What's your best joke? I'll start with the poopie list

[jasmanea]

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know
all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town,
the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if
he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first,
in the morning, with the older boy
to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming
voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you knowwhere God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an
even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger
in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room,
ran directly home & dove into
his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet,
he asked, "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time.
"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"

[jmdt]

Man walking down the street with a blackeye. A friend coming the other way says to him, "hey what happened to your eye?" He says, "my wife hit me". The other guy says, "your wife? I thought she was out of town?" The guy says, "so did I"

[jasmanea]

i once was drunk in a rodeo. i was on this crazy bronco that keep going insane so i jumped off. all of a sudden my foot was caught in the stirup i thought i was done for and that this was my last days on earth til a k-mart employee came out and unplugged the horse

[jasmanea]

three guys r standing on a cliff. a magician tells them jump off this cliff, whatever u say..thats wut u will turn into.
first guy jumps says "lion" and turns into one, runs away
second guy yells "eagle"!! and flies away.
third guy trips over a rock, h crap"...and he falls off the cliff..

[cobird2]

giggle...
giggle...
giggle...
giggle

[C101Yorkie]

I have CDO, it's OCD in alphabetical order!

[jfalz73]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year
Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'�
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,
and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'�
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther,
I'm 85 years old.� If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'�
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'�
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal.
I'll take the both of you for a ride.� If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! �But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'�
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.�
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.�
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,�
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'�
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!



�

[cobird2]

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety of tattoos and unique clothing.

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading, "Keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing that read: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

[wemple2]

Giggling here!!!

[gunnar08]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay,
they'd be bagels.

I think it's cute. My husband groans . We live in the Bay Area of CA.
Donna

[gunnar08]

hahahahahahaha!

[journey826]

Thank you guys so much I needed this thread.
keep it comming.

[Ashley V]

Originally Posted by gunnar08

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay,
they'd be bagels.

I think it's cute. My husband groans . We live in the Bay Area of CA.
Donna

I think it's cute too... my husband called me stupid haha

[cobird2]

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show-business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Dough boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share this with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.

[Ashley V]

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"