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-   General Yorkshire Terrier Discussion (https://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/general-yorkshire-terrier-discussion/)
-   -   Everyone: can we TURN UP the COMPASSION here? (https://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/general-yorkshire-terrier-discussion/206864-everyone-can-we-turn-up-compassion-here.html)

lillymae 07-06-2010 09:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by CJxDanielle (Post 3189417)
:thumbup:
Seems like that isn't very positive, is it?

Sooner people decide to move on the better. If you keep letting drama from "faceless" internet people whom you may never meet get in the way of enjoying a forum created for the dogs, not the people...
. . .well then shame on you, right?
Exactly ;)

manolos mom 07-07-2010 01:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lillymae (Post 3188388)
You see, this is my point. Still talking about people that aren't even here. Move on, Let it GO !!!
She did nothing wrong except to praise a member who was loved on YT and is no longer a member. Please go back a read her statement again. :confused:

manolos mom 07-07-2010 01:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou (Post 3188383)
I have to agree with Chachi too!
Ya'll remember a member we used to have name Crystal's Mom? she was the sweetest thing but eventually stopped posting because the drama was getting to her. After all it is about the dogs not the people.
You are very right Lou, its all about the dogs. :thumbup:

red98vett 07-07-2010 01:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 (Post 3188400)
I agree that we need to let the people that have left - go. Forget about them and concentrate on our own forum. That forum that is supposed to be so 'positive' really is not. So . . let's just do what we do best - help the dogs by helping their owners. And, yes, we can all take a look at our posting style - myself included.

YT is so great about helping others - a helping hand is always ready and willing even if the tone is not always what one would like. Even if one gets bashed in the breeder forum - they still hand out their phone numbers for someone really in need.

And for all the drama complaints, those threads are the ones that get the most response! I see it on all internet forums . . not just YT.

Sometimes they do get old and sometimes, they are just more interesting. Perhaps there is a happy medium we can reach.

I still love YT!
you nailed it - I've been here for years too but just not so much these days due to liife - but it's true - those threads do get the most views - it's human nature to look. I know lots of people get upset but in a way those same people are the ones reading - I do - I admit it :D (but have no idea what's been going on lately either)

The upside is sometimes they are informative IF you can get past the personalities bantering and I too have seen people stepping up to help no matter what was said on the public site

I imagine there are far more private messages helping others also

no internet site will be drama free - I remember a doll site someone spoke about ages ago - now we're talking about a DOLL site - I remember being told it was one of the most vicious places to post :confused:- I still never understood that one - dolls don't get sick, don't get neglected or abused and you don't breed them ....yet people found stuff to argue about ?

BamaFan121s 07-07-2010 04:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lillymae (Post 3188388)
You see, this is my point. Still talking about people that aren't even here. Move on, Let it GO !!!
Seems like that suggestion is being made a whole lot around here lately, but not alot of people actually acting on it and following their own advice. Seems like one of those cases of 'practice what you preach.'

jmdt 07-07-2010 06:26 AM
You know some people argue just for the sake of arguing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by red98vett (Post 3189535)
you nailed it - I've been here for years too but just not so much these days due to liife - but it's true - those threads do get the most views - it's human nature to look. I know lots of people get upset but in a way those same people are the ones reading - I do - I admit it :D (but have no idea what's been going on lately either)

The upside is sometimes they are informative IF you can get past the personalities bantering and I too have seen people stepping up to help no matter what was said on the public site

I imagine there are far more private messages helping others also

no internet site will be drama free - I remember a doll site someone spoke about ages ago - now we're talking about a DOLL site - I remember being told it was one of the most vicious places to post :confused:- I still never understood that one - dolls don't get sick, don't get neglected or abused and you don't breed them ....yet people found stuff to argue about ?

Nancy1999 07-07-2010 06:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3173247)
Don't sweat the small stuff :):):).

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself.

He said, "My boy, the fight is between two wolves."
That certainly got the boy's attention.

"One is evil," the old man continued. "Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego."

