Just gotta vent! MEN!
 

I posted this in the training session, but I'm now realizing that it is more than just dog training, but MAN TRAINING!! I am so torn and fed up!!

Ugh, I've got the worst problem, and it came to quite the culmination last night. One of my dogs is totally fine with sleeping in her crate at night. She was raised on crates, and has never complained. But my other dog, when I first picked him up, I put him in the crate for the ride home, and he barked nonstop. And this was two years ago! So every night, we put him in his crate. He used to make a big fuss right away, but has gotten to the point where he will be quiet for about an hour, and then starts whining. So, when he does that, I take him out and take him to the bathroom, he does his business, and then he goes back in his crate. But, he keeps whining past that point. I've tried squirting him with a water gun, and it used to work, until my boyfriend started sleeping on the side of the bed with the crates. He would use the water gun, and would tell me the next day that Tbone is completely soaked from him squirting him because of the whining. So last night, by BF got fed up enough, took him to the bathroom, and when he wouldn't go, HE PUT TBONE IN THE SHOWER!!! I was SO mad! Tbone didn't know what he had done wrong, and the BF didn't even bother to dry him off, just put him sopping wet back in his crate. I got him out and towelled him off, and let him sleep with me the rest of the night. The poor pup, I am afraid that now he won't even want to go to the bathroom (where his potty pad is) because he thinks my BF is going to throw him in the shower! Ugh! So I don't know how to get Tbone accustomed to sleeping in a crate at night, but I did say that from now on I am sleeping next to them so that never happens again! And the whole time our other dog Tina has no problems. Tbone has never found comfort in confined places, and I have to admit that he is quite the momma's boy. He has bad enough separation anxiety that most of the time he has to be sitting up next to my body. Needless to say, no one is getting a good night's sleep in this house except Tina, and it is driving us all crazy! What can I do???

My BF and I started dating 3 years ago, and we have lived together for 2. When we started dating, I knew he was immature, but hoped he would grow out of it. BUT HE HASN'T. He can be so dang rude sometimes just for no reason, and gives flippant answers to things, or can be so stubborn! It is really wearing me down, but our biggest problem is communication, so I don't feel like I can talk to him about anything rationally. He puts up brick walls, stops talking and listening, and I just end up griping til I'm blue in the face. Are we destined to a relationship where I nag and nag, and he ignores me?

WAAA!!! Sorry ladies (and gents), I just need to get it off my chest and I just moved to TX so I don't have any friends here who can take me for coffee and listen to me. It has been so hard adjusting, and I need some normal adult support!
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i cannot believe I am reading this!!!!!!!!!!! i am sorry but your post upsets me so much. what kind of man is that ? he is only a boyfriend and I was raised back "in the day' when boyfriends did not occupy your bed. of course I am well aware that times have changed but I will tell you one thing, if he treated my dog like this, he would not be my boyfriend anymore. This is just plain animal cruelty and the dog needs to be rehomed. unless you rehomee the boyfriend. If I lived anywhere near there, I would report this act of meanness.

:mad: Not only that, but if he treats your furbaby that way, if you have kids in the future, how is he going to treat them? He'd be hitting the highway!!!

Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of freedom right now. We just moved to TX together, because I wanted to move, and he is the breadwinner. And he really is a fantastic, upstanding guy. He just has lapses. Which I know is INEXCUSEABLE, but I don't have any leverage. I have nowhere to go, no car, no job, no money. And one of the dogs is in my name and one in his, and I'd NEVER leave one with him and take the other. There are so many things I just have to put up with.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Is there any reason the pup can't sleep with you? 4 of my 5 do. The 5th likes to sleep under the bed. They don't move very much and my husband and I sleep just fine. They stay on the floor during 'cuddling' time for my hubby and I.

The 'shower' thing makes my heart hurt. That poor baby. You sound like a good mommy, by the fact that you got up, dried him off and loved him. I try not to give any advise concerning relationships, other than the fact that you need to pray about it and follow God's leading.

Good luck! :D

I'm so sorry you're in this position. The only thing I can tell you, and this comes from experience, you can do whatever you need to do! I hope you and your babies will be OK.

When they both sleep with us, I get pinned down, and then I don't sleep well. I have a hard enough time sleeping anyway, and I toss and turn a lot. Being in a crate is just for their own good at night.

