A question for married people - YorkieTalk.com Forums

yougetthesmiles · 08-19-2007, 06:51 AM

Do you find it awkward if a husband and wife sleep in separate bedrooms? Is this a sign that your marriage is not strong, or it's not going to last?

Reason I ask this is, my hubby has stopped sleeping in are bed. He says it's cause the bed hurts his back and he don't like all the "kids"(yorkies) in the bed.

So he has been sleeping on the couch. We usually lay in bed for about a hour before we turn out the lights to read or watch TV, but when it's time to turn out the light, he goes to the couch.

I feel we have a wonderful marriage, we have great communication, There is not doubt in are love, and we both trust each other.

But now he is talking about getting his own room!

I feel kinda torn about it, I don't really want him to have his own room, but then on the other hand I enjoy the bed all to myself with the "kids"

Does anyone else have sleeping arrangements like this?

Morkie4 · 08-19-2007, 06:55 AM

We rarely sleep apart but we do have a King size bed that leaves plenty of room for the furbutts. Maybe you should think about getting another bed to help with his back if that is what he brought up as part of the problem for sleeping on the couch. I only move to the other room when I wake upu in the middle of the night cause my hubby snores like a grizzly bear and I can't get back to sleep. He is going in two weeks for a sleep apnea test and if he gets the machine the dr. said the snoring will stop and we can sleep every night together again.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO new bed and bigger bed!!!!

Breny · 08-19-2007, 06:57 AM

My mom and dad have their own room, but they are old

Its because my mom snores and is up all the time (medical issues) and needs her bed super hard too.

I mean I guess if there are different issues it shouldn't be a huge deal because I know how ugly I can be if I'm not getting good sleep.

But I know what you mean...sometimes its just nice to have the whole bed to yourself!!!

When my babies were just born I slept on the couch for a week next to them. Hubby loved it !!!!! LOL

Maybe you could look into different mattress options for his back?????

babi1542 · 08-19-2007, 07:03 AM

I would suggest what Morkie4 said get a good King size mattress.

YORKIEMOM2B2006 · 08-19-2007, 07:07 AM

hi, my hubby has always slept in "our" bed, but for the last few years I have been either sleeping on the recliner (yuck) or the spare bed for a while to end up on the recliner...because of my back pain......didnt make us love each other any less, i did what i did so i didnt wake up and not be able to move, and he knows that..since we moved here we got a 9" thick memory foam mattress to see if i can sleep in it, I gradually every night was able to sleep longer in it with no pain , I'm up to 6 hours in the bed yippie....so maybe he needs a new mattress...I went to the store that sells them and i laid on it for an hour, while he talked to the sales lady and looked at different matresses, got up with no problem no pain..i love it maybe it would work for him

good luck.....

patty58 · 08-19-2007, 07:08 AM

Well, I have been married for 39 years now. Richard has slept in his own room for 4 years now.....

but it's me that snores....not him. At first I felt really bad about it, but then I really started to enjoy it. We have a very good marriage. In the new house we don't have an extra bedroom 'cause daughter and her kids moved in with us so he sleeps with me again. Says once he gets to sleep it's ok. I saw a story on tv where the new thing is to build houses with 2 master suites 'cause so many marrieds sleep apart so just hang inthere. I think it's more normal than you would think. Patty

chachi · 08-19-2007, 07:10 AM

I sleep in the couch. My Husband snores and I cant sleep. He doesnt like it but untill he does something about his snoring Im not sleeping up there. Also Our bedroom has skylights and it stays warm even wth central air and I cant sleep in a warm room. We are getting ready to get a better window air conditioner though so that should solve that problem

Shadow · 08-19-2007, 07:10 AM

Did this just start recently? Maybe he finds it more crowded with the third one in bed also. Im not sure how old you are Missy but I think way to young to be going to seperate bedrooms.
I think if my husband started sleeping on the couch and talking about having his own room. It would be time for the dogs to get their own bed.
Has this been talked about?

Suzy · 08-19-2007, 07:13 AM

Maybe try a sleep number bed, with two adjustments on them? That way, you can have it whatever firmness that you want, and he can do the same on his side?

And, I would really recommend a king sized bed too. We got one after we got married last spring, and slept in a full with Emma! That didn't work so well, because my husband is 6'3" and 215 lbs-not a lot of room for us girls! His feet also hung off the end, and it was really high for Emma to be jumping up and down from, so we got a king sized platform bed. It only takes one no-flip mattress-no box spring, so if you splurge on a new bed, it saves you a bit since you don't have to buy a box spring.

