Advice on a stupid problem that isn't really a problem...

[Tink04]

I'm embarrassed to even write this, I feel so silly, immature, and selfish.
I received a Save the Date card for my best friends wedding today, meaning I was not chosen as a bridesmaid. I am so hurt, and so sad by this - like bawling sad. I know it is absolutely ridiculous, because it's not that big of a deal. I don't know why I'm so upset by it. This would be the person I would have no questions for having a bridesmaid. I'm so embarrassed. I am 28 and this was my only chance of being a bridesmaid for a friend. I feel stupid for thinking this person would be my maid of honor, when I wasn't even in her wedding? I'm also really hurt that she didn't call me or anything explaining why... but then that is selfish - why should she have to call me to explain her own decision. AHHHHH!!!! THIS IS WHY I STAY HOME WITH MY DOGS ALL THE TIME!!!

After high school we kept in touch, but not as much as we used to. I guess I just always assumed I would be asked. She let me know right after their engagement, and asked about my preferences about a photographer I had used. I feel like I have absolutely no friends, and honestly, she was my only close friend... Others have moved, started families - and I just have had SUCH a hard time after high school finding friends. I'm definitely an introvert, so this makes it more difficult. I just feel so... alone now. I feel like I just do not connect with girls my age. I don't like the Kardashians, and I could care less about a lot of materialistic crap that goes along...

Sorry for this ridiculous rant. It's been a long day.

[AngelFae]

Is the couple, by chance, only having family as their attendants?

[gemy]

Not ridiculous at all to feel the way you do! It is hard as an adult to meet new folks but still you could look out to see if there are Yorkie meet ups in your area or small dog meet ups - hiking groups or walking groups. You could get involved in performance sports with your pup - lots of different activities that range from very mild physical effort to more strenuous.

In terms of your friend I would give her a call and simply ask her who are her bridesmaids and if it turns out it is family then so be it.

[Tink04]

Thank you! I know it's more than family because another friend of hers posted on social media that she was asked. But, my friend was the maid of honor at her wedding. Oh well... I'm just going to stop dwelling on it. Just go to the wedding and have a good time and be happy for my friend. But I do need to start looking for ways to meet new people. Thank you for the advice

[DvlshAngel985]

I feel you! I wasn't even at my besties wedding. I wanted to be there to partake on her special day. I know it's not about me, but I really would have loved to have been there for her. Recently, my childhood friend just told me a coworker is going to throw her baby shower for her. Some lady she met in the last few years gets the honor vs me who has known her for our entire lives, dropped everything to give her a last minute wedding (I did took her shopping, got her dress altered, did her hair and I'm not a stylist!!!) I get no part in any of it. I know I know... It's not about me. It would have been nice to have been asked to participate instead of "could you drive me to the party".

Like I said. I totally understand where you're coming from.

[capt_noonie]

I guess I'm odd man out. I say count your blessings you don't have to be forced to buy an ugly dress for $300 that you'll never wear again, have to chip in for a bachelorette party, throw a shower, and all that. Just go to the wedding and have fun, with no stress or responsibilities.

[Tink04]

Originally Posted by DvlshAngel985

I feel you! I wasn't even at my besties wedding. I wanted to be there to partake on her special day. I know it's not about me, but I really would have loved to have been there for her. Recently, my childhood friend just told me a coworker is going to throw her baby shower for her. Some lady she met in the last few years gets the honor vs me who has known her for our entire lives, dropped everything to give her a last minute wedding (I did took her shopping, got her dress altered, did her hair and I'm not a stylist!!!) I get no part in any of it. I know I know... It's not about me. It would have been nice to have been asked to participate instead of "could you drive me to the party".

Like I said. I totally understand where you're coming from.

Thank you! After talking with my bf last night he made the statement "I think your're upset that she's not as good of a friend as you thought she was". And he's right. I don't care about being IN a wedding, I just always imaged being there as a bridesmaid before her wedding getting ready, as I would imagine her doing for me.

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

I guess I'm odd man out. I say count your blessings you don't have to be forced to buy an ugly dress for $300 that you'll never wear again, have to chip in for a bachelorette party, throw a shower, and all that. Just go to the wedding and have fun, with no stress or responsibilities.

My mom said the exact same thing, "Think of it as a blessing that you will save about $800..." - I'll look at it that way, and honestly, I really don't have the time for all of the wedding planning, parties and stuff. Tinky is my top priority, and I'm a full time student going for my MBA, and I work full time - so virtually no free time.

Thank you for your advice. It feels good knowing I'm not alone, and that others understand where I'm coming from. I need to find a friend in Southern Illinois that is as obsessed with her dogs as I am...

[yorkiemini]

Well a lot of things and people pass through our lives from high school to 10 or 12 year later. Even if you were in the wedding the emphasis would not be on you, but to celebrate your friends new married life. Be happy for her and move on! I know, easier said than done - but your BF may be correct, and a few years since high school have gone by.

Consider taking an obedience/agility class or join the local Kennel club, maybe!