And I agree, all I can really do is pray about it. All my life I've struggled with giving my life over to God, and I know that now is the time to do it. Doesn't make it any easier right now, though.

Wow Iam sorry, but your post upset me also, If my BF or husband for that matter ever did anything to hurt my furkids....LOOK OUT, your poor baby is now going to be affraid and its not his fault, I feel bad for you being in a strang place with no freinds, some dogs just dont like the crate and pouring water on him is NOT going to help but hurt him, bread winner or not, he needs to be more understanding with your babies:( I hope things get better for you and i dont mean to make you feel bad, I can tell you already do:(

Best of luck. I couldnt be with someone who was mean to my furbabies

I feel bad for you, but worse for your puppy. If you are stuck there, you should REALLY consider rehoming your puppy. He doesnt deserve to be treated like that, from anyone.... you can make it work for yourself but you should do what is right for the pup...
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That's what surprised me the most. Because he loves our dogs! And he spoils them rotten. He just got fed up I guess.

we all get fed up, dont ya think, but we dont do things like that....
i couldnt, and wouldnt... stand up for your puppy or rehome him...

Hun, why is this man, I mean BOY, your boyfriend? Despite some possible good traits you mention - these bad traits are TERRIBLE. With marriage, they'll likely worsen - is this the life you imagine, hope for, and desire?

As for his treatment of Tbone, the poor thing is going to develop problematic anxiety, if he hasn't already. That was cruel - putting him into the shower like that, how scary for him.

Some dogs do have a life-long issue with closed spaces - can you expand his area to include not just his crate but also a little pee pad area or something? He may do better in an area that isn't so confining.

One last thing, just to show your man how Tbone felt - grab a bucket of water and when the BF is not suspecting anything, TOSS water on BF. The golden rule can be a bitch, ya know. :rolleyes: :D :rolleyes:

Susanah is untrained, spoiled, clingy, and a loudmouth - and those are some of her better qualities! You'd better believe I get fed up and frustrated with her sometimes. I can tell you this though, I would NEVER EVER do to her what your BF did to that furbaby. I can't even in my wildest dreams imagine being mean to her.

I can also tell you that I was in an abusive relationship, with a "wonderful, upstanding" guy. And I can tell you that's how it started. He lost his temper with one of my pets. It wasn't very long after that when he lost his temper with me.

I understand you feeling stuck there. I felt the same way. I finally had enough, swallowed my pride, and called my family.

Gina is right Sweetie,
You can't let this behavior continue. He will do something like it in the future too - I can promise you that. If you are unwilling to let go of the man you simply must let go of the dog. Let him have a life where he can sleep at night and not have to worry about being in a crate or a shower! I just cringe and want to cry when I think about that poor puppy being treated like that. No, it probably didn't hurt him which is what your horrible boyfriend probably said but it scared and confused him. You know he was miserable. That is simple cruelty.

I know you just came here to vent and I'm not trying to come down on you. I simply want you to see that it is best for the dog.

[QUOTE=

I can also tell you that I was in an abusive relationship, with a "wonderful, upstanding" guy. And I can tell you that's how it started. He lost his temper with one of my pets. It wasn't very long after that when he lost his temper with me.

I understand you feeling stuck there. I felt the same way. I finally had enough, swallowed my pride, and called my family.[/QUOTE]


Ditto! Do what you have to do. It will only escalate!!!

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

That is just ridiculous that he would do that to your dog. I know he probably means a lot to you, but one day he might do something much worse to your dog, and then you'll regret it. You said you have problems communicating, and I know I'm young...but I also know that's the number 1 reason for divorce. I think you need to sit him down and tell it like it is. If he won't listen, you need to do whatever you can to get out! now!

Could you live with a friend or go back home. If he did that to your dog, I'd hate to see what he'd do to you if he got mad.

I really do appreciate what you all are saying. And that's why I came to YT with my problem. I want honest opinions.

