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Old 03-27-2009, 05:45 AM   #1
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Default Any advice on elderly support groups?

Ughh I am so tired of packing stuff... we of course decided a few weeks ago that it would be best for us to move in with my mom as opposed to her living with us after my dad passed. Her place is much bigger.. Well she has been acting a little strange the past few days. Buying all kinds of stuff.. I mean stuff for her house. She said since we are supposed to move in with her, she wants to remodel everything. I kind of feel like she is stomping out my dads presence a little bit and I told her we will be fine with the extra rooms as they are. She already hired a carpet contractor to rip out the carpet and place wood like we have. Her carpet is in great condition and is only 3 years old. She is also going to have another person paint the inside and not only the inside, but the ENTIRE outside of the house. She wants me to go shopping for new decorations and I just don't have the heart to replace the stuff my dad has on the walls in his office and spare room. I don't know if this is her way of coping by getting rid of everything?? She asked my husband if he wanted his clothes I said no mom... why are you throwing them out... she said "why not" . I know she cares but she is acting like she doesn't??? or maybe hiding it from me.. I don't know why she would. Anyways it is her idea for us to move with her.. not our insistance and because I don't want her to be alone we agreed. I am just wondering if I should try and insist she get in a support group or if I should leave it alone?
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Old 03-27-2009, 06:17 AM   #2
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I am sorry for your loss and the continuing worry of your Mom's behaviour. Maybe a grief support group or therapist can help.
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Old 03-27-2009, 06:46 AM   #3
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I think sometimes when someone loses a loved one. "Things" can remind them of that person and they get severely depressed. This may be the only way for her to cope with your father's passing. We all deal with death differently. I'm sorry for your loss .
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Old 03-27-2009, 09:55 AM   #4
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I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like she would benefit from talking with someone. Maybe you could go with her? A lot of elderly people were raised to be 'hushed' about their family problems/illnesses. Thats the way it was back then. She might be hesitant, but you could be her support person.

It really does sound like this is the way she is grieving.

Your story reminds me a lot of my grandma. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she secretly sold almost all of her possessions. We would notice things missing from her house often, and she would just act like it was nothing. And would say things like "I just don't need that stuff."
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Old 04-04-2009, 08:42 AM   #5
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I guess that is true and I appreciate it.. but now that we have settled in I have had a chance to talk to her and I did some research on the groups in volusia county. They don't have much, but there seems to be at least a couple of good ones. She said she would go to the group once a week as long as I went with her. Of course I agreed!!! I figure at least that way I can get her to go and if she is in my eyesite everyday I can keep an eye on her. Anyway I suppose it will be beneficial for me as well.
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Old 04-04-2009, 09:24 AM   #6
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Do you have any senior centers in your area? We have a lot of them where I live and they have a wide variety of activities all day long and are a wonderful place for seniors to come together and socialize.

As for buying things and making major changes for the house, I would tell her to wait and let you get settled in for awhile before she does anything. She may be doing this partly to please you. Tell her you just want to get settled and into a routine and maybe by that time she will not feel so compelled to do it.

Good luck and hope all goes well with your transition. Your mom is lucky to have someone so supportive.
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Old 04-04-2009, 09:37 AM   #7
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You didn't mention how long ago your Dad passed away or how old your Mom is. All of us grieve in different ways, and no major decisions should be made for the first year anyways. She maybe so glad that you and your family are moving in, she wants to make changes to help everyone. Talk out your feelings with her and let her know what you think, maybe some mutual understandings can happen and all those changes can be put on hold until more time has passed and adjustments made with you all living together now. Best wishes to all of you with my blessings. Hope things work out ok.
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