"What of the other, grandfather?" the boy asked.

"The other is good," he said. "Joy, Peace, Love, Hope, Serenity, Humility, Kindness, Benevolence, Empathy, Generosity, Truth, Compassion and Faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Do we all have such wolves fighting inside us, grandfather?"

"Yes," the wise old man said.

"Then, which wolf wins the fight?"The old Cherokee simply replied,

"The one you feed."
:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Ute White 07-07-2010 08:13 AM
Could one of the reasons of all this drama be that most of us members are women?:rolleyes:
Most of my co-workers are women, there is always drama going on. "She said this and she said that, and do you know what she did now..?" I rather work with 20 men instead of 5 women...lol.
I'm only human, I love a good gossip but if it comes to attacking and back stabbing I'm out of there.
Another reason is, as said above, we are on an internet forum, most of us don't know the others by face and it's so much easier to talk like this incognito.
Hopefully I haven't offended anyone.

YorkieMother 07-07-2010 08:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hartygirl (Post 3188873)
There is an ignore button, it prevents you from seeing what the "ignored" person has posted. You can still see it if someone quotes them though.

I don't use it anymore, I grew up and just don't take things personally anymore.
Yes growing up helps as long as the other person coming after you learns to grow up as well, which in one case never did until she got the boot. So ignore is a great thing until they do.

JL

Nancy1999 07-07-2010 08:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ute White (Post 3189838)
Could one of the reasons of all this drama be that most of us members are women?:rolleyes:
Most of my co-workers are women, there is always drama going on. "She said this and she said that, and do you know what she did now..?" I rather work with 20 men instead of 5 women...lol.
I'm only human, I love a good gossip but if it comes to attacking and back stabbing I'm out of there.
Another reason is, as said above, we are on an internet forum, most of us don't know the others by face and it's so much easier to talk like this incognito.
Hopefully I haven't offended anyone.
So true, and I've often found the ones who say that they "hate the drama" are the ones causing most of it. :D

Wylie's Mom 07-07-2010 08:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ute White (Post 3189838)
Could one of the reasons of all this drama be that most of us members are women?:rolleyes:
Most of my co-workers are women, there is always drama going on. "She said this and she said that, and do you know what she did now..?" I rather work with 20 men instead of 5 women...lol. I'm only human, I love a good gossip but if it comes to attacking and back stabbing I'm out of there. Another reason is, as said above, we are on an internet forum, most of us don't know the others by face and it's so much easier to talk like this incognito.
Hopefully I haven't offended anyone.
Nothing against my own gender :p, but I agree with this. I don't see or experience the level or type of drama with men that I see with women. In addition, there are some women (not all :)!) who go to a level of viciousness that I don't really see in men at all. Those women sometimes reveal themselves right away -or- it happens over time. When it happens over time, after a relationship has already developed - that's when the viciousness is not just ugly in and of itself, but it also causes sadness, in my opinion, because of the breach of friendship and trust.

There is a true line between a little gossip and real, INTENTIONAL viciousness. The difference is very easy to see. Whether or not people want to see it, *shrugs*, well that's a whole other topic :).

hartygirl 07-07-2010 08:41 AM
It is shocking to see just how vicious people can be Ann, I agree totally, especially when you are totally blindsided by it coming from a trusted friend.

But it just makes me cherish the good people in my life all the more and cements the fact that my dogs are waaaayyy cooler than the weirdos out there!

To believe in your choice you don't need to prove that other people's choices are wrong.
Paulo Coelho (LOVE HIM):D

Wylie's Mom 07-07-2010 08:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hartygirl (Post 3189873)
It is shocking to see just how vicious people can be Ann, I agree totally, especially when you are totally blindsided by it coming from a trusted friend.

But it just makes me cherish the good people in my life all the more and cements the fact that my dogs are waaaayyy cooler than the weirdos out there!

To believe in your choice you don't need to prove that other people's choices are wrong. Paulo Coelho (LOVE HIM):D
I love him too! I usually read The Alchemist about once every year or so. I have given that book as a gift to so many people. If you like other books of his, let me know. Great quote :).