As far as separate rooms/beds go, I suppose it's whatever works for you. I haven't been married that long so I can't tell you one way or another on that. I personally wouldn't like it if my husband slept in another room-I feel "safer" and content knowing he's right there next to me, so I sleep better, and the dogs do too. I love waking up to him-even if he is snoring or drooling on my pillow

On nights when he's been up late, out late, or away on business, I don't sleep as well and neither do the dogs.

LunasMomma · 08-19-2007, 07:14 AM

I think as long as y'all are having your cuddling and *ahem* time, the separate sleeping arrangements are fine. Maybe it's time for a new, bigger bed

nvnvgirl · 08-19-2007, 07:36 AM

My mom and stepdad have had separate bedrooms for several years now...it started when he hurt his back and couldn't sleep in their bed and he started sleeping in one of the guest rooms. And if I could get my husband out of our bedroom, I'd rather have my own bedroom too. I just sleep better when I'm alone; but he's only here on the weekends, so it's not too bad. I was single for 18 years in between marriage #1 and #2, so it's mainly b/c I'm not used to sleeping with someone else (and b/c I'm selfish). I don't see anything wrong with sleeping in separate rooms where you can have all your own stuff around you and get good quality sleep; as long as all the other "stuff" is there. You don't have to sleep in the same room to be intimate and loving.

Yorkiekids · 08-19-2007, 08:02 AM

We use to sleep in our own rooms, but since bought two beds for our room we sleep together again. Kids in mine, him in his. We have a great relationship, and are each others best friends, so it doesn't mean you have a bad relationship. It just means you need some sleep.

bren · 08-19-2007, 08:05 AM

I'm not married and I have a bed all to myself but as a person with a bad back, I can completely relate to sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress. I just bought a new one in march and it has GREAT support. It has a combination of memory foam and coils and it is SO comfortable that I could stay in it all day

. When I visit my parents, I can certainly feel the difference and my sleep is much more restless since their mattress doesn't have as much support.
If I were married, I don't think I would feel ok with sleeping in separate beds. I would definitely get a mattress that supports my bad back and I would get one large enough so that there would be room for the 'kids' and the husband. I think it's a personal preference, though--whatever works for you and your husband

tdessauer · 08-19-2007, 08:07 AM

My fiance and I aren't even married yet and we sleep in separate rooms. After our first year together he started sleeping in his son's room. It started because he used to work midnights so he's sleep in there when he got home because it was just him, then he's sleep with his son when he came over. When he would sleep in the room with me he complained because I woke him up every hour because he was snoring, then I'd get mad because he pushed snooze a hundred times on his alarm.

Now we've just kind of gotten into a pattern. I sleep in our queen bed with Zoey and Boston and Bryan sleeps in his son's room. I used to cry about it thinking he didn't love me enough to sleep in there with me. But I've realized that we ALL get more sleep when we're in separate rooms.

We make time for cuddle and "other stuff" time and it works for us.

I think as long as you don't feel that it's for a different reason than I wouldn't worry

Sugar's Mom · 08-19-2007, 08:07 AM

my husband and I have had our own rooms for thirty years at least. it all started with snoring and bad backs. Add the fact that we both had demanding full time jobs that we had to start early in the day all these years untill we both retired four years ago. it is next to impossible to get up and go to work after a sleepless night tossing an turning. it has worked for us. In all these years, our love has only grown stonger. i didn't like it at first but realized it is for the best in our situation. makes sense to me. BTW, I have been married for nearly forty years.

08-19-2007, 06:57 AM	#3
Breny My Tiny Treasures Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: . Posts: 11,790 Blog Entries: 3	My mom and dad have their own room, but they are old Its because my mom snores and is up all the time (medical issues) and needs her bed super hard too. I mean I guess if there are different issues it shouldn't be a huge deal because I know how ugly I can be if I'm not getting good sleep. But I know what you mean...sometimes its just nice to have the whole bed to yourself!!! When my babies were just born I slept on the couch for a week next to them. Hubby loved it !!!!! LOL Maybe you could look into different mattress options for his back????? __________________ http://Brenysbabies.com

08-19-2007, 07:03 AM	#4
babi1542 Double Trouble Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: FLORIDA Posts: 4,658	I would suggest what Morkie4 said get a good King size mattress. __________________ PEBBLES AND SASHA MY DOGS ARE NOT SPOILED...I'M JUST WELL TRAINED!

