OK, in all fairness.... Ive gone to trainers and my vet who have SAID to me that when a dog is out of control to PUT IT IN THE SHOWER.... this is not abuse. It may not sound that nice, but you are not hurting the dog and you are taking his mind off his current dilemma. Your boyfriend doing that is fine... but letting the dog back to the crate soaking sopping wet is wrong... Im sure he knows that though. He does not sound like a mean guy, just an OVERtired one, as Im sure you are too.

But girl, you need to get a car, a job, some money, some friends.... this is like a prison sentance for you, not a life. There is soooo much that you are missing by not having some sort of independance, even if its just a part time job. I don't know your circumstances, maybe you cannot work for other reasons, but you shouldnt feel that its a reason you HAVE to stay. You need to figure out your own life. If you are not happy with the situation then make the necessary changes... its hard to make the first step, but they get easier after the first one and its very rewarding!

Good Luck with your situation. You need it :)

I have two more comments....one on the crate...yes, it should be a haven, and trust me when I say, "crate," Kobi could not be ANY happier to go to his little room...he loves it...so it is possible, trust me. It may take work, but you can do it, girl.

Secondly, I'll leave you with this quote which is probably easier SAID than DONE, but anyway... "Don't settle for the one you can live with. Wait for the one you can't live without." It sort of sounds like you're putting your happy on hold for this guy (even though you have your material things) and waiting for him to change...

I wish you all the best, girl, and please take care of yourself and those pups.

picture that,!, my trainer or my vet telling me its ok to put them in the
shower,, are you kidding me,..deal with the dam issue... like we all do...
we all have had sleepless nights and still do... deal with it or find it a loving
home....

My brother used to say :

"IF 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy & nuts, it would be Christmas all year" :D :D

In other words when you say "what if I leave him and he turns out wonderful?" you cannot live your life based on IFs.... I was with a guy from age 19 to age 28 and we broke up and I ventured out on my own. I had friends yes, and family ... but I didnt turn to them to support me. I went and got the best job I could, went to night school (still trying when I can) and I have a 7 year old car and a beautiful townhouse now. Its a struggle to make it on your own... but if he is only 23 what age are you???? Probably WAYYYYY too young to be dependant on ANYONE... what IF he does not want to get married to you in 1 year from now and tells YOU to leave????? Then what???

Im not telling you to dump him, I dont even think he sounds like a jerk... I am telling you to consider what if he dumps you! Then where will you be? Something to think about! Time to make your life all about you and get it going! :) Its a LONG life! :D

Wow- I've read tons of training book and been to trainers and watched oodles of training shows.. NEVER have I heard that one.. What is that solving? So in the midst of a Episode.. and no shower.. What? Blast them with a hose.. I'm sorry that's crazy..how about teaching you to control your dog so we don't get to this out of control point. That is the goal.. not a temporary distraction..that they associate with nothing they have done.. then you'd have a dog traumatized by water.

I agree, you can do anything you put your mind to. You need to think about how you want to live your life.....things WILL NOT get better, especially if he is unwilling to communicate rationally. You obviously have a computer, start researching jobs in your area.....look for groups to join, go to the library....there are lots of resources and good people out there!! You just need to take the initiative to find them. I would not let anyone treat me, or my animals, in the manner that your boyfriend is obviously accustomed to treating things that annoy or bother him. He sounds like an abusive husband and father waiting to happen.

thats right rhonda. amen:thumbup:

:thumbup:

Hey don't shoot the messanger, Im just telling what Ive been told... and for the record.. Ive never done it to my dogs! :D

Why dont you just put the crate in another room?

Or maybe HE can sleep in the shower? :cool:

No shooting ;)

But if a trainer told me that..I'd find a new trainer, or I'd ask them how about teaching me how to control my dog.:confused: Without water torture techniques. :rolleyes:

c'mon,,, im sure the trainers have other ways, ya just dont do that

I found this video and in light of the situation and in trying to diffuse something I said that p*ssed some off.... well here...

Crazy yorkie attacks shower!! :D :p :D :p
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/cr...wer/2453043197

See, I have the patience for my dog. I don't mind the whining, but he does have to learn to be in the crate for when we make long trips and stay with other people. And I don't think what Tbone did warranted a trip to the shower. Tbone gets very anxious in the crate, panting loudly and hunching in odd positions. But he will calm down and sleep in there once he knows that I'm only going to let him out to go potty and then he has to go right back. I think I am a consistent dog parent, but the bf does things without my knowing it before I can stop him. I was asleep when he put him in the shower.
I am trying to find a job, I have good prospects. I just got my bachelor's degree this spring and am going back for 2 more degrees. I am making an independent life for myself. But I have been too dependent in the last year. And this incident has made me realize that I am in too deep. I had some financial problems in the past, horrible credit, and the bf helped me out of all of that. Unfortunately, that means that the car I paid for is in his name, we have a lease together on an apartment, etc.
I do sit down with him and try to talk things out, and eventually he comes around, but there are these times like last night where he snaps and does something irrational. And I also agree with all of you that it has to stop. One of my friends from KS is coming down to see me today, and it will make a big difference to have someone around that cares about my sanity. It will give me time to cool down. Because I can be quite a spitfire if you catch me while I'm still mad. I have quite the sharp tongue. Ugh, I still need more time to think about it and talk it out, and all of you are helping so much!! Thank you thank you thank you!

its not what you said babes, its what a trainer would say... i cant for the
life of me understand that...

