Ann,
As always you are right and the voice of reason.
(You killjoy you.) (just kidding guys)

But I realize I am guilty of jumping on people from time to time. Thank God for you and other friends that give me a heads up when I'm doing something wrong or acting like a jerk. I will try to do better - I promise.

Speak well of your enemies......After all.....You made them.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by Lou

Ann,
As always you are right and the voice of reason.
(You killjoy you.) (just kidding guys)

Speak well of your enemies......After all.....You made them.

Bwah-hah! Love it. "Killjoy". You know I lovez ya, lady !

Great quote there too!

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by cj125

I have to disagree with you on this LJ.

Yes, some informational statements are made in haste and may seem rude but are merely supplying information without all the extra dialogue. I agree that doesn't have to be sugar coated.

However, when certain words are used in comments - it is obvious what the tone is.

I know I've made comments with an angry tone - and I hoped that the other person would hear it - but to say that you can't hear someone's tone is silly.

*Tone: the writer's attitude toward the material and/or readers. Tone may be playful, formal, intimate, angry, serious, ironic, outraged, baffled, tender, serene, depressed, etc.

I have seen a lot of people complain about things that people say and how they sound so mean when they did not sound mean to me at all. I guess mean is how you want to define it.

I understand what you are saying, but I still say that to some people who are overly sensitive, things are often misinterpreted.

[lillymae]

Originally Posted by jp4m2

It’s helpful to have these reminders every now and then so as we can do our own “self check” as to how our own attitudes, decisions, reactions, behaviors, and choices may be affecting others. It encourages and challenges those who are willing to look at themselves with critical objectivity and have the willingness to change, to make better choices concerning our own behaviors...... Sadly, it seems that no longer is respect presumed, but rather granted. We should always show respect and consideration to our fellow human being, unless shown otherwise……..

Unfortunately,there’s going to be those few who will read these reminders and think it has nothing to do with them. They are lacking in their ability to have feelings and compassion for others. Not just on this forum but in all areas of their life. When you have to be right or in control or look superior or generally just “better than” there is no room for compassion. The feelings for others becomes secondary. There is no desire for self-examination, change, or growth.We don’t have the power to make people be other than who they are....

Some seem to believe every *feeling* needs to be expressed, as if it’s some irresistible force. Not every objectionable moment needs commentary or needs to be confronted.. Every opinion, reaction, perception, and preference is not important, necessary, or kind to reveal....... You will never get your point across by being crass, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is better than a sarcastic one. If you say it offensively, it will be received defensively. You are never persuasive when you’re abrasive…..

I hope things improve around here......

I know I am guilty of going off the handle myself once in awhile as I can only sit back and watch the nit picking go on for so long before I blow. What you said here is Exactly how I feel. Let's try to just let some things go and be a little nicer. Also I would like to say Sorry for my blow ups and Thanks Ann for this thread.

[MI Yorkielover]

I'm just seeing this nice thread Ann. I also have been guilty sometimes of getting caught up in the heat of the moment. I certainly apologize if I have ever hurt anyone's feelings at YT(or anywhere else for that matter) by responding inappropriately to what I believed was an injustice. Your post was written well Ann. Thank you.

[Sugar's Mom]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

There are things being said and done on YT lately that have nothing to do with the tone of the posts. Everyone says things in a different manner and there is no tone in the written word. It is just like the little game we all played in school when we were young...one person whispers to someone and it travels around until it gets to the end and the last message is nothing like the first! Things get misinterpreted....and just like in real life someone might hear something totally different, on the computer people think that someone has a tone that may not even be anywhere near what the writer meant. Sadly, there are some downright nasty things being said lately on YT that many people don't even know about. Thankfully, those comments usually disappear quickly.

As for subject matter, I will never say anything online to a person that I would not say to them in real life. Anyone who knows me, knows this is a fact.

I don't see the tone of things as being a problem as much as the intent to malign people. The behind the scenes getting together for the sole purpose of trying to get rid of a YTer .. or to try to take over YT is, in my opinion, out of line.

I saw some recent happenings here that just fried my brain. I don't know where people find the time to do the dirt digging they do...or the people who get banned and keep coming here to let everyone have it. I have had emails sent to me from various sources where people are actually working behind the scenes to "take YT down". Boggles my mind. Surely there are more productive things to do.