08-19-2007, 07:07 AM	#5
YORKIEMOM2B2006 Owned by 3 furbabies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Reading, Pennsylvania Posts: 2,546	hi, my hubby has always slept in "our" bed, but for the last few years I have been either sleeping on the recliner (yuck) or the spare bed for a while to end up on the recliner...because of my back pain......didnt make us love each other any less, i did what i did so i didnt wake up and not be able to move, and he knows that..since we moved here we got a 9" thick memory foam mattress to see if i can sleep in it, I gradually every night was able to sleep longer in it with no pain , I'm up to 6 hours in the bed yippie....so maybe he needs a new mattress...I went to the store that sells them and i laid on it for an hour, while he talked to the sales lady and looked at different matresses, got up with no problem no pain..i love it maybe it would work for him good luck..... __________________ Elaine, mom to 2 Yorkies Peanut & Dixie

08-19-2007, 07:10 AM	#7
chachi I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 37,147	I sleep in the couch. My Husband snores and I cant sleep. He doesnt like it but untill he does something about his snoring Im not sleeping up there. Also Our bedroom has skylights and it stays warm even wth central air and I cant sleep in a warm room. We are getting ready to get a better window air conditioner though so that should solve that problem __________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431 Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427

08-19-2007, 07:13 AM	#9
Suzy 2 Pups=Double Trouble! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 6,581	Maybe try a sleep number bed, with two adjustments on them? That way, you can have it whatever firmness that you want, and he can do the same on his side? And, I would really recommend a king sized bed too. We got one after we got married last spring, and slept in a full with Emma! That didn't work so well, because my husband is 6'3" and 215 lbs-not a lot of room for us girls! His feet also hung off the end, and it was really high for Emma to be jumping up and down from, so we got a king sized platform bed. It only takes one no-flip mattress-no box spring, so if you splurge on a new bed, it saves you a bit since you don't have to buy a box spring. As far as separate rooms/beds go, I suppose it's whatever works for you. I haven't been married that long so I can't tell you one way or another on that. I personally wouldn't like it if my husband slept in another room-I feel "safer" and content knowing he's right there next to me, so I sleep better, and the dogs do too. I love waking up to him-even if he is snoring or drooling on my pillow On nights when he's been up late, out late, or away on business, I don't sleep as well and neither do the dogs. __________________ Suzy Emma & Milli What's better than loving a yorkie? Loving two yorkies! Milli 's Remi!

08-19-2007, 06:51 AM	#1
yougetthesmiles BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 9,295 Blog Entries: 3	A question for married people Do you find it awkward if a husband and wife sleep in separate bedrooms? Is this a sign that your marriage is not strong, or it's not going to last? Reason I ask this is, my hubby has stopped sleeping in are bed. He says it's cause the bed hurts his back and he don't like all the "kids"(yorkies) in the bed. So he has been sleeping on the couch. We usually lay in bed for about a hour before we turn out the lights to read or watch TV, but when it's time to turn out the light, he goes to the couch. I feel we have a wonderful marriage, we have great communication, There is not doubt in are love, and we both trust each other. But now he is talking about getting his own room! I feel kinda torn about it, I don't really want him to have his own room, but then on the other hand I enjoy the bed all to myself with the "kids" Does anyone else have sleeping arrangements like this?

08-19-2007, 06:55 AM	#2
Morkie4 Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 4,549	We rarely sleep apart but we do have a King size bed that leaves plenty of room for the furbutts. Maybe you should think about getting another bed to help with his back if that is what he brought up as part of the problem for sleeping on the couch. I only move to the other room when I wake upu in the middle of the night cause my hubby snores like a grizzly bear and I can't get back to sleep. He is going in two weeks for a sleep apnea test and if he gets the machine the dr. said the snoring will stop and we can sleep every night together again. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO new bed and bigger bed!!!! __________________ CAROL ~ Krissie ~ Toby ~ Brandy ~ Buffy Proud member of Maltesetalk and Yorkietalk