So how did you get your dog to love his little home? I'll buy anything, do anything to have a place where Tbone feels safe and comfortable.

Wow!...There's a lot going on here...first you complained about the treatment of your pet and how upset you where with his behavior of throwing the dog into the shower...if this was a one time event and he is genuinely remorseful then maybe it should be forgiven...but if this is an escalating or continuing behavior then you are responsible for what happens to your pets by not protecting them, they are totally helpless in these kinds of situations....

There are trade off in all the decisions we make in life, I hear your complainants about your BF like, immature, rude, flippant, can't talk to him, etc. etc. but then the post start flying about how awful he is then the defenses and justifications kick in....

You really need to take a good look at what your really trying to save here...you have been in this for several years and the one constant in this is his rude attitude, then you say he may turn into some wonderful man some day...that is so sad to hear a woman say.....Be honest with yourself, dig a little deeper in why you stay and I'd wager it's more because of your fears, self doubts, avoidance to take responsibility for yourself, etc.....Select don't settle...you say you already have invested 4 years into this relationship...it may be that you have wasted four years.....The price tag you put on yourself will determine the value of the people and situations you'll pick and tolerate....

Men are here to share our lives, not be our lives....I hope for you and your pets sake this fairy tale has a happy ending...

Shiver....that's good.:thumbup:

Amen!! Wow!

what about a little clock that ticks? It replicates the sound of their mothers heartbeat. I put one in the crate with my boys when they were babies and I didnt allow them on the bed yet for their own safety. I think it helped. I also covered the crate with a blanket over it as well as one in it. That helped a lot!

If he has a treat that he absolutely LOVES and cannot live without, then I say you make this treat ONLY for going in his crate. Every time we go to bed, Kobi KNOWS he gets a treat....only half, and it's not that much so it's perfect. But it happens EVERY single time without fail and so he knows it's GOOD that he's going in his crate. Also, put his favorite toy in there, a blanket, something that he really likes and feels comfortable with. I think after a few times with the treat it will really help! Good luck :)

:D ....It just gets me when some women will see all the red flags of a relationship that's not great and then they stay because their afraid to be alone...then two kids later they finally see the light...so sad.....

Sometimes when you kiss a frog you get a prince.....and other times all you get is slimy lips.....

If I had a boyfriend who treated my dog like that, he would no longer be my boyfriend. You really need to think about whether you really want to spend your future with someone who could be so cruel to a tiny little dog. That was just plain mean, all because the dog was interrupting his sleep. What is he going to be like if the two of you decide to have a child?

I know you feel trapped, but do you have family and friends in another state? If not, I would get a job and move on. You can stay trapped or you can do something to help yourself. I've been in a relationship like that, only instead of dogs I had kids. I got out, and you can too. You have to be confident and stand up for yourself!

My daughter just got out of a 3 year relationship that sounds just like yours...really nice guy, hard worker, really loved her and her kids....when everything went his way and he was getting the kind of attention HE needed. There were red flags all over...just like there are with you...but like you she didn't have a job and was a full time student. I won't get into what the last straw was but she finally left. She moved back in with us and has ups and downs, because she really cared for him but decided that she was worth more than him. Please, please think about whether you continue this relationship.

I to fell for a man just like yours and I to thought he would change, at that time things like temper, abuse and that was kept to ones self, and that created worse problems. If back then there had been doctors for Anger Management maybe what happened to me wouldnt have,maybe not. The one red flag I see that you should really address is Anger Management, NO_ONE should disipline, correct, or speak in anger, we are adults and we need to handle ourselves right. If he gets that tired ( and he will ) when you have children , What about him dunking your child in the shower. Also going to these classes will do you both good, and help your relationship. I think people should go to classes before they get married and maybe the divorce rate would be lower. If I had known the signs the day he killed my cat I would have left and five years later I would not have been left for dead in my apartment, after I left him.
You prayer real hard on this but outside help is needed and I hope you look into it.
I send prayers your way!

There is nothing I'm going to say about your relationship, It's tough when you need to vent about something and people only see the bad side not all the good, if I vented about my husband..........good grief..........he wouldn't even seem like a good person to me:D but anyway, about the puppy what about getting a baby basinet that could be pulled up close to the bed and is the height of the bed and you can put your hand in it to quiet him. I had to do that when I had puppies here. It quieted them being able to smell and feel me but I could get comfortable too.