Maximo 07-07-2010 08:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3189866)
Nothing against my own gender :p, but I agree with this. I don't see or experience the level or type of drama with men that I see with women. In addition, there are some women (not all :)!) who go to a level of viciousness that I don't really see in men at all. Those women sometimes reveal themselves right away -or- it happens over time. When it happens over time, after a relationship has already developed - that's when the viciousness is not just ugly in and of itself, but it also causes sadness, in my opinion, because of the breach of friendship and trust.

There is a true line between a little gossip and real, INTENTIONAL viciousness. The difference is very easy to see. Whether or not people want to see it, *shrugs*, well that's a whole other topic :).
That's because men are like dogs: they live in the moment and they are easily distracted by yummy treats. :D;):p;)

chachi 07-07-2010 08:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ute White (Post 3189838)
Could one of the reasons of all this drama be that most of us members are women?:rolleyes:
Most of my co-workers are women, there is always drama going on. "She said this and she said that, and do you know what she did now..?" I rather work with 20 men instead of 5 women...lol.
I'm only human, I love a good gossip but if it comes to attacking and back stabbing I'm out of there.
Another reason is, as said above, we are on an internet forum, most of us don't know the others by face and it's so much easier to talk like this incognito.
Hopefully I haven't offended anyone.

It is definitely because this forum is all women. Im with you a little idle gossip I dont mind and have participated in. I dont like vindictiveness or back stabbing.
I do get concerned though when it reaches a level that long time members leave. I tend to think maybe they are seeing something I am just not seeing. I dont know maybe its because Ive been on here for several years I just get attached to the long time members even the ones I dont agree with. There are alot of personalites and opinions and we need to speak our mind and be gvood stewards of animals but we also have to find a happy medium for everyone I didnt mean to get so sappy but this is really how Ive been feeling lately

Ringo1 07-07-2010 09:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximo (Post 3189887)
That's because men are like dogs: they live in the moment and they are easily distracted by yummy treats. :D;):p;)
Tee hee. So true~

Nancy1999 07-07-2010 09:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chachi (Post 3189888)
It is definitely because this forum is all women. Im with you a little idle gossip I dont mind and have participated in. I dont like vindictiveness or back stabbing.
I do get concerned though when it reaches a level that long time members leave. I tend to think maybe they are seeing something I am just not seeing. I dont know maybe its because Ive been on here for several years I just get attached to the long time members even the ones I dont agree with. There are alot of personalites and opinions and we need to speak our mind and be gvood stewards of animals but we also have to find a happy medium for everyone I didnt mean to get so sappy but this is really how Ive been feeling lately
I've seen some things happening in the past couple of months that I never noticed before. A person, might be upset because of a remark made in a post, and normally would have let it go, but a third party became involved, and fed their hurt pride until they were enraged. Friendships were fused by a common hatred. Hopefully, the cancer has been cut out, and Yorkietalkers can start focusing on why they are here, and that's a common love of dogs. While I think it's important to have compassion for people, I feel compassion for the dogs, as well, and since they can't speak up, we need to speak for them; hopefully we can do it with compassion. :)

ladyjane 07-07-2010 10:02 AM
I'm sorry, but what difference does it make how long someone has been a member? There is nothing that says that someone being here for x amount of time can hold that over other's heads. I saw someone recently who said she left because she could not tell the admin how to do things ... and she could not believe after all these years they let her leave.

What makes anyone special? I mean...heck I have been here for four years and I have been suspended...been warned just like others. I have had people say nasty things to and about me. It is just the way life is...not everyone is going to like us...and we are not going to like them. I will only leave when I want to...and will not allow a post or two that I dont like (and trust me there are MANY that I personally find highly offensive as they relate to yorkies), run me off.

If someone chooses to leave over a few posts, and SAY that...well my personal opinion is that they think they are better....and they want people to beg them to stay. That is just not realistic. Everyone is replaceable....the site will always go on.