I know that non communication often causes divorce, but I also know that it took years for the happy couples I know to become happy couples, and the only reason they stayed that way is because they refused to give up. I don't want to give up on this guy. He can be so wonderful. And he can be so crazy. But if I gave up on him now, and in a year he grew out of all of this behavior, then I would have screwed myself. He is going to be a wonderful man, he is very nurturing, he loves to work with kids, he spoils me rotten. The only reason I have my two pups is because of him. And the only reason I don't live in a box is because of him. He supports my dreams. My parents have been married for 35 years, and they have been blissful all of my life. But the 10 years they were married before I was born were not as blissful. And I wouldn't exist if they hadn't stuck it out and worked through their problems. I can't see this guy being like this for the rest of his life! He is only 23. Did any of you get married young? Was it perfect from the start? I just don't know about anything but my own personal experience, and this guy is the best guy I've ever dated. A genuinely good guy. He loves me, loves my family, and gives in to my every wish. Ugh, y'all are making this harder instead of easier. BUT THAT'S GOOD! I need to talk about this, it helps me think things through. And since I don't have friends here to hash it out with, I need you ladies!

Don't have TX friends. My family lives in Nowhere, KS, the place I just left. I needed to leave KS, because there aren't a lot of opportunities for an aspiring opera singer there. Not any that I haven't explored, at least.

Oh honey. That is so wrong, I don't even know what to write.

You can't be with a person for the man he GOING to be, you choose a partner based on who they ARE.

Aren't you worried that Tbone will get pneumonia? I would be. I wake up in the middle of the night to cover Kalina because I think the air conditioning might be too cold.

For the record, this is something I don't really want to write, but for your sake I will: My daughter is married to a man and has four children. She is still waiting for him to "change and get better". He never will. Now, instead of just her being the target of his crazy mood swings she has helpless little children who are suffering. She has a brand new car, he drives a Mercedes, and they have a beautiful home, swim club, the full monty -- but no one is happy.

As to the crate problem: I took an upholstered chair and put it facing our bed but directly butted up against the bed and covered it with a nice soft blanket. Kalina sleeps on the chair from 10PM until 6 or 7AM like a little angel. She can't fall off because she is surrounded by the arms of the chair, the back of the chair, and the bed. She is right next to me so I can pat her or cover her if she wakes up. And we get a good nights sleep without her underfoot. It's a perfect arrangement for us - maybe you could try something like that??

Meanwhile, think carefully about your situation - Good luck. :)

Note Wylie's Mom's last line on her message "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals". So true. Honey, if you were my child, I'd be begging you to come home.

It is certain that you are not going to leave this man so do the right thing by the poor pup. Please think about rehoming your dog.
This is a Texas rescue group that also rescues yorkies. Go to their website and see what they are all about. PLEASE!

http://www.malteserescue.us/

Does anyone else know of any Yorkie rescues in Texas?

That really puts things in perspective for me. I'd leave my man before I'd leave my dog. And life wouldn't be ok at all around here without my little ones. Sigh...

ok listen,,, you need to sit down tonight, yes tonight with your boyfriend
and communicate before its too late... sit his but down and say,
we now have to talk... tell him how you feel and also tell him he is
how he is mistreating your puppy... maybe he feels bad,, just feel him out.
let him know you wont stand for that nonsense anymore... tell him, you hurt the dog, you hurt me.... talk, talk, talk,, you say he is a great guy,,well
then let him prove it .... to all of us since you came here for help.....
we are here to help you not hurt you....

IF you lived with a roommate or a girlfriend and SHE did the same thing to your dog.. How would you react? :confused: I bet you'd throw their butt out.. right??

Why do some women let MEN get away with crap that they would let NO ONE else get away with??

Just something for you to ponder..

I'll stay out of the relationship advice. I think the women on this site are doing just fine there. I'm just worried about the dogs.

I would recommend finding a behaviorist for the dog. They are not cheap, but in your case it would be money well spent. You are doing a lot of stuff wrong with the crate training, and some of the mistakes you've made have the potential to scar the pup for life. You need professional help right away. If nothing else, the behaviorist will teach BF, and you, how to care for a dog.

Well said Mike! :thumbup: :thumbup: The crate should be a HAVEN not a punishment!

Many know I have been on this forum for a long time and have steered clear of most issues like this but the boyfriend putting the dog in the shower KILLS me and makes me question what the heck you are thinking by not nipping this problem ASAP.

Honestly it is a dog and he is a grown man....GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!! :mad: :mad:

Oh, that is so sad ... when you are able to, you should get some friends, a job, and some other place to live.
This guy sounds incorrigible ... and that is not a good prognosis for a happy life together ...:cry:
my heart hurts for you and your babies ....
That bath soaking story made me sad, very sad ...
I would recommend a serious sit down "heart-to-heart" with him about what is important to you....