I totally agree with the dress, shower stuff

[capt_noonie]

I have met some yorkie people on meetup.com a few years ago, but recently they are now charging for membership to groups, so I have stopped participating. But you may want to look into that to try to meet some people. Or just going to the park walking Tink on the same route and same time each day, you will run into the same people and you can start talking to them that way. People that take the time each day to spend time with their dogs, every day, are all "crazy dog people" and don't have to be yorkie people.

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

I have met some yorkie people on meetup.com a few years ago, but recently they are now charging for membership to groups, so I have stopped participating. But you may want to look into that to try to meet some people. Or just going to the park walking Tink on the same route and same time each day, you will run into the same people and you can start talking to them that way. People that take the time each day to spend time with their dogs, every day, are all "crazy dog people" and don't have to be yorkie people.

That's true. At the old house, Kaji and I had buddies that we would walk with. Kaji's buddy was a german shephard mix girl named Luna. He was so happy, and it was nice getting to know the neighbors.

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

I guess I'm odd man out. I say count your blessings you don't have to be forced to buy an ugly dress for $300 that you'll never wear again, have to chip in for a bachelorette party, throw a shower, and all that. Just go to the wedding and have fun, with no stress or responsibilities.

ROFLMAO .. As I was reading this, I was thinking the same thing!!

BUT, I do understand that your feelings are hurt. It is just so hard to understand people sometimes. And, honestly, I don't know if I want to sometimes. As you mentioned, our pups never let us down!

I do think your thought of going, having a good time and being happy for your friend is a really nice way to be. Not so sure I could be so nice. I see nothing wrong with calling her and letting her know that your feelings are hurt. If it were me, I would have to do that in order to get past it.

[Magnus]

Originally Posted by capt_noonie

I guess I'm odd man out. I say count your blessings you don't have to be forced to buy an ugly dress for $300 that you'll never wear again, have to chip in for a bachelorette party, throw a shower, and all that. Just go to the wedding and have fun, with no stress or responsibilities.

I only did the maid of honor once and that was more than enough for me. So in that respect, your friend is doing you a favor.

I think Capt Noonie's idea is pretty good. I tend to gravitate towards other ppl with dogs. In my last neighborhood, I made "friends" while walking Magnus/Zoey. Started out with just saying hi but after a while, strike up conversations. Even at outdoor shopping plazas. While walking around, all sorts of ppl come up wanting to say hi and sometimes, we share pictures/stories. LOL

[Tink04]

Thank you all for your advice. After thinking, I am moving forward - plan on going to the wedding. I thought about calling, but knowing her personality, that's probably not the best idea.
The more I think, the more I realize that I need to move forward. In the past, I'm the only one who make contact (Calling, texting, etc.), and one thing that has bothered me since I found out Tinky was sick was that she never texted, called, or anything. I know if the situation were different, I would be checking on my friend and her pup.

I think I am going to wait and see if she includes me in some of the activities (picking out wedding dress, bachelorette party, etc. ) before I reach out to her. I would feel much better if I am involved a bit, even though I'm not in the wedding party. We shall see...

I like the advice of finding friends that are as involved with their pups as I am. And I love engaging people in their animals. I work on campus at a university near our campus lake where a lot of people bring their pups to walk - I always get too excited going into work when I pass a person and their pup and can make conversation

[capt_noonie]

When one of my best friends had her wedding/shower/bachelorette/etc I was surprised that many girls who weren't asked to be bridesmaids were included in the festivities. Maybe there is still a chance and that she will invite you to some of them. Although if she doesn't and you find out she did invite others were aren't in the official bridal party, I'd be pretty pissed.

I would think the picking out the dress is more of a family and maid of honor thing, no? But the bachelorette party, usually the more the better bc more people to spread out the costs. (Sorry, all I see is how much everything costs LOL)

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by Tink04

Thank you all for your advice. After thinking, I am moving forward - plan on going to the wedding. I thought about calling, but knowing her personality, that's probably not the best idea.
The more I think, the more I realize that I need to move forward. In the past, I'm the only one who make contact (Calling, texting, etc.), and one thing that has bothered me since I found out Tinky was sick was that she never texted, called, or anything. I know if the situation were different, I would be checking on my friend and her pup.

I think I am going to wait and see if she includes me in some of the activities (picking out wedding dress, bachelorette party, etc. ) before I reach out to her. I would feel much better if I am involved a bit, even though I'm not in the wedding party. We shall see...

I like the advice of finding friends that are as involved with their pups as I am. And I love engaging people in their animals. I work on campus at a university near our campus lake where a lot of people bring their pups to walk - I always get too excited going into work when I pass a person and their pup and can make conversation

Have you ever thought about volunteering at a no-kill shelter? I volunteer at one 3x a week and have met nothing but AWESOME people...the kind of people who just make ya feel better about human beings in general (for once!). I don't know if you think of a shelter and think "oh, I can't, my heart will break!" -- this is exactly what I thought and it kept me from volunteering for years and years. I finally did it and WOW was I surprised that it doesn't break your heart -- rather, it fills it up in ways you never imagined. It's just beyond cool / fun / satisfying!

As far as this friend of yours -- embrace what you can here, and leave the rest...let it go. Otherwise you'll drive yourself batty trying to figure it out, and wondering whether/when you should talk to her about "it". Maybe the friendship has outgrown itself a bit, and it's that simple...?