This is what is so sad. I know exactly what you mean since I have been the "victim" of some of this. people passing pm's behind the scenes to try to discredit me and my dogs. Much to their surprise, some of the pm's have made their way back to me. Almost all of it was lies, rumors and gossip for the sole purpose of slandering me. Most of the people on here would be very surprised to learn who the 'behind the scences' gang is. Very well thought of people. About a handful of them. I have actually gotten an attorney involved in my case so be very careful what you say in those pm's people. I would love to see the pm feature done away with. Lie on me but you make me really mad when you lie about my little dogs. LOL )when I say 'you' I am speaking in general terms. For the most part, YT is a wonderful place with only a few bad apples that try to ruin it for everyone.

[linda44]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

There are things being said and done on YT lately that have nothing to do with the tone of the posts. Everyone says things in a different manner and there is no tone in the written word. It is just like the little game we all played in school when we were young...one person whispers to someone and it travels around until it gets to the end and the last message is nothing like the first! Things get misinterpreted....and just like in real life someone might hear something totally different, on the computer people think that someone has a tone that may not even be anywhere near what the writer meant. Sadly, there are some downright nasty things being said lately on YT that many people don't even know about. Thankfully, those comments usually disappear quickly.

As for subject matter, I will never say anything online to a person that I would not say to them in real life. Anyone who knows me, knows this is a fact.

I don't see the tone of things as being a problem as much as the intent to malign people. The behind the scenes getting together for the sole purpose of trying to get rid of a YTer .. or to try to take over YT is, in my opinion, out of line.

I saw some recent happenings here that just fried my brain. I don't know where people find the time to do the dirt digging they do...or the people who get banned and keep coming here to let everyone have it. I have had emails sent to me from various sources where people are actually working behind the scenes to "take YT down". Boggles my mind. Surely there are more productive things to do.

Great post, I too feel that way, if you cant say it to their face, dont say it. Unfortunately, not everyone writes how they would say it, or maybe its that you dont see the eyes or hear the tone of voice and it is interpreted in a different way than what was meant. But as my grandma used to say if you give kindness you'll get kindness.

[rbelland]

Originally Posted by Sugar's Mom

This is what is so sad. I know exactly what you mean since I have been the "victim" of some of this. people passing pm's behind the scenes to try to discredit me and my dogs. Much to their surprise, some of the pm's have made their way back to me. Almost all of it was lies, rumors and gossip for the sole purpose of slandering me. Most of the people on here would be very surprised to learn who the 'behind the scences' gang is. Very well thought of people. About a handful of them. I have actually gotten an attorney involved in my case so be very careful what you say in those pm's people. I would love to see the pm feature done away with. Lie on me but you make me really mad when you lie about my little dogs. LOL )when I say 'you' I am speaking in general terms. For the most part, YT is a wonderful place with only a few bad apples that try to ruin it for everyone.

I hope your not talking about the situation I think your talking about. Because if you think YOUR the victim of that whole situation? *biting my freakin tongue* I better just....and keep movin.

Showing compassion now

[jackson25]

Originally Posted by rbelland

I hope your not talking about the situation I think your talking about. Because if you think YOUR the victim of that whole situation? *biting my freakin tongue* I better just....and keep movin.

Showing compassion now

Good for you Renee! No need to bring any more drama to yt, we have enough!

Great way to show compassion, I am proud of you!

[LuvMySissy]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

I don’t know the right way to say this, so I’ll just say it plainly…

I'm hoping everyone on this board can stop and consider whether it is possible for them to be more compassionate to their fellow members.

You don’t have to love everyone. You don’t have to like everyone. You don’t have to like anyone, for that matter. But we do ask that you be respectful…that you try to be compassionate.

None of us have walked in anyone else’s shoes but our own, as far as I know. So until one of us has that capability, let’s not pretend we are overly fit to judge.

Words hurt people. Insinuations can hurt just as much as words. Before you post something…think of how you would feel if it was posted to YOU.

We don’t have to gush over each other (although it is welcome ), we don’t have to be fakey-nicey. You don’t have to be a Pollyanna. But please, do remember that every action, kind or otherwise, has consequences – in some way or another.

Thanks for reading this and for making YT such a wonderful place!

I'm so sorry I'm late to this party!!! I certainly hope folks really hear your message and take it to heart. It's what I've missed most about YT lately........

[rbelland]

Originally Posted by jackson25

Good for you Renee! No need to bring any more drama to yt, we have enough!

Great way to show compassion, I am proud of you!

You can DO IT.....