Last person to post in this thread wins!

[alaskayorkie]

Originally Posted by bWY39

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

LOL, those are consistently funny! The people around me at work are beginning to realize I'm goofing off because I'm laughing so hard.

[bWY39]

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital.

The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."

The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again.

Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"

With that the old woman turns to the old man and says,

"He needs a pair of your underwear!"

[Micah my love]

Good morning sunshine

[SophieandZiggy]

Good morning

[bWY39]

Geeezzz...is it morning already ?????

[bWY39]

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.



The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'



Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'



Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.



While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.



The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.



Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.



Principal:

'What is 3 x 3?'


Harry:
'9.'



Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'



Harry:
'36.'


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.



The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'



Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'



The principal and Harry both agreed.



Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?'


Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'



Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'



The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!



Harry replied: 'Pockets.'



Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'



Harry: 'Pants.'



The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.


Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'



The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'



Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'


Harry: 'Shake hands .'



The principal was trembling.



Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'



Harry:
'Firetruck.'



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher,

'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

[Micah my love]

Harry is the winner

[bWY39]

Originally Posted by Micah my love

Harry is the winner

Well one thing is for sure Betty......I didnt answer like Harry did so down I go to 1st Grade huh....lol

[horsnaround]

Lol great way to start my day off to work see ya all later. Have a great day

[bWY39]

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

[bWY39]

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonalds.

He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.

As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man than asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied,

"Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."

[bWY39]

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume.

She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume.

She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.

Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns breaks wind and says......

"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"

[Micah my love]

Don't mess with the senior girls

[bWY39]

Originally Posted by Micah my love

Don't mess with the senior girls

Go tell em Betty....and take it easy on the Broccoli

[Micah my love]

Originally Posted by bWY39

Go tell em Betty....and take it easy on the Broccoli

I love broccoli