Wylie's Mom 07-07-2010 10:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy1999 (Post 3189963)
While I think it's important to have compassion for people, I feel compassion for the dogs, as well, and since they can't speak up, we need to speak for them; hopefully we can do it with compassion. :)
Love it. :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

ladyjane 07-07-2010 10:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3189974)
Love it. :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Ditto!

QuickSilver 07-07-2010 10:13 AM
Just a note on women vs. men... I have always worked in male-dominated environments since college, and TRUST ME, men love drama as much as we do. It does tend to get expressed differently, with a lot more aggression, and about different topics, but the most hysterical, unstable boss I've ever had was a man. He would regularly lose his temper and yell at you over nothing, just like a very hairy woman with PMS. Just my opinion.

Of course, I've always shown lots of compassion towards him. ;)

mypreciouspups 07-07-2010 10:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy1999 (Post 3189963)
I've seen some things happening in the past couple of months that I never noticed before. A person, might be upset because of a remark made in a post, and normally would have let it go, but a third party became involved, and fed their hurt pride until they were enraged. Friendships were fused by a common hatred. Hopefully, the cancer has been cut out, and Yorkietalkers can start focusing on why they are here, and that's a common love of dogs. While I think it's important to have compassion for people, I feel compassion for the dogs, as well, and since they can't speak up, we need to speak for them; hopefully we can do it with compassion. :)
Well said Nancy.. I am also concerned with losing the long time members and seeing a thread made in that is clearly a mocking thread would surely make a new donating member wonder what they donated for.. to read that kind of stuff is not even fun..
I guess the people who can read between the lines is often on line can see this. Like myself do not make a thread any longer... I post once in awhile but much it is taking the focus away from the reason we all come to yorkietalk to begin with.
Further more I can remember a day that threads with this behaviour and taunting was not allowed.. I feel like this has been somehow lost..
I am pretty much a loner on the forum and reading can always let us know of intent..
I am hoping yt will again get on track with threads that are either information.. fun and helping people cope with emergencies and or the loss of a beloved furbutt..

Thank you again for trying to turn up the compasion again on this forum that so many have loved for years.

manolos mom 07-07-2010 10:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver (Post 3189994)
Just a note on women vs. men... I have always worked in male-dominated environments since college, and TRUST ME, men love drama as much as we do. It does tend to get expressed differently, with a lot more aggression, and about different topics, but the most hysterical, unstable boss I've ever had was a man. He would regularly lose his temper and yell at you over nothing, just like a very hairy woman with PMS. Just my opinion.

Of course, I've always shown lots of compassion towards him. ;)
I agree, working with about 100 men I see it everyday. They like to gossip.

chachi 07-07-2010 10:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjane (Post 3189972)
I'm sorry, but what difference does it make how long someone has been a member? There is nothing that says that someone being here for x amount of time can hold that over other's heads. I saw someone recently who said she left because she could not tell the admin how to do things ... and she could not believe after all these years they let her leave.

What makes anyone special? I mean...heck I have been here for four years and I have been suspended...been warned just like others. I have had people say nasty things to and about me. It is just the way life is...not everyone is going to like us...and we are not going to like them. I will only leave when I want to...and will not allow a post or two that I dont like (and trust me there are MANY that I personally find highly offensive as they relate to yorkies), run me off.

If someone chooses to leave over a few posts, and SAY that...well my personal opinion is that they think they are better....and they want people to beg them to stay. That is just not realistic. Everyone is replaceable....the site will always go on.
You have olbviously taken my post all wrfong and your gonna run with it. Where did I say long time members deserve special priviledges? I was giving my thoughts that I get attached t9o the long time members and when they do leave it gives me pause. I am not saying I dont appreciate newer members because I do but the truth is you dont know if they will even be here the next day.

hartygirl 07-07-2010 10:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3189878)
I love him too! I usually read The Alchemist about once every year or so. I have given that book as a gift to so many people. If you like other books of his, let me know. Great quote :).
I do! I read the Alchemist all the time, changes my life each time I read it! I LOVE Warrior of the Light, it is very inspirational, check it out!

