what should i do!!! major problem - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Nimue · 03-01-2009, 05:46 PM

Hi there,

I'm very sorry for your situation. It must be terribly difficult for you.

I have to agree with the others who have said it: give your boyfriend the money he put into the purchase and take your baby with you. Your little one will need stability and routine to be happy; otherwise, he won't feel secure. I think it's a bit too much to ask of a little dog to deal with "joint custody"; it's difficult for kids to get used to.

Good luck. I really hope things work out for you and your baby.

LauraLove · 03-01-2009, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmg1029

Find a new boyfriend with a Yorkie and live as one big happy family!

haha amen!

lovespandp · 03-01-2009, 06:35 PM

I would just give your bf the money that he put into bently....you dont want to "share" bently. If you guys dont even want to live with eachother then you are not going to want to share your baby. It also sounds like bently is more your dog. You are the momma and he wants and loves you more. I would just talk to your bf and make sure he knows everything that it takes to take care of bently...and I am sure he will want the best for bently and will want you to take him.

kwaymon · 03-01-2009, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelbypickles

Offer to buy him out.

The "sharing" thing never works out. Dogs can't deal with that kind of instability in routine, especially puppies.

That's what I was thinking

Gennies · 03-01-2009, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovespandp

I would just give your bf the money that he put into bently....you dont want to "share" bently. If you guys dont even want to live with eachother then you are not going to want to share your baby. It also sounds like bently is more your dog. You are the momma and he wants and loves you more. I would just talk to your bf and make sure he knows everything that it takes to take care of bently...and I am sure he will want the best for bently and will want you to take him.

I also agree with the others who told you he's trying to have some way to keep intouch with you. If you share the pup then you have to talk. Think of how you would feel if your new boyfriend was talking with his old girlfriend because they "share" a puppy. It's just not a good idea. Cut all your strings with him and move on. Sounds like you're lucky it wasn't a human baby as he doesn't sound very helpful. It's like a bandaid, just rip it off fast and move on. You'll be happy you did.

LauraLove · 03-01-2009, 10:15 PM

thanks all for your input!

drabinowitz43 · 03-01-2009, 10:36 PM

I recently went through a similar thing with my boyfriend. At the time we lived together we adopted a havanese/poodle mix and a morkie. I adored (still do) these pups and we tried the joint custody thing when we split up. My boyfriend stayed in the home we had shared, while I moved to a condo. Well....the dogs went back and forth and it was a disaster. When Riley and Bella were in the apartment with me, they barked incessantly, had terrible separation anxiety and were generally miserable. Even though we had both owned these pups, I considered them mine, I had purchased the morkie myself, and I was their primary caregiver. I worked with a trainer and cried for days because my pups were just not happy living in an apartment. After months of this and my neighbors banging on my door to complain about the noise, the trainer suggested that Riley and Bella stay with my ex and I would have them in the apartment only when I wasn't going to leave them alone. Finally, she suggested that I might want to start a new puppy family in my new home and voila, I now have my two beautiful Yorkies, Sadie and Joey. I still love Riley and Bella, of course, and now when they visit all four play together beautifully. I think the point of my rambling was that it just wasn't fair to the dogs to expect them to go back and forth. One should be the owner, and maybe the boyfriend can spend an hour or two here or there with the dog on occasion, could even be your pet sitter if you are on good terms.

AmyChristine · 03-02-2009, 12:07 AM

I am sorry that your having to deal wtih this, breakups are never easy... That being said, My S.O. payed for my dogs and their clothes and their vetting and anything else that I though my dogs needed, I make enough to take care of them but he did it, if we broke up my babies would come with me no sharing about it. They are my babies, they love their daddy but yorkies are sensitive when I am gone they look for me and wait for me and I would be a sad mess without them. JMO If you take care of your dog most of the time than he should live with you.

Princes mom · 03-02-2009, 08:27 AM

He probably doesn't want to "share" responsibility...he's just saying that. He may really love your furbaby, but I don't think he'd be there for the long haul. A friend of mine got full custody of their Westie in their divorce settlement.

juliaw04 · 03-02-2009, 08:38 AM

I agree with what everyone else is suggesting. Offer to pay him his half of the money. I can see where your BF wouldn't want to just give him up if he paid for part of him. I also think that if the two of you can remain on speaking terms, the two of you could work out a deal. Maybe he can watch him every other weekend or something? If you need to go out of town, he could babysit?

Good luck! Breaking up is hard and even harder when you have a "child".

jacqui · 03-02-2009, 08:46 AM

seems to me that you both should be thinking what would be the best for your wee baby, your feelings have to be put on back burner, and reading what you do for the little one it is better for her to stay with you, less trauma, because she will know that changes have been made so don't make it hard on her. The feelings of you baby must come first, so expalain this to bf. he should understand if he loves her he will leave her where she is settled.
Good luck.