08-19-2007, 07:08 AM	#6
patty58 Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: texas Posts: 5,272	Well, I have been married for 39 years now. Richard has slept in his own room for 4 years now..... but it's me that snores....not him. At first I felt really bad about it, but then I really started to enjoy it. We have a very good marriage. In the new house we don't have an extra bedroom 'cause daughter and her kids moved in with us so he sleeps with me again. Says once he gets to sleep it's ok. I saw a story on tv where the new thing is to build houses with 2 master suites 'cause so many marrieds sleep apart so just hang inthere. I think it's more normal than you would think. Patty

08-19-2007, 07:10 AM	#8
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	Did this just start recently? Maybe he finds it more crowded with the third one in bed also. Im not sure how old you are Missy but I think way to young to be going to seperate bedrooms. I think if my husband started sleeping on the couch and talking about having his own room. It would be time for the dogs to get their own bed. Has this been talked about?

08-19-2007, 07:14 AM	#10
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	I think as long as y'all are having your cuddling and ahem time, the separate sleeping arrangements are fine. Maybe it's time for a new, bigger bed __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

08-19-2007, 07:36 AM	#11
nvnvgirl Lovin' to the MAX!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 2,774	My mom and stepdad have had separate bedrooms for several years now...it started when he hurt his back and couldn't sleep in their bed and he started sleeping in one of the guest rooms. And if I could get my husband out of our bedroom, I'd rather have my own bedroom too. I just sleep better when I'm alone; but he's only here on the weekends, so it's not too bad. I was single for 18 years in between marriage #1 and #2, so it's mainly b/c I'm not used to sleeping with someone else (and b/c I'm selfish). I don't see anything wrong with sleeping in separate rooms where you can have all your own stuff around you and get good quality sleep; as long as all the other "stuff" is there. You don't have to sleep in the same room to be intimate and loving. __________________ Seana and Max and Madison too! Come visit me at: celebritydogwatcher.com Last edited by nvnvgirl; 08-19-2007 at 07:38 AM.

08-19-2007, 08:02 AM	#12
Yorkiekids Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida Posts: 14,495	We use to sleep in our own rooms, but since bought two beds for our room we sleep together again. Kids in mine, him in his. We have a great relationship, and are each others best friends, so it doesn't mean you have a bad relationship. It just means you need some sleep. __________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki

08-19-2007, 08:05 AM	#13
bren Slave to Max 'n Abbie Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 1,529	I'm not married and I have a bed all to myself but as a person with a bad back, I can completely relate to sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress. I just bought a new one in march and it has GREAT support. It has a combination of memory foam and coils and it is SO comfortable that I could stay in it all day . When I visit my parents, I can certainly feel the difference and my sleep is much more restless since their mattress doesn't have as much support. If I were married, I don't think I would feel ok with sleeping in separate beds. I would definitely get a mattress that supports my bad back and I would get one large enough so that there would be room for the 'kids' and the husband. I think it's a personal preference, though--whatever works for you and your husband __________________ Brenda, Max & Abbie

08-19-2007, 08:07 AM	#14
tdessauer Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: May 2007 Location: Monroe, Michigan Posts: 387	separate rooms My fiance and I aren't even married yet and we sleep in separate rooms. After our first year together he started sleeping in his son's room. It started because he used to work midnights so he's sleep in there when he got home because it was just him, then he's sleep with his son when he came over. When he would sleep in the room with me he complained because I woke him up every hour because he was snoring, then I'd get mad because he pushed snooze a hundred times on his alarm. Now we've just kind of gotten into a pattern. I sleep in our queen bed with Zoey and Boston and Bryan sleeps in his son's room. I used to cry about it thinking he didn't love me enough to sleep in there with me. But I've realized that we ALL get more sleep when we're in separate rooms. We make time for cuddle and "other stuff" time and it works for us. I think as long as you don't feel that it's for a different reason than I wouldn't worry __________________ Tara ---mommy to Zoey and Boston

08-19-2007, 08:07 AM	#15
Sugar's Mom BANNED! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Kentucky Posts: 9,248	my husband and I have had our own rooms for thirty years at least. it all started with snoring and bad backs. Add the fact that we both had demanding full time jobs that we had to start early in the day all these years untill we both retired four years ago. it is next to impossible to get up and go to work after a sleepless night tossing an turning. it has worked for us. In all these years, our love has only grown stonger. i didn't like it at first but realized it is for the best in our situation. makes sense to me. BTW, I have been married for nearly forty years.