Have you ever read Sidartha, by Herman Hesse? I think you would like that as well.

hartygirl 07-07-2010 10:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver (Post 3189994)
Just a note on women vs. men... I have always worked in male-dominated environments since college, and TRUST ME, men love drama as much as we do. It does tend to get expressed differently, with a lot more aggression, and about different topics, but the most hysterical, unstable boss I've ever had was a man. He would regularly lose his temper and yell at you over nothing, just like a very hairy woman with PMS. Just my opinion.

Of course, I've always shown lots of compassion towards him. ;)
Lol!!! I work with all men, educated, respectable, wonderful men.... but I swear they PMS and throw fits as good as a woman sometimes. They micro manage, obsess and is there ever drama! But I love them dearly and never want them to change :)

Very hairy women!! Love it!

ladyjane 07-07-2010 10:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chachi (Post 3190013)
You have olbviously taken my post all wrfong and your gonna run with it. Where did I say long time members deserve special priviledges? I was giving my thoughts that I get attached t9o the long time members and when they do leave it gives me pause. I am not saying I dont appreciate newer members because I do but the truth is you dont know if they will even be here the next day.
I did not say that you did! I said that I saw someone say that she felt she did deserve different treatment.

I understand your points and I am not saying anything negative to or about you.

I keep seeing people talk about long term members leaving...and I just have my own thoughts about that.

And....honestly, you never know if anyone will be here the next day! Longevity is not a guarantee that they will be here. That is in real life as well..things happen and people move on to different things....different places.

Mardelin 07-07-2010 10:45 AM
I managed over 1,000 men across the country....and boy it took great effort to keep them from whining, calm and focused on their jobs.....

While I thoroughly enjoy YT, I think some of us get a bit touchy when a remark is made, some think it's directed and them, and off it goes. I try to remember that a good healthy debate is the best way to learn.

As far as someone being here longer than another, well that is not the best way to judge someone on their knowledge. I know if my mentor joined this forum today (when hell freezes over, cause she hates computers), and I didn't know her, just be the way she would post would, I would know that this woman was a woman of great knowledge.

shamrocks 07-07-2010 10:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom (Post 3189866)
Nothing against my own gender :p, but I agree with this. I don't see or experience the level or type of drama with men that I see with women. In addition, there are some women (not all :)!) who go to a level of viciousness that I don't really see in men at all. Those women sometimes reveal themselves right away -or- it happens over time. When it happens over time, after a relationship has already developed - that's when the viciousness is not just ugly in and of itself, but it also causes sadness, in my opinion, because of the breach of friendship and trust.

There is a true line between a little gossip and real, INTENTIONAL viciousness. The difference is very easy to see. Whether or not people want to see it, *shrugs*, well that's a whole other topic :).

I took a class last semester in school and we talked abut relational aggression it is a "psychological (social/emotional) aggression between people in relationships. Relational aggression is a form of aggression where the group is used as a weapon to assault others and others' relationships. It uses lies, secrets, betrayals and other dishonest tactics to destroy or damage the relationships and social standing of others in the group. Also known as covert bullying, social aggression , "female bullying", family bullying or serial bullying, it is a covert form of aggression, used by both men and women in relationships. It is less well-known than physical forms of aggression and therefore much more difficult to detect. Often, the victim may not know the abuser is lying or gossiping about the victim, and the abuser may even pretend to befriend the victim."

We learned that this type of aggression is more likely to use by girls than boys.

BamaFan121s 07-07-2010 10:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjane (Post 3189972)
If someone chooses to leave over a few posts, and SAY that...well my personal opinion is that they think they are better....and they want people to beg them to stay. That is just not realistic.
Seriously? :confused: It's completely realistic. It happens all the time here. And generally there are a good number of people who do beg them to stay. Sometimes they stay, sometimes they leave, and sometimes they come back after a while. I can think of a couple members this has happened with recently--they didn't like what they saw, left and had an outpouring of people that complained once they were gone.


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