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Old 09-21-2007, 06:59 AM   #1
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Default omg...i dont know how to tell all you this

first of all i dont even know where to begin.... i've had macy for 3 weeks now and no matter how hard i try...i just wont let myself get close to her. i take her everywhere, do everything with her, but i end up sitting and crying cause she is not maddie. i had been feeling this way, but didnt want to say anything, then my daughter came up and ask me if she was a bad person, for feeling the exact same way that i'd been feeling. i told her i felt the same but didnt want to say anything. i never in a million years thought i'd feel this way, but i think it was toooo soon for me to get macy. my heart is just still hurting for maddie and i'm (we) are just not over it. we both just sit and cry wishing she was maddie. this is not fair to macy. she is the most loving and adorable little baby. she has sooo much love to give and for some reason i can't give it to her. i want her to have a mommy that felt like i did about maddie.

please please dont hate me and think bad of us, but after soooooooo much thought and pain, we've decided to give her back to jill. its just tooo early for us to get another one. in time i'll be getting another one, but not right now.

i'm not sure how to even deal with the feeling be are both having. i just thought like most people, that macy wouldn't replace maddie, but would help me to deal with the pain...instead its bring out more pain.

i totally dont get my feeling and i can't even begin to understand them all. i guess maddie had such an impact on my life that for some odd reason i feel like my child has died and i'm trying to bring in this other child in and feel the same and love her and i just can't. i dont get it. i dont understand it. i just know me and my daughter both feel the same.

its just not the right time yet, i guess we have way for healing to do then we even realized.

please dont think we havent showed macy attention cause we have given her all the attention in the world. it just here is this little bundle of fur in your arms and all you can do is cry for the other one you had.

i hope everyone can understand and realize this decision was not easy to make, but it is a final decision that we have brought ourselves too.


we both feel like its just not time and macy deserves better.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:01 AM   #2
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jill has been so understanding and great. i thought she would hate me but she dont and she gets that its just tooo early.

thank you jill for understanding and for being so supportive. I love you for that and you are truely a very special friend and i'd never want to do anything to compromise that...
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:04 AM   #3
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I am so sorry.. I'm sure you've loved and spoiled Macey to death, but the hurt from Maddie is too great, and I think you're doing what's right. Hugs to you
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:05 AM   #4
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Denise, I understand completely. I know I would have to give it lots of time and did when I lost my Molly. Thanks to Jill for being so understanding too!!
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:05 AM   #5
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you are doing the right thing so please do not feel quilty and anyone Jill approves will give her a wonderful home because that's just the way Jill is. I had thought it was a little too soon for you but didn't want to say anything. the right time will come and you will know when it does. HUGSSSS
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:09 AM   #6
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Well I know how hard it can be and I am so very sorry. I am so sure when you are really ready your heart will open up and all the love will shine
So sorry your pain is still so deep.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:12 AM   #7
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Denise,
Guess the timing was wrong, when your ready for a furbaby you will know it. Your doing the best thing for you and the little one. I truly hope your heart will mend soon.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:12 AM   #8
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Sweetie you have to do what you feel is best. No one is going to be mad at you, some people think its soo easy to just get another dog after their dog dies and some people just cant do that. It doesnt just impact you , it impacts your whole family and your family feels the same way you do. Yt is always supportive and some of us have no clue what you going through (feeling wise) so we cant judge you for it. You seem like a wonderful person and mother to your dogs and skinkids. It wouldnt be right to keep macy if you cant give her the attachment that you know you want to because your not ready. You will get another furbaby when the time is right for you and your family. Although she wont replace maddie maybe she will bring joy to your life too when the time is right.

sorry that your feel this way.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:16 AM   #9
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Iam so sorry you feel so much pain but I think you are doing what your heart tells you to do, we all know how much you loved maddie and how much you wanted little macy, your heart will let you know when its right, wishing you and your daughter brighter days a head
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:21 AM   #10
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Denise...my heart just aches for you and know that you always have a friend in me and I'll be here for you, through the good times and the bad. No one is going to hate you for your decision. It was just too soon and you are still working through your grief. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. If only we could go back in time when you still had Maddie and I still had my Mom. Life was good then. Sending lots of love and hugs to you, Denise!
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:29 AM   #11
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Ichabob was my first yorkie, when I lost him it was like losing a child, after I got Wicket I still don't have the same feelings for him as I did for Ichabob, and I was trying to explain this to my neighbor and she said something that really help she told me Ichabob was my first love, and you never really get over your first love. I love Wicket to death would do anything for him, but the feelings are different, It's hard to explain. but I understand what you are going through.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:30 AM   #12
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Denise -- my heart breaks for you and your family. I understand how you feel -- it took me almost 5 years after losing my beloved LacieBug before I was ready for Chattie. In time, the gaping black hole in your heart will start to fill with happy memories of Maddie - and then one day you will realize that the only thing to fill in the one tiny little hole that is left is a little bundle of fur-love. You will know when it is time -- take time to grieve.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:47 AM   #13
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Denise,
No one here will think ill of you for doing the right thing. You are doing this cause you know it's the right thing for Macy. This must be the most hardest thing to do.

I pray that your heart starts to heal and one day you will be able to love another baby.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:48 AM   #14
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Denise, I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't feel bad. Everyone has to deal with loss in their own way. I, too, thought it was too soon, but didn't want to say anything. You'll know when you're ready. Don't rush yourself.
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:03 AM   #15
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Everyone is different on how they deal with situations like this. You're doing what's right for you and your family. We lost our 15 year old toy poodle who was my "first love" - he was born way before the children so was our "only child" for a while - and I got Tatum just two weeks later. I really wrestled with that decision but it really did end up as the best choice for me. She helped mend my broken heart and fill the void that losing Dax had made. I honestly don't remember how old your Maddie was or the circumstances of her passing but we had known for a while that Dax was going to leave us soon and had time to "prepare" for it (for lack of a better word). Maybe that's what made it more "acceptable" for me. I did spend that entire two weeks grieving heavily for him though. My family was genuinely concerned about me. Again, everyone is different. You'll know when the time is right.
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