Jac and jimi Hart

03-01-2009, 05:46 PM	#16
Nimue Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 76	Buy-out! Hi there, I'm very sorry for your situation. It must be terribly difficult for you. I have to agree with the others who have said it: give your boyfriend the money he put into the purchase and take your baby with you. Your little one will need stability and routine to be happy; otherwise, he won't feel secure. I think it's a bit too much to ask of a little dog to deal with "joint custody"; it's difficult for kids to get used to. Good luck. I really hope things work out for you and your baby. __________________ And you thought York Peppermint Patties were great!

03-01-2009, 06:35 PM	#18
lovespandp ♥Momma's Bambino♥ Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ca Posts: 10,026	Buy him out I would just give your bf the money that he put into bently....you dont want to "share" bently. If you guys dont even want to live with eachother then you are not going to want to share your baby. It also sounds like bently is more your dog. You are the momma and he wants and loves you more. I would just talk to your bf and make sure he knows everything that it takes to take care of bently...and I am sure he will want the best for bently and will want you to take him. __________________ "People with nothing to hide don't usually feel the need to say so."

03-01-2009, 10:15 PM	#21
LauraLove Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Davis, CA Posts: 160 Blog Entries: 1	thanks all for your input! __________________ ~LauraandBentley~

03-01-2009, 10:36 PM	#22
drabinowitz43 YT Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: New York Posts: 490	I recently went through a similar thing with my boyfriend. At the time we lived together we adopted a havanese/poodle mix and a morkie. I adored (still do) these pups and we tried the joint custody thing when we split up. My boyfriend stayed in the home we had shared, while I moved to a condo. Well....the dogs went back and forth and it was a disaster. When Riley and Bella were in the apartment with me, they barked incessantly, had terrible separation anxiety and were generally miserable. Even though we had both owned these pups, I considered them mine, I had purchased the morkie myself, and I was their primary caregiver. I worked with a trainer and cried for days because my pups were just not happy living in an apartment. After months of this and my neighbors banging on my door to complain about the noise, the trainer suggested that Riley and Bella stay with my ex and I would have them in the apartment only when I wasn't going to leave them alone. Finally, she suggested that I might want to start a new puppy family in my new home and voila, I now have my two beautiful Yorkies, Sadie and Joey. I still love Riley and Bella, of course, and now when they visit all four play together beautifully. I think the point of my rambling was that it just wasn't fair to the dogs to expect them to go back and forth. One should be the owner, and maybe the boyfriend can spend an hour or two here or there with the dog on occasion, could even be your pet sitter if you are on good terms. __________________ Donna, Sadie, Joey and Nicky (and Buddy the cockatiel)

03-02-2009, 12:07 AM	#23
AmyChristine YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Washington Posts: 1,184	I am sorry that your having to deal wtih this, breakups are never easy... That being said, My S.O. payed for my dogs and their clothes and their vetting and anything else that I though my dogs needed, I make enough to take care of them but he did it, if we broke up my babies would come with me no sharing about it. They are my babies, they love their daddy but yorkies are sensitive when I am gone they look for me and wait for me and I would be a sad mess without them. JMO If you take care of your dog most of the time than he should live with you. __________________ My belongs to Copper and Maddie Mae RIP Sweet Rocky Mommy misses you

03-02-2009, 08:27 AM	#24
Princes mom YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 4,566	He probably doesn't want to "share" responsibility...he's just saying that. He may really love your furbaby, but I don't think he'd be there for the long haul. A friend of mine got full custody of their Westie in their divorce settlement. __________________ Prince, rest in peace. We miss you and love you so much.

03-02-2009, 08:38 AM	#25
juliaw04 Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Midland, TX Posts: 2,166	I agree with what everyone else is suggesting. Offer to pay him his half of the money. I can see where your BF wouldn't want to just give him up if he paid for part of him. I also think that if the two of you can remain on speaking terms, the two of you could work out a deal. Maybe he can watch him every other weekend or something? If you need to go out of town, he could babysit? Good luck! Breaking up is hard and even harder when you have a "child". __________________ ~ Julie, mommy to A.J and KaCee~

03-02-2009, 08:46 AM	#26
jacqui YorkieTalk Newbie! Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: SPAIN Posts: 9	seems to me that you both should be thinking what would be the best for your wee baby, your feelings have to be put on back burner, and reading what you do for the little one it is better for her to stay with you, less trauma, because she will know that changes have been made so don't make it hard on her. The feelings of you baby must come first, so expalain this to bf. he should understand if he loves her he will leave her where she is settled. Good luck. Jac